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Sibling Rivalry
I have had my experiences dealing with older brothers and a younger sister. I have felt sibling rivalry first-hand and know the anguish and pain of being a victim of that rivalry. It isn't an easy thing to deal with but you do get through it eventually. It is part of the learning process being part of a big family and after the rivalry has subsided, you feel new love for those brothers and sisters that were such idiots before. It can be a very powerful tool that could help you become best of friends. The funny thing about sibling rivalry is that it very rarely develops into an outright hatred. You still manage to love them as a member of the family no matter what. You "put up with it", because you know it is just a family thing, not a personal thing.
Sibling rivalry is usually about divided loyalty between the parents. "You love so-and-so more than me". It is the competition for affection and attention that is inherent in the watchful eyes of other brothers and sisters. Every child wants to be loved and treated equally. If there is a focus on one individual more than another, it will be the start of a rivalry between siblings. It isn't planned and it isn't intentional, it's just their perception.
Sibling rivalry is different depending on the age gap between the children and the gender of the children. A small gap in age is much more difficult due to their age "similarities". They may be trying to share friends, clothes and doing the same things at the same times. The youngest one of the two usually has this unusual determination of trying to keep up with the older one. They do it out of love for their brother or sister. They want to be like them. They are so close to them in age that the older one has become a big part of the younger one's learning experience.
Sometimes sibling rivalry doesn't develop into a family concern until children are well into their early teens. Sometimes it can develop at a very tender age and go right through adulthood. True "genetic pair" twins have this rivalry built-in for their entire life and may never resolve their differences because of their "likeness". Some siblings never develop a rivalry and have an understanding about their "hierarchy" within the family.
Rivalry between boys is different than rivalry between girls. There are differences as well with older brothers and younger sisters or older sisters with younger brothers. Each situation has its own pitfalls and its own "pecking order". From the many families I have known, boys seem to fight it out and get over it real fast. It usually takes one or two major events to cause the confrontation and then it is over. Girls on the other hand like to mull it over and "stew" about it. They call each other names and split apart out of defiance. Then after time has passed they kiss and make-up and wonder how it ever got that way. My experience is with 3 older brothers and a younger sister. I do love them in my own way, but I do have a favourite.
My next oldest brother is the one I rely on and feel the closest to. He is my pillar of strength when I am in trouble (he doesn't know this). I have shared more experiences with him than with any of my other brothers or sister. I have found him to be a lot like me in many ways. I can identify with his lifestyle and his morals more than the other family members. The rivalry comes from the direction of my father. He has always been very supportive of all his children but I believe he too favors him more than the others. I am not really jealous but I do feel "left out" from time to time. It is almost a "power shift" in the family hierarchy. My brother has become the "central figure" so to speak and helps run the family. Most of our family always seems to congregate at his home and he is always the one "hosting" family get-togethers. It was never planned to be this way, it has evolved this way over the years. Our rivalry is based on doing things for our father that we both know he needs and would appreciate. We used to compete for chores. Now we have an understanding and split the work evenly.
My younger sister is a doll but she too is subject to the rivalry and I know that some of it comes from me. I have always called her my "baby sister" and it drives her crazy. She is in her 30's now and I still call her by that name. She will always be younger than me so it is my destiny to remind her about it every once in awhile. She has actually gotten mad a few times about it but too bad, I won't give in to it. It is my right as her brother to tease her about it until we are both old and gray. She may think I am an idiot sometimes, but she knows I love her. It isn't that big a deal. She "puts up with it", shakes her head with a little grin and then sticks her tongue out at me.
We have only had a few severe "crisis" situations develop in our family between my brothers. It has turned ugly once but it was resolved fairly quickly and they are all on speaking terms once again, even though it may be strained. At least they are still talking. When we get together for our next reunion, it will be a very good experience for everyone. There will not be any fights. Our family is very lucky that we have managed to stick together. We have all learned the power of forgiveness and compassion.
I don't know all the answers about sibling rivalry. In my family, it is pretty well a "non-issue" now, because we are all older. It was a long time ago when we were all living under one roof and I don't remember those years all that well. I know that we have all managed to live through it and are still a family today. For whatever reason, we have resolved our differences and have found that spending some quality time together, now and then, is good for us as a family. We enjoy each other's company.
Pure and simple...
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- This storyworx page was last updated on January 25th, 1998 -