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A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor
told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with
him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination
room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to ghe
doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor came in, the man said, "look Doc, this is my first exam...
I know what the K-Y is for...and I know what the glove if for...but what's
the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and
stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his
nurse, "dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"
Chris, August 25, 1997
- Surgeons' Preferences
1st surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you
open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them
is in alphabetical order."
3rd responds: "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color
coded."
4th intercedes: "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless
and their heads and butts are interchangeable."
To which the 5th surgeon, who has been quietly listening to the
conversation says: "I like engineers... They always understand when you
have a few parts left over at the end."
Chris, August 20, 1997
- A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOUR FOR PATIENTS
- DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT.
Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable
scientific objectivity.
- BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES.
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness
and reassurance he can get.
- TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED.
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
- DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF.
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the
true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability
you may have experienced.
- NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT.
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained
in terms that you would understand.
- SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research
paper will surely be of widespread interest.
- PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY.
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the
well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
- DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
- NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE
COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR.
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred
duty to protect him from exposure.
- NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE.
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
Sotiris, August 10, 1997
