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Daddy, help... Daddy, I'm stuck... Daddy!

Welcome to the fabulous Mirage.

Oh, don't worry Audrey. It won't leave a permanent line.

>You know, we have an excellent dry-cleaning service here, if you're so inclined.
>>No... it's just a, a birthmark.

Look at these people. Blinded by glitter and the almighty dollar.

>Hold on honey. They always put the machines that pay off the most right in the front.
>>$5, Clark?
>$5. Here we go... ha! You see, Las Vegas is already bringing us closer together. Let's go to the room.

>Mom, we're right next door. Can't we get our own rooms?
>>Honey, please don't spoil your daddy's fun.

>Rusty!
>>Audrey, I'm asking for five bucks!
>What are you gonna do if you win? Run away?
>>You're the most boring person to travel with.
>Fine you want five bucks? Here. You're a big man. Here's five bucks.
>>Thank you.
>Get a wallet.

>I wanna gamble.

>>Russell, I never wanna hear those words out of you mouth again. Gambling is a very serious business. Is that clear? Excuse me a minute.

Cousins! What do you think of my spread, huh? Can you believe it, they used to test H-bombs on this beautiful piece of property?

>Look at this one here. They grow up so fast don't they? I keep telling him he's gonna pierce himself shut one day, but what can you do? The boy likes eating through a straw.
>>You gotta let kids make their own mistakes.

>Who's hungry?
>>You need help with the grill Eddie?
>No thanks, Clark. Don't have one. I'll get the tongs.

>Daddy, Daddy! I caught another snake!
>>That's good sweetheart. Go put it in the pit with the other ones. And go inside and work on your typing.

...Show em that little move I taught ya there, porkchop.

Don't think unnatural thoughts about your cousin, Russ.

Welcome, everyone. I am your dam guide, Arnie. Now I'm about to take you through a fully functioning power plant. So please, no one wonder off the dam tour. And please take all the dam pictures you want. Now are there any dam questions?

Just like in gym class. One hand at a time.

"Oh beautiful, for spacious skies
For amber waves of--"

Nice place for a pearl necklace.

Here's an idea. Why don't you give me half the money you were gonna bet, and then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts and well call it a day!

>A drink please.

>>I think we have a problem, sir.

((Your Nick Pappagiorgio, you're from Yuma, Arizona... smile kid. You're in Vegas.))

((And where would you like the car sent, Mr. Pappagiorgio?))

((I ain't seen a worse beatin than that since someone stuck a banana down my pants and turned the monkey loose.))

Yeah!

(((No corrective lenses tonight?)))
((No, I do not require them... but you do.))

>Pappagiorgio, how are you enjoying that massage?
>>I'm enjoying it Jilly, I really am.
>You know what your problem is Nick. You're a nervous guy. You gotta learn how to relax.
>>You're right Jilly, I know I do. A little harder on the shoulders please.
>That's it kid! Now that you got that, all we gotta do is teach you how to dress.

Blackjack!!!..... changing 1600!

(Come on Griswold, you think this sign's here to hold down the table?)
What can I do with $5?
(Gee, I don't know. Buy a bullet and rent a gun? Hahahahaha.)

Where did you get that stuff.
The men's store at the promenade. Ask for Caesar.

Which hand is it in, huh? Who wants it now? Who wants it? There you go, you little heathens!

Eddie, thanks for buying me dinner. (Best buck-49 buffet in town, Clark. Clark, this is all you can eat. We only need one plate. Oh yeah, ok. ..... You're lucky you came on Italian night. That stuff... will knock your socks off. (This doesn't look like chicken.)

((Oh, you're right. This isn't chicken. This is chicken. Want some?)) (Eddie, I think I'll just be over by the Saltines.) Oh ok.

I'll have some of the, some of the yella.

And don't get cheap on me.

Mmmmm... This bread pudding is extra runny tonight.

Am I right? I mean, am I right?
Oh, Nick.
So I says to him, I said, "Get your own monkey!"

(((You're usual table, Mr. Pappagiorgio?)))

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