I have to give a bit of explanation for this drawing...

I've led a fairly difficult life... I was on my own from the time I was fifteen/early sixteen. It definitely was not an easy time!

My mother abandoned me in the most complete, final way possible - she committed suicide. It was three days after Christmas. I was fourteen... and eight months pregnant.

The stage had already been set, though, for a lifetime of fear, insecurity, and abandonment issues. My mother took me from my abusive father when I was a baby - a good thing, but from an infant's perspective, it was an abandonment nonetheless. Then she left me with my grandmother, thereby abandoning me herself.

When I had finally settled into that relationship, my mother took me back from her mother - and I was effectively abandoned and my life turned upside down again. My mother ran away from home a number of times, and was hospitalized for psychiatric care for months at a time.

When I was fourteen, my mother gave up my custody, and had me declared an "incorrigible child." I became a ward of the court.

All of that translates, to a child, as abandonment. As a result, I still have a fairly difficult time trusting - both people and situations.

I've been lucky to have some wonderful therapists, friends, and lovers. I suppose I'm also lucky in that I'm smart enough to be able to figure a lot of it out for myself, and willing to listen to advice from others. As a result, I can work towards changing what I don't like.

Many years ago, I consciously decided to name certain aspects of my personality and give them the responsibility for handling various parts of my life. I became, more-or-less, a deliberate Multiple Personality. The main characters in my Self-Portrait are: Tamsen, Tammy, Terra, Nova, Liraa, Daphne, Antaeus, Shiva, Little One, and Fury. They all have fairly well-defined tasks...

A good friend of mine recently said, "There can be two or more centers of consciousness even in a normal, healthy person (the split personality is the extreme case, but it’s a matter of degree)."

I think that's a wonderful take on my Self-Portrait. I hope my readers won't be too put off by any of this. Some of the people I've talked to about it have thought that this is a really weird concept, and one that only multiple personalities "suffer" from. I have found it to be a very handy construct - but to each their own. (Shrug)

Please keep in mind that there's a fair amount of overlap between the personalities, with particular combinations sharing certain traits.

The responsibility for introducing these characters would, by definition, fall to Tamsen.

See if you can pick out each personality from the self-portrait.

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Tamsen - 
Tamsen is the brain, the interface between inner and outer worlds.
She is literary, intellectual, conversational.
She is primarily responsible for communication and "ordinary" social interactions.
She's the Unitarian Universalist. She reads voraciously.
She loves word games,  puzzles, and dictionaries.
She's the punny one, the funny one, the clever one, the writer, the genius, the wit...

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Tammy - 
Tammy is the muscle. She's the drudge.
Her primary feeling is the sense of duty. She does the dirty work.
She washes the dishes, cleans up the spilled milk, and picks up the broken pieces.
She carries on with the business of life and it's many onerous obligations.

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Terra - 
Terra is the heart, the positive emotional center.
Her emotions are all based on Love.
She is the sexual, the sensual, the romantic, the maternal, the winsome.
She's the dreamer, the starry-eyed believer, the craftsperson.
She's the Creator, the caretaker, the animal lover, the Pagan...
She's the Earth Mother, the Goddess.

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Nova - 
Nova is the really screwed up aspect - the neurotic, the suicidal, the alcoholic, the addictive.
She's creative, as the quintessential "tortured artist."
It is Nova who does the self-portraits and other artwork.
She's agoraphobic, and afraid all the time. She can't trust anyone, especially herself.
She's a terribly sad and broken spirit, living in a world of violence and unpredictability.

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Liraa - 
Liraa is the logical, analytical one.
She's the organizer, the punctual, the anal-retentive.
She has few feelings for people.
She has an absolute passion for the Truth, for scientific method, for empirical evidence.
Her joys are education, research, learning, discovery, serendipity.

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Daphne - 
Daphne is the eternal optimist, the giggly, the flirtatious.
She sings and dances and brings joy to others.
She is whimsical. She is the sybarite, the voluptuary, the great lay.
She always has fun with life, whatever the situation may be.
She is bubbly, cuddly, and cute. She loves the world, loves people - and people love her.

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Antaeus - 
Antaeus is the masculine, the aggressive, the competitive, the strong.
He is the activist, the rabble-rouser, the trouble-maker.
His drive, well-directed, gets things done.
He is the wrestler, the sportsman.
He is strengthened by his connection to the earth, and weakened by the lack.
He's suffering a bit these days...

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Shiva - 
Shiva is the spiritual essence, the seeker, the soul.
She is filled with an inner peace, that others can only hope to achieve one day.
She is calmness, tranquility, serenity.
She is as one with the abundance of the Universe.
She doesn't visit often enough...

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Little One - 
Little One is the trapped and abused child, always besieged, from without and within.
Life for Little One is unpredictable and always frightening.
She's the terrified child within, who has no hope of ever escaping.
She inflicts as much damage on herself as she suffers from others, but she can't seem to see it or stop it.

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Fury - 
Fury is exactly who her name implies.
She's the angry, the violent, the righteous.
She's burns with hot and cold passions.
She's the one most likely to act impulsively, and destructively - whether to herself or to others.
She's not "out" nearly as much as she used to be, but she's probably never going away entirely either.

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07/14/98