Reviews of Buffy Stuff

Annie Reviews Buffy Stuff

The Watcher's Guide
By Christopher Golden and Nancy Holder

My favorite writing duo is at it again, but this time it isn't so bad! Miracles! Note to Golden and Holder: stick with non-fiction. Even so, the writing isn't amazing, or particularly snappy, or witty, or anything else. It just doesn't SUCK. The subject matter is a lot more interesting. Instead of making up some lame ass story, Golden and Holder write about the show itself.

I got this book as a Christmas gift. I'm all about Christmas, even though I don't believe in god, cause hey, the presents. To quote Courtney Love: "I don't really miss god, but I sure miss Santa Claus." That is such a great line. Oh my god, I am so spacing. Anyway, my mom bought this for me, even though, as she put it, it was one of the most embarrassing moments of her life. I was like, "Gee, thanks mom. I'm glad to have contributed to your ever-increasing self-esteem." Needless to say, I started reading it right away. I probably would have stopped reading it had there been different circumstances, such as, I was at home instead of my grandmother's house (who, by the way, is a major technophobe), or if I had absolutely anything better to do. But, alas, I had the time and desire to read it, as to avoid certain drunken family members.

Seriously, overall I enjoyed this book. I learned about two new things, so that's a plus. I'm a big huge fan of episode guides, because I like to see how other people interpret the ep, and how well they analyze the material. I can say that this book HAD an episode guide. Which is a big start. (Anyone who likes "Surprise" I fundamentally must take issue with - regardless.) A big pat on the back to Golden and Holder for an improvement. I know they go to all the Buffy sites, and I can only hope that they don't find out where I live. Especially after they see the Blooded review. Or lack thereof.

Grade: B

Bite Me!
By Nikki Stafford

I loved this book. One main reason: great episode guide. The reviews were well thought out, interesting, and honest. Stafford admits when she doesn't like stuff, which I appreciate (mostly cause I more than admit when I don't like stuff.) Also of interest was the story of the Posting Board Party (PBP.) Although most people didn't go to the PBP, they can get an idea of what it really was like to be there. Stafford makes the PB members sound elitist and snobby, though not intentionally. And since I lurk on the PB frequently, I know where one could get such an idea. Most of the posters seem really decent and cool, but there are always the few. . .

This is my favorite BtVS book. Hands down. No doubt about it. I recommend this one to a real fan who wants a good resource. Also, the quizzes were cool, and not easy either. Normally, when I encounter a Buffy quiz, I just roll my eyes because it's like doing my multiplication tables. While some questions are no-brainers, others made me think for a while.

Grade: A-

The Buffy Chronicles
By Ngaire Gerye

I'm really divided on whether I liked this book or not. One of my big problems with all the Buffy media is that the same things are repeated over and over again ad nauseam. This book was really different, but I'm not sure that I really like the difference. When I watch Buffy, or even when I analyze the show, my main interest is NOT in the creature feature of the week, and it never has been. This, however, is the focus of the book. I'm much more interested in the characters and what drives them to act how they do, and I think that most would agree. For those who don't, however, this is the book for you.

The Buffy Chronicles traces many of the monsters, witches and vampires with that of popular myth and legend. It gives the reader a background on the particular subject matter and kinda leaves it there. It would have been much better to have a short intro about the history of the creature/creature type and then related it back to BtVS and analyzed that creature's effect on this show. Eh. Whatever.

Grade: C-

The Buffy Postcard Book

Eye candy for the masses. 22 different pictures, some of them way new. I would like to rip some of these postcards out and stick them near my desk, or something, but I can't bring myself to damage the book. I love this book. A definite must-have for the serious Buffy fan. Not too much else to say. Can only write fragmented sentences. Feel like Tarzan. Jane pretty. Must get Jane. Eat raw meat. Yummy. Make fire. Burn hair. Smell bad. Fire bad tree pretty.

Grade: A

The Girl's Got Bite
By Kathleen Tracy

This book is better than average, though nothing to write home about. The cast biographies were actually interesting! And Tracy kind of paints a bit of a dark/bitchy side to Sarah Michelle Gellar, something that I had suspected all along. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure she's real nice, but no one can be nice all the time. . . She also quotes the actual people she's talking about all the time, which I also like. I'm such a whore for Joss quotes. Tracy really delves into the failed movie, and kinda makes Joss seem like an asshole. She found about every negative quote about the movie that existed and put them in the book. Not that it matters - we all know that Joss rules.

Points for the ep guide, but once again, nothing spectacular. I do like the comparison between the show's evil and real life evil, because Joss usually does have a point. Like "The Witch" expressing what happens when parents try to live vicariously through their children, or "Invisible Girl" dealing with the hardships of fitting in and trying to be noticed. Most ep guides pay a line of lip service in each ep to real life parallels, but this guide goings somewhat in-depth. (Somewhat being more than two lines.)

The rest of the episode guide, however, was pretty boring. My normally attentive self was flipping through sections and pages when it got tedious. Which was a lot. Why can't anyone write anything informative, funny and analytical at the same time? Is it such an impossibility? Appearently.

Grade: B-

Buffy X-Posed
By Ted Edwards

Well, like I said before, I am a big fan of the episode guide, and this book certainly had one. It's not a particularly good episode guide, but it also isn't the worst that I've come across in my day.

Other than that, I was pretty disappointed with this book. It wasn't interesting at all, rehashed everything I'd heard everyone else, and had the same ol' boring biographies I've read a million times. The pictures sucked, and they were all black and white anyway. I'm sorry, but when I buy a real book, I expect real pictures. The type and layout are designed to make the book as long as possible, which is stupid because as soon as one opens the cover, it's obvious nothing is really inside. "Dark Shadows," blah blah, internet guide, blah, history of vamps on TV and movies, blah blah blah.

Points for the episode guide, but otherwise, this book comes up flat.

Grade: D

The Buffy Slayer Pack

I'm not the biggest fan of Season One, but I bought the tapes anyway (mostly to show my support for the show.) The six episodes featured are: "Welcome to the Hellmouth;" "The Harvest;" "Never Kill a Boy on the First Date;" "Angel;" "The Puppet Show" and "The Witch." Most of these episodes are pretty good, some are not. But, when you get really bored and have nothing better to do, it's better than ripping off your fingernails. Plus, Joss talks! Yay Joss. Oh happy Joss. He's just full of Jossy fun. I'm such a Joss junkie. It is fun to hear him talk about each show, and the series in general.

Grade: B

The Buffy Official Magazine #1

I was very disappointed with this magazine. Just goes to show that the word "official" could just as easily be replaced with the word "suck." Case in point - the Buffy Official Site. It really does blow because no one ever updates anything, so you have to learn stuff from every place else except the damn place that should be giving you the info to begin with. Ohmygod, I need to get over that already. OK, I'm over it. But I think a general rule is that "official" stuff usually does suck.

The magazine was LITTLE, and it cost damn $5.95. Blah. Further, there wasn't really anything in there that I hadn't heard before. Hey, did you guys know that Sarah is starring in the movie "Cruel Intentions?" Oh yeah, me fucking too! Why rehash everything that die-hard fans, who are the ones who are going to be buying the mag, already freaking know.

I did, however, somewhat enjoy the "interview" with Principle Snyder. That was it. Everything else can suck my ass.

Grade: Is "F" even low enough? How about "M."

The Angel Chronicles, Volume One
A novelization by Nancy Holder

My opinion still holds that ANYONE who writes a "novelization" of anything is probably doing so because s/he has absolutely no talent writing anything original, and thus has to rely on the work of others for inspiration and material. That run-on sentence being said, I am going to say once and for all that if you buy this book after reading my review, you really should not be permitted to hold any form of currency in the future. I think that this is the crappiest book that I have ever read, beating out even Mary Higgins Clark "mystery" novels.

For starters, Holder could have picked much better episodes to novelize. She chooses Angel, Reptile Boy and Lie To Me. While LTM is a superior episode, the other two, well, aren't. I realize that she chose to focus on the Buffy/Angel relationship, but ugh! Reading her shitty version of Reptile Boy was worse than watching it. I kept hoping that a sharp object would fall into my hands during this time of torture, so I could slit my wrists and end the whole thing. Though, I suppose a better use for the said sharp object would be to rip the book to shreads, thus leaving the poor tree that gave its life SOME dignity. Or, better yet, a good old fashioned book barbeque! I could invite Pat Robertson, and make it an evening.

You may think that I am exaggerating, and while I am somewhat notorious for hyperbole, I am going to quote a simile which I think encapsulates the entire "book." I'll set the scene up for you, though I'm sure you saw the real version on TV. The episode is LTM, and it's the very beginning, when Angel and Dru are conversing in the playground. The camera then switches to show Buffy walking, and this is where the quote begins.

"It was a wet night. Rainwater glistened between the illuminated plastic skylights that bulged like loaves of bread on the rooftop where Buffy patrolled."

Grade: F---

Spectrum #13

The guys at Spectrum are really starting to grow on me, partly because they are pretty logical, honest and fanatic TV buffs, but also because they genuinely like BtVS a lot, and still criticize it fairly. As a friend of mine noted, these reviews aren't your usual "Yay Buffy" school of criticism, but rather much more objective and realistic. As much as we die-hard Buffy lovers hate to admit it, our show isn't perfect, and actually contains quite a few flaws. However, even WITH these flaws, Buffy is better than most shows on TV.

This issue starts off with a well-researched look at the show in general, and then moves into the first season episode guide (rated by doughnuts, of course...) Also, the guys review Buffy the Movie, giving it two doughnuts out of five. Pretty lame. Most episodes rated better than this shoddy doughnut showing.

I'm sure you're all curious about the doughnut ratings for the other shows, but I'm not giving away everything here. You really should buy this issue, it's well worth the money. I will say that the highest rated season one ep, was, big surprise, Prophecy Girl, which got four doughnuts. The Spectrum guys seem to LOVE Joss, and mention quite a few times how Whedon episodes are superior in almost every way - which is true. Also, there are a lot of pics and print ads for the eps. I don't agree with everything the guys say, but I think there is a great deal of truth and insight in their writing.

Grade: B+

Spectrum #14

This issue of Spectrum contains an episode guide for all of season two. I didn't mention this in the review for #13, but the guides contain both a summary of the show and a review, usually on the short side. The summaries are really choppy and if you didn't see the show, you'd probably get lost. Of course, if you didn't watch the show, most likely you wouldn't be reading the guide anyway. #14 has print ads and pics (some are screen grabs) from the eps just like the previous edition.

I would like to comment on a few of the reviews/doughnut ratings in this issue. The highest rated show of the season was, surprisingly (at least to me), Passion. While I liked this ep, it fell short of perfection in my opinion. The Spectrum guys gave Passion five doughnuts, out of a possible five. In other words, they thought it was flawless. I really disagree with that. The first half of Passion was much weaker than the second, and did not have good unity or flow, compared to some other episodes.

Other highly ranked shows included the two part season finale, Becoming, both shows getting four doughnuts, and Innocence, one of Joss' masterpieces, receiving a near-perfect four and a half. I thought all three of these shows were stronger than Passion, but who am I to judge!?

Once again, though, the writers show their fondness for the show, the actors, Joss, and overall very good analysis of each of the twenty-two episodes. Worth the cash.

Grade: B

Blooded
by Christopher Golden and Nancy Holder

I have too much dignity to write a review on this book.

Grade: I don't fucking think so.

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