"The Not-So Permanent Hell"
By Cousin Tser and Bonnie Rutledge
People and characters used with permission.
After "Ashes Where Once Fire" and "Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With
Baklava!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Why should we strive, with cynic frown,
To knock their fairy castles down?
~~ Eliza Cook
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Not-So-Vestal-Virgin Nat ran from the Nick & Natpackers' theatre as
though the hounds of hell nipped at her heels. After several blocks, she
realized that it wasn't hounds from hell nipping her heels, but her
stylish black pumps. She slowed her running down to a trot, then finally
paused to yank the offending shoes off and toss them in the trash with a
sob. The wedding ring didn't even merit the trash, she ripped it off her
hand and threw it in the gutter.
She leaned both hands against the trash receptacle, feeling the urge to
retch swell up again from the depths of her soul. She recognized that
feeling, she'd known it before. It was betrayal.
He'd done it again. Wined, dined, and charmed her until she was dizzy,
lost in those incredible eyes that had seen the rise and fall of
civilizations for two thousand years, yet still had the power to look at
her as though she was a creature more fascinating than time itself. It
was a lie, though, just as much of a lie as the full moon frozen
overhead, behind a blanket of somber clouds. If he wasn't full of deceit,
why had he said all of those things then drugged her drink, leaving her
to wake up with her world crashing about her all over again?
Nat began to pad down the lit boulevard, paying no heed as her stockinged
feet waded through puddles or stepped on trash. She was thinking back to
that first time, when she'd groggily opened her eyes with the stark
realization that her heart and mind revolved around him. Everything she
did was to see, hear, feel LaCroix, but she had just been a pawn to him,
a weapon that would get even with Nicholas. She was a pawn. She was an
addict.
Images of a thousand worlds in
which every single one held a Natalie alone and rejected, stranded with
nothing but wistful memories and dreams, stretched before her. She felt
hot tears splash down her cheeks once more.
She still had no regrets about striking out at Natalie and Nick's
champions. Painting their theatre in frosting and candy, turning it into
a fantasy house was the most honest thing she'd seen in this world since
she'd arrived. That Tasha person might be happy, her Nick lover might
truly care for the vampire version of herself, but that wasn't for Nat.
Her love was an illusion, an obsession. Poignant and real, but never
holding any real hope of being fulfilled.
She sniffed ruefully and hugged her sides. The problem was, everything
reminded her of him. She was an addict from her toes to the roots of her
hair. Nat started slightly to realize she'd managed to grab her purse as
she flew from the theatre. She hadn't been consciously thinking about it.
Nat snapped it open, and the familiar black and red of her Official
Nunkies Drool Cup leapt out at her. She slipped it free, fingering the
rim.
Nat was coming up on another trash can, so she made a break for freedom
and jetted the cup through the air. She'd aimed long, and the thick
plastic tumbler clattered as it hit the ground and rolled to a stop a
hair's breath from a shoe. Nat stared blankly at the black Italian
leather, knowing with that strange sixth-sense that true addicts seemed
to have to whom the shoe belonged, she gradually let her eyes drift
upward along the black suit, mentally cursing herself all the while.
But addictions are not always good for a person, not when it's all they
have that separates them from nothing, so Nat's gaze kept moving upward.
They reached his neck and jaw, and she noticed his skin appeared somewhat
ashen, and his cheeks seemed gaunt. She took a ragged breath, then a
plunge, letting her eyes meet his. Their blue was stark -- lost, lonely,
almost needy -- but always infinitely strong.
Natalie's heart melted all over again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Tser's LaCroix had walked out of CERK without telling anyone again, but
this time, he made sure the Cousin at the reception desk -- Denese, he
believed her name was -- had made note of his leave. Much as he
cherished his aloof independence, he knew he was causing the Cousins
enough pain as it was, and he realized how much Cousin Tserisa worried
about him. He smiled at that thought.
The night was dark, the sky having mostly clouded over. He looked up,
and his teeth clenched. The cloaked sky, the eternal night -- it was too
close to those years beneath the veil of dust the comet left behind. The
night was without cycle, without the feeling of reality to it, unnatural,
like after the star-sent apocalypse.
At least he had survived to see the moon again. At his side, his hands
clenched, while his face remained a mask of indifference. How unfair it
was to those who died as if already dead, beneath a shroud of ice and
dust and fire and death. Janette, Natalie, the countless others whose
immortality couldn't save them.
He walked aimlessly. In the back of his mind, it occurred to him that he
should be finding more non-native material. To try to preserve his own
existence. But he didn't feel much like robbing anyone any more. It
felt beneath him. Especially after his encounter with the Dream LaCroix.
He was still unsettled by the encounter. His hand went to his inside
pocket, and he pulled out the watch, gazing intently at the silent,
motionless face.
"Two days slow," he whispered, "but only the best kind of butter."
He put the watch away, and continued walking aimlessly, his mind far
away, not paying attention. Suddenly, he heard the sharp, shuddering
clack of plastic hitting the ground. A cup with the CERK logo had landed
at his feet, and he looked at it for a second, then his eyes moved
upwards to the feet of the person who had thrown the offending mug.
Shoe-free feet, in soggy, dirty socks. His eyes trailed up, and he
listened to the mortals heart beat. A familiar heart beat. His eyes
trailed up her azure dress. He saw her curly, light brown locks, and his
eyes moved up her neck to rest on her's at the same moment hers rested
on his.
Natalie.
* * * * * * * * * *
LaCroix hadn't yet seen a Natalie in his time in this reality. He'd seen
a Nick -- a rather inebriated Nick -- and several LaCroixs, and the
Divia. He grimaced. But no Natalie, though he heard one was there at
CERK. One who in her reality, was *married* to LaCroix. He didn't think
of Natalie as a wife or a lover, but as a daughter, and, even more, as a
friend. A friend he'd known for far too short a time.
He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her, until he looked into those
eyes again, red and puffy with holding back tears. He could almost feel
that part of him that had turned to ashes so long ago stir again. But it
wasn't his Natalie... no matter where he went in the future, he would not
find *his* Natalie, because she had been lost long ago. His quest had
lost meaning to him. He couldn't use these people again. That meant he
would have to go back, and she would be lost again, along with Nick,
Janette, his other people, the Cousins -- he was surprised how much that
part hurt.
"Is something the matter?" he asked quietly, his face calm and
emotionless. Funny how well he had that perfectly mastered.
Natalie swallowed, helplessly lost in his eyes. She saw something there
that she wanted to turn away from, something so tortured it hurt her,
because it was in the eyes of the object of her obsession. But being
addicted, she couldn't, never had a chance of thinking straight.
the logical part of her brain screamed.
The reflexive part spoke, too.
"Natalie?"
Somehow the concern in his expression registered in her muddled thoughts.
There was almost a glaring sincerity to it. An honesty. Nat's mouth went
suddenly dry, and she squeezed her lids shut. When she opened them again,
she felt strangely calm, strangely sober. "Everything is wrong, or
hadn't you noticed?" She thought she saw him flinch, and a pang of regret
shot through her like an electric shot. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
sound so cold."
"Cold?" LaCroix's lips twisted bitterly. "That wasn't my impression. I
was merely considering how *perfectly* wrong this world is."
Nat frowned. "You like this place better than your home," she stated.
"Oh, yes. There is no fathomable comparison."
Her eyes turned bleak, and she turned her head away as more tears boiled
forth. "Then I'm sorry."
Those three words caught him. It was as though she knew what he suffered
without his saying a word. That empathy touched him and struck a spark
against the ashes of his soul that he struggled to smother. This would be
a friendship made to lose. For a man who so recently knew and accepted
that he had nothing. The temptation of companionship, of assuaging the
loneliness, was becoming too much to bear.
His Natalie had shown more joy, more brightness at the world than this
one, even after the meteor struck. Standing before him, shoulders
defeated, she reminded him of an orphan, like a child with no place to
belong. He felt an urge to reach out, to rescue a friend.
"Why would you have reason to be sorry?" he said softly.
"Because this place, this rift, is a hell." She shook her head
frantically. "Don't you see? It's a hell of hope. Thousands upon
thousands of alternate realities scrounge around this city. You find
yourself clinging to them, searching for some kind of dream, some kind of
fantasy or desire in their faces. You fool yourself into thinking that
you can take advantage of this world, making everything that you want
immaculately real, but it's not. Everything is an illusion, a momentary
toy that will -- poof! -- in an instant pop back into its box."
"Where it belongs, you mean," LaCroix murmured distantly. "Yes, I've
heard that before."
"Then you understand how interacting with this world can only lead to
despair when it's gone. It's not permanent. Pretending that it is,
indulging yourself, it only makes you a fool."
LaCroix paused for a moment, then placed a comforting hand on her arm.
Her head jerked sharply to stare at his fingers, and she slowly looked at
him with a shadowed wariness. "I see that something has already happened
to you that made you feel foolish. You have my sympathy."
"And I almost believe you. Of course, I can be very gullible," she said.
He raised an eyebrow at the discovery. "So you were deceived by someone
you trusted."
Her gaze burned with fevered earnest. "By someone I believed in with all
my heart."
LaCroix found the emotion emanating from her eyes disturbing, yet it
somehow compelled his interest. "And?" he coaxed.
"It was a lie to lull me into a false sense of security, and then, when I
next opened my eyes, everything was a nightmare. But, you know, " Nat
confided, "the worst part was when he saw how miserable I was, he smiled,
and all I could think of as I ran away was how much I adored him. I
wanted another smile, even if it hurt."
"This man," he asked in curiosity, "tell me, is he someone I know?" She
looked torn for several moments, then opened her mouth hesitantly to
speak, but LaCroix cut her off abruptly. "Suddenly I feel as though I'm
better off not knowing the answer. I gather you wish to return home like
all the others."
Nat shrugged. "It really doesn't matter. I don't believe my home and this
place differ in any way I'd consider important. I'm still alone."
"I assure you, my dear," LaCroix said harshly. "You haven't the faintest
idea what it means to be alone."
"And you do."
He gave a stiff nod, eyes slightly narrowed.
"You would keep the rift open so you can have company?" she asked
sarcastically.
"My reasons are not trivial," he bit out angrily.
Nat drew herself up, feeling suddenly ashamed. She knew that. She'd seen
his reasons already, shuttered in joyless eyes. "I apologize. I spoke
without thinking. I wouldn't want to be mocked either. So, do you have a
plan to preserve this forever night?"
He looked at her for a moment, his tendencies to be vague and secretive
warring with his need for trust and companionship. Finally, he decided
it didn't matter. Either the plan would work, and all would know about
it, or it wouldn't, and after a while that wouldn't matter, either. "I
have collected a few items not native to this universe, hoping to prevent
their return to their proper worlds."
"You think that will keep the rift open?"
"I'm desperate enough," LaCroix seemed to have trouble sharing these
words, "that I have to try."
Nat nodded, then bent down to swipe her drool cup from where it still lay
by his shoe. "Then take this. I brought it from my universe. You can add
it to your assortment."
A whisper of a smile graced his lips. "Trust me. It is."
Nat gave a full, but rueful, smile in return. "Silly me. I can't imagine
not trusting you."
His long fingers wrapped around hers as she handed the cup over, and Nat
released a labored sigh. "Are you certain that you want to give this up?"
LaCroix asked insistently.
"Why do you think I threw it on the ground in the first place? I was
aiming for the trash. I promise," she assured him, letting go of the cup.
"Besides, it's just plastic. I'm flesh and blood. One makes no difference
to the other."
"Are you so sure? There could be something in this world for you yet. I
know you must have friends, followers even."
"Please don't. I don't think I could handle you sounding remotely
optimistic," Nat said as she moved a step away. "I do understand
loneliness, you know."
"How?"
She backed away further, saying, "You see, a person with no future is
always alone." Nat took two more steps back, then turned and ran into the
shadows.
LaCroix watched grimly as she slipped away. It was a harsh blow to have
one of his children, or even an alternate representation of one of his
children, share those words. He cursed the day he learned them for
himself -- the first day with no Nicholas and no Janette. The first day
with no Natalie.
Sliding the cup inside his pocket, LaCroix began to move in the opposite
direction of the recently departed Natalie. He tried to tell himself that
it wasn't to stay the temptation of following and keeping her secure. He
knew that was a lie.
* * * * * * * *
continued in part two
**************************************************************************
"The Not-So Permanent Hell"
By Cousin Tser and Bonnie Rutledge
Permission acquired for people and characters used.
continued from part one
* * * * * * * *
Jan and Heather heard a banging on the warehouse door and went to
investigate. They heard Natalie's voice faintly call to them through the
reinforced panel.
"Guys? Let me in! I don't have my Drool Cup!"
Heather turned to Jan with a doubtful frown. "Didn't she have it with her
when she left?"
Jan, who'd helped N-S-V-V Nat get ready to go out with the LaCroix the
Nick&Natpackers had brought over, nodded. "I saw her slip it into her
purse."
"Hmmm."
They'd gotten a call a few minutes earlier from Heather Markle, saying
Nat was on her way home, and that she'd had a bad shock. They'd been
waiting here at this door for her to return, but now caution held them
back. This might be a trick.
"How do we know you're our Nat? Most of you sound the same, you know, and
we're not supposed to let non-members into the Shrine."
"Saying so doesn't enforce the rule -- *doing* it enforces the rule," the
dampered voice said on the other side of the steel entrance.
"Well, that sounds like something she might say," Jan offered.
"What we need is something only Not-So-Vestal-Virgin Natalie would know
about," Heather insisted. She thought for a moment, and, with brightened
eyes, she called across the door once more. "Hey, Nat? We just want to
make sure it's you. Can you complete this sentence in an NA manner for
us? 'I'm not crying...' "
There was a pause, then Nat replied faintly, "My eyes are just drooling."
"It's her!" Jan cheered as she pulled open the door.
Both her and Heather's faces fell when they got a look of the
Not-So-Vestal-Virgin Nat. Her face was drawn, she was bedraggled with a
wrinkled dress and torn, stained hose, and she had tearstained cheeks.
"Nat! What happened?" Heather exclaimed as she rushed to give the woman a
hug.
Jan joined the huddle. "Are you alright? Can we help?"
Nat clung to them for several seconds, then pushed them away with a tight
smile. "I'll survive," she promised. Shutting the door behind her, she
announced, "Before I say anything, how about we find the others? I don't
want to have to repeat this more than once."
Both of the other addicts assured her that they understood, then followed
as Nat trudged into the Shrine. Shele, Sharon, Kim and Susan were playing
five-card stud for confections. Kim had an enormous pile in front of her,
where the other three had tiny mounds. "I'll see you one Chocolate
Nunkies," Shele was saying, "and two marzipan busts of the Gen'ral."
"I'm out!" Sharon replied, throwing her cards down in discuss. "All I
have left are two rock candy rings and a toffee sword pin."
Susan folded, too. "You think that's bad? Count it -- one licorice
Armani. Period."
"Heh, heh... I'll take that bet, and I call," Kim said greedily.
"Another full house?!?" Shele yelped in disgust as she saw her
three-of-a-kind bite the dust. "Impossible!"
Kim hugged her pile of Nunkies candy to her chest and murmured,
"Possible. Oh, so very possible."
Nat smiled faintly at their antics before Susan caught sight of her and
leapt off her lounger. "You're back! We were so worried when we got the
N&N Pack's call!"
Nat raised an eyebrow. "They called, did they? How considerate." She
did not sound sincere.
"They said you'd had a huge shock -- what happened?" Sharon asked in a
concerned voice.
"It was a trap," Nat confessed, "and if we weren't all such a bunch of
addicts, it would have been obvious. The dinner was just an excuse to
drug me again." The other addicts let out of a string of curses. "When I
woke up, they had me in bed with a *Nick* reading poetry. He said that we
eloped during the night, and LaCroix was there too, to congratulate me.
Needless to say, I didn't react well."
"Oh, Nat! That must have been horrible for you!" Jan wailed. "I know it
would have been horrible for me. Blech!"
Kim spoke over a mouthful of chocolate. "I think I could've handled it."
"Yeah, Kim," Heather teased. "You would've handled *him* until he ran
screaming from the room!"
"Can I help it if I'm a vampire slut?"
Despite herself, Nat started to laugh. "Kim, you are shameless."
"I know," Kim said saucily, "I'm a lawyer."
Nat swiped at her eyes with the back of a hand as she chuckled. Shele
noticed and said, "Are you having a bout of 'eye drool'?"
"Nope," Nat replied. "Wet laugh. I'm going to go take a shower -- there
wouldn't be a fuzzy, pink chenille robe in the Wardrobe room, would
there?"
"Don't think so," Heather said. "There's a couple silk ones, though.
Somebody went charge happy with the new VS catalog."
"Hey, guys!" Sharon mentioned a few minutes after Nat headed for the
Sacred Cold Shower. "She didn't say how she lost the Drool Cup!"
"Or her shoes," Jan said.
When Nat returned some minutes later in a pale pink, polka-dot robe,
rubbing her hair dry with a towel, they asked.
"Uhm... I threw the shoes away. They were blistering my feet, see?" Nat
wriggled her toes.
"But they weren't your shoes! They were Annie's! Aaaahhh!" Susan howled.
"And I told you to use them -- she's going to kill me! I'll be banned from
the Video Room for a month!"
Nat grimaced. "I feel bad about that. I tossed them just before I came to
the stark realization that nothing here *is* mine. Then I sort of... met
someone."
"Is that when you lost your Drool Cup?" Sharon asked.
"Well, I didn't lose it as much as I gave it away."
"You what?!?" The addicts' startled voices raised in unison.
"But it's a door key!" Kim protested. "Was it a new recruit?"
Nat appeared mischievous. "Not exactly... It was a Lacroix."
"Not the one from the N&N Pack, I hope?" Susan said.
Nat shook her head.
"That certainly explains why you gave it up," Shele said. "But why did he
want it?"
Heather and Kim began to dribble. Their fervent hope was that Nat would
declare he intended to sneak in here and ravish them all.
"It was something to do with the rift," Nat said vaguely. "He needed
objects that weren't native to this universe."
All of the addicts except Sharon shrugged at that explanation. They
weren't physicists or experts on temporal/spatial disturbances like Tser.
They didn't intend to struggle to understand when they could be playing
poker.
Sharon scooped Sidney the Cat into her arms while swiping the portable
cell phone. Slipping into the Laboratory/Kitchen, she set Sidney atop the
island counter and said, "Well, what do you make of that?"
Sidney licked a few stray hairs into place. "Gwendolyn suggested he may
strike again," he mentioned idly.
Sharon Lee turned towards the door. "I'm giving Cousin Tser a call."
She shifted through her purse, trying to find the small slip of paper,
until she found the one with Tser's cell phone number. She dialed the
numbers and waited tensely. The phone rang several times before it was
answered.
"Tserisa," came a distracted voice.
"Um, hi, this is Sharon Lee," she said softly. "I needed to talk to you
about your LaCroix, at least, I think so."
"Oh, hello," Tser said. Suddenly, her voice was loud but muffled, as if
she covered the receiver with her hand. "HEY!!! Moses, I said *stay*
*off* *the* *bed*!! Don't you glare at me. I ought'a get a LaCroix over
here to whammy you into behaving!" Her voice returned to normal. "Sorry
about that, iguana problems. My LaCroix you said?"
Sharon Lee paused. "Um, yeah, I think. He... well, an alternative
Natalie said she ran into a LaCroix on the street. It might be a lead."
"Oh, no, I forgot, I meant to give you a call," Tser said sincerely. "He
came back. I asked him about the collar, and he said --" Tser swallowed
audibly, "that I was mistaken. I still don't know if he has it. Not
like I was about to give him a strip search...." Suddenly, a detectable
NA sigh came over the phone.
"This just happened. So he's back at CERK, and it must have been another
LaCroix?"
"Actually, he left...." Tser said. "It could be him," she finished
quietly.
"Come down to the NA HQ," Sharon said. "Maybe you could talk to her."
"Be right there -- HEY, I SAID NO! -- right there, 'kay?"
* * * * * * * *
Tser grabbed her Drool Cup and scooped up Gwen. "Cousine Moses," she
promised the glaring she-iguana, "this war has not and will not end
today!" and rushed from the room.
"Hey, where're you heading?" Denese called as Tser sped through the
lobby.
Tser shrugged. "Need a walk," she said vaguely, flashing her Drool Cup
to the fellow NA member as she disappeared into the night. Denese smiled
and nodded knowingly, turning to the phone, which was ringing once again.
"Hello? ... Sorry ma'am, but goats are out of our jurisdiction. ... uh,
no, I don't know a good goat repellant.... No, I don't think garlic
works against *goats*...."
Tser walked quickly down the street, carrying a protesting Cousin Gwen
and her Drool Cup. She activated her Drool Cup Open-Sesame function and
slipped into the building.
"Tser," Sharon Lee said softly, and motioned her into the Shrine. Tser
let Gwen down onto the ground and glanced around at her fellow addicts.
Suddenly, her eyes fell on one of the tapestries of Lucius languishing in
his toga and her eyes started to glaze over. At her feet, Gwen, who had
not been able to grab her own Cup, was forming quite a dainty cat-drool
puddle.
"Hello, Tser," Kim said cheerfully, still hugging a large pile of
goodies. "Hello? Wow, she's been without the Shrine far too long."
"Think I should get the V-8?" Susan asked, tempted to poke Tser in the
shoulder and see if she fell over.
"Nah, don't think she's under *that* deep," Nat said. "I think a good
slap will bring her out. The cat, on the other hand...."
Sharon shook her shoulder. "Tser, hey, Cousin...." Tser shook her head
to clear it, sighing happily.
"Whoa, I needed that," she said. "I can't drool over my *own* alternate
LaCroix... it wouldn't be proper."
Kim's mouth hung open. "Your *own* LaCroix?" she asked jealously, a bead
of saliva forming at the corner of her mouth. "How'd you get one of your
own? Where'd you find him? What's he look like?" she asked eagerly.
Tser looked down at Cousin Gwen and nudged her with her foot... no luck,
too far gone. She slipped her own drool cup underneath her muzzle and
left her that way. "Actually," she said softly, "I didn't find him. He
found me. I was supposed to be his lunch, but Patt knocked him out."
"PATT WHAT?" six voices yelled in unison. Just then, Tser saw Natalie
and her jaw dropped open.
"Hi, I'm Natalie," she said, smiling, offering her hand. Tser took it
dumbly.
"Uh, Tser," she said.
"I know," Natalie said. "There's one of you in my reality too."
"Lunch for Nunkies," Shele sighed dreamily.
Tser looked at her blankly. "Its not all Jeweled Peaches and devonshire
cream," she said, "though it hasn't cured my Nunkies-ism. I should tell
you, this LaCroix -- he's not dangerous, but I wouldn't suggest you meet
him. Your heart might not make it."
Susan and Kim looked at her silently. Sharon fidgeted slightly.
"Natalie said she met a LaCroix, and it sounds like the one who took
Sidney's collar," she said.
Tser turned to Natalie. "He took something of yours?" she asked softly.
Natalie looked at the exhausted looking Cousin for a moment and shook her
head. "No, I gave my Drool Cup to him," she answered. "Was it your
LaCroix?"
Tser looked at her dumbly for a minute. "His eyes," she said simply,
voice choked. "You'd know. He's been through... a lot," she said with
meaning, knowing if it was *her* LaCroix this Nunkies Addicted Natalie
had encountered, she'd know what Tser meant.
Natalie nodded. "It was him," she answered.
"He also has Sidney's collar, I think," Tser said. "Who knows what else
he's gotten without anyone knowing or realizing it was him? I don't
blame him though. He doesn't want to go back and I don't want to let
him." Tser turned at sat on one crimson upholstered bench.
"Back *where*?" Shele asked.
"To hell," Tser answered bitterly. The word had become all too common in
her vocabulary. Suddenly, she couldn't contain it anymore, and all the
tears she'd held back poured down her face, and she was wracked with
sobs.
"Eye drool," Jan said softly. The six other addicts looked at one
another, then immediately rushed to comfort their sister in distress.
Nat sat starkly to one side, leaning against one of the loungers.
Tser's tears passed quickly. She was too tired to cry. But then she
noticed Gwen -- her Drool Cup was beginning to overflow. "Better bring
her out of it," she suggested, and Kim went to get the improvised
Super-Duper Kitty Anti-Nunklear Meltdown device... Sidney the dog.
The sheepdog bounded in and, sensing kitty, bounced over to the small
tortishell. He nosed her eagerly in the side. Unblanced, she slid
forward on her own over-flowing drool and went sliding. She uttered a
very human-like screech that sounded like "Yipes!"
The other addicts looked startled at the human-sounding verbalization,
except for Sharon, who tried very hard to look like she hadn't heard it.
In fact, Gwen seemed to be muttering under her breath,
"darnmutt,worsethanmedlingtwo-legs...." which *all* the addicts tried to
not hear.
Tser took in a deep shuddering breath as Gwen stormed into the lab. The
other addicts looked at her expectantly.
"I suppose you're wondering what I mean," Tser said softly.
The other addicts nodded.
"Well, you know the comet which was supposed to smash into the world in
'A More Permanent Hell'?"
The other addicts nodded, this being one of their favorite episodes.
However, they all had apprehensive looks on their faces.
"In my LaCroix's reality, the comet did hit," Tser whispered. She
watched as shock registered slowly on her friends' faces.
"Oh my," Susan said softly.
Nat stood up, swallowing hard.
"There's no one, in his reality. It's been over a half century since the
comet hit, and no one survived. He was barely living for who knows how
long," Tser said. She looked at the stricken looks on her friends'
faces. "Oh, God, I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to darken your
lives with this."
"No," Kim said. "You needed to tell someone, and we Nunkies Addicts are
always here for one another," she said, giving Tser a hug. Nat slipped
unnoticed from the room.
"Thanks," Tser said. "I probably should be getting back to CERK. I have
a lizard problem," she explained, "and I wanted to look some stuff
over.... Where's Gwen?"
"I think she went in there," Sharon said, pointing to the Lab.
"Do you guys mind if she stays here?" Tser asked. "I don't want to
trouble you, but I have my hands full at CERK. There's a lot going on,
not just my LaCroix."
"Sure," Jan said. "You get some sleep, okay? Dream of Nunkies!"
Tser smiled widely. "That'd be a nice change of pace from the dreams
I've been having lately. See you all!!" She retrieved her Drool Cup
(rinsing it quickly in the Lab's sink before going, and waving bye to
Gwen, who was sitting on the counter, looking for all the world as if she
was having a conversation with Sidney the cat) as they said their
Nunkies-addicted goodbyes, and headed into the night. Perhaps she'd stop
by someplace to eat (CERK wasn't a really good place to get proper food).
* * * * * * * * * *
fini
*************************************************************************
"A Discussion Over a Plate of Gyros"
By Cousin Tser and Kristine (Die-Hard Co-Leader)
Permission for all the included gotten. Thank you!
Takes place after "Three Women (and a Fishbowl)" and right after "The
Not-So Permanent Hell"
* * * * * * * * *
Cousin Tser decided to head over to the Happy Souvlaki. It *felt* like
it had been a long non-time since she had eaten, but all-in-all she just
had to guess.
She entered the restaurant and headed for a table in the back. Polka
music was playing cheerfully on the Juke, and Spifff was keeping busy
filling orders. Her eyes took in the room... mostly FoDs, of course...
but her eye caught something. At one table, where no one was sitting,
was a rather large plate of heaping souvlaki. Next to the plate was a
rather defeated looking, kinda squooshed, banana yellow, but still very
much a rubber duckie. She did a double take. The fairly flat plastic
duck looked like it was about to chow down on the souvlaki. Cousin Tser
shook her head in confusion and continued towards the back of the Deli.
She noticed a woman alone at a back table, eating a gyro very, very, very
slowly. Tser thought she recognized the woman... ah ha, Kristine, the
Die-Hard Co-Leader. She walked up to the table of the Neutral Leader and
smiled.
"Hey, I'm Cousin Tser. Mind if I sit?" she asked.
Kristine swallowed a bite of the gyro she had been nursing. "Sure," she
said, "go ahead. Have a seat and make yourself comfortable. Want some?"
she asked, holding out the limp sandwich.
Tser looked at the proffered victual and replied, "No, I'm going to get
some of my own in a minute. Thanks anyway.
"I just wanted to say how much I loved you guy's museum. Especially the
Lucius exhibit," Tser said, sighing, as she remembered the knees on the
toga-clad statue.
Kristine sighed sadly, tired exasperation creeping into her voice.
"Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. We established it in the last War.
But no one's safe," she said, her voice quavery. "Not even in the
museum," she moaned. She set her gyro down and cradled her head in her
hands.
Cousin Tser didn't know what to do for a minute. "What happened in the
museum?" she asked, not mentioning that Kristine had just gotten some
gyro dressing in her hair.
"One of my Fish was desecrated," she said, still upset over the disaster.
"Fish? In the museum? I don't remember any fish there when I went,"
Tser said confusedly.
"It was my alternate VachonFishes. They came through the rift into my
bathtub. And as if it wasn't bad enough the LaCroix Penguin got a
couple, someone got in during the redecoration of the Die Hard HQ," her
voice grew irritated at the mention of this event, "and someone CUT OFF
ITS VACHON-HAIR!" she wailed. Tser was afraid she was going to get up
and jump up and down.
"Well, I can imagine haircut pranks against Vaqueras," she said, "but you
guys are neutral! That's terrible."
"You're telling me," Kristine said, her voice more normal now that she
had someone understanding to discuss the event with. "The other Fish
scorned the Shorn One. He had the most terrible looking buzz cut...."
Tser paused. "Are you sure it wasn't a LaCroixFish if it had a buzz
cut?"
"It USED to have long, wet, locks of curly brown hair," she sighed.
"Hair looks rather nice underwater, even if it does clog the filter. And
a LaCroixFish wouldn't blink so much."
"You're right, LaCroixs generally glare and stare, rarely blinking," Tser
confirmed, nodding. "Any ideas who did it?"
"No," Kristine said. "Except that the perpetrator came and went
silently, unbeknown to the Die Hard in the building."
"What happened to the hair?" Tser asked, a sinking sensation in her
stomach.
Kristine replied with a confused expression on her face, "I don't know.
It just wasn't there anymore." The gyro in front of her was forgotten,
and Kristine was slowly ripping a paper napkin to shreds. "It's just so
weird. I mean, why cut its hair off? Why only one of them? You have to
admit, cutting off a Fish's hair is odd, even for this War." Her mouth
moved in a slight smile. "Not that it really matters to me anymore, I
just gave the VachonFish to the Vaqueras. They're better off over there,
anyway."
Kristine continued, noticing the lack of surprise on Tser's face. "I see
that you're not too surprised over the fact that the hair is gone. How
come?" She took a big sip of her Coke.
Tser nodded. "I have an idea, but I'm not sure. I can't really say any
more than I think it might have something to do with the Rift."
She took a deep breath and picked up her own napkin to begin shredding.
"I'm not exactly sure what caused the Rift," , "but no
matter what caused it, the result is an instability in Space-Time -- the
anomaly which is bringing the alternate forms into this reality. They're
all from universes that are different from this one," .
Tser placed the tattered remnants of napkin on the table. "And all the
different people and things that come through the Rift have a different
quantum signature, unique to their own reality."
Tser paused. "This 'trading of matter' may or may not have caused the
Rift. All I know is, unless everything goes back... all the Vachons, all
the Screeds, all the Divias, all the Liams, all the
Nameless-Blonds-of-the-Week, all the LaCroixs...." Tser stopped, her
voice caught in her throat. "They all have to go back for it to be
stable. The main reason being, there can't be *two* beings of one exact
quantum signature in one reality. That would cause the most instability
in the Space-Time Continuum, and then... well, it'd probably happen all
over again."
Kristine shuddered.
"That would be a big problem, the two identical beings. But any amount
of foreign matter could -- irritate -- the wound in the multi-verse, in
theory. I sort of suggested that to my LaCroix," Tser said guiltily.
She continued, "And for very good reasons, he doesn't want to go back. I
think he may be trying to procure non-native material and keep it in this
reality, so the Rift won't close. It's a long-shot, and I'm not sure
it'll work for him. It's causing problems in the meantime. If that's
what happened to your VachonFish I'm really sorry," Tser said sincerely.
"But really, I don't blame him, and I'm not confronting him about it any
more. He really doesn't deserve the punishment of being sent back,
though I see no way around it," Tser said slowly.
"Anyway, the Rift may or may not have anything to do with these
instabilities. The instabilities are, more likely, caused by the Rift
than causing the Rift. But because they're there, they irritate an
already irritated anomaly. I think most matter should be procured and
sent back, if possible. Most alternate beings are going to want to go
back, some will just go back without doing anything. Some... some will
resist."
Kristine sat back in the booth, totally overwhelmed. "Wow." As her
brain couldn't come up anything much more eloquent, she said it again.
"Wow."
Tser nodded. "Yeah, it's something, isn't it? It's the only thing that
could possibly explain this. But how to actually *heal* it? I don't
have the vaguest idea. Just how to help it along and make sure it
doesn't happen again. And causes... well, there's always the paradox
theory. Or the overactive gland theory, take your pick."
Kristine started to dig in her purse for some money to pay for the gyros
that she was ordering to-go for the rest of the Die-Hards.
"This is amazing," Kristine said. "Do you mind if I tell the rest of the
DH? We've been sort of wondering, and Ron has taken off to the
University to see if he can figure it out." She stood up, and Tser did
too. "I've got to go, I'm sure everyone has been wondering where I am,"
she said, having nursed her gyro through several stories. "Thanks again
for telling me, it's a really big help. Being a scientist, I'd hate to
think that this sort of thing would happen randomly for no reason.
There's a reason for everything. Or at least I believe it to be so."
She smiled, more easily this time.
Tser smiled sadly. "Maybe some things don't have reason," she said
softly, thinking of her LaCroix. There was no reason she could think of
that a comet should destroy everything he had, and so many lives. "But,
yeah, you're right. Everything has a causal agent. It's hard to find,
sometimes, though. Well, Happy Warring," she said sincerely.
"You too," Kristine said, grabbing her bag of gyros-to-go. "Bye!"
Tser smiled and waved as the Die-Hard Leader left. There was a pitiful
squeak as Kristine stepped on the already squooshed rubber duckie, which
had somehow gotten on the floor.
Tser turned and ordered a vegetarian gyro with tofu and extra onion. She
munched on it thoughtfully, and walked from the Deli, oblivious to the
loud sighs from Spifff when he saw the table she and Kristine left, a
half-chewed pita sandwich, two torn up napkins, gyro sauce and a few
drops of cola littering it.
*************************************************************************
fini
War: I Love a Raid...I mean a Parade. 01/11
Written by Cousin Cherri with creative consultation by Senara
All the people and characters in this story was used with permission.
CERK LaCroix, Darth LaCroix, Mortal LaCroix, LK LaCroix, Dark LaCroix,
Brother LaCroix, Flaming Uncle LaCroix, Divia, Tigger Vachon, Elvis Vachon,
RollerHockey Vachon, JoePimpReese and Tracy, Psycho Vampire Slayer used by
permission of their Alternate Universe creators. No infringement of
copyright laws of Forever Knight/the Forever Knight characters, or
Sony/TriStar is intended.
Thanks to all who beta read and appeared to these stories.
Cousins Senara, Chase, Joni, Michele, Annie, Bonnie, Patt, MaryG, McLisa,
LaurieCF, Tok, Corie, Heidi, Robi, Joni, Efery, Sun, Rust, Mariah, and Roni.
And Special thanks to my Vaqueras(os) friends for allowing us to have a
little fun.
Donas Cindy, Jean, Jill, Crystal, Teresa, Heather, Tracy Sue, Maria,
Kimber, Denise, and last but not least, Don Hunter-D.
Please Refer the following for background leading to these stories:
War5: Onward and Upward, The Kidnapping
War7: COWS: "Udder Revenge", COWS: "Udderly Revenge",
WAR: The Cowleaders Cry of Surprise, WAR: VAQ: Vachon In Udders?
---
Cherri yawned. Even though it was still midnight Friday, she had been in
Toronto for hours. She knew she would need to sleep soon but she had been
doing some important planning. What seemed like days ago, she had cornered
one of the LaCroix's at CERK HQ and found out to her dismay that the only
thing this LaCroix wanted to talk about was his NightCrawler radio show.
After several attempts to get CERK LaCroix to listen to her, she finally
shouted, "LaCroix!!! If you don't listen to me, I'll...I'll...I'll NEVER
listen to your program again."
He stared hard at the Cousin. "What do you mean, you'll never listen to my
show? The information I impart is vitally important."
"LaCroix, I have been trying to tell you that I heard a rumor that the
Vaqueras want to put me back in the cow costume. You told me...or at least
the LaCroix from my time told me that I was never to be caught again. I
need to raid the church to steal the costume in their shrine."
"You are very resourceful, my dear. You can find a way without my help."
His smile would have frozen ice cubes.
Cherri gulped then quickly explained. "But LaCroix, I know how much you
enjoy setting up your stereo equipment. How would you like to set up a
system in several rooms at the parade warehouse then drain the city power
surrounding Vachon's church to power all the equipment? Afterwards, you
could come to the church to add your special equipment so that you could
pipe your Nightcrawler program directly into the Vaqueras Headquarters.
You can run archived shows through the system when you are not live. If we
do it right, you could probably make a few converts into Cousindom before
they found the equipment you've installed."
LaCroix contemplated a moment. "Your plan does have possibilities. What
do you have in mind?"
"Could you get the necessary Toronto authorities to sign the numerous
permits required to run a parade? The smile on her face scared one of the
Cousins who sat nearby. **Cousin Michele**, she thought her name was.
Cherri made a mental note to recruit her into THE plan then looked at the
Cousin in question again and smiled.
Just then Senara entered the room, saw the expression on Michele's face
then went to her. "Michele! What IS your problem? Don't let the General
see you like this! Remember, you're a Cousin!!! Face Cherri and don't let
her intimidate you."
LaCroix glanced at Senara to warn her not to interrupt but the Cousin just
glared at Cherri. "Will you please stop the games! We have work to do."
The former CERK mascot frowned. "Oh...all right." She looked at the newbie
Cousin." You know, I'm not really that bad. So relax. I don't bite.
Besides, I need you. Are you ready for some action?"
Michele nodded her head enthusiastically.
"Great!" Cherri turned back to LaCroix. "As you can see, we...meaning
Cousin Senara and I...already have several recruits." Just then, the
Cousins plus Darth LaCroix, LK LaCroix, Divia, and JoePimpReese filed into
the room. "We are going to have a parade, but to do that, we need the help
of CERK. Don't you think the Vaqueras deserve to be **in** a parade? And
after the Vaqueras start down the parade, you can fly me to the church so
that you and one of the Cousins can set up your equipment."
CERK LaCroix's pleased look spoke volumes so Cherri turned to the waiting
Cousins. "We are here to declare war on the Vaqueras. I know that they
want the real Vachon's guitar back but I recently heard that they want to
put me BACK in that cow costume. This cannot be."
Cousin Annie exclaimed. "We'll protect you!" The rest of the Cousins
chimed in to agree.
"I know, and thanks, please raise your hands, but I thought we might hedge
our bets while committing a little mayhem.
"If you are interested in only the church raid, please raise your hands."
Cousins Chase and his Darth LaCroix, Bonnie, Patt, Annie, Corie, and Heidi
and her JoePimpReese all had an excited look in their eyes as they
volunteered.
"I guess that means that Cousins Michele, Tok, LaurieCF, Robi, Joni, Efery,
Sun, Rust, MaryG, and Mariah want to **ah humm** PLAY with the Vaqueras
before going to help out with the church raid.
"It's the least that Cousin Tok and I can do." Cousin-leader LaurieCF spoke
up. "And Cousine Celeste would be there as well, if she weren't otherwise
occupied. It's a matter of policy. Factions who go against one of our own
will not be taken lightly. Our support of poor, abused Cousin Cherri will
be noticed by the other factions and will demonstrate what happens to those
who take the risk. The Vaqueras are going to get exactly what they
deserve. Cherri's plan is the perfect retaliation."
Cousin Cherri blushed. "Thank you Laurie and Tok. You have no idea how
much your support means to me."
She hesitated then asked Laurie. "Could you find out what music each
Vaquera hates and match that information with Cousins who love the same
music? I think the music will be just the right kind of motivation that we
need."
Laurie's sly grin was unnerving even to Cherri. "I'll see what I can do,
I'll meet you at the warehouse as soon as I've compiled it."
"Perfect!"
"Next point of business. Does anyone know how we could get an elephant? I
thought we could use some of the white spray paint the Cousins have
recently acquired to create one. That should draw a crowd and call
attention to the Vaqueras in costume. I think the paint is water soluble
so it should be fine to use on animals."
"So far, so good except...." Cherri's voice held disbelief. "McLisa left
the CERK van at the zoo. Cousin Mariah: your first job is to go to the
zoo and get it. Make sure, it has plenty of gas then bring it back as soon
as possible. When the chocolate arrives, the plan will be set in motion
and I don't want running out of gas as an excuse for delaying the fun."
"Cousin MaryG: I believe that you know the company which makes the big 14
oz Chocolate Cow Pies that was sold at Sam's Club(tm), Cousin Joni: Call
Godiva(tm) and order a solid milk chocolate life-size Vachon. Both of you
remember to tell the chocolate companies that we will pay them a bonus for
prompt, fast delivery. Money is no problem. CERK LaCroix is paying for it."
CERK LaCroix started to say something then let it slide.
"Cousins Roni, Rust, and Sun: Buy the world's supply of superglue solvent
but make sure you give two bottles of it to Cousin Senara. She's going to
hide it during the church raid. If the Vaqueras(os) want out of their
costumes they are going to have to work for it."
"And finally, as soon as the church raid is over, meet me on the
waterfront. Cousin Efery has a card with the exact location. Cousin Tok:
Can you bring matches and some fuel? We are going to have a bonfire."
The faces of the Cousins lit up. Cousin Heidi asked, "Can we bring some
marshmallows?"
"We can roast marshmallows only if we make a second fire. I'm afraid that
the costume materials will release toxins but if you really want to, I have
no problem with that but you will be in charge of acquiring some of
LaCroix's specialty so everyone can party."
Cousin Heidi bounced a bit until Darth LaCroix turned to her. She gulped
and stilled without a word from him.
"Cousins Bons, Annie, and Patt: I need you to get a picture of Vachon's
guitar and make a life-size poster of it."
Cousin Cherri stopped. Her eyes glazed over a bit then asked her fraction
buddies. "Also, could you get copies of the photos that the NAs use? You
know the ones, 'NiR". It might be fun to hang a few on the walls."
The three of them looked at each other then broke out in huge grins. "No
problem Cousin." Bons practically bounced then thought better of it.
"I think we have the bases covered. We're going to trap Dona Jean with the
Chocolate Vachon. I'm working on a deal to assure that trap is thoroughly
sprung. Cousins Michele, MaryG, Mariah, Robi, and Joni: Meet me at the
CERK van in about two hours....I know...I know... The clocks have stopped.
Use your best guestimate. I think that is about it. Cousin Senara wants
me to announce that her team is to reconvene in the small meeting room down
the hall." Cherri grinned at the group. "Now go out and be Cousinly."
As the group was breaking up, Cherri looked at Cousin Michele's beaming
face. //Yeees.! That Cousin is going to turn out just fine.//
-----
Cousin Cherri
In this ever-changing world that we share, only one thing is truly
permanent....ME... he..he..he..he..he..he..he
FK War 8
************************************************************************
Pout For Me, Baby (1/1)
by Bonnie Rutledge
Time: Immediately after 'I Love a Raid...I Mean, Parade' Part 1/11
Modeling by Vachon's Guitar
Lighting & Mood Music by The Fanfic Fairies
Makeup by Bons
***************************************************************************
"Cousins Bons, Annie and Patt: I need you to get a picture of Vachon's
guitar and make a life-size poster of it."
Bonnie forced herself to keep smiling as she heard these words. Instead
of listening to Cousin Cherri's other ideas, she grinned like a happy twit
and let her brain scream in denial.
When Bonnie conjured up the terrible, awful, no-slacker-will-ever-
think-of-this hiding place, it was with the certainty that when the time
came to pick it up, it would be someone else's problem. She wouldn't be
involved. She wouldn't be forced to suffer. Cherri could suffer. Jules could
suffer. Annie or Patt could suffer, but not Bonnie. Uh-uh, no way.
With Cherri's request, however, the realization dawned on Bonnie that,
at the moment, she was the only one who knew where the guitar was. She would
have to lead the others to it.
Then, when Cherri's pep talk was done, Bonnie looked up blankly to see
her two supposed partners-in-Polaroid handing her a camera and car keys.
"There ya go!" Patt said.
"Have fun, Bons!" Annie echoed, then quickly scooted away.
She watched Annie disappear from sight with growing dismay. "But...
but - aren't you coming with me?"
"What?" Patt replied. "And ruin the mystery? It won't be a secret
location if you tell anyone. Even me."
"Yeah, Patt, and you stopped being nosy, what, five minutes ago? Give
me a break."
"I is hurt," she said, pouring on her I-Am-An-Innocent-Gal-From-
Louisian'-Where-They-Don't-Teach-Us-Nuthin'-'Bout-Grammar-Or-Secrets act,
"that you trust me as much as a crawdad with eight legs."
"Crawdads are supposed to have eight legs, Patt. They're arthropods."
"Oh," Patt replied. "Look! A dinosaur!"
Bonnie turned around, fully expecting in this time of temporal space
rifts to see a giant purple reptile with Schanke's face. She saw no dinosaur
- nada, niente - and when she turned around again to tell Patt she should
wear her no-line bifocals more often, the Third Cousin was gone.
Bonnie sighed and clomped to Patt's truck by herself.
************************************************************************
She pushed the final stack of papers away, then peeled off her
blindfold. Bonnie grabbed the guitar and leaned it provocatively against
the now-bare wall. Suddenly, the techno sounds of Erasure started pumping
through the room, accompanied by the appearance of two giant backlights.
Bons leaned back and studied the guitar critically. She snapped a few
photos, then paused to frown. "Lean to the left a little for me, babe. Work
with me now, work with me!"
The guitar didn't respond.
She put the camera down, muttered under her breath about temperamental
models, then manually tilted the Gibson to her satisfaction. She backed up
slowly and primed her camera at her target while giving instructions.
"Okay, babe. The look we're going for in these picture is 'desire'. You
have to be desirable to these Vaqs. I want you to look like you haven't been
played in months, and you're just dying for someone to lay a few chords down
- a riff or two. Can you do that?" Bonnie crouched and leaned to the right
as she clicked several more frames. "Great stuff! Now...I want you to look
haughty. Pout for me now. Pout, baby, pout!"
She click-clicked a few more shots before giving Vachon's guitar a
disconcerted look. "You've got a smudge. You need a touchup." Bonnie
squatted next to the instrument, gave a hearty spit, then shined the
offending area of lacquer with the inside hem of her mini-skirt. "There,"
she said, smiling with satisfaction. "You're gorgeous, babe."
"Okay, For the next bunch of shots, I want you to pretend you're in
the forest..."
*click-click*...*click-click* ... *click-click*...*cli*...*cli*...
"Oh, redrum! Out of film! Sorry, babe. We'll have to call it a wrap."
The lights and music disappeared as suddenly as they arrived. Bons
returned the guitar to its hiding place, put her blindfold back on, then
began moving all the paper stacks back into place.
As she left, a dull looking man in a drab suit and wingtips asked her,
"Are you sure I can't answer any questions, miss? I could go over your -"
"No, I don't think so," Bonnie interrupted. "I don't even live in this
country, much less work here. Nighty-night."
The trip back to CERK was uneventful, and Cousin Cherri liked the final
life-sized product.
"I've never seen a guitar pout before."
****************************************************************************
Title: I Love A Raid... I Mean A Parade 2/11
Author: Valerie J. Gilson (Cousin Senara) with creative input from Cousin
Cherri and
Cousin Chase
All permissions have been obtained.
Time: concurrent with Just after I Love A Raid - I Mean A Parade 1/11
Special Thanks to Cherri, Michele, Joni, Chase, Lisa, Cousin Tok and
everyone who I might have forgotten to name who helped with beta reading
and planning - this wouldn't have happened without you! *hugs*
Cousin Senara led her team into the adjoining room. "I realize that this is
going to sound a
little like Mission:Impossible," she began as Cousins Chase, Corie, and
Robi sat down on
various articles of furniture. "We have to find all the cow costumes that
the Vaqueras might
have hidden around the church." Bons, Annie and Patt nodded in agreement
while Heidi
filled in the importance and the history of the cow to Joe Pimp Reese.
"Any ideas where all of them are?" Cousin Efrey piped up.
"Knowing the leader, she will have required each and every one of them to
bring one to
Toronto." Several Cousins tried to count the number of Vaqueras they had
seen running
around. One of them whistled under her breath. "We can guess that the cow
suits are
secreted in the living areas.
"That's quite a lot of cow costumes. Are we it for the raid?" Chase asked.
His Darth
LaCroix was quietly memorizing the map of the church. At least he wasn't
deafening
anyone by talking.
Senara unrolled a map of the church. "At least one of them will be in the
Shrine.
I'll handle searching that area carefully . It's a sure bet that Cindy has
one wherever she is
sleeping - underneath her mattress, that sorta thing. Check around their
living areas." She
looked at Chase. "No, we aren't it for the raid. We will have help."
The Cousins clustered around the map and planned their raid on the
Vaqueros' HQ. Every
so often a chuckle and a giggle of mad glee escaped one of the Destroy The
Cow Suit
Team, DTCST for short.
to be continued
Cousin Senara
vgilson@tiac.net
*************************************************************************
War: I love a Raid....I mean a Parade. 03/11
Written by Cherri L. Munoz
See part 1 for the disclaimers. All characters used with permission.
=======
The meeting had broken up and Cherri was hungry, tired, and in need of a
walk. After assuring herself that CERK LaCroix was arranging for the sound
equipment and acquiring the appropriate parade permits, Cherri slipped out
the door.
As the cool, summer night air hit her face, she inhaled deeply then let the
tension drain out of her as she exhaled. Looking up, she contemplated the
moon at midnight and its surrounding clouds. White and dark swirls cut the
brilliant sphere making it a glorious ball of mystery and intrigue. The
sight made her feel wonder and safe.
She chose a direction and started to walk, knowing that she shouldn't be
out alone at night in a place known to have vampires but she needed the
peace.
Suddenly, she realized that she was in front of the Happy Souvlaki. Just
as her memories of the place was bringing a Cousinly smile to her lips, an
irritated voice brought her abruptly back to reality (if you call being in
a Space-Time Continuum reality). "What..." the voice emphasize, "are you
doing out here alone?"
"I..." Cherri turned around and her jaw dropped. "Tracy? You're Tracy
Vetter, aren't you?"
"Never mind about me." The woman withdrew a wooden stake from her jacket,
crouched down, and looked around in challenge. "There are vampires out
here. We're in danger."
Cousin Cherri just looked at her. "So. There are vampires but I'm a
Cousin. No vampires who value their undead lives would dare touch me. Hey!
Wait!! You KNOW about vampires?"
Trace look nonplussed. "Of course I do, I'm a Slayer."
"A Slayer? A Slayer of what?"
"Of vampires, of course."
"So which vampires do you slay?" Cherri inwardly groaned at her question
and decided that she really needed to catch some zzzz's. This was too
unreal. She was glad to finally meet Tracy but WHY did this Tracy have to
be a Vampire Slayer.
Tracy held up her stake again. "I prefer to stake Vachon. I've already
killed one of them but Partly said that was back in my own time dimension.
There seems to be a lot of them around here and I have a stake for each
one." Her evil grin sent a cold chill down Cousin Cherri's back.
Cherri looked towards the Happy Souvlaki to avoid Tracy's eyes then came to
a decision, if Partly couldn't keep the Slayer under control then the
Cousins could take full advantage of the situation. "Tracy. I just might
know where one of the Vachons is located. Want to come with me for a while?"
The Slayer's face light up as she threatened the air with her stake again.
"Lead the way."
Cousin Cherri smiled and turned towards the radio station. This kidnapping
was going to be a piece of cake with a cherry on top .
She pulled out her cell phone and called CERK. "Mary? Listen and don't
ask questions. Has Godiva delivered the 'item' yet? Great! Money always
talks. Heh! Heh! Get the team together including the quote unquote",
Cherri looked at Tracy, "changeable" Nick. If he isn't already there, he
should be there shortly. Make sure he is Nick before you and the team meet
me at the CERK van. Mariah did get it back, didn't she?" Cherri listened
then exclaimed, "Oh good!" The kidnapping of the Vaquera leaders is going
down now and I'm bringing Tracy, the Vampire Slayer with me so make the
appropriate arrangements."
Tracy was ignoring the one sided conversation, but Cherri decided to play
it safe. "Heh! Heh! Heh! That's right. Tracy the Vampire Slayer. Just
make SURE he knows who he is. I KNOW....I KNOW but it can't be helped.
Just take precautions and everything will be fine. We'll be there shortly."
Cherri punched the off button as the two of them continued on their way.
-----
Cousin Cherri
In this ever-changing world that we share, only one thing is truly
permanent....ME... he..he..he..he..he..he..he
FK War 8
**********************************************************************
War: I love a Raid....I mean a Parade. 04/11
Written by Cherri L. Munoz
See part 1 for the disclaimers. All characters used with permission.
=======
Tracy jerked her head in the direction of another non-existent sound making
Cousin Cherri jump again. "Relax Tracy. We're almost there. Look.
There's the CERK van and the Cousins waiting for us."
Only glancing at the van for a second, Tracy continued her visual sweeps.
"Are you sure there are not vampires among you? I mean...Have you seen all
of your team during the day?"
"Although I knew some of the members before this rift, look around you
Tracy, it's still midnight and has been for days."
"I guess you're right."
Cherri caught the eye of Cousin Mary and waved her over. "Tracy, this is
Cousin Mary. I've known her for 18 years. She is definitely mortal. Why
don't you talk to her for a few minutes while I go brief the other team
members? I won't be long."
Tracy glared at her as if assessing the situation then nodded her acceptance.
With a sigh of relief, Cherri quickly entered the van in search of the
WereVachon. "Nick? Or should I call you Vachon?"
"That's me." The man with Nick's face said just before he enveloped her
into his arms and gave her a long and passionate kiss.
Cherri finally broke free and breathlessly asked, "What was that for?"
He blinked. "Because I can."
"Nick or Vachon or whatever you call yourself. I came to warn you. I
found Tracy, the Vampire Slayer and decided to bring her along. You must
stay as Nick or you're toast."
"Tracy, the Vampire Slayer? I've heard about her. You know that as soon
as the moonlight touches me, I change. I have no control over it. Bonnie
just said that you needed me and that I should help out, but she didn't say
anything about Tracy coming along. In fact, I doubt she would've agreed."
"True, but it was a last minute decision. Besides, we need her... I need
her and it will make the job that much faster."
"What is this about anyway?"
"We're going to have a parade Nick, but the participants are shy. You're
going to **help** us convince them that it would be fun. You like a
parade, don't you?"
Nick raised his hand to his head, frowning with old memories. "Am I going
to have to go to the parade warehouse?"
"Not at all. In fact, we're going to need your expertise where we
encounter our participants. After you help us, we'll need to find some
offensive material at their home. You will help, won't you?"
Scratching the back of his head, he finally agreed. "And what about Tracy?"
"Just stay in the back of the van away from the moonlight until we get to
destination and everything will be OK. Got it?"
He grabbed her hand, rubbing the top of it with a thumb and allowed a
gentle smile to cross his handsome face. "Got it," he said softly.
Hesitating for only a moment, Cousin Cherri reluctantly pulled her hand
free then hopped out of the van. A huge Godiva (tm) truck had pulled up
while she'd been talking to WereVachon and Cousins Joni and Robi were
directing the delivery men.
The size of the box reminded Cherri of Han Solo (tm) frozen in carbonite;
long, thin, and the width slightly bigger than a man's chest.
Tracy held up a cross in the short delivery man's face just as he turned to
Cherri. Voice shaking, he nervously pointed to his manifest. "I need you
to sign my papers agreeing that you took delivery and that it's undamaged."
"Satisfied Tracy?" Cherri asked as she signed one of the lines. The
Vampire Slayer approached the other Godiva (tm) worker as he looked
nervously to his partner.
Cherri turned back to the man with the documents. "She's harmless, just a
little nervous tonight. Now, let me see. I've signed on this line but the
other will have to wait until after I've see the product so...open it."
The men were obviously wanting to get out of Tracy's way so the two
produced knives to slice open the box. Michele and Mariah had just come
out of CERK when all three sides were neatly cut, the cardboard fell to the
ground. Cousin Mary's eyes widen at the cellophane-wrapped chocolate dream
sculpted to look like Vachon.
"aaaahhhhheeeeeeyyyyaaaaa" The sound ripped through the night and suddenly
a wooden stake was embedded in Vachon's chocolate heart.
Faces ashen, the men dropped their knifes and fled.
Michele put her hands on her hips. "Tracy!!!! Look what you've done.
Save the stakes for the real ones. Gee! Now pull that stake out and let's
get out of here. It's getting late."
Tracy pouted as she did what Michele asked.
Mariah and Cousin Michele entered the van first and grabbed the chocolate
shoulders while Joni and Robi had the feet. Once loaded, Tracy piled in
the slightly damaged goods as Mary shut the doors behind.
"Hi Nick. Glad you're here." Mariah greeted then continued on her way to
the cab before he had a chance to say anything. Cherri heaved herself into
the passenger's side as the young Cousin started the engine. They were
finally on their way to the church. //Thank goodness it's still midnight
or the Vaqueras would see the hole and suspect a rat...or at least Cousins.//
-----
Cousin Cherri
In this ever-changing world that we share, only one thing is truly
permanent....ME... he..he..he..he..he..he..he
FK War 8
************************************************************************
War: I love a Raid....I mean a Parade. 05/11
Written by Cherri L. Munoz
See part 1 for the disclaimers. All characters used with permission.
======
Cousin Cherri pulled out her cell phone and dialed Vachon's church.
"Church of the Vaqueras?" The tired voice made it more of a question than
a statement. "Home of the CERK Cow Costume Shrine."
A growl almost escaped her throat. The Vaqueras were gonna pay BIG time
for this. "May I please speak with Dona Jean?"
"One moment." Cousin Mariah glanced at her leader and smiled. The
operator hadn't asked who it was.
"Hello? This is Jean."
Cherri smirked back at Mariah.
Using a nasal voice, Cherri began. "Jean...this is an independent company
informing you that you have won the GRAND PRIZE which will be delivered to
your door step immediately.
"What? what?" the Vaquera repeated.
Cherri modulated her voice to sound pleased and excited. "And your Grand
Prize is.....a life-size chocolate bar designed to look like the man of
your dreams!!!
"Chocolate?" The voice indicated that Jean's eyes was probably glazed
over. "WHEN!!!! When do I get it?" Cherri could hear the computer chair
squeaking from Jean's bounces.
"Simply greet the van which is coming to your door and the prize is yours."
The phone clicked dead.
Cherri pressed the off button. "In the immortal words of Darth...'All too
easy'."
Mariah and Cherri cackled as the van made a turn and continued down the
road towards their destination.
----
In Vachon's church:
Jean hung up the phone. "I won....I can't believe it....I won."
Jill noticed the leader's behavior and immediately screamed, "Cindy!!!!"
"Wha.." Cindy tried to understand what was going on through her
sleep-deprived mind.
"It's Jean. Look at her."
"I won...." the Vaquera leader babbled uncontrollably. "I can't believe
it...I won....All I have to do is meet..."
"Do you know what happened to her, Jill? The Vaquera leader was instantly
awake with worry.
"Not really. I came in to use the phone. Jean was just hanging it up, and
that's when she started babbling."
Cindy thought a moment. "I smell a rat...." She pulled her co-leader's
chair around to face her then shook Jean's shoulders to get her attention.
"What, Jean? Tell me!"
Jean's words were slurred. "I won." She looked at her friend. "I really
did it. I won tons and tons and tons of chocolate.....in the shape of...."
Her eyes got as big as saucers. "...the man of my dreams! Ahhh!!!!!!!"
Suddenly, she leaped out of the chair and ran for the door screaming,
"Chocolate!!! Vachon!!! Chocolate!!! Vachon!!!"
Dona Cindy and Dona Jill realized that there was something definitely WRONG
with this situation and scrambled after the crazed Vaquera but Jean was too
fast. Elvis Vachon noticed she was leaving and followed, catching up by
using Vampiric speed.
Tigger Vachon and RollerHockey Vachon, never far from their very own
personal Vaqueras followed as well.
The rest of the Vaqueras were wakened by the noise, but since most of them
were asleep, they were too slow to react to what was happening.
Jean practically tore the door open and there....just pulling up to the
curb...was a van.
As the sliding back door opened, first the feet then rest of Vachon was
revealed. She didn't know where it came from but Jean heard a voice say,
"Congratulations on your chocolate prize. Please come in to sign the
release forms."
Jean quickly climbed inside.
Cindy and Jill looked at the chocolate figure version of their favorite
vampire and
decided that they wanted a piece of that fine figure as well.
Tigger Vachon, Elvis Vachon, and RollerHockey Vachon started to protest
until Tracy stepped into the light. Seeing Tracy, they decided that the
van wasn't such a bad idea after all and flew towards it. Unbeknownst to
the other team members, CERK LaCroix had flown ahead and was waiting to
spring the trap. As soon as the leaders, their Vachons, and the other
Vaquera was safely inside, he snapped the door closed.
Seeing Vachons, Tracy readied her stake. Cousin Cherri was right.
Vampires... Vachon Vampires, too. Just what she wanted. Just what she
needed. This was going to be a great night.
Suddenly, Tracy was shoved through to the cab and locked in by an
unforeseen force.
As the unforeseen force flew to Cousin Senara's van, Vachon thought that he
should check on Katrinka's condition instead of helping the Cousins but the
Angsty Nick portion of him refused to break a promise. He was glad that
Tracy was now Mariah's problem because he was only too happy to be done
with that crazy Psychopathic Vampire Slayer.
Mariah screamed, "Shut up Tracy! Cherri told me to tell you, you want
Vachons, you got them...plenty of them. There are only three in the back."
Tracy's eyes widened. "That's enough for me."
"Think Tracy. At this point, almost all of the Vaqueras have there own
Vachons. We have the Vaquera leaders plus one AND their Vachons. The rest
will come to rescue them. That is when you'll get your chance.
Tracy's eyes narrowed. "I'd better."
"You will."
Tracy was still suspicious. "Where did Cherri go?"
"Not to worry. CERK..." Cousin Mariah started to say who then thought
better of it. Instead, she gave the Slayer the minimum information. "She
had to go ahead so that she could do the final preparations at the parade
warehouse."
"We..."
Loud banging could be hear in the back of the van along with sounds of
intense pleasure.
Tracy realized who and what they had in the back of the van and was
concerned. "How are you keeping them back there?"
Mariah giggled. "The Cousins are in the back right up against this wall."
She tapped the wall behind her as she drove on. "They have crosses and
holy water. The vamps aren't going anywhere. The Vaqueras are closest to
the back door. What are your bets that anybody, including a vampire, could
get past those Vaqueras? Jean, Cindy, and Jill are having a feeding feast
back there, and no one or no 'thing' can get past a Vaquera in chocolate
lust...especially if that chocolate looks like Vachon."
Tracy listened for a minute. "You know. I think you're right!"
The two women, one human who was very Cousinly and one who was a Vampire
Slayer, laughed and giggled at the thoughts of even Vampires getting past
those three.
By the time they arrived, Mariah and Tracy both had tears in their eyes.
-----
Cousin Cherri
In this ever-changing world that we share, only one thing is truly
permanent....ME... he..he..he..he..he..he..he
FK War 8
************************************************************************
War: I love a Raid....I mean a Parade. 06/11
Written by Cherri L. Munoz
See part 1 for the disclaimers. All characters used with permission.
======
As soon a CERK LaCroix released Cousin Cherri, she dialed the number of
Vachon's church.
"Church of the Vaqueras?" A different voice from the last time she had
called greeted her with the same irritating question statement. "Home of
the CERK Cow Costume Shrine."
This time, she didn't contain her growl. "I have your leaders, one of your
members, and three of your Vachons. You want them. You tell your faction
members that they had better come get them. They are at "insert address",
the parade warehouse. If all your members are not here to retrieve them, I
will let Divia **play** with them. So hurry!"
Cherri clicked the phone off before the Vaquera on the other end could
protest.
"I trust that it went according to plan." LaCroix said in his light but
deadly voice.
Cherri beamed. "Like a charm."
"But why, pray tell, did you threaten them with Divia and not myself?"
His crystal-blue eyes chilled the Cousin, and she only hoped that her voice
didn't shake when as she answered him. "The Vaqueras heard that Divia in
another time dimension killed Vachon so I thought that she would be a
better threat."
"You are devious Cherri. Very, very devious."
"Thank you, LaCroix. I try. Let's go look at your handiwork."
After they walked to the back of the building, LaCroix pointed out his
modifications in one of the parade dressing rooms.
Cherri was excited. "Excellent! This is exactly what I had hoped for.
When the time comes, I'll tell you which music goes to what room then we'll
wait and see." An evil grin spread across her face at the thought of the
coming events.
The sound of police sirens filled the air. "What.....?" Cherri ran.
Just as she emerged from the building, an elephant with what looked like
McLisa, her cat, Tizzie, and a cooler on top of its back, ran by and around
the corner.
Police cars screeched to a halt and confronted the Cousin. "Where did the
elephant go?"
Cherri blandly looked at the police officer. "What elephant?"
"The one that......"
CERK LaCroix stepped in. "There is NO
elephant, officer. You are here solely to direct the parade. You and your
fellow officers are to wait by your vehicles until the parade is ready to
begin, then you will direct traffic accordingly. Is that understood?"
The man walked back to his car. "Direct traffic...parade...fellow
officers."
Trying to act casual, Cherri asked, "Where'd you get the elephant, McLisa?
"Joe brought me here." She indicated the large animal using the hand
holding a glass. He wanted to keep me close because he likes Zombie
Beachcombers, too."
"Do you think he could lead the parade?" Cherri looked as the elephant's
truck inhaled McLisa's legendary drink.
McLisa smiled and pointed to the cooler. "Suuuure. Put the 'never runs
dry Zombie Beachcomber (Because of the time space rift, that cooler's
connected to every other cooler of Zombie Beachcombers in the universe.)
cooler' in the back of a truck. Joe will follow it wherever the cooler goes."
"Perfect!"
Cherri thought a bit. "Do you think he would stand still while we painted
him white? A white elephant would draw as big of a crowd as the Vaqueras
in costume."
"I can get Mortal LaCroix to keep him still while Cousins Rust, Roni, and
Sun do the job.
Cousin Cherri hugged McLisa. "This is going to make the parade a work of
art."
>From over McLisa's shoulder, Cherri spotted another member of her team.
Releasing the be-elephanted Cousin, she gave her a look of confidence then
called, "Rust! I have a job for you."
Rust's face lit up with anticipation. "What can I do?"
"I want you to map out a parade route which passes by every McDonald's (tm)
in Toronto, but don't make it more than 5 kilometers long. Have the route
end at Vachon's church."
"Oooooooh. That's a great idea." Rust almost bounced but the Engineer in
her quelled it just in time.
"One more thing...since you will know the route, you drive the truck.
You're going to have to pace the parade so that Joe, the elephant, doesn't
get into the cooler, the Vaqueras don't get too tired, and the crowd gets
to enjoy themselves. Can you do it?"
"Don't give it another thought," Rust enthused. "I'll get CsnSun to ride
with the cooler. When Joe gets too close, she can cover it up. That
should slow it down. When he gets too far, she can uncover it. What do
you think?"
McLisa spoke up. "It might work but only if you allow Joe to drink some
along the way periodically. Parades are drying work."
"Sure. We can do that."
Cousin Laurie appeared just as Cherri confirmed. "Then it's set. Now all
we need is the matching music list. Laurie, do you have it?"
Laurie waved her paper in the air. "It's ready." She handed a different
list to CERK LaCroix. "This is a list of music required for our little
project. I've indicated which rooms should have what music playing. I
made up signs to tape to the doors. As soon as the Vaqueras arrive, all we
have to do is find the door with the Vaquera's name on it. Have the
costumes arrived?"
Cousin Roni spoke up. "They have. I'll just follow Cousin Laurie and
place the costume you've specially selected for each Vaquera and each
Vachon. I even have a few extra in case other Vachons have appeared since
I compiled the list."
"Great!" Cherri bounced with excitement.
"Cherri!!!!" the Cousin Leader exclaimed. "Stop that. Bouncing is for the
NatPack."
Cherri hung her head a little. "Sorry. It's just that... I've been bouncy
all my life. However, being Cousinly always overrides my bounciness.
After all, I've been planning this for months."
"Well, try to contain yourself."
Suddenly, the van could be heard entering the parade warehouse.
All the Cousins turned towards the vehicle and smiled evilly.
Showtime.
-----
Cousin Cherri
In this ever-changing world that we share, only one thing is truly
permanent....ME... he..he..he..he..he..he..he
FK War 8
************************************************************************
War: I love a Raid....I mean a Parade. 07/11
Written by Cherri L. Munoz
With many thanks for letting me still a piece for a Nunkies Anonymous story
by Beanie Babies are copyrighted by Ty Inc. No infringements are intended.
See part 1 for additional disclaimers. All characters used with permission.
======
The van pulled up then backed in so the loading door was facing the
dressing rooms. CERK LaCroix, LK LaCroix, and Dark LaCroix were ready.
As soon as the doors were opened, the Vachons had grabbed their humans on
the way out but escape was impossible.
Dark LaCroix grabbed Elvis Vachon and his human Dona Jean. Elvis started
to sing. "You're cheating heart..." while Jean was screaming, "Let ME
GO!!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!! YOU MADE ME DROP the CHOCOLATE index finger Vachon
uses to hold his guitar pick. You idiot..Let me go!!! I have to find it!"
CsnSun held up the piece in question then ran towards the room with Jean's
name on it. When Jean was inside, Sun slammed and locked the door. That
chocolate morsel wouldn't latest long before the Vaquera leader realized
where she was and what was going on.
In the meantime, Dark LaCroix had the singing Vachon mesmerized into
putting on his parade costume to please his human. Elvis Vachon was ready
to follow Dona Jean anywhere.
Dona Jill started to struggle then stopped to watch Cousin Joni's Father
LaCroix rocking and rolling with RollerHockey Vachon. Tears of laughter
ran down her face. Cousin Tok was barely able to hold her up as she guided
Jill to her destination.
Dona Cindy wasn't so easy. CERK LaCroix had no problem separating Tigger
Vachon from Cindy's arm and mesmerizing the younger Vampire/Tiger into
obedience, however, when the Vaquera leader spotted Cousin Cherri, Cindy
realized the danger. "YOU! Dona Cherri!" she screamed and insulted. "LET
ME GO!!!!" She struggled against Cousin Rust's arms. "That's it!" Cindy
continued to scream as Rust escorted her to the awaiting room. "The
Vaqueras are on the war path and YOU'RE the target. You'd better be
watching your back because we will be there!"
Cherri laughed evilly. "Sure, Cindy. Whatever you say but just remember,
the Cousins have you now and we have plenty of LaCroix's and even a Divia
to back us up."
Cherri followed Rust and Cindy down the hall to the room with her name on
it. After locking the door behind the Vaquera leader, Rust and Cherri
waited with great anticipation. This was the moment that everyone had been
waiting for. Cherri didn't look back but she knew that all the Cousins and
all the LaCroixs were behind her. All except CERK LaCroix, who was in the
control room waiting for Cherri's signal.
"eeeeeeEEEEEaaaaAAAAAAooooooOOOOOO!!!" The deafening sound came from
behind the door.
The Cousins giggled.
"WHAT IS THIS!!!!"
"Cindy." Cherri couldn't contain herself any longer. "It's a beanie baby
costume. I heard how much you just LOOOOOVE beanie babies and this one is
special just for you. It's the Daisy the cow(tm) beanie baby costume. Put
it on."
"No way!"
"But Cindy. I selected the theme of the parade just for you. Don't you
like it?" Cherri made her voice sound hurt. "You'll look just lovely
wearing it in the beanie baby parade. I know how much you ENJOYED selling
them at work."
"There is NO way you can make me put this on! Now let me OUT!!!" Cindy
pounded on the door emphasizing each word.
"Have it your way but don't say I didn't warn you. When you decide to put
the costume on, let me know and I'll let you out of the room." Cherri
giggled in anticipation as she signaled CERK LaCroix to start the music.
A faint sound with a syrupy, sycophantic tenor oozed from the other side of
the door.
"I Love You,
You Love Me,
We're a Loving Family
With a Great, Big, Hug
And a Kiss From Me To You -"
Cherri could just visualize Cindy with her fingers stuck in her ears, eyes
squeezed shut in horror.
"Aarrgghhh! Sppfftt! MAKE IT STOP!!!!" Cindy screamed and sputtered in
indignation.
"Only you can make it stop, Cindy. Now put on the costume."
The screaming continued, followed by some whimpering.
Cousin Joni was standing by. She was immune to Barney so had been elected
to be Cindy's caretaker.
Down the hall, the Cousins could hear similar banging and agonizing to the
faint high mountain sounds of Peruvian Folkloric music created by the
ancient musical instruments of the samponia and the cana. Cousin Annie was
waiting patiently, enjoying the sounds of South America while Jill was
making up her mind to wear the Goldie the fish(tm) costume.
Jean was the first to break from listening to Stevie Ray Vashawn's Greatest
Country hits. She banged on the door. "Let me OUT!!! I have your stupid
costume on." Cousin Tok, upon getting the signal, entered and smiled at
the Chocolate the moose(tm) Jean. The Vaquera's scared look said that she
had not realized what was yet to come.
Cindy broke moments later and Cousin Joni walked in singing along. "I love
you, You love me...."
"You said you'd make it stop when I put this THING on." Cindy took her
fingers from her ears to pull at the offensive costume then quickly
replugged them against the strains of the dinosaur's wailing.
Joni removed the tiny plastic cap and started to gently squeeze until a
long drop filled the end. "We will, but first you must hold still. This
won't hurt a bit."
The Vaquera eyes widened as she realized that the term 'Turnabout's fair
play' was about to come true. Cindy closed her eyes so she wouldn't have
to watch as Joni liberally applied super glue on the costume's zippers.
Joni giggled. "What a fine figure you present. Maybe I should give you to
CERK LaCroix. He's been moaning about the loss of his Mascot. You'd make
a fine replacement."
Cindy growled her words out in a deep throated sound. "Cousin Cherri WILL
pay!"
"We'll see, Cindy. Just remember. Cherri doesn't just have one LaCroix
protecting her, but many."
Cindy stopped talking but the glare in her eyes said it all.
Shortly after the Vaquera leaders were released, the Vaqueras and their
Vachons began pouring into the warehouse. They were curious about the
beings in the funny wear but didn't disturb them as they searched the
building for their leaders.
One by one, each Vaquera and Vachon was captured and placed in their
designated rooms.
In the country music section, strains of Stevie Ray Vashawn was
caterwauling while Cousin Tok, enjoying the music break and one of McLisa's
Zombie Beachcombers, waited patiently, playing with the tube of super glue
in her hand.
Just down the hall was McLisa listening to the soothing strains of muzac,
CsnSun enjoying opera, Rust pretending to play the drums to the beat of a
Heavy Metal band, and Cousin Efery, who had arrived from the church raid
and would stay only long enough to complete her special task of super
gluing the costumes of the Vaqueras who deplored rap.
Tracy Sue started pounding her door. "Let me OUT!!! I have this stupid
Alli the alligator(tm) costume on. Now hurry before I DIE."
McLisa started to enter the room but before she could Dark LaCroix plucked
her drink from her hand. "You wouldn't want Tracy Sue to stain her costume
as she grabbed your glass, an object which very well may be used against
you or, if she considered it, may decide to drink for herself."
Dark LaCroix's raw desire at Cousin McLisa's neck made her decide that she
simply wanted to get away. Without a word about her lost drink, she
entered Tracy Sue's room.
As the Vaqueras were being handled, the LaCroix's were taking care of the
Vachons.
One of the LaCroix's would grab a Vachon, catching the younger vampire's
eyes. "You will protect and stay with your human. To do that you must put
on the costume that one of the Cousins hands you and you must not let the
Vaquera leave the parade route before she has arrived at your church."
Each Vachon would blink at the suggestion then quietly go with the Cousin
which waited for him.
At long last, all the Vaqueras and all the Vachons were costumed and ready
for the parade. The truck with the Zombie Beachcombers was in the lead;
Joe, the elephant was painted white; the police had their lights flashing
in readiness; and the Vaqueras were lined up in two rows. Each Vachon
stood next to their human. Instead of the party atmosphere which usually
accompanies a parade, the mood was dark and menacing.
Cherri climbed onto a raised platform. "My dear, dear Vaqueras. The
Cousins have bought the world's supply of super glue solvent. You will
notice that an envelope has been attached to the Joe's hardness." She
gestured towards the elephant. "Can you see it? It's right behind his
neck. The Cousin wickedly smiled. "In that envelope you will find the
location of the super glue solvent. You must find a way to get this
envelope or you will be unable to remove your costumes."
Just as Cherri was saying, "Have fun in the parade!" another costumed
figure joined the crowd.
Upon a signal, the truck blared marching music and the procession started.
Children and their parents from around the neighborhood had been told about
the parade and were waiting for the fun to begin.
The children ooo'd and ahh'd as the beanie baby Vaqueras and Vachons came
out one by one:
Cindy, Daisy the Cow,(tm)
Jean, Chocolate the moose(tm)
Jill, Goldie the Fish(tm)
Teresa, Inch the worm(tm)
Crystal, Stinky the skunk(tm)
Heather, Inky the octopus(tm)
Tracy Sue, Alli the alligator(tm)
Maria, Legs the frogs(tm)
Kimber, Pinky the flamingo(tm) and her dog, Nanook, Flip the cat(tm)
Denise, Pinchers the lobster(tm)
Hunter-D, Chops the lamb(tm)
Tigger Vachon, Rover the dog(tm)
Elvis Vachon, Lizzy the lizard(tm)
RollerHockey Vachon, Speedy the turtle(tm)
Just as the last of the parade procession was leaving the building, Cherri
did a double take. The last person in the line-up, the one who missed the
part about the location of the solvent, was none other than Tracy, the
Vampire Slayer dressed up as Radar the bat(tm). Cherri giggled
hysterically. One of the Cousins must have decided that Tracy was the
ultimate Vaquera and had her dressed for the parade. She was very angry as
she tried her best to dart around Dark LaCroix so she could stake one of
the nearby Vachons.
When the parade cleared the warehouse area, Dark LaCroix released the
Vampire Slayer. Tracy left muttering about having a talk with Partly about
the Cousins.
The LaCroix's flew their Cousins to the church but CERK LaCroix hovered
with Cherri for a moment to enjoy the site of the Vaquera/Beanie Baby
parade pass a McDonald's(tm). Both kids and parents alike were cheering in
delight at the colorful parade.
Suddenly, Cherri spotted Hunter-D in his Chops the Lamb(tm) costume running
directly for the church. She groaned as she realized her mistake. The
LaCroix's had mesmerized the Vaqueras by saying, "...and you must not let
the VaquerA leave the parade route before SHE has arrived at your church."
Hunter-D being Hunter-D was male so the whammied hadn't worked to keep him
on the parade route. The Vachons would only restrain the females.
Luckily, CERK had realized her mistake and sped towards the church at
lightening speed. Cherri tucked her head into his neck and held on tight.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Beanie Babies are copyrighted by Ty Inc. No infringements are intended.
See what the beanie babies look like at: http://www.ty.com/beanie/list/
The costumes are a fantasy of the Cousin Cherri's vivid imagination and are
only used as a giggle for the Forever Knight war. Although I think it
would be a great idea for the company to use as Halloween costumes.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
-----
Cousin Cherri
In this ever-changing world that we share, only one thing is truly
permanent....ME... he..he..he..he..he..he..he
FK War 8
************************************************************************
Title: I Love A Raid... I Mean A Parade 8a/11
Author: Valerie J. Gilson (Cousin Senara) with creative input from Cousin
Cherri and
Cousin Chase
All permissions have been obtained.
Time: Concurrent with when the Vaqueras arrive at the warehouse
Special Thanks to Cherri, Michele, Joni, Chase, Lisa, Cousin Tok and
everyone who I might have forgotten to name who helped with beta reading
and planning - this wouldn't have happened without you! *hugs*
"Are they all out?" Cousin Robi asked the Cousin hidden in the shadows.
"Yup. Off to the warehouse to rescue their leaders." Cousin Senara
mentally ticked off the
Vaqueras she saw leave the church. She pulled out the cell phone issued by
the leaders and
dialed CERK LaCroix. "They are all out of the church, General. We're all
set for the
power drain." A pause. "Yessir. Whenever you are ready." She folded the
phone and
slipped it into the knapsack she wore.
"Great. Give the signal." Cousin Senara whistled to let Cousin Chase know
that the coast,
er, church was clear. She waited another minute, and then whistled again,
just in case there
were any stragglers. WereVachon winced as his vampire hearing amplified
the sound.
Chase heard the second whistle and stole through the darkness to the steps
of the church
with the WereVachon, now in his Vachon form, and Darth LaCroix. The other
members of
DTCST moved just as quietly. All garbed in black, everyone also wore gloves
so they
wouldn't leave fingerprints. Each of them carried a black knapsack filled
with the necessary
items for the raid.
Senara and Robi pulled up short only a few yards from the door. There in
front of them
was the Nag. "A horse?" Robi exclaimed.
"A horse is a horse, of course of course" replied Senara, quoting a lowly
seaman from a
now-deceased undersea adventure show. "Quick, where are the carrots? And
the oats."
"With the hair spray." answered Divia.
Senara nearly snapped for Divia to find them, but thought it wouldn't be a
good idea to
anger her. The last thing she needed was an out of control perky vampire
on a raid of her
own. "Why don't you feed the horse the carrots while we all make him a
horse of a
different color? Horses and little girls love each other." *Good* she
thought. *I didn't
snap at her.*
Divia approached the horse with the bag of carrots in one hand and one
carrot outstretched
in the other hand. Nag looked at her warily, and moved first closer and
then away. Finally
deciding that the saying about bearing gifts only applied to Greeks and not
little girls, the
horse clop-clopped over to the fence and nibbled at the carrot.
The Cousins clambered over the fence and began their handiwork. Everyone
busied
themselves with the project. One whole bag of carrots later (how else to
measure time this
night?) the horse was no longer one color. Distinct white patches were now
visible over its
body. The white hair spray that was delivered to CERK from DonCo came in
handy after
all.
"Next step: entry." Senara commented.
to be continued
Cousin Senara
vgilson@tiac.net
************************************************************************
Title: I Love A Raid... I Mean A Parade 8b/11
Author: Cousin Chase with creative input from Cousin Cherri, Senara and
Michele
All permissions have been obtained.
Time: Concurrent with I Love A Raid - I Mean A Parade part 8a/11
posting for Cousin Chase by Cousin Senara
Chase watched everyone trying to subdue the horse with only
a small portion of his attention. The rest was occupied watching
WereVachon inside the church, passing the dogs without a problem and
approaching the retina scans.
Darth LaCroix stood at the other side of the door, watching
Chase intently. It was that stare he was trying to avoid. "Are you
sure you can handle this, Captain?"
"Yes, my lord, I'm sure," Chase grumbled.
"I don't want a repeat performance of the last time you tried
this."
Before he could ask what in heaven's name THAT meant,
WereVachon was past the scanners, and the lights clicked off. "NOW!"
he shouted, and LaCroix kicked in the door, then took up his position
guarding the entrance. Chase sprinted through the "entertainment
areas" of the church to the restricted areas. Heading full steam for
the door to the control room, he prayed for two things: that there
were only electronic locks on that door, and that they had also been
deactivated when the power had been cut.
"WHOOF!" he heard as he went head over heals over what felt
and sounded like a large dog. Switching on the flashlight and
scrambling to put distance between him and the animal, he saw that it
looked more confused than hurt, and he kept going, hoping it wasn't
vicious. "Nice doggy," he said, breaking back into a run.
SLAM! He bounced off the still locked control room door and
climbed back to his feet. Grumbling at the amused glance from
WereVachon, one eye on the still-dazed dog, he pulled out the battery
operated drill he'd felt silly carrying with him and removed the
door guard, then attacked the latch with his penknife, still hoping the
electronic locks had been deactivated. He could hear the high-pitched
alarm of an Uninterruptible Power Supply slowly draining as it powered
the computers, waiting for the power to return. He just hoped the
computers were the only things on the UPS, and not the locks, too.
"WOOF!"
The knife popped out of his hands and narrowly missed his foot as
the dog came up behind him, growling. Eyes still fixed on the dog, he
bent down and picked up the knife, slowly. "Nice doggy," he said again,
frantically trying the lock. "Nice, nice doggy. You know, WereVachon,
you _could_ do something..."
He did, but it was to smile and blink. The dog didn't seem to have
much interest in taking a chunk out of a vampire, after all.
Finally the door popped open and he slammed it behind him and
WereVachon just as the dog lunged for him.
Dropping into a chair he opened his pack and pulled out the Zip
drive. He uploaded the files to one of the machines, then handed off the
keyboard to WereVachon. He turned to another console and he brought up
the ... well, he tried to bring it up.
"Dang."
"What?" WereVachon looked at him, about as concerned as he seemed
capable of getting. "What's wrong? Keep going! The power will be back
on in ... well, really soon!"
He knew that. Absently he flipped the switch that would turn off
the cameras when the power cam back on. "Password. How much longer?"
"Not too much ... should we leave?"
He thought about it for a heartbeat. "No. We may never get
another chance at this." He grabbed the second terminal and logged
WereVachon into the first one. "Just start putting in variations on words
that have to do with your life." And besides, he didn't know which was
worse, getting caught by the Vaqueros, or having to explain to Darth
LaCroix why it hadn't worked.
The corner of the monitor blinked as a counter appeared. Sixty
seconds, and the room would fill with gas and they'd be screwed, along
with all the Cousins outside.
Thirty seconds.
"Got it!" WereVachon said.
Chase practically shoved him out of the way and started disabling
the security measures for the church. As fast as it went, it was
excruciatingly slow.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
"Done!"
The lights snapped on and the outer door almost slammed shut as the
power returned. A flock of Cousins stood outside waiting.
As they flooded inside, Chase slumped in his chair, breathing for
what seemed like the first time in hours. He pulled the keyboard into his
lap and finished his job; without the new password he installed, the
Vaqueros would not only be unable to re-activate their security system,
they wouldn't be able to remove the "moo" sounds he'd planted at every
system event, or the jpegs and gifs of Uncle that replaced very system
graphic, he mused with a Cousinly grin of mischief.
Cousin Senara
vgilson@tiac.net
*********************************************************************
Title: I Love A Raid... I Mean A Parade 9/11
Author: Valerie J. Gilson (Cousin Senara) with creative input from Cousin
Cherri.
All permissions have been obtained.
Time: Concurrent with I Love A Raid - I Mean A Parade part 6a/11
Special Thanks to Cherri, Michele, Joni, Chase, Lisa, Cousin Tok and
everyone who I might have forgotten to name who helped with beta reading
and planning - this wouldn't have happened without you! *hugs*
Safely past the retinal scans, the DTCST fanned out looking for the
cow suits.
Cousin Senara headed straight for the Shrine. What she thought was the
shrine. "Rats!
Wrong room", she exclaimed. After several wrong turns, and lots of
exclamations later,
she found the room. Looking above to the hidden camera, she noted the
absence of a red
light, then darted into the opening to the shrine and then stopped short.
"Oh my," she
breathed. There in front of her, surrounded by candles suspended on a
frame, was The
Cow Suit.
Darth LaCroix's booming voice traveled to Senara, reminding her
that time was of the
essence. After blowing out the candles to reduce the likelihood of
catching on fire, she
clambered onto the altar and began removing the suit. Soon the original
suit that Cherri,
and then Vachon, had been stuffed in was carefully folded and shoved into
the black
knapsack. Senara had removed two objects which now lay on the floor beside
her. The
first object, once divested of its protective wrapping, was a mug from the
Witch Museum
in Salem, Massachusetts. Senara wanted Cindy to know who took the suit; this
remembrance of Cindy's trip to Boston would be one of the surest ways to
let Cindy know
who did this. Just to be on the safe side, she placed the tape recorder
next to the mug and
pressed play. The strains of the "Hokey Pokey" drifted through the room.
That was the
only song on the 90 minute tape. Cousin Senara relit the candles and
hastened to search the
other rooms for the rest of the cow suits. *There couldn't be only one*
she thought.
Cousin Robi and Divia were having great luck finding cow suits.
Robi was amazed, thinking, *Man these people were thorough.* Every third
Vaquera, at least, had a cow suit stuffed under their mattress. Their
knapsack was close to bulging by the time she was finished. That didn't
stop them from replacing a several of the candles that decorated
the church with the musical kind. Specifically chosen for the musical
selection of "You are my Sunshine", the candles wouldn't stop playing
until they were snuffed. The Vaqueros would be driven batty by the time
they figured out the impostor candles from the real ones
and snuffed them. Divia enjoyed replacing the ones high in the wall
sconces, chuckling to herself.
Darth LaCroix looked up from his post at the door. He still
counted off every 3 minutes in his loud booming voice, to alert his
minions inside of the time passing. He could feel the approach of many
of his kind. Just as his mouth opened to sound the alert to
do battle with the newcomers, he recognized one of the figures. It was
another LaCroix carrying a human in his arms. Followed by several other
vampires carrying humans.
Cousin Cherri bounded up the steps to the church only to meet with
a glare from Darth LaCroix. He decided to have some fun with these
arrivals. "No one will be permitted to reach the target," he boomed.
Cherri tried to slip around him but was stopped. She looked at the hand
blocking her passage and attempted to bat it out of her way. Behind
her, CERK LaCroix growled menacingly.
"We aren't the rebels." Good thing Chase had warned them about
this LaCroix's peculiarities. "My lord." Adding the last eased his glower,
but still didn't remove his hand from her path.
"Darth LaCroix!"
The shout distracted him enough for Cherri to slip past. Annoyed
at the intrusion,
Darth LaCroix began to vamp out. "Enough! We don't have time for this!"
Senara came
sliding into the hall. "Cousin Cherri, you're here!" Senara threw her
arms about her co-conspirator.
"How goes the raid?" Cherri asked. Cherri updated her friend on
the progress of the revenge "The parade just started. We have only 15
minutes at most. Hunter-D broke away from the parade and began running
towards the church. You should expect him here sooner than the rest of
the group."
"Raid goes well." Senara tucked a bit of her red hair behind her
ear. "Chase is taking care of the computer systems. I've taken care of
the shrine. Everyone else is running amok to get all the cow suits. We're
running out of time - I'm expecting the cops to show up. Chase mistakenly
tripped the hidden alarm. And the WereVachon is angsting over it. He's
back in Nick mode." She sighed, and then pointed down the stairs. "No
one's hit the living quarters in the cellar - I think the leaders are
bunking close to Vachon."
Cherri nodded and headed off in the direction that Senara
indicated. CERK LaCroix followed closely after, muttering something
about a marketing ploy to get more people to listen to his radio station.
Senara heard "Spot the Cow contest revived" before they passed out of
hearing.
"My lord, these people are here to help us with Cherri's revenge."
*Boy would the Vaqueros be upset when they saw the church. But there's no
better way.* "They are loyal Cousins." Darth LaCroix nodded and moved
aside from the door. The Cousins rushed into the church.
"The Force will be with us!" he intoned as they streamed past him.
He was really starting to enjoy himself now.
The screech of sirens became progressively louder as the police
pulled up. A portly
man jumped out of the lead car and strode up the steps, followed by several
other police officers. "What's going on here?" he demanded.
Darth LaCroix scowled at the balding man while reading his name
tag. Time to play with these mortals some more; they insisted on calling
him Darth LaCroix. "You will ell me Schanke, where the hidden Rebel base
is. This is not their true headquarters."
"Whaddya nuts? the Rebels? Whodya think you are? Darth Vader?
Man oh man you are crazy." he turned to share his discovery with his
fellow officers.
"My lord, he can't tell anyone! Do something! This raid has to be
kept secret!" Senara hissed the final word at Darth LaCroix, hoping that he
would get the hint. She certainly hoped he was kidding around, but she
couldn't take any chances.
Darth LaCroix spoke. "Listen to me." Schanke's eyes glazed over.
"Nothing is amiss. We are just having a party, and one of the guests
tripped the alarm by accident. Nothing else."
Schanke repeated, "Nothing...party.....accident...nothing."
Blinking he turned around and gestured to the people in blue behind him.
"OK people, some drunken idiot hit the switch. That's all. C'mon, nada
to see... Vamanos boys!"
Cousin Senara let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
*Darth dude did it.* Now the only person she had left to watch out for
was Hunter-D.
"10 minutes left!" Darth boomed.
Cousin Joni fiddled in her knapsack looking for the spray paint
cans lurking in
there. Not only was she snagging any cow suits she found - and she found a
lot of them
so far - but she was going to "cow" a few suitcases. Spying a suitcase in
the corner, Joni
quickly went to work. Soon three of the suitcases were sporting black and
white cow markings. Joni smiled at her handiwork and continued moving
through the living quarters.
Cousin Cherri found a suit that looked quite familiar in the
bedrooms downstairs.
"Eeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkk! This is the leader's room!" She left a present
for Dona Cindy
on her bed. A chocolate treat in the shape of Daisy the Cow Beanie
Baby(tm) rested on her
pillow. Next to it, she placed a chocolate-covered cassette player playing
an endless loop
of Stevie Ray Vachon's favorite hits. Turning to leave the room, she spied
CERK LaCroix
stuffing her knapsack full of cow suits he found in the room. She sighed
and headed back to the main hallway.
Bons and Annie were busy taping a poster to the door to the room
where the dogs
were still enjoying their steaks.. It was a life-size portrait of the
guitar. Divia was taping
the top part. Cherri pulled out a marker and scrawled "Looking for this?
It is lovely, isn't it and it's MINE!"
"No! you can't!" The WereVachon had entered the room in full
angst mode. He
had been wrestling with the moral issues of allowing the Cousins to
vandalize the Vaqueros
headquarters. Time and time again, he would have stopped Chase from his
work, but
somehow didn't. Nick (for he was now Nick) would have torn the poster from
the wall
but was intercepted by LK LaCroix. LK LaCroix restrained his alternate
son, whispering into his ear.
"You will let them do it, because they CAN do it." He hissed the
last at his son. Cherri was sure his eyes were golden.
Cherri stepped back just as Third Cousin Patt came running in,
backpack full of
cow suits. "Where's Senara?" she asked. She had a depleted roll of tape
in one hand; having hung all the pictures of NiR throughout the church.
Patt answered, "I saw her race by me, muttering something about
hiding something."
"5 minutes!" Darth LaCroix sounded off the time again.
"HEY! What are you doing??"
Cherri ran to the door, beaten there by the vampires. Hunter-D was
at the door, in
his Chops the Lamb Beanie Baby (tm) costume protesting the goings-on at the
Vaquero
Headquarters. "This is an attack! Our horse is painted like a cow! What
did you do with
our dogs? Why didn't the alarm go off? How did you get past the retinal
scans. HELP!!!
THERE'S AN ATTACK!!!' Hunter-D already worked up, began to scream in
frustration.
With all the vampires blocking the doorway, he had no chance of getting by.
LK LaCroix stepped away from the crowd at the door. The WereVachon moved
to stop
him and then was stopped as the moon forced him to change to Vachon. "I
grow tired of
this mortal's speech and hysterics." He stopped when he was only inches
from Hunter-D.
Hunter started to shuffle backwards. LK LaCroix raised his hand so that
his index finger
pointed in the air. "This.. Never.. Happened." Hunter's eyes glazed over
quite quickly as
LaCroix grabbed control of the mortal's mind. "You never saw us here. You
came outside to watch a parade."
"Never.... happen...watch.... parade." Hunter repeated. Then he
turned and
walked towards the street, still under the power of vampire hypnotism.
"2 minutes!" Darth was still keeping count.
"Are we done?" Senara skidded into the doorway. She was greeted
with full bags
and lots of grins. "Good. Everyone remember to leave a chocolate cow pie
in place of the
suits?" Again, nods from everyone assembled. Taking out the cell phone
she rang Chase in the control booth. "Finish up. We're out of here."
Darth LaCroix ordered everyone to pair up with a vampire to be
flown from the
premises. "I will retrieve my mortal," he thundered and flew to get Chase.
A moment later
they heard Chase's voice from above the church, getting farther and farther
away, yelling,
"No, my lord, please, wait, not the... oh man, I hate this flying
thing.........!!!"
"Alright. Now onto phase three. The bonfires!" With that, the
Cousinly strike
team left the church. Hunter-D didn't register the large numbers of people
leaving the church. He was too busy watching for a parade.
to be continued
Cousin Senara
vgilson@tiac.net
**********************************************************************
War: I love a Raid....I mean a Parade. 10/11
Written by Cherri L. Munoz
With many thanks to my NA friends for allowing me to steal a piece from one
of the Nunkies Anonymous' stories.
Beanie Babies are copyrighted by Ty Inc. No infringements are intended.
See part 1 for additional disclaimers. All characters used with permission.
======
Cousin Bons was whispering something in Cherri's ear while CERK LaCroix was
waiting close by. Cherri nodded in understanding then Bons left.
She thought everyone had gone until WereVachon walked out dressed in a
Bessie the Cow(tm) Beanie Baby costume. The Cousin and CERK LaCroix turned
to each other and started to laugh uncontrollably. Apparently, LK LaCroix
had made a few more suggestions to the WereVampire than telling him to
allow Cousins Bons, Annie, and Patt to redecorate the church with NiR
pictures and a poster of the Guitar.
"Cowed again." Cherri said then they laughed even harder. Between the
tears dripping, Cousin Cherri gasped. "What do you think Katrinka will do
when she discovers the new and improved superglued Nikki-poo turned Vachon
vampire?"
CERK LaCroix wiped away blood tears. "Maybe she'll let me use him for my
new Mascot. We could always have two so that one can have an occasionally
night off. I think Dona Cindy and WereVachon would make a fine pair."
"Aaaahhh.....I can't breathe." Tears streamed down Cousin Cherri's face.
Suddenly, LaCroix sobered, gently wiped a tear from her cheek, leaned in,
and gave her a gentle kiss, as if the kiss alone would preserve the shared
moment forever.
The tender mood suddenly snapped when marching music blared and Joe, the
elephant, trumpeted, announcing the parade was just around the corner.
Since the Vachons would soon be waking up from their hypnotic suggestion
(the command that the Vaqueras be kept in formation until they reached the
church), CERK LaCroix and Cherri moved further away so they would not be seen.
Curious, Cherri pointed. "What's Patt doing in the truck? I thought she
had gone to the bonfire with the others?"
"No," was the deadly reply.
Cherri inhaled deeply. Play time was over. She wondered why the sudden
mood change but that was something that you just didn't ask LaCroix. At
least, she would have memories of how good that one moment felt.
Finally, the truck pulled up and stopped. CERK LaCroix leaned into the cab
while Patt sat very still. "I have a SPECIAL project for you, my dear."
LaCroix looked up. "Rust, leave us. Flaming Uncle LaCroix will take both
you and CsnSun to the bonfire immediately."
Cousin Rust didn't argue. She simply told Sun they were leaving with
Flaming Uncle and in a manner of seconds, they were gone.
CERK LaCroix turned back to Patt and used his 'you will not argue with me
no matter what' voice. "Return to the parade warehouse with the truck and
the elephant, put him into the temporary elephant stables, and give him
food and water. To keep him happy, you had best leave the Zombie
Beachcomber cooler within easy reach or you might have a stampeding
elephant on your hands."
Patt slid over to the driver's side but before she could put the truck into
gear, LaCroix raised a finger. "One more thing. Muck the stalls."
Patt was horrified but she only nodded and pulled away, taking Joe with her.
LaCroix waited until he had his temper under control. "You have yet, my
dear, explained what you required from Bonnie."
Cherri fidgeted a little. "She told me where she had hidden Vachon's
guitar. The real guitar. The one which belonged to Vachon from before the
rift occurred. She had it in safe keeping until after I had finished jury
duty. That's over now, so I decided it was time to get it back."
"Perhaps, you are right. What did you have in mind?"
"I could use your help. I want to go back to CERK for my quilt. It's
large enough to cover the guitar."
"Is that the COW quilt, the one the Cherri Mooonoz Fan Club and Merc/Vaq
Kira made for you?"
"The one and the same. I thought it would be incredibly funny to wrap the
guitar in the quilt before I hid it again."
LaCroix took her hand. " "We shall get both, but first, shall we have a
peek at what is going on at the church?"
The sounds emanating from the church was definitely not what you expected to
hear. "The profanity!" Cherri giggled. "Oh MY!"
"I think your team has accomplished their desired results."
"Oh yes." Cherri beamed with pride at how well the team worked. "My only
regret is that Torrey and her second lieutenant were not here to enjoy this
party. Torrey would have looked glorious in the Tabasco the bull(tm)
costume I ordered for her and her cohort's Nuts the squirrel(tm) costume
would have made them into a fine-looking pair."
CERK LaCroix eyes glazed over at vision. "Another possibility for my radio
Mascots?" He paused. "No matter. What is done is done. Now it is time
to be on our way for we do not wish to miss the bonfire. And I might add
that I'm getting rather thirsty. Let's hope that your Cousin Heidi has
remembered the bottles she was supposed to bring or the bonfire festivities
might take on a nasty turn." He then whisked Cherri into his arms and flew
them first to CERK and then to the hiding place.
With the guitar safely hidden in the quilt, they flew to the bonfire site
but soft-landed some distance away. After a few steps, LaCroix stopped and
studied the river front, listening to the gathering of excited people, the
seagulls overhead, an owl hooting, and the gentle splash of the waves.
Cherri stood quietly next to him, waiting and anticipating his next
question. He finally turned to her. "Where do you plan to hide the guitar
next?"
Cousin Cherri just smiled.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Beanie Babies are copyrighted by Ty Inc. No infringements are intended.
See what the beanie babies look like at: http://www.ty.com/beanie/list/
The costumes are a fantasy of the Cousin Cherri's vivid imagination and are
only used as a giggle for the Forever Knight war. Although I think it
would be a great idea for the company to use as Halloween costumes.
-----
Cousin Cherri
In this ever-changing world that we share, only one thing is truly
permanent....ME... he..he..he..he..he..he..he
FK War 8
**********************************************************************
War: I love a Raid....I mean a Parade. 11/11
Written by Joni Latham
With help from and beta read by Cousins Cherri, Chase, Senara, and Bons.
Beanie Babies are copyrighted by Ty Inc. No infringements are intended.
All characters used with permission. See part 1 for additional disclaimers.
The evening had gone quite well. At least, Cousin Joni thought that it was
evening, it was hard to tell when you were living in perpetual darkness.
The raids and the kidnappings were a success. By the time the Vaq leaders
and some of their troops were released from their stereophonic rooms, they
were jabbering zombies. They probably would not even remember consuming a
life-sized chocolate sculpture of Vachon, but then again, maybe they would;
it did appear to be the highlight of their day. All the cousins seemed to
have had a blast. Now, they were gathering a ceremonial burning of the
dreaded cow costumes.
Joni walked alongside Father LaCroix as they made their way to the site of
the bonfire. Most the other cousins with personal LaCroixs were being
flown by their particular LaCroix, but she much preferred to walk,
especially since she was afraid of heights. One thing for which she was
thankful was that Father LaCroix allowed her to wrap her hands around his
arm as they walked. All though the worst part of the raid and parade were
over, there was still a chance of retaliation by the Vaqs and she felt much
safer with him there.
Neither of them had uttered a word since beginning the walk to the bonfire.
Just as Joni thought that the entire walk would be spent in silence,
Father LaCroix commented, "My child, this war was not what I thought is was
when you first mentioned it. I pictured bloodshed and death..."
Joni stopped in mid-step and stared up at him. She was a little shocked
that anyone would think that the factions would actually hurt one another.
"Father, you have it all wrong. We don't hate the other factions, nor do
they hate us. In fact, there are many friends between all the factions.
We just love to pull practical jokes on each other and the competition is
always great fun. No one is ever hurt, just a tad embarrassed."
He covered her hand with his as he started them walking again. "I see. Do
unto others before they do unto you, so to speak."
His speech until now had been that of a regular priest, serious and full of
scripture. To hear him crack a joke, shocked her, then tickled her. It
took her a moment to regain her composure before she could reply. "I
suppose that is one way to look at it."
When she looked around her, she saw that they still had a long walk ahead
of them. She was eager to get to the site of the bonfire; she did not want
to miss anything. She swallowed hard, then asked, "Father, would you fly
us to the bonfire, please?"
"My child, I though that you were afraid of heights," he asked, stopping
and putting his arms around waist.
"I am," she answered. "But, I'm more afraid of missing any of the bonfire.
It should be a lot of fun."
"Well, then, shall we go?"
As he finished speaking, Father LaCroix tightened his arms around her waist
and lifted them both up in the air. The moment that she felt her feet
leave the ground, she clinched her eyes shut. In just a few moments she
felt herself being lowered, then her feet touching the ground something
solid, which she hoped was the ground.
"You may open your eyes now," Father LaCroix whispered in her ear, his arms
still around her waist.
She held on tightly to his arms as she slowly opened her eyes. After her
eyes focused, she was able to see the commotion and goings-on around her.
Many of the cousins had already arrived, but neither bonfire had been lit
yet. There were to be two bonfires: one for the costumes and one so they
could roast marshmallows. Cousin Heidi had suggested that they roast
marshmallows and everyone agreed. Since the costumes were flame-retardant
and would give off toxic fumes when exposed to fire, they had to have the
second fire for the marshmallows.
Cousin Tok was in-charge of the bringing the fire materials and matches to
start the fires. The lack of fires caused Joni to wonder if either one of
them had made it to the site yet. She wanted to go look for them and tried
to pull out of Father LaCroix's arms, but he held her fast. When she
looked questioningly up at him, he smiled softly down at her.
"It has been a while since I have touched or held a woman." He said just
barely above a whisper. "I will soon return to my dimension, everything
willing. Once I return, I will resume my very solitary life. I have
enjoyed your company as well as that of the other cousins, and I would
like... I mean would you mind if I held you for a moment longer and maybe,
even kiss you."
Mind? He wanted to kiss her, and he asked if she would mind. "No,
Father," she said softly. "I wouldn't mind at all."
Without saying another word, he bent over and kissed her softly on the
lips. "You may search for your friends now," he whispered, releasing her.
"I may what?" she responded. "My friends? Oh, my friends!"
She reached for his hand. She was going nowhere without him. As long as
he remained in this dimension, she planned to spend all her time with him.
They walked through the crowded that was still assembling. She saw Cousin
Cherri and CERK LaCroix and talking to them was Cousin Candance and Caile.
What was CERK LaCroix doing here, he very rarely left the station.
Approaching Cousin Cherri, she asked, "What is CERK LaCroix doing here?
How did you get him out of the station?"
Cherri did a few bounces before answering. "Oh, he was so pleased with
himself on how well the parade went that he decided that he had to be here
for the bonfire. He actually put on a tape of his show and escorted me here."
"Cool! And, is that the Cow quilt that I see in your arms?"
Cherri bounced again. "Yes, isn't it neat. I have Vachon's guitar wrapped
up in it for safe keeping. Which reminds me I have to find Cousin Bons to
thank her for telling me where it was hidden. Excuse me, I'll catch up
with you and Father LaCroix later."
Joni watched Cousin Cherri bounce off into the darkness to find Cousin Bons
with CERK LaCroix not far behind. She had noticed that none of the LaCroix
liked to be very far away from their patron cousin. Hearing a commotion
behind them, she and Father LaCroix turned to find Cousin Tok and some of
the other cousins and LaCroixs unloading the wood for the fire from a large
dump truck. Wow, this was going to be some fire! Tok always did things in
a big way.
The wood was stacked into two distinct piles; a huge one for the costumes
and a smaller one to roast the marshmallows. Cousin Tok was about to put
the match to the wood when they heard someone yelling for them to wait for
her. Out of the darkness, Cousin Heidi appeared, dragging a wagon behind
her. It was full of bags of marshmallows and bottles of blood that she
promised to bring for all the vampires. Once Heidi was in position the
fires were lit and almost instantly went into a full blaze.
There was a small ceremony where several of the veteran cousins walked by
the larger bonfire and tossed a costume into it. One of the female cousins
stopped in the procession and removed her shoes. With a mighty throw, she
tossed them in the fire. It took Joni a moment to recognize that she was
Cousin Bons. Oh, well, she always said that she hated those shoes, saying
that they were too practical. It took about fifteen minutes for the flame
to ignite the flame-retardant material. Once ignited, it disappeared quite
rapidly.
It was now time for everyone to relax and have fun. Someone asked what
they were going to use to roast the marshmallows since spiked wooden sticks
were out of the question. The LaCroixs would definitely frown on them.
Cousin Senara produced several bags of roasting skewers and passed them
around. She explained that she thought that in the excitement, no one
would think to bring them. Cousins picked up a skewer, bag of
marshmallows, and a bottle or two from the wagon, then joined other cousins
and LaCroixs waiting for them around the fire. Joni grabbed a bag and a
bottle for her LaCroix, then they found a place to sit near a fallen tree.
Father LaCroix sat against the tree, allowing her to lean against him. He
drank from his bottle as she looked around the fire surveying the cousins.
She finally spotted Cousin Cherri who had obviously found Cousin Bons.
Opening up the quilt, she held the guitar out towards Cousin Bons. A smile
spread across Bons face as she reached out and hugged the bouncing cousin.
Cherri handed the guitar to CERK LaCroix, who had helped her retrieve it,
while she wrapped the quilt around her. She looked for a place to sit, and
found that the only vacant place was near the fallen tree where several
other cousins and their LaCroixs had joined Joni and Father LaCroix. CERK
LaCroix insisted on carrying the guitar for her until she was seated.
Instead of sitting on the ground for fear of getting the quilt dirty, she
chose to sit on the trunk of the fallen tree. Once she was comfortable,
CERK LaCroix handed her the guitar and sat down with his bottle beside her.
A sigh to her right caught Joni's attention. When she looked in the
direction of the sigh, she discovered Cousin Chase sitting all alone on the
ground away from the others. He appeared none too happy to be attending
the bonfire. Worried about him, she stood up and excused herself. Father
LaCroix wanted to accompany her, but she told him that she would not be
long and would be perfectly safe. Besides, he had to stay so that they did
not lose their place by the fallen tree. He finally agreed to stay behind,
so she walked over to Cousin Chase.
"Chase," she called. "Chase, are you all right. And where is Darth LaCroix?"
When Chase looked up, Joni saw that there was a bruise and a lump the size
of a walnut on his forehead. He held his hand up to his head. "Staring at
my battle wound, huh? You can thank Darth LaCroix for that. He dropped me
on the way over here. His idea of a joke, I think. As to where he is at,
somewhere over there in the darkness," he remarked, pointing behind her.
"I really don't care, because I'm not talking to him at the moment."
"Let me see it," Joni said, removing his hand. "You need ice for that.
I'll be right back."
Joni ran over to a cooler that one of the cousins had brought with them and
asked to borrow some ice. She wrapped it up in one of the empty plastic
bags left over from the marshmallows and placed it on Chase's forehead.
"Now, keep it there for a while until the swelling goes down," she ordered.
"You really should make up with Darth LaCroix, you know. You have no idea
how long he'll be here. The rift could suck him back to his world any
moment."
Chase smiled at her. "I should be so lucky. 'Captain' Chase or whatever
the hell the alternate me is called might be OK with him, but ... well,
I've just got a lot to think about, that's all. Look, thanks for the ice.
Why don't you go back to Father LaCroix and enjoy the bonfire. I think
that your absence is making him anxious. Look at him," he said, pointing
to where they saw Father LaCroix pacing back and forth. "I promise to
think about what you suggested."
Joni shrugged her shoulders, she knew that there was no use in arguing with
him, and Father LaCroix did look rather uncomfortable. She said "good
night" to Cousin Chase and hurried back to her LaCroix before he paced a
hole in the ground. When she reached out and touched his arm, she felt him
relax under her touch. He took his place on the ground against the fallen
tree, then pulled her down beside him. Leaning back against him, she
picked up a skewer and roasted another marshmallow as she listened to the
other cousins talking about the evening's events.
The talk was full of descriptions and comments on how well the Vaqs looked
in their beanie baby costumes, parading down the street. Everyone had
their favorite and some cousins had several favorites, depending on who was
inside the costume. After an hour or two of discussing the raid and
parade, the conversation died down to where the only sound heard was the
crackling of the wood. Cousins' eyes were drooping Cousin Cherri took
advantage of the silence. She put Vachon's guitar on her knee and began to
strum a tune, filling the air with music.
Yes, it had been a very successful evening.
Cousin Joni joni@gte.net
Confirmed Cousin with Dark Knightie tendencies, Moriah's Mother & #2 Paramour
"If you want to run with the vampires, you gotta suck a little blood"
Rupert Smedley, CEO BligeCorp, www.nembley.com
**********************************************************************
WAR: Three Wishes
By Patt Elmore
When: After 'I Love A Raid...I Mean, Parade'
Where: Becomes apparent
Betaing by the fabulous group--BonJulsey
**********************************************************************
It had been hours now since the parade.
Patt's shoulders ached. Actually, many of
her assorted parts were throbbing, but her
shoulders were especially giving her fits.
Putting the shovel bowl to the floor, she
used the handle as a prop and leaned against
it.
Mucking out elephant stalls was a behemoth
task.
She looked up at the wall clock again. At
least the instrument had stopped spinning
backwards and had settled on a nice, friendly
5 p.m. But, Patt argued, this day had been
so long that a late afternoon time just
didn't seem right. Using the shovel handle
to reach the clock arms, she repositioned
them to midnight. There, she thought, at
least I can deceive myself into thinking it's
later.
She allowed her eyes to close, just a moment.
Even bad little Cousins who helped exorcise
friends, kidnap Knighties, drool on LaCroix,
watch as Cousinly Leaders *fell* into
predicaments--even they needed a break. She
idly wondered if Jules and Bons had been
given a "special assignment" too.
Patt felt the air stir, felt the sudden rush
of gravity as her body plummeted down,
dislodged from its buttress. She barely
avoided the need for stitches when her chin
struck the cement floor.
Jarred, her shoulders forgotten, Patt used
two flat hands to lift herself to a pre-crawl
position. She looked around quickly,
wondering what had struck the shovel handle
and made it fall out from under her.
"That's odd," Patt said, seeing nothing. "I
guess I must have just slipped." She got up
and starting picking straw off her clothes.
The elephant was long gone, so Patt had been
unafraid to bring Fred, the Miniature
Pinscher with whom she shared habitation,
along to keep her company while she worked.
The dog had curled up in a clump of clean
straw, after satisfying his appetite on the
biggest pile of excrement he'd ever been
blessed to see. The little black and rust
dog could now be heard growling in the other
stall.
Once again, Patt felt the air condensing.
She grabbed the shovel from the floor and
turned, held the tool low and menacing.
"Okay, who's there?"
No one answered.
"Okay, I know its either a Vaq or a Knightie,
so play fair and show yourself," Patt
demanded, brandishing the shovel.
"Indeed--odd," a masculine voice said, "that
you can sleep through sirens passing your
home, but let your cur shift positions, and
you come as awake as a mother with a babe in
arms."
Patt couldn't see the figure, but it didn't
matter, because she recognized the voice.
She'd heard it hundreds of times. She'd
heard it in her dreams.
LaCroix, or rather a LaCroix, stepped from
behind the stanchion. Patt appraised him
while he watched her intently.
"So," she finally spoke. "You're my
manifestation, are you?"
LaCroix laughed without mirth. "So it would
appear," he said, leveling his gaze on her
once again. "What do you think of me so
far?"
He looked like a traditional LaCroix, except
he was suited in white silk rather than
black. His hair was short and white, but had
been tinged purple at the temples, giving his
eyes a violet cast. The sword pin at his
throat was gold, rather than silver. He
stood arrow straight, except for a small
downward arch to his shoulders, giving his
bearing an almost raptor-like appearance.
Patt waited a long time before speaking. She
took a deep breath and answered him. "You
look pretty normal to me--rather, normal for
LaCroix."
"Indeed?" his voice held just a hint of
sarcasm and Patt began to wonder if she'd
missed something in his demeanor. "Define .
. . normal."
"Tall, blonde, well-dressed . . . menacing,"
Patt offered the last word with a joking
quality, hoping to placate the entity
standing before her. He made no positive
response to her jest.
In fact, he just stood there, watching her.
Very unnerving.
"Okay," Patt said finally, thinking that she
might as well get this over with. "I know
for certain that you are not *the* LaCroix."
He arched an eyebrow, a very *the* LaCroix
response. Patt felt her heart lurch, as much
in finally being this close one-on-one with
a/the LaCroix, as in fear.
"Explain," he demanded, moving one step
closer and adjusting his stance to appear
even taller. This was really an unnecessary
gesture, for considering Patt's full height
was 5"3", he already towered over the little
mortal.
Patt gulped. She suddenly noticed that she
still held the shovel. Her eyes drifted to
the bowl, which cradled traces of Pachyderm
poop. The woman from Louisiana
looked up into the imposing blue eyes and
grinned hopefully, "'Cause you're wearing
white?"
She never saw the movement that brought him
within a taste of her, never had time to
guess his intentions and react. She found
her back pressed hard against the wooden tie
rail, screaming from the pressure of his
hold.
He had clasped her throat with his long white
fingers, the neatly trimmed nails just
pressing into her vulnerable flesh. Patt's
eyes made a frantic search around the stable,
hoping maybe Tser would arrive with some bar
supplies or something. No such luck. Patt
was alone with this maniac.
Except for Fred. The brave little dog howled
from somewhere beneath the hay he was hiding
in.
LaCroix looked around, amused, then returned
his glare to Patt. "You certainly know how
to pick your companions, little Cousin," he
murmured.
Knowing that she was staring death in the
face, Patt suddenly felt braver. Or very stupid.
"Does that include you, Mr. LaCroix?"
Her response must have pleased him, for his
cruel mouth softened at the edges. His eyes
flicked across her face, taking in her
features, studying her. Patt felt naked.
He leaned closer, his lips to her ear. "Do
you want me?" he asked.
Patt pulled back, staring at him. "That's a
really dumb question," she sputtered. "For one, it's
against the rules, and for two, it would be a very
dangerous, idiot thing for me to do and . . ."
The Louisianan noticed the puzzlement creep
into this LaCroix's face and stopped. Her
own expression must have been equally as
perplexed because he began to smile. Genuinely
smile.
Patt was really worried now.
He loosed her, moved away and stood, arms
outstretched.
"It was a foolish question, I know." LaCroix
assured her. "How could anyone not want me."
Now Patt was past confusion. This was worse
than the tea drinker, she thought.
LaCroix shook an outstretched hand and, with
a flash of light, he held a staff. A wooden,
almost his height, intricately carved and
hone to a sharp point at the end staff.
Patt recognized it immediately as the
shillelagh which had destroyed her life. She
felt faint.
"Yes," he saw her anguish and nodded.
"Beautiful and so deadly." He hefted it and
grasped it tightly. "In one stead it can
give peace and in the next, it can destroy
all you care for. A potent weapon indeed."
He twirled the rod slightly and stars and smoke
spewed from its tip.
He smiled wickedly, "An apt wand for your own
personal wizard, ehhh?"
"My . . . what?" Patt gasped. The little
guys with the nets and the funny coat had to
be closing in.
LaCroix threw back his head and laughed
coldly. With snake-like speed he was next to Patt
again, the butt of the staff pressed against
her chest. She screeched.
"Know your Grimm?" he asked her, his voice
hollow.
"I don't mean to be," she whimpered. "In
fact, I try to stay upbeat, go with the flow,
real type "B" personality . . ."
Fred howled again.
LaCroix shook his head. "No, no, no . . .
not grim, Grimm. The Germans."
Patt racked her brain until the cue ball fell
into place. "You mean the guys that wrote
the fairy tales?" she said hopefully. She
was rewarded by his nod.
"And?" he removed the shillelagh from her
chest, repositioning it so that the blade
pressed against her throat.
A thought came to her. What the heck, she
was going to die anyway, right?
"You're my . . . Fairy Godfather LaCroix,
right?" Patt closed her eyes and waited for
her position in the food chain to become
utilized. Tick, tick, tick. Nothing
happened.
"Drop the 'Fairy, and we can negotiate," his
voice informed her. Patt opened one eye a
slit.
"Consider it dropped," she agreed, and he
moved away, taking the walking stick with
him.
"So, are you pleased? Am I what you expected
to inherit from this rift?" He looked at her
pointedly. "What does you psycho babble tell
you about *yourself*, now that I've come to
you?"
Patt straightened her shoulders and faced him
squarely.
"That I am delusional, escapist and that I
don't get out enough," she responded. "And,
that I need a vacation."
He laughed approvingly. "Well said." Again, he gave
her a pointed look. "Is that the first of your wishes,
then, to 'go on vacation'?"
"Wishes?" Patt said the word slowly. He
nodded, his eyes sparking with icy delight.
"Three," Godfather LaCroix said. "Comes with
the image."
"Three wishes . . ." Patt's eyes went wide
with wonder. He nodded again.
While Patt was mulling this development over
a bit, the white-suited LaCroix turned and
strolled toward the stall where Fred lay
quaking. Actually, Patt couldn't *see* Fred,
just a pile of straw shivering in the corner.
LaCroix saw it also, because he reached over
and poked at it with the staff.
"Hey!" Patt yelped, heading in his direction.
She stopped abruptly when he half-turned and
looked at her.
"You have a wish?" his smile was cruel,
unnatural. Patt really wished that he would
go away, but that would be a waste now,
wouldn't it?
"N . . . no, no wish," she stammered.
"Well," Godfather LaCroix drawled. "You'd
best hurry up and make your decisions, then.
The wishes can only be granted and held
during the time the rift is open. Then," he
made a dramatic gesture with his hand,
"*POOF*, all gone."
With an identical hand gesture Godfather
LaCroix and his staff were gone. Fred
crawled out from under the straw, his hackles
raised, and proceeded to sniff the ground
where the wizard had last stood.
Patt turned, intent on putting the shovel
away and getting the heck out of the barn,
and stepped into one of the softer
patties that she'd not yet scraped off the
floor.
She went down, face first, hard.
When Patt woke, swift, strong tongue
motions were licking her cheek and temple.
She brushed the dog away and sat up, still
confused. The fallen shovel lay by her side.
"Must have fallen," she muttered, standing and
feeling her jawline for signs of laceration
or loosened teeth. Satisfied that she was
still basically intact, she remembered the
strange dream she'd had during her period of
unconsciousness.
"Very weird," she muttered. Then she looked
around the stall area. So much more still to
do. She picked up the shovel with a sigh and
started toward a pile of muck.
"I wish there were two of me, so that I could
get some rest," she murmured.
"That's one!" the wind whispered, but the
voice was lost to Patt in the barking din
Fred created when he spotted a rat.
******************************************************
Note: I am now on vacation. If anyone wants
to use me or my character, Godfather LaCroix,
please contact Bonnie at BR1035@ix.netcom.com
or Jules at Knightgal@aol.com. They have my
proxy.
********************************************************
Wonderland Bites : Bonnie Gets Nibbled(1/1)
by Bonnie Rutledge
Katrinka's lent me her WereVachon! Woohoo!
Time: After Cherri's "I Love A Raid..." , Patt's 'Three Wishes' and the
Mercbard's "The Invitations Are Sent" and all that other schmadoodle, but
before Kat's "Shrinked To Fit".
***************************************************************************
Bonnie was very displeased to not be one of the chosen few selected to
receive an invite to the splashy grand opening of the Elvis Museum at
Canada's Wonderland Amusement Park. It was a Paramount park, and since Bons
lived half-an-hour's drive from Paramount's Carowinds, she felt the museum
opening was like a call home.
She was going. She would be there when they unveiled the hunka-hunka-
burning-memorabilia, even if she had to bribe BooBoo to do it. Patt was busy
scooping elephant poop in CERK's stable, so Bonnie ditched her.
Patt needed some rest and relaxation afterwards, anyway. Bons didn't need
rest and relaxation, not when she had coffee.
As she headed out of CERK, a Beanie Baby cow fell into step behind
her.
"Get me out of this costume," she heard Nick's slightly echoing voice
say.
"I hate to break it to ya, but that whammy thing's not nearly as
effective coming from Bessie the Cow. All that hugga-plushiness - it's
so distracting..."
"I'm very upset, you know," he said, stomping a soft and cuddly hoof.
"Eh, whatever. You're always upset about something," she replied. "What
are you still doing here at Cousin Central? Why haven't you gone back to the
loft where you belong?"
"I can't, not in this costume, it would be too humiliating to the
Knighties," Nick said morosely. "That's not even considering how crushed
Katrinka will be when she finds out I helped the Cousins. I must spare her
that pain."
"Ooo. Too bad, Nick. Really. I feel for you, I do," Bonnie said
insincerely, "and I'd offer to be your emotional co-dependent, but," She
twisted her lips and snapped her fingers, "darn! I have plans."
"Plans to get me some super-glue solvent?"
"The Cousins bought up the world supply and hid it, remember? Better
luck next time! Wavies!"
As the bovine toy watched Bons head out the front door of CERK, he
called after her, "I'm holding you personally responsible for this!" After a
minute of fuming, the cow's eyes became indignant, and he swooped out the
entrance after her.
When Bonnie pulled Patt's truck up to the curb outside the Jeweled
Peach, he was waiting for her. "Get me out of this costume. Now."
"Geez! What are you, lichen clinging to a stone? Go away!" Bonnie
sighed as Nick didn't budge from the warehouse doorway. She glared at him.
*Bad cow!*
"You are a Cousin. You are a sneaky, sneaky Cousin. Sneaky Cousins have
a tendency to get super-glued into things. I bet you have a solvent stash
around here somewhere. After all, you never know when you might have a
solvent emergency."
Bonnie tried to blink innocently. Being guilty, though, made this very
tricky.
"A-ha!" the Nick-cow said as he grabbed Bonnie's drool cup from her
fingers, unlocked the door and dragged her inside. "I knew it!"
Shele was busy bouncing on the trampoline. "Bons! Are you bringing a
non-member into the Shrine?" she called.
"No, Shele. I'm bringing a giant, plush cow into the Shrine."
"Oh. Okay!"
Bonnie pulled the costumed WereVachon to the altar, and started
digging through the cabinet. "Let's see...duct tape...tweezers...tictacs...
brick repellent...hmm..."
"Will you hurry up?" the plush cow snapped.
"Hold your udders! I'm getting there! Tah-daaaa! One conveniently
placed bottle of super-glue solvent!" Bons brandished the metal container
proudly.
"Douse me!"
Bonnie unscrewed the cap, and stepped back as she prepared to splash
super-glue solvent all over the costumed WereVachon. Unfortunately, she
stepped into a stray patch of drool at the same time. Her non-sensible shoes
slipped out from under her, and the solvent went flying. Suddenly, there was
nothing in the container, and a large, rapidly evaporating puddle on the
floor.
"No!" the plush cow screamed, then desperately ran over to the puddle
to roll in it.
"Ooops."
****************************************************************************
"I think you tripped on purpose," the plush cow muttered as they headed
outside again.
"Honestly, I didn't! Look on the bright side - you managed to get your
right hoof off."
"*grumble* *grumble*.... Where are you going now?"
"Away from you. I have big, excitin' plans."
The plush cow-clad WereVachon stepped menacingly in front of her (well,
as menacingly as a plush cow-clad anything can step in front of someone),
blocking her exit from the warehouse.
Bonnie released a long sigh. "Okay, if you must know, I'm going to
Wonderland to see the opening of the Elvis Presley Museum."
The WereVachon lost interest and let the Cousin pass. Just as the door
shut behind her, though, he had a titillating thought.
Bons groaned when the plush cow caught up with her again. "You're
still here? I thought you'd given up on me helping you," she said as he
opened the passenger side door.
"I'm tagging along," Vachon stated. Bonnie started at first - the
WereVachon wasn't using Nick's voice anymore, but the Spaniard's. She
glanced at his one, non-costumed hand, and privately ooh-ed and ahh-ed that
the moon could still transform him. she giggled to
herself. Then Bons remembered the WereVachon was following her, and she
renewed her Cousinly batteries. Bonnie gave the plush-cowed Vachon a 'Why?'
stare, and he released an irritated breath. "Knight wants to go see the
Cadillacs."
"Well, I guess it won't hurt anything," she said, turning the ignition.
"I don't see why you can't fly there like a good, normal vampire-in-a-cow-
suit, though."
"Because this way," Vachon said pleasantly. "I get to annoy you. I'm
not thrilled about those stunts at the church and this costume, remember?
You helped torment my Vaqs - you deserve some tribulation." He gave a
considerate pause. "The Gibson photo was nice, though. I've never seen a
guitar pout before."
"Why, thank you," she said sweetly. The plush cow smirked when the
truck jerked as Bons' non-sensibly-clad foot slipped off the accelerator. He
opened his bovine mouth to make a crack, but she cut him off. "Don't say
it."
"Say what?" Vachon blinked innocently.
"Say one of those comments about what a screamin' fine ride this is."
"Never planned it for a minute."
"Really?" Bonnie tried to raise an eyebrow, but her whole forehead
wiggled instead.
"Really. I was going to say," Vachon motioned his normal hand to the
truck bed. "A Chevy truck might not burn rubber, but it sure can haul sh-"
"I get it. I get it. You can stop," she groaned as the WereVachon
laughed. He continued laughing until the Cousin started to sing ABBA tunes.
Even the Knight part of him didn't like ABBA tunes. The plush cowed-Vachon
stayed quiet for the rest of the ride, leaving the cab in blissful silence.
Because the event was so exclusive, Bonnie didn't even bother praying
to the God of Parking as she pulled into the amusement park's front lot.
She descended from the truck cab, sniffing the air with satisfaction.
"Smell that, Vachon? That's fun in the air! Fun and... *sniff*...
Chocolate Nunkies?!?!"
Bons began to dash madly for the entrance. The WereVachon took his
time. Plush cows and slackers never hurried.
************************************************************************
Bonnie was sitting in a giant bucket of saltwater taffy, happily
snarfing the remnants of a chocolate Nunkies toe when the moo-WereVachon
caught up with her. "Mmmmmm....numnum...Nunkies...."
"You know," Vachon/Nick said as he transformed under the fluorescent
lighting. "You could've warned me that this was a 'no vamps' event. They've
got neon crosses and garlic everywhere!"
"Mmmmmffff!" Bonnie swallowed. "Didn't know. I wasn't invited. Remember
me screaming, hanging on the front gate, clamoring for chocolate? That kind
of stuff doesn't happen to the invited folks." She struggled to push herself
from the taffy bin until the plush cow gave her a pull. "If the icons really
bother you, you sure don't have to hang around on my account."
"Actually, I do. Vachon wants to get even with you for luring us into
Cherri's evil clutches. He's planning to torment you."
"Why?"
"Because he can. It'll be over more quickly if you just head outside,
into the moonlight..." The Nick half of the WereVachon poked Bons in the
direction of the door.
"Now, wait just a minute! Maybe I don't want to get tormented!" Bonnie
dug her non-sensible heels into the linoleum. "I always wind up feeling
picked on when I get tormented!"
The plush cow picked her up and carried her bodily outside. "That's
kind of the point," she heard Vachon's voice say. Then he dumped her in a
ornamental pond.
By the time Bonnie climbed out of the algae-infested water and pulled a
renegade koi from her blouse, she was becoming grouchy. She'd lost yet
another pair of non-sensible shoes. "Ooo! I'm getting mad! I think that fish
bit me!" she seethed as the plush cow chuckled at the water trail left on
the pavement behind her. "Of course, now would be a good time for the log
flume...."
***********************************************************************
Bons finally gave up on rides after the WereVachon kept arguing with
the park employees about whether she *really* was tall enough for anything
but the baby bumpercars. He didn't whammy the ride technicians, just argued
with them, and, to Bonnie's never-ending annoyance, most agreed with him.
"Ooo! I'm *really* getting mad!" Bonnie fumed as she padded her way
toward the aquarium. A stately-looking penguin passed her, then three fully
armored knights carrying shrieking Nick & Natpackers. "Whatever feeds your
goat," she muttered, then groaned because the plush cow had caught up with
her again.
"Where to next?"
Bonnie wasn't sure how, but the plush cow looked downright devilish.
"Fish," she mumbled, "I'm going to see fish."
"What? You didn't see enough in the ornamental pond? We can always go
back..."
"You're full of it, WereVachon!" she snapped. "Besides, the aquarium
has special fish."
"Such as?"
"Very rare piranha. Vegetarian piranha from Ecuador. I want to go feed
them banana chips."
When they arrived, the aquarium was locked, however, and Bonnie and the
cowed-WereVachon heard the distinctive sounds of rushing water, a broadcast
that the piranhas were loose, and more screaming Nick & Natpackers.
"I hope none of them are packing carrot sticks," Bons said as she began
to walk away. "Let's go to the museum."
"I don't think so," Vachon replied.
"And why is that?" she asked belligerently.
"Because," the plush cow replied smoothly, "you've gone at least forty-
five minutes without coffee. You'll pass out from caffeine depravation in,
I'd say, five seconds. Five...four...three..."
*Thud!*
The plush cow grinned. "Make that three seconds."
***************************************************************************
Fin for now
Send Comments to br1035@ix.netcom.com
War: The Stuff Sandwiches Are Made Of, or, Marmite, by Any Other
Name...(1/2)
Where: CERK
Time: After 'Wonderland Bites: Bonnie Gets Nibbled'
by Cousins Jules, Bons and Annie
******************************
Jules sat at her desk back at CERK, twiddling her thumbs and
straightening things up for the day - er, night. Everyone else
got plenty of free time to play in the War, but Jules still had a job to go
to every day - er, night...whatever. She had more than that to worry about,
though: at the back of her mind, she still wondered if the Quad's Lacroix
would ever forgive her slip of the tongue and the reference to 'Nunkies'?
Bons, Annie and Patt had been likewise mortified, if glad they hadn't let
*the* word slip past their lips, and done their best to comfort one another.
Good thing Lacroix didn't know anything about the High Priestess stint.
Now *that* would probably spell real doom - in all caps. Still, if she was
lucky, she might get away with just being brought across...
Patt slept quietly in the next room. Jules
asked herself for the fifth time in as many hours, having found her friend
face down in a pile of hay near an elephant's stall near CERK's temporary
elephant stables, Patt's dog, Fred, yipping at her feet.
Annie had just returned, having spent several hours looking for her still
missing tennis shoes, and Bons had mentioned venturing out to Canada's
Wonderland after she stopped by the Shrine for some new, non-sensible shoes.
Sigh. There was something to be said for the student life. Indeed, she
still had happy memories - along with some not so cheery ones - of her days
as a grad student in TO: the odd cup of tea at the long, gone Windsor Arms;
a stroll through Hazleton Lanes on a cool, spring afternoon; cheesecake at
Bregman's; chocolate croissants at La Maison du Croissants; cleaning out the
biscuit section at Marks & Sparks...
Jules thought. A knock on her office door brought her
back to the present, and Annie poked her head in.
"Hellooooooo," Annie said cheerily as she sauntered in, hands behind
her back. "Look what I brought!" she exclaimed, bringing her hands around
and showing Jules two brown paper bags. She set them both on Jules' desk
and pulled out two almond croissants and one cafe latte, one English
Breakfast tea with milk, and one triple espresso. "Thought you could use
some cheering up, so I picked us up a little something at Buckstars."
"I guess this means they were all out of Prozac, huh?" Jules asked.
Annie was not going to let Jules spoil her mood. "Sorry. They said
their regular Prozac shipment wouldn't be in until Saturday, annnnnnd, since
heaven only knows when *that* will arrive, I thought you wouldn't mind
something a little more delish."
"It's depressing to realise people know me so well as to bring me food,"
Jules said as she broke her croissant in half, then took the lid off her tea
and added more milk. "Actually, I was just thinking that I'm thinking too
much about food these
days. But," she continued, "on another note, have you seen Lacroix lately?"
"Which one???" Annie asked, incredulous. "There only seem to be a
couple dozen running around the neighbourhood."
"The *real* one, of course," Jules said. "The same one who caught us
saying the 'N' word."
"How do you know he's the real one?" asked a baffled Annie.
"Hey, I work with him practically every day...er, night," Jules
replied. "Shouldn't I know?"
"Why? Does he have some identifying marks you'd recognise?"
Suddenly put in mind of similar remarks made about a
Certain-World-Leader by a Certain-Woman-Suing-Him, Jules sprayed tea all over
her clean desk and turned bright red. Annie jumped up and gave her a few
strong pats on the back.
"You OK, Jules???!" Annie asked worriedly.
"Oh, fine," Jules answered. "Just
fine."
Bonnie appeared in the doorway. She was asleep and being carried in the
arms of a man-sized Bessie the cow Beanie Baby. Jules and Annie watched
as the plush cow set the redhead down on one of the office chairs. Bons'
head lolled back and she started to snore softly.
"Bons!" Annie exclaimed. "What happened to her?!?"
"Caffeine depravation," the plush cow explained. "Her body went into
hibernating mode after about forty-five minutes without it."
"She looks a little damp and barefoot, too," Jules commented. "What did
she do before she passed out - go swimming in a pond?"
As the plush cow seemed to be choking back laughter, Annie's eyes
narrowed. She'd noticed the plush cow had a hand instead of a right front
hoof. "WereVachon! There's not a drop of super-glue solvent to be had! How
did you get free from part of your costume?"
"The solvent at the Jeweled Peach."
Jules and Annie gasped in outrage. "Bons let you in? I don't believe
it!"
"Well, to be fair," he said (and since this was a Nick-WereVachon in a
plush cow suit, he strived to be fair), "I really didn't give her a choice.
Then she slipped on some drool and spilled what solvent you did have on the
floor, so I only removed one hoof."
"Ohhhhh," Jules and Annie said, as though talking about the wackiness
surrounding the ungluing of a cow costume was a common occurance. Actually,
in War, it was.
The plush Nick cow's expression became calculating. "You Cousinly
ladies wouldn't happen to have anything that dissolves super-glue, would
you?"
"No," Annie said flatly.
"Well..." Jules countered tentitively, "I once read in one of those
household hints articles about something a bit *unusual* that's known to
dissolve super-glue..."
"Really? What?" Annie said, surprised. Jules didn't usually *do*
household hints.
The plush cow-clad WereVachon leaned in closely and gave Jules an
intent stare. "Tell me."
"Marmite."
*********************
War: The Stuff Sandwiches Are Made Of, or, Marmite, by Any Other
Name...(2/2)
Where: CERK
Time: After 'The Stuff Sandwiches Are Made of, or, Marmite by Any Other
Name...' (1/2)
by Cousins Annie, Bons and Jules
******************************
Were-Vachon in a plush cow suit picked up the Metro telephone directory,
ready to locate the nearest store carrying Marmite, and dislodged a
mysterious book-shaped package. Jules' eyes widened, then she exchanged a
secretive smile with Annie.
"Don't look at that!" Jules shouted alarmingly.
"What?" the plush cow looked perplexed.
"That book wrapped in brown paper."
"What is it?"
"Well, it's not the Nunkies Fantasy Manual, if that's what you're
thinking!"
"Hmm."
"I know what you're planning in that dastardly clever cow-clad head
of yours WereVachon," Jules told him, "and it won't work! Just because you
want to get even with Bons for tricking you into helping the Cousins attack
the Vaqueros, just because she dumped you into Cherri's wicked clutches and
you ended up in a Beanie Baby Bessie the Cow costume, and just because
she loves the Nunkies Fantasy Manual more than coffee, it doesn't mean you
can use it to get revenge for everything while scoring points with Katrinka
by making me hand it over to a fine, upstanding Knightie! Show some mercy!
Pppplllleaasssee, don't make me give it to Bobbie..I mean, a Knightie!!"
"Well, what would Bobbie...I mean, a Knightie, do with it?"
"Oh! *gasp* She would want to give it to the Vaqs! Oh, that
would be so terrible! Please don't make me call her cell phone number
that's conveniently sticking up from my Rolodex there on the corner of my
desk!"
"Give it to the Vaqs, eh? Hmmmmm."
"Don't even think about it!" Jules warned. "Oh, and, by the way," she
said as she reached into her desk and pulled out a large, dark brown jar,
"I think I can help you."
**************************************************************************
After Annie and Jules removed the WereVachon from the cow costume with
generous quantities of Marmite, he left CERK, visited the local Loblaw's,
and then headed back to Knightie Central. Annie now sought to revive the
semi-comatose Bonnie from her caffeine deprived state by hooking her up
to an IV filled with the triple espresso.
As he entered the loft with a care basket filled with jars of Marmite
slung over one arm (he would never be caught in a solvent emergency without
it again) he called,
"Katrinka, I'm home!"
**************************************************************************
Still back at CERK...
After she got the IV going, Annie finished wiping up Jules' spilt tea
and patted her once again on the back. "There, now," she said. "Heavens!
I didn't mean to cause such an uproar. Are you OK?"
Jules nodded. "I'll be fine, thanks. Did you find your tennies? Or
even a Tenny?"
"Nope. I couldn't find Libby. I ran into Tenny once, but that's
another story. However...... I was run into by a Screed that loves Natalie
and was told I smelled like a laboratory after he kissed me. Then I ----"
"He .. did .. what?!" Jules asked, incredulously.
"He kissed me. It threw me into a stupor." Annie sat down on the
corner of Jules' desk. "Robi saved me with a copy of 'Lucius in Repose'.
It's a good thing she needed a breath of fresh air. I still might be
standing on the street corner."
"Er, yes," Jules said. Jules thought.
She grabbed Annie's wrist and looked intently at her watch.
"What, may I ask, are you doing?" Annie asked as she tried to jerk
free.
"Taking your pulse," Jules replied. "I think that kiss affected you
somehow. You're being awfully sedate about it all."
Annie laughed and pulled free from Jules' grip. "I'm fine. Where'd
the WereVachon go?"
"Out. He said something about having to get a grocery store. Other
than that, I'm klewless." Jules eyed the tote bag Annie plopped down beside
the desk. "If you didn't find your tennies, what do you have in there?"