You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -- Stephen Wright
Welcome to Zelda Science Theater 3000. I am StarDragon Blue, your host for the remainder of the visit. I hear that you are appreciative of our unique methods of world domination, but don't quite know what it's about.
Would you believe that we don't need anything but the Internet and a few fanfiction writers? Yes, you heard me correctly. I'm sorry, you can't leave. I locked the doors and the windows and ordered every outlet to and from the room to be guarded by rabid monkeys the moment you walked in the door, and we also put a tiger in the air ducts. There's also a ninja in the refrigerator, so if you get hungry during your stay, don't go to make a sandwich alone.
Now, where were we? Stop looking at the door. The whole plan is to find the worst fanfic ever written. And once we find it, we will send it to ALL THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD, like a virus. There will be no attachment. It will appear harmless, like a bowl of lime jello. But when opened and read...
That's right, we will induce brain melting! But how to find the right fanfic? Well, we need a sure way to figure out what could melt even the brightest mind down to a sludgy puddle of former gray matter. So that is why I have three most unassuming little people who I shot into space in a satellite in order to force them to read the WORST fanfics EVER written. What's best about it is that they're video game characters, so nobody actually expects them to exist, and they're outside of the jurisdiction of every nation with passable human rights' laws.
I see your interest is piqued. In any case, the most wicked and evil fanfic ever written will crack my lab rats' little minds into bits. And once I have realized that I have the most terrible fanfic ever created, I will send it to you... do with it what you wish. Just don't send it back to me.
