The On-line Shrine
to
Zorb the Sacred Crocodile

Mystic Ritual

The shrine shall be prepared as shown above,
with the following items upon the altar:
Mystic Icon of Zorb the Sacred Crocodile
Sacred Platter
Sacred Bowl upon the Sacred Platter
Sacred Dipper in the Sacred Bowl
Sacred Knife upon the Sacred Platter, alongside the Sacred Bowl
Several Sacred Goblets, as needed by the congregation

The priest shall cause the Oblation of Honor to be led before the altar,
and introduced to the congregation, with the following words:

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together to perform
the Ritual of Sacrifice to Zorb The Sacred Crocodile."

The congregation shall respond:
"May Zorb The Sacred Crocodile be praised."

The priest shall cause the Oblation of Honor
to bow down over the Sacred Bowl
so that the Sacrificial Blood will be caught, saying:

"May this Oblation of Honor be now sacrificed."

The congregation shall respond:
"We shalt indeed hereby sacrifice!"

The priest shall now use the Sacred Knife
to slit the right jugular vein, saying:

"O vein of the right, open thyself to the Jaws of Zorb."

The congregation shall respond:
"For it is right so to do."

The priest shall now use the Sacred Knife
to slit the left jugular vein, saying:

"O vein of the left, open thyself to the Jaws of Zorb."

The congregation shall respond:
"For it is left so to do."

As the Sacrificial Blood is flowing into the Sacred Bowl,
a designated member of the congregation shall read
a passage from the Zorbian Scriptures
found here.

The priest shall then lead the congregation
in the recitation of the Psalm of Zorb the Sacred Crocodile
found here.

After the life of the Oblation of Honor has passed to the Other Side
the priest shall use the Sacred Knife
to slice off servings of Sacrificial Flesh.
These servings shall be placed upon the Sacred Platter
around the Sacred Bowl.
The priest shall now invite the congregation to partake, saying:

"Eat ye of this, all of you, for it is the Flesh of Zorb."

The congregation members shall eat, and exclaim:
"We do eat, and are strengthened with the Strength of Zorb."

The priest shall now use the Sacred Dipper
to dip servings of Sacrificial Blood from the Sacred Bowl
into the Sacred Goblets, and invite the congregation to partake, saying:

"Drink ye of this, all of you, for it is the Blood of Zorb."

The congregation members shall drink, and exclaim:
"We do drink, and are enlivened with the Life of Zorb."

After all have partaken, the priest shall announce:
"As we depart from this Sacred Ritual, are there any announcements
from the congregation?"

Congregation members stand and deliver their announcements.

The priest dismisses the congregation with the words:
"Go ye forth in the name of Zorb the Sacred Crocodile."

Special Announcement!

The generous tithes and offerings of our congregation
have enabled us to advertise on buses:

Disclaimer:
This site is obviously a joke.
Anybody who thinks we're actually advocating human sacrifice
is too flippin-awful stupid to be allowed to access the internet.

But if you'd really love to get yourself sacrificed,
just e-mail zorbthesacredcrocodile@yahoo.com
Just a word to all you spammers out there:
Any e-mail message sent to this address will be regarded
as a prima facie presumption of your willingness to be sacrificed.

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