Day 1- Move in day. A story many of us already know. I was all unpacked and moved in before The Dave even showed up. After a stop at the UC, I went back up to my room, where I first encountered him. Keep in mind that at this point, he had not yet been dubbed “Crazy.” I knew little about him– he had gone to an all boys’ military school, he worked at a Cub Scout Day Camp, he liked dressing up as a clown and going to little girls’ birthday parties– all the ingredients were in place for the craziness. Back to the story… I opened the door and there he was. Nothing too impressive or grotesque about him. He even looked pretty ordinary. I helped him unpack a little and made small talk. Then came the fateful moment, the defining discussion of our relationship thus far; Dave pulled out a stack of CD’s close to 2 feet long. “Wow,” I said. “That’s a lot of CD’s!” “Oh no!” replied Dave. “This is my anime. Anime’s it for me.”
I was floored. I didn’t know how to respond. It would have been a little impolite to lay down on my bed and cry right there, so I kind of just swayed back and forth for a while he put up a poster of some japanimation crap. He then proceeded to take out his japanimation DVD’s, as well as about 50-60 other assorted selections from his collection. Dave was well on his way to becoming “Crazy”…

Day 2- Day 2 was pretty much a blur- I don’t remember too much of what was happening that day. I do remember that that was the day that Dave revealed himself to be a gamer- he spent approximately 6 hours playing some Dungeons and Dragons bullshit on his computer. But he didn’t stop at merely playing the game; he had to have a running dialogue with it… (some of the words in this are made up b/c I don’t remember the proper names for the evil demons and warlocks on his game) “Die you evil baldzrig”, “Oh! Is that the way you’re going to do it? Take that!”, “No, no, no. Wrong way! Gah! The skeleton guards! Die! Die! Die!”, as well as various assorted grunts and moans of pleasure. Crazy? I think so…

Day 3- I ask Crazy Dave (he has by this point established his craziness beyond a reasonable doubt) if he wants to go out around the city with me, but he politely declines. It seems that he has a new girlfriend, whom I have not seen. There’s probably a reason for that.

Day 4- May the blind be blinded! I have seen Dave’s girlfriend, and it is bad! Those two were such a sight that I had to bring some people up to see her. I take up this one kid, Reily. It’s probably about 9:30, we’re waiting to go out and we have nothing better to do. I tell him that he can’t, under any circumstances laugh, or our cover will be blown. We get up to my room, and when I open the door, this kid about loses it. It turns out that CD’s girlfriend (sorry, no names) is in Reilly’s ROTC unit, and that he actually knew her. Now to be fair, she’s a very nice girl, but attractive only by Dave’s standards. In ROTC her nickname is “Macaroni.” That should give you some idea. Well anyway, they’re watching Dave’s screensavers change. And we all remember that Dave loves his japanimation,, so of course that’s what his screensavers are. They’re kind of like soft-core porn, fully clothed girl on girl action basically. Dave keeps saying the strangest things about each of them, but one in particular got a good rise out of him. It’s of a girl, who in real life might way about 80 lbs. but has boobs sticking out like three feet from her body. Dave turns around to me and Reily, who is sitting on my bed, points at the screen, and says, “That’s permanent back damage right there. Oh yeah!” Reily let out a snort so loud that I didn’t think that anyone could ignore it, but Dave kept right on rambling on, while his girlfriend just kind of sat there. I took three more people up there that night just so they could see what I had been telling them about for the last couple of days. Dave just kept getting crazier and crazier each time. I was laughing so hard by the last time that I didn’t even hear most of what he said, but this day pretty much gave rise to the myth of Dave around campus.

Day 5- The first day of classes. Dave apparently is an early riser. Awaking from a fast sleep, I recognize the sounds of Dave’s computer game. Thinking that I overslept I look over at Dave’s clock that sits above his bed. The time: 6:30. A.M. It’s barely light out. “Dave…” I mutter. No response. He’s is immersed in this world of muscle clad 16th century He-Men running around in long red capes while slaying the undead. “Dave!” I say, louder this time, over the shrieks of the hapless skeleton warriors that he has returned to the grave. He hears me this time– “Oh what? Do you need me to turn this down?” No, Dave, I want next game. What the hell did you think I wanted? Up before 6:30 to play video games? I decide that I need to start putting up crucifixes and storing garlic in the fridge b/c Dave is either considering becoming a vampire or actually is one. Later that day he locks me out of the room. This boy is stone cold crazy…
I came back from failing to find my calculus class to the humble abode that is Butler 632, turn the knob and nothing happens. I try to force the door, but, it’s locked. I don’t have my keys. For all intents and purposes, this one was probably my fault, but later that same day, while reading some history in the lounge, I am once again locked out. No warning. No “Jeremy! I’m locking the door, after which I’ll be going to pleasure myself at the all night Dragonball-Z Fest. See ya later!” Just up and left like a fart in the wind. If Dave wasn’t Crazy yet, he was damn close…

Day 6- Get this. Last night, around 1:30, I heard a bunch of voices coming from outside our door. I ignored them at first, so I determined that I would ask them to go talk somewhere else. I opened the door, and there were maybe six or seven people outside my door, three from the sixth floor, four girls from the 7th floor. I was about to start asking them to move their conversation elsewhere when one of the girls exclaimed, “Hey! You’re Crazy Dave’s roommate! Is he in right now?” This threw me off guard, because I didn’t even really know this girl, but she knew about Crazy Dave. Everyone else started asking me to bring them out, so in the name of getting some sleep, I went back into our room and told Dave that there were some girls outside that wanted to talk to him. CD said, and I quote, “Hold on. I need to find some pants.” At this point, I no longer wanted Dave to get out of bed, but since he was already starting to get up, I went and waited outside. Steve heard the news, gave me a big hug, and said, “You’ve tamed Crazy Dave– you’re the fucking man.” As Dave emerged from his lair, one of the girls pointed right at him and basically screamed, “Hey you’re Crazy Dave, the kid who whacks off to japanimation!” That actually kind of made me feel bad, but the look on Dave’s face when he heard that more than made up for it. He looked like he was trying to swallow a Pringles can whole. I told the people that the show was over, and me and Crazy Dave went back in for some well deserved rest.
I don’t know, maybe Dave was on to me on Day 4. I was locked out again today. Retaliation? The world may never know. It’s already the third time this week. We have classes tomorrow, so that will probably put a damper on Dave’s craziness. One can only hope…
After almost a week with Dave, one would think that I had seen every trick in his apparently deep bag, but not so. Tonight, Dave announced that he was off to join the Southern Decadence (to our unenlightened visitors, this is the gay Mardis Gras) festivities. Dave, Dave, Crazy Dave. What am I going to do with you? Apparently it was Dave’s girlfriend’s idea. If she steals my Crazy Dave away form me, I don’t know what I’ll do. What material will I have to write to you, the good people of Butler 6, about? She must be stopped!

Day 7- Apparently the threat of a school night holds no sway over Dave the Crazy. Dave jet-setted in at a cool 3 a.m. last night and refused to explain his whereabouts. The thought of Dave staying out that late with his “girlfriend” is not only tasteless but repulsing. Dave: I beg you not to stay out that late again- I get nightmares easily.
Dave announced later that night that he was once again off to Decadence. I took no note of it, but sensed something was urgently wrong.

Day 8- Dave didn’t make it in till yon 2:30 or so last night, so I’m guessing that Dave was a bit more decadent than most last night. Then this afternoon on the news, I saw a shot of a parade from the night before, and who was leading up the front but Crazy Dave himself. He was decked out in something that looked like the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and appeared to be singing something as he half-strutted/half-skipped down Canal Street, swinging on lampposts as he passed them, hopping on streetcars and throwing dollar bills to the she-males who came near.
Well most of that was a lie. He came in at five in the morning and I don’t watch the news. But here’s what really happened… I talked to Dave today, and he showed me some pictures of his prior wild nights. There was one in particular from the night before that he really liked– him sitting on the steps of a church drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonade. “I’m going straight to hell for this one. Yeah. I followed those Mike’s with a few too many Smirnoff Ices! I got trashed! ” Easy Dave, pretty soon you might be graduating to Bacardi O­3 or Zimas.

Day 9- With Labor Day around the corner, one would think that Dave couldn’t resist the temptation of one more night downtown. But once again, Dave defied the critics and stayed home with his “new” girlfriend, that he met God knows where. She’s the one he went out with last night, I guess. I came up to the room from playing my guitar outside. Sensing (yeah, I have a good sense of smell, that might’ve tipped me off) that Dave’s girlfriend was in there, I knocked before I entered. When I came in, the room was completely dark, since it was night out and there were no lights on. “Uh, Dave, do you think that I could turn a light on? I need to look for something.” As my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I could see that Dave’s girlfriend was lying against the cabinets by the bed, while The Crazy One himself was sitting at the foot of the bed. I went to turn on the light, but Dave called out “Wait!” and proceeded to throw his comforter over his head. This would’ve been strange enough, except that his girlfriend called out “Oh! I must shield my eyes from the light!” with such conviction that I didn’t have the heart to laugh at her, and covered her eyes, one eye with each hand, and curled up into a ball. At this point I wasn’t sure whether I should actually go in for whatever it was I went up there for or just leave them like that, but curiosity got the better of me. I had to turn on the light. Dave and his girlfriend remained as motionless as statues, or I guess as motionless as you can remain if you are trapped under a comforter. And that’s how I left them. I don’t even want to know what happened after that…

Day 10- Labor Day came in with a bang. It is now September , for those of you keeping count. A new month, a chance for Dave to make a new start. But nay, Dave chose to start a Japanimation marathon that day. I had to leave the room. I came back a while later, after the football game, to discover that Dave’s girlfriend had returned from her trip home. She really wanted to get some food, and asked Dave if he wanted to go down to the Rat (late night diner, for those who don’t know). I told them that it would probably be really packed, since the football game just let out. She let out a pitiful fat girl whimper, and so I told her that there was sandwich stuff in the fridge, and that she could make a sandwich. I went to brush my teeth, and when I came back, there were three sandwiches sitting on a plate, while Dave and his girlfriend were watching a movie (japanimation of course). I said, “Wow, you made me and Dave a sandwich too!” I was hungry too. I wouldn’t have minded a sandwich. She looked at me rather sheepishly, and said, “No, these are for me.” Dave, taking a break from the computer, for once, turned around with the biggest stupidest smile on his face and says, “Yeah! She’s really hungry.” I couldn’t take it. I had to leave the room, even without my sandwich.

Days 11-17– Dave hasn’t emerged much from the batcave these last couple of days. Basically he spends most of the day with his girlfriend, but luckily they spend enough time in our room that I get some good story time in. They have discovered that the UC has a sushi place, which they now frequent every day. They then bring it up to our room and watch some of Dave’s japanimation, hoping to grow closer to the little Japanese person inside each of them. They then proceed to throw their garbage away in my trash can! The nerve. I guess Dave really is crazy after all. Crazy Dave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 18- I know that I’ve been lacking in details on the last couple of days, but I promise that I’ll make up for it today. Today, as we all know, is Monday, the day that you have to go back to class. Well, I was out pretty late last night, I was in by 2, but upon entering the room, there was no Dave to be found. I figured that he was with his girlfriend. So I went to bed with nary a care in the world. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I woke at 5 a.m., and in looking over, saw that Dave was not there yet. This is pretty late, but not unheard of territory for Dave, so once again I went back to sleep. The next time I woke was to the sound of my alarm. Keep in mind that this is now 8:30. No Dave. Dave had now crossed that fine line between Crazy and Dangerous. Dangerous Dave comes home at night, after a rowdy time with a hard bottle of Schweppes and an easy woman on each arm. Dangerous Dave wears eyepatches and has a tattoo of Jughaid’s crown on his penis. This was not a risk I was willing to take. I had to know where Dave was. Thoughts of Dave filled my head during my history class, through breakfast, and on into calculus. On the way back to Butler from Calculus, what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature Dave and eight tiny reindeer. It was pretty weird all right. They were just standing on the grass outside the UC looking around. Dave was all dressed up in a red and green pin-striped suit, and looked thoroughly disoriented. I was so happy that good old Crazy Dave was back, that I almost said “Hi” to him before I asked him where he had been all last night. But Dave was determined to be coy with me, and said, with a sly little grin “Places.”
I left him as he was and got back to the dorm. As the events of the day unfolded, I found myself coming back into the room to the joyous strains of The Vapors’ 80’s hit “Turning Japanese.” You know how it goes… I think I’m turning Japanese, I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so. Dave the white, short, rotund boy from suburban Philly who eats sushi and watches japanimation wants to become a Japanese person? That would be admirable, but the song is really about whacking off. Yikes, strike one Dave. I came in about two hours later and he’s listening to it again. Too good.
Later while on a run to Bruff at about 9, Keenan and myself run into Dave on his way up to eat. When I said whassup to Dave, he turned and revealed two of the reddest eyes that I have ever seen in my life. He said that he had been “swimming” and that’s what he had a “towel” over his shoulder for. Right Dave. Ad I’m the Queen of Sheeba. We know what kind of swimming you’re all about. Swimming about in a sea of drugs and cash and more drugs. Shame on you Crazy Dave.