Untitled Normal Page

:{)

Mustache Mania

January 20^th1999

Eleventh Edition

Welcome to yet another edition of Mustache Mania. The last issue was a great sucess. I have recieved some feed back on it and it was all good. This issue will contain the usual, adventures of Mustache Man, an embarassing story, a sad story about animal crackers and as always name that song.

ADVENTURES OF MUSTACHE MAN...and his side kick the One Legg'id Man

Well once again I was back home visiting all my friends for the weekend and was enjoying my night out at the bar. Well anyways I was talking to this hot waitress...Jennifer Love Hewitt...don't ask me why she was working in a bar in Stratford...well anyways this guy wearing a Zoro style mask walks in with a big over sized banana...yes i said Banana! He shouts out "I am Rico suave I am a Jamiaxican suprimist! I am gonna hold you all hostage till your government will release my friends from your jail!" One legg'id Man was right behind him he rolls his chair back then goes to ramming speed knocking the giant over sized Banananananana out of Rico's hands. Then with out hesitation One Legg'id Man puts one wheel on the back of Rico to keep him down and puts the handle of his cane round the neck of Rico and pulls up forcing Rico to surender. Then that waitress...Jennifer Love Hewitt...turns to me and says "Ohhh Mustache Man my hero!!" and starts kissing me and pulls to the back storage room and well...you'll have to once again purchase the vdio to find out what happens next.

If you would like to send fan Mail to One Legg'id Man please feel free to send fan mail to him at one_legged_man_98@yahoo.com or send Mustache Man *echo* some fan mail at mustachemania@hotmail.com

My most embarassing experience...By Ben

My Most Embarrassing Experience Well last week was the most embarrassing experience I have ever had. Now it's not a little one like having toilet paper stuck to your shoe or having your pants pulled down in public, this one is much much worse. I was in the car going to the mall with a bunch of my friends, and well, out of the blue I started to "rise". Nothing in the car happened to my to get me to aroused, it just happened. I thought to my self that by time we had to get out of the car I would be okay and could hide it till then. Well we got to the mall, and well uh, my tent was still pitched so to speak. I was the last one out of the car and walked behind everyone. I was picturing Michael Bolton in a thong to try and gross my self out but well my usual tactic wasn't working. I continued walking towards the mall entrance praying that that I'd calm down, but once again no luck. I was walking the best I could, being in the situation I was in. I had my hands in front hoping to cover it up but it just made things look worse. I felt as if everyone knew and were looking at me as if I was some freak of nature perverted guy. Suddenly just to my luck, my friend turned around to talk to me and notices my situation. Of course it wasn't one of my understanding friends that wouldn't have said anything, it was my friend with the biggest, loudest mouth ever. He looks down then up at my face and starts laughing so loud everyone turned and looked at him. I thought I was safe for a second until he manages to cough out the words "Hey look at him he's going camping and already has his tent pitched!" Everyone looked at me then looked down and started laughing hysterically at me. The store employee came up to me and said I had to put that away or get out. I almost started to cry, I ran out of that store so fast and didn't stop till I got home. About 2 hours later I received about 8 phone calls from all my friends, they were still laughing.

***sorry to burst you bubbles but this story did not really happen, it was a story i had to write up for drama class...i just feel sorry for the poor sap that has to act this out heh heh***

Name That Song...

There were no correct answers to last week's Name That Song. so there have been no changes from last weeks standings. The correct answer to last weeks was "I don't Wanna Grow Up" by Tom Waits...

The lyrics to this weeks Name that song is:

"You may say I'm a dreamer; But I am not the only one; I hope someday you'll join us; And the world will be as one"

There will be no hint cause I feel that this is a very easy one. send your answers to mustachemania@hotmail.com

Just Ask Alice...

Well, we finally got the Ask Alice column back up and running. Here is the first batch from the new system.Love, Alice

Dear Alice, Why doesn't super glue stick to the tube?? ~~~L.T.

Dear L.T. An amazing breakthrough in modern technology.I can't get into the molecular structure, because it's a top secret thing, but Ithink it has something to do with goat semen and kangaroo placenta. ~~~Alice

Dear Alice, I heard that them asian females has a gash that goes sideways, and that it getstighter when they spreads their legs. Can this be true ? and where can ah findsme one if in it is ? ~~~Dwight

Dear Dwight, It is true. It's because of the way they conceive children over there. Someweird sex position. As far as where you find an Asian woman like that, I'd haveto say Asia.~~~Alice

Dear Alice, Who is alice?~~~Negz

Dear Negz, When she's ten feet tall~~~Alice

Dear Alice, What was the best thing before sliced bread was invented?~~~Sheik Yerbouti

Dear Sheik Yerbouti, Nothing. Don't you know? Sliced bread and stupidity are the basic buildingblocks of all humanity.~~~Alice

If you have questions you need answers to, or just plain wanna bitch at someone, ASK ALICE can help you. Just submit your questions or comments tojustaskalice@hotmail.com or goto http://www.negz.com/regz/askalice

Animal Crackers...By Ben

Last week I was sitting in class when I got a sudden urge for some animal crackers. I still had 4 hours of classes left. I sat impatiently in class starring at my watch every 5 seconds. When class finally ended I ran out of the class and ran 20 minutes to the nearest store. I ran all the way back home which took like 35 minutes. When I got home stripped off my winter coat, scarves, mittens, sweaters etc. I sat down at the table opened the box and took out a lion, elephant and a seal. The lion and elephant were great and was about to start playing with them and then eat them, but then i looked at the seal. The seal was missing it's head. I noticed on the box it had a warning, it read "Caution, Do not eat if seal is broken" I took the box of animal crackers and threw them out cause I am not susposed to eat them if the seal is broken.. I still haven't gotten my animal crakers...

Recent Messages of the Day...Compiled by Sheik Yerbouti

1/5 I am we todd did. I am sofa king we todd did.

1/6 "What goes around never comes around to Mondo Rondo"
-Yob

1/8 "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman
Einstein." -Joe Theismann

1/9 It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it

1/10 You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

1/11 One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He asked, "Didn't
you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read."
-Steven Wright

1/12 "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
- Marilyn Pittman

1/14 "When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal 
family knew someone in the Royal family?" 
--Robin Williams

1/15 I gotta pee

1/16 Trojan, Ramses, Magnum SHEIK!

1/17 Grrr. I hate it when I get my schwartz tangled

1/18 Oh Fie! This Strephon is a rougue

1/19 "I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy"
-Steven Wright

*******The Top Ten Men!!********...from Sara

1. The Doctor because he says,"Take off your clothes"

2. The Dentist because he says,"Open Wide"

3. The hairdresser because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown"

4. The Milkman because he says,"Do you want it in front or in back?"

5. The Interior Decorator because he says,"Once you have it all in, you'll love it."

6. The Banker because he says,"If you take it out to soon, you'll lose interest"

7. The Police Officer because he says,"Spread 'em"

8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.

9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.

10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.

Negz.Com's Picture Gallery to be updated ~~~1-19-99~~~
The Negz.com Picture Gallery will be going under construction very soon. The design itself is pretty much going to remain the same, but I still have hours of editing to do on it.
If anybody has ANY special requests, changes that need to be made, pictures to update, etc, now would be the perfect time to let me know.
If you've submitted a picture for me to put up in the gallery and it's not there yet, don't panic, I still have your picture, but it wouldn't hurt at all for you to remind me through e-mail or in the chatroom. I normally don't overlook things like that, but I know most of the pictures I have to update are in several different places, so anything can happen.
An announcement will be made when the update is complete.

Thanks
-Marc
*Sheik Yerbouti*
sheik7m3@yahoo.com

BENEFITS OF BEING FEMALE...From Sara

* We got off the Titanic first.

* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

* We never ejaculate prematurely.

* We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

* We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.

* When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.

* We don't have to get our strength up between sessions...and it's much easier for us to get "some" in the first place.

* We can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.

*Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours.

* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

* We can cry and get off speeding fines.

* We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers......Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

* Taxis stop for us.

* We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

Needed:

I keep getting told how much people enjoy this newsletter. However, I have a very busy semester right now and would like 4 to 6 people to volenteer to help out with the newletter every couple of weeks. I would like 2 people each week to have articles written up to be published. That way if 4 people volenteer then I could have 2 crews to help out and only submit stuff every 2 weeks. If I don't recieve a few helpers then I will be forced to make this a bi-weekly publication. If you would like to volenteer or just submitt something to be published please send them with your name or handle to mustachemania@hotmail.com If you are just submitting something and don't wish to be a regular contributer then that's okay, every little bit helps :{)

Thanks...Mustache Man *echo*

PS>> All submissions will reviece a reply to confirm that i have recieved the article thanks.

Contact Mustache Man *echo* at mustachemania@hotmail.com or ICQ UIN 5160216

To contact Ben cheif editor send e-mails to mead1a@hotmail.com or ICQ 5160216

Also check out the Official Mustache Man web page, where all past and present editions of Mustache Mania are posted. http://www.oocities.org/CollegePark/Theater/1649/mustache.html