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Welcome to the third edition of Mustache Mania. In this edition we will have a few stories written by the Bill, AKA Mustache Man, a poll survey, word search, horoscopes, classifieds, and new, joke of the week.

http://www.negz.com/webchat/ If u experience an Error or cant get to the location www.negz.com is under reconstruction and updating!

This story is one I love to tell even though it was my first and only run in with the law. It was the summer after I turn 18, many of my friends and I decided to go camping for the civic holiday weekend near GrandBend. We were all drinking with the exception on one person, and only two people were of legal drinking age. Before I left I had at least three people telling me not to drink, but did I listen, of course not. I had half a 26’er of rye in me and was scared of someone stealing my alcohol so I put it in my pocket. The bottle was crammed in my front pocket of my blue jeans and the bottom of my shirt covered the neck of the bottle. People were running around with flashlights so it wasn’t a surprise to me when someone with a flashlight came towards us, until I saw the bike anyway. The person on the bike ended up being a "Yogi" (a park ranger) he picked up my glass that I had set down on the ground and smelled it and ask me what was in it, then he spilt it all over himself. He looked around and saw all sorts of empty bottles and took one guys unopened 26’er of Vodka and asked me if this is what I had mixed in the cup with coke, I replied yeah. He asked me for I.D. and I gave it to him, he then told me to sit down where I was sitting while he filled out the ticket. Everyone knew I had the bottle in my pocket but the "Yogi" never saw it. I sat down beside one of my friends with my side with the bottle in my pocket was facing the "Yogi". I asked my friend what I should do with the bottle, but nobody would touch it so I left it there. He gave me the $125 fine and left. I was one of the most sober people there and I was the only one who got charged, not fair, oh well at least he left me my alcohol that was for the second night.

I have more stories involving alcohol but because of what my friends did was illegal. No body got hurt, nothing was broken or anything, all I can say it made front page of the Stratford newspaper.

My extended family, are real practical jokers. Some of their jokes have gotten them into trouble but they are too funny not to tell others about. These are actual occurrences by some of my relatives.

First was my cousin, she was known by her friends for writing good excuse notes. One Monday morning one of her friends asked her to write an excuse note because he skipped Friday’s classes. She was reluctant at first but he managed to convince her. She wrote the note folded it and handed it to him. The guy ran off to class and handed the note to his teacher. The teacher read the note, looked at him, read the note again and then handed to note back to the student and told him to go sit down. The student opened the note and it read "Please excuse (what ever his name was) for last Friday’s class, for he was participating in the gay rights parade". The guy almost killed my cousin, but it was funny.

A long time ago when Right Guard deodorant came with a paper label, this person took a razor to cut off the label and switched labels with the deodorant and a can of green spray paint. A guy had one green armpit for two weeks.

The same cousin who wrote the note is a very fast at typing. Anyway she noticed that her class was bad for not saving their work as they are working. One day they had to type out a huge paper. My cousin who types fast and saves her work finished first, managed to hack her way into the server and reset all the computers at the same time. Her entire class learned a valuable lesson about saving their work that day, for my cousin was the only one who finished the assignment with out re-typing it.

Lately for both Americans and Canadians, all that has been on the news is the Bill Clinton affair. We at Mustache head quarters would like to know who actually cares about this situation and weather or not he is trust worthy enough that you would vote for him again. Please add in your info your general location. Thankyou.

The second and final poll question is, do you believe that you are the greatest person alive today?

Wanted: Stories and editorials where you the reader can voice your opinion in Mustache Mania.

Wanted: Anyone interested in helping out with the production of Mustache Mania. Needed are, people willing to write horoscopes, make crosswords or word searches, and someone to write a gossip column.

Wanted: Single female(s) in the southwestern Ontario area looking for some something something, preferably between the ages of 18 to 22. If interested contact Bill at mead1a@hotmail.com

On Monday a duck walks into a pharmacy, walks up to the pharmacist and asks him "do you have any grapes?" The pharmacist replies with a confused look on his face "no we do not sell grapes" The duck walks out and returns on Tuesday, he walks up to the pharmacist and asks "do you have any grapes?" The pharmacist still confused replies "no we do not sell grapes" The duck leaves and comes back on Wednesday, the duck walks right up to the pharmacist and asks, "do you have any grapes?" The pharmacist is getting annoyed and replies "for the third time we don’t sell grapes, if you want grapes go across the street to the grocery store and they will sell you some grapes. If you need drugs, I will sell you some but no grapes!" The duck turns around and leaves. Thursday the duck returns and asks the pharmacist "do you have any grapes?" The pharmacist is pretty pissed and yells "for the last time we don’t sell grapes, if you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the floor!" The duck leaves again. Friday the duck walks in to the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist "do you have any nails?" the pharmacist confused replies "no" the duck then asks "do you have any grapes?".

If you have a good joke you would like to see published, send it to mustachemania@hotmail.com and label it Joke of the week.

PARTYTIME, FUN, ROCK N ROLL (1 WORD), THE HIP (1 WORD), HACKER, BRB, ROFLMAO, WML, HUGS, KISSES, DUCT TAPE (1 WORD), ICECUBES, NINE IRON (1 WORD), ALIVE, PORNO, SEXUAL, MUSTACHEMAN, FOREVER, NEW, NEGZ, SHEIK, YERBOUTI, BILL, WHITERABBIT, SHIRLEY, SPIKE, GLENN, SOAPBOX, JESUSFREAK, MARVINFREAK, CALIGIRL, AIMEE, RATBOY, BACK TO SCHOOL (1WORD), FRIENDS, LOVE,

AQUARIUS: you have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly
because u are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a f***ing jerk.

PISCES: You have a vivid imagination and you think you are being
followed by the FBI or the CIA. You have minor influence on your
friends, and ppl resent u for flaunting your power. You lack confidence
and are a general dipshit.

ARIES: You are the pioneer type and think most ppl are dickheads. You
are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a PRICK.

TAURUS: You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and you work like hell. Most ppl think you are stubborn
and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

GEMINI: You are a quick and intelligent thinker. Ppl like you because you
are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This
means you are a cheap bastard!!!! Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on
incest!!!!!!!!!!!!

CANCER: You are sympathetic and understanding of other ppls problems
which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why
you will always be on welfare and wont be worth SHIT!!! Every1 in prison
is a Cancer!!!!!!!
LEO: You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an
idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo ppl are thieving mother
f***ers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

VIRGO: You are the logical type and hate disorder. The shit picking is
sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall
asleep while f***ing. Virgo’s make good bus-drivers and PIMPS.

LIBRA: You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality. If you are a male you are probably a queer. Chances for
employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra females are whores.
All Libra’s die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO: The worst of the lot! You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch. Most Scorpio’s are
murdered.

SAGGITTARIUS: You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of
Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Saggittarian. You are not worth
the time of day.

CAPRICORN: You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are
basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance. You should KILL yourself!