Mustache Mania

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Issue num.2

April/98

Welcome to the second edition of Mustache Mania. In this issue we will have top news stories, Classifieds, Personals & new, A word search. Although I am perceived as some what as a superior being, I am still unable to send this issue to all Mustache Mania members, so I ask you to feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone who is a fan.

TOP STORY:

Mustache Man...AKA Bill, will be off-line from mid April until September. Bill…Real name Ben…. Will be moving home after completing his first year at Mohawk College in Hamilton Ontario where he is studying Broadcasting Television. He will soon be moving back home for the summer with his parents. There is a small chance that he will be on-line for the summer if his parents can be convinced. Bill seems pessimistic when it comes to getting his folks to spend the 30 dollars per month for the Internet. Bill expresses his feelings towards leaving all at both the new and original Hip at Rockweb.

Other News:

Glenn is not Michael Bolton’s number one fan. An unknown assailant who used Glenn’s handle started the bashing rumor. The rumor that was started almost a year ago has continued to pass on through the great vine. When the person(s) responsible is caught he will be hung up by the balls and displayed in public for all to see.

We have all heard of Cali-Girl’s supposed husband "Greg". But is he real or a figment of her imagination? Through in-depth research, it has been determined that he is not real. She uses him to protect herself from Internet molesters.

Sheik was currently hired as Mustache Man’s sidekick. Sheik was recently fired from the condom-testing factory after he was caught stealing condoms for his own personal uses. Sheik is still on his probationary period with Mustache Inc. and will remain there until he stops masturbating.

Classifieds:

Wanted, one female for personal use, call 555-5051

Wanted, 2 males 18 years plus for sexual research, call 555-0069

For Sale, 18 pot belly pigs, 2 male 16 female…great numbers…555-6969

For Sale, slightly beaten computer and sledge hammer only $24.95…555-6901

Horoscopes: curtsey of Or-g

AQUARIUS: you have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly
because u are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a f***ing jerk.

PISCES: You have a vivid imagination and you think you are being
followed by the FBI or the CIA. You have minor influence on your
friends, and ppl resent u for flaunting your power. You lack confidence
and are a general dipshit.

ARIES: You are the pioneer type and think most ppl are dickheads. You
are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are a PRICK.

TAURUS: You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged
determination and you work like hell. Most ppl think you are stubborn
and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn communist.

GEMINI: You are a quick and intelligent thinker. Ppl like you because you
are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This
means you are a cheap bastard!!!! Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on
incest!!!!!!!!!!!!

CANCER: You are sympathetic and understanding of other ppls problems
which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why
you will always be on welfare and wont be worth SHIT!!! Every1 in prison
is a Cancer!!!!!!!
LEO: You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an
idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo ppl are thieving mother
f***ers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

VIRGO: You are the logical type and hate disorder. The shit-picking is
sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall
asleep while f***ing. Virgo’s make good bus-drivers and PIMPS.

LIBRA: You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with
reality. If you are a male you are probably a queer. Chances for
employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra females are whores.
All Libra’s die of venereal disease.

SCORPIO: The worst of the lot! You are shrewd in business and cannot be
trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are a perfect son of a bitch. Most Scorpio’s are
murdered.
SAGGITTARIUS: You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of
Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon was a Saggittarian. You are not worth
the time of day.

CAPRICORN: You are conservative and are afraid of taking risks. You are
basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any
importance. You should KILL yourself!

Word Search: by Ben… :{)

Words:

ROCKWEB, ORG, MUSTACHEMAN, BILL, SHEIK, YERBOUTI, SPEED, SARA, CALIGIRL, DETHFAIRY, MARVINFREAK, LOVE, GLENN AND AIMEE (1 WORD), WHITERABBIT, ARNITA, MARC, DASHKA, GREG, KIMMY, UNITED, MORK, WEBSTER, LILITH, NUKE, JEN, HACK, CAPTIAN, RAT, FRIENDS, BUDS, PARTY, CRAZY, SILLY, JERKIN, CHUMS, SEPTEMBER.

Thank you all for such a cool year, it was great meeting every single one of you. I hope to see you all in September. Have a great summer and remember I can put my arm back on and you can’t so please play safe. Always smile your friend, Ben Matthews...(Bill and Mustache Man) **hugs to all…. The ladies and sturdy hand shake to all the gents**

Special thanks to Or-G for the horoscopes, couldn’t have done it with out’cha!