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| Debra came home exhausted from a hard days work at Vexed City. She didn't like her job as a bartender, but that is all that she could manage to do for the moment. She had just moved into her apartment. Every night she hesitated to come in due to the horrendous smell of the mold spreading alongside the roof. Setting her things on the diner table, she sat down to rest. Deb sighed her worries away and thought about her present life. Whishing she had it better. Asking herself if she had done the right thing to leave the state. She had no other choice. It was either that or... Then out of nowhere her cat, October, jumped on her lap making her heart skip a harsh beat. It was doing over time. October had a habit of jumping into someone's lap. Deb loved her baby with all that she had left in her. She cuddled with her and then started to tickle her tummy. You can almost hear October laugh. Something Deb couldn't do anymore. Deb started her nightly routine. She went into the kitchen to feed October. She was her only companion. Soon after she went into her room, turned on the radio and sat in front of the mirror. She stared at herself with disgust. She had lost her love. She never got a reason why. She thought, or knew, it was because of her. Because of who she was. She stared profusely at herself while lip synching to her favorite song. ...I fake it so real... I am beyond fake.. and someday you will ache like I ache... someday you will ache like I ache... someday you will ache like I ache... Debra would lose herself when she would listen to her song. It was all that she had after she lost Adam. Thinking about him ate her up. She would slowly sing along. Making herself feel wasted. ...I am... doll arms... big veins... dog bait... A tear was slowly weeping down her cheek as she continued to gaze at herself. Her eyes turned blackcherry as a waterfall of acid burning tears scrapped down her face. Deb closed her eyes tightly. "What is wrong with me?" she asked herself. Deb wiped her runny nose with her arm and stiffly stood up. She walked over to the bathroom and started to draw a hot bath. She then went back to her room and moved her stereo into the bathroom. She couldn't live without music. Everywhere she was, music was there to follow. She carefully placed it upon the toilet seat making sure it wouldn't fall into the tub and turned it on. She popped in a burned CD she had made and pushed play. Hole started to play "Violet." She programmed the stereo in a reapeating rotation of the whole CD. Deb went over towards the tub and squatted down near it. She touched the water to see if it was hot enough for her. She loved water to the point that she felt it scolding her skin. Abruptly she stopped testing the water and realized that she had forgotten about something. Deb quickly got up, dropping the bar of soap that was near. She started to pace and hesitated at first, but decided to continue. Walking as if mesmerized she went over her bureau and took out her second companion. She calls him Xavier. "How is my baby today?" asked Deb. "I know, I know, but I have been working awfully hard for us." Whispering at Xavier she tells, "You know that no one must find out about our little secret." |
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