11.04.02
Krystal walked into the apartment that four of the runners (and sometimes that cat weirdo - she just crashed there whenever she felt like it) shared to hear the latter parts of an argument between Malkav and Epoc somehow involving "C200", grenades, insect spirits, summoning, and a Remington Roomsweeper. Before she could establish exactly what the hell was going on, the argument took off in an entirely new direction as Epoc noticed a small mantis up in the corner of the room.
"It's staring at me!" he yelled, having an irrational fear of insect spirits taking over his body.
"What the hell, man. It's just a bug!" the coyote shaman replied.
"Exactly!!"
With that, the adept pulled out his ex-ex loaded Ares Predator and proceeded to fire at the mantis, destroying a fair chunk of the wall in the process. After the dust cleared, the completely unscathed mantis dropped to the floor, bit him in the foot, and wandered off unharmed. Krystal decided she had to intervene at this point.
"What are you two--"
This is where Epoc broke in, as he saw a large cockroach drop from the hole he made in ceiling and crawl to the middle of the floor. But before he could ruin the carpet, too, Krystal grabbed up the hapless insect with a quick Magic Fingers spell and walked off to the kitchen, the bug in tow. Epoc then left towards his room, leaving Malkav and the recently entered Ceres and Dot in the room. Dot had his usual sort of genius comment, along with his usual bouts of twitching.
"Heheh, she magic fingered the cockroach, heheh..."
"I still say you could summon the Stay-Puft man, " continued Malkav, not having dropped the previous conversation, "In fact, I'll prove it!" And with that, he was off to fnd his conjuring materials.
"Huh?" was all Ceres had to say about it. But at that moment, her phone rang. "Um, hello?"
An unnaturally calm voice on the other end of the line answered with "My offer still stands if you're int--" which is the point at which Ceres hung up. Hojo was just too scary for them. Malkav would have probably taken said offer, however, had he been there when it was made. But then again, it was the general opinion that Malkav was crazy, too. Speaking of Malkav, he was in the next room trying to summon the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. The ritual failed entirely (of course), but he did get something from it. He wasn't sure what it was because he couldn't convince it to materialize. So he ignored it and went to the kitchen, where he was met by Krystal, who, after not being able to open the microwave (it was designed to not open if something else was cooking in there - this was a safety feature meant to keep Krystal from injuring herself, as she was completely incompetent with machines) received a sudden phoine call.
"Here, hold this," she said, walking past, and Malkav somehow managed to understand she wanted him to continue holding the bug in the air.
I regret to say I have no idea what the hell happened at this point. It was a completely chaotic 5 minutes or so. But at any rate, it involved Krystal trying to change her dial tone and getting it stuck on "The Hawaiian Christmas Song" (WITH lyrics!), Malkav trying to put the bug in the blender, but it was broken, and trying to fix it with Osris's dikoted sword. Somewhere in there was an attempt to summon the Pillsbury Doughboy, which resulted in the TV getting stuck on with a Pillsbury commercial playing at all times with a loop of the Doughboy saying "hee-hee! hee-hee! hee-hee! hee-hee..." Let's see... then it turned out to be Hojo on the phone with Krystal, Malkav convinced Dot to break into Hojo's phone and change the dial tone to the "Hawaiian Christmas Song" (With lyrics!), and it moved on to a few minutes of relative normalcy.
The roach hissed at Malkav and Krystal, and through some absurd (and probably magically enhanced) force of personality, managed to terrify them both. Krystal ran into the next room, while Malkav grabbed a nearby pan and slammed it into the roach, killing it and sending it flying into the far wall. This broke the pan and smeared roach guts all over.
"Someone's cleaning that up!!" yelled Ceres.
"Epoc, clean that up!!" yelled Malkav in reply.
This somehow results in Krystal hiding behind Ceres's legs, and after another 5 or so minutes of total chaos, winds up trying to get Dot's attention, not understanding that he couldn't see or hear her while jacked in. So she created an illusion of a black cat to float around in front of him (Dot is terrfied of cats), which of course, doe snot work. This is when the Peanut Butter spirit appeared (apologies to Mr Zeebub - this was Mandy's fault). The spirit smacked the illusion away, sending it flying across the room where it hit the wall and somehow became a force five free spirit in the shape of a ghostly black cat. The black cat now haunts Malkav. But anyway, the spirit attacks Krystal, sending her running off towards the general area of the bathroom. After a short fight in which they try to eat each other, the spirit fades away, so Krystal decides to take a shower to get all the peanut butter off of her.
The problem with that was, soon after she got in the shower, the PB spirit re-materialized and busted through the door. This time, she managed to banish it. Back with the more normal group members, Epoc was whining about having to clean up the bug. When the rest of the group insisted he had to, he went and got an ex-ex loaded shotgun from his room, and proceeded to blow a massive hole in the wall through to the fire escape, obliterating the bug. The entire scene struck Malkav as especially amusing, which wraps up the entire episode with this conversation between the two.
"THERE! Now I don't have to clean it up!"
"You still have to pick up the debris, you know."
"...Drek."