Kabe woke up, to realize that his blanket was wet. For a second he wondered if he really had that much to drink the night before, then noticed the sunrise. It was a nice morning, at least, as nice as it could be, considering the location. The house was at the edge of a junkyard in the Redmond Barrens, between a row of apartments on one side, and a burnt-out warehouse on the other. It was longer than it was wide, and it stretched East-West, so the house was built so this window faced down the junkyard. Of course, when the house was built, this was a park.
           Kabe watched the sunrise for a little while longer, then noticed how cold it was and recalled the blanket. He felt around for an empty bottle, and after finding one, threw it over the back of the couch towards a pair of mattresses stacked in the corner. It hit their occupant right on the forehead.
           He expressed his feelings on this event by jumping up from the bed with a yell of "What the frag?!" before tripping over the blanket and falling flat on his face in the middle of the floor.
           "Yo, Russel."
           From under a blanket on the floor behind Kabe came the reply "...What? Did ya hit me with a bottle for a good reason this time?"
           "Dude, the cardboard blew off the window again last night," Kabe said, standing up.
           Russel wasn't quite awake yet. "You sure? How can you tell?"
           "First, there's this big hole in the wall. Second, this," And he walked past, dropping the blanket onto Russel as he went out the door.
           "Drek, that's cold!" Russel yelled as he got back up.
           Zell yelled at them from across the hall, "what the hell are you two doing over there?!" which got him one muffled laugh from the same room, and that got three yells of "Shut up, Blake!" all at once.


           Blake sat down beside Kabe and Russel at an old card table downstairs later that morning. Russel opened the conversation.
           "Where's Zell?"
           "Trying to get his hair to stick up or something... Anything going on so far?"
           "Tenrai and pals were around earlier. They want some stuff to try and convert the old warehouse to their own personal skate park or something."
           At this point, Kabe broke in. "Dude. I just had an idea."
           "...Hopefully better than last week's. It took Zell three days to get that blue crap out of his skin" was Blake's reply.
           "Hey, there's nothing wrong with abusing Zell. Besides, we sold it to the 'Weenies, remember?" Russel said back.
           "What do you think they're gonna use it for?"
           "I dunno... Maybe--"
           "Guys! The idea," Kabe butted in again, "we need to find a rigger or something."
           Blake stared at him. "...a rigger?"
           "Yeah. First of all, I had a couple of really cool ideas for that old van out back. Second, we could do drones then."
           "Um..." Russel, as usual, was confused. "What do we want drones for?"
           "...I forget now. But it was a really cool idea."
           Russel just nodded and stared off into space, while Blake slammed his head down on the table. At about that time, Zell came down the stairs.
           "So... What's for breakfast?"
           Blake looked up at him. "You're gonna do what you do every day. You're gonna tell us that the stuff we get sucks, then you're gonna go down the street to the Stuffer Shack, get a pair of hot dogs, and hang around with Ocawllown for about three hours."
           "Yeah right. What are we having?"
           Russel brought himself back to reality to answer. "That's easy. We're going to Pizza Smut." This phrase brought a four-person yell of "PIZZA SMUT!!" After a second, they looked around, because Zell hadn't said anything.
           "Hey." They all turned to see a short Japanese kid with a bad haircut opening a beer he took from their fridge.
           Blake ignored the fairly annoyed look on Zell's face. "Tenrai... How did you get in our house, what are you doing here, and aren't you underaged?"
           Tenrai smiled at him and sat on the counter. "First, you idiots don't lock your door. Or close it for that matter. Second, I got tired of looking through all that junk. Third, I turned 19 a month ago, dork."
           "But the legal drinking age is--"
           Right about then, Zell lost patience. "This sucks! All you guys ever get is pizza! And you always get pizza from Pizza Smut! Damnit, I give up! I'm going down to the Stuffer Shack and getting some hot dogs!" And with that, he stormed out the door.
           Blake smiled. "Wait for it..."
           A few moments later, everyone heard a clear "...GOD DAMNIT!!" from outside, at which point they all started laughing at Zell.


           Kabe and Blake sat on the edge of the broken upstairs window, breaking bottles on the roof of a junked car below as the sun set behind them. Blake had his AK-97 beside him. He had been cleaning it out but got bored with it after a few minutes. Occawlown and Tenrai had gone to try out their skate park idea, and Zell had been missing since that morning. Russel was out searching for some junk they could use to put a sturdier cover up over the window they were sitting in.
           "So, how are we going to go about finding a rigger?"
           "Huh?"
           "A rigger. You said you needed one for an idea you had."
           "Oh yeah. I dunno. We could ask for one during one of the commercials."
           "And tell everyone where we live? When a 19-year-old skater punk Gecko shaman can break in easily?"
           "...I thought he was a Raccoon shaman."
           "Kabe, that's not the point."
           "Oh."
           "The point is... well, several important points are, first, we still owe the shorty for the monowire he got us last week. Second, we have no cash. Third, Diamond hasn't returned any of my calls all day. Fourth, we need a rigger for whatever that idea of yours was, and as an aside to the second problem, we have no way to pay for hiring one."
           "Umm..."
           "Anything else I missed?"
           Kabe sat there and thought about it for a minute. Last night when he saw Diamond, their fixer, they were both drunk, and the conversation was wavering between her name sounding like a stripper's, how funny Zell looked after that blue chemical incident, and... something about bugs. Diamond hated bugs. Maybe that's why they were out drinking. Usually she wouldn't speak to him. But what did bugs have to do with--
           "Kabe?"
           "..."
           "Earth to Kabe... Russel found the Beer Trident and we now rule over the Seven Beers!"
           "Huh? Beer? I get beer?"
           "No. Just needed you to wake up there.
           "Damn... I was just thinking about beer too... Hey, do we have any bug spray?"
           "No, why?"
           "I dunno. Feels important for some reason."
           "...You're an idiot, you know that?"
           "You're both idiots!" came a call from below them. They looked down to see Russel standing amid broken glass with two pieces of plywood. "Are you gonna help or do I have to start throwing stuff at you?"
           Blake shrugged. "Let's just put a blanket or something over it tonight. It's getting dark."
           "Fine... Have me do all that work for nothing..."
           It looked like Blake was about to come up with another wise-ass remark to Russel's comment, when suddenly, there was a loud explosion somewhere nearby, the air over the nearby row of houses was soon filled with smoke, and they heard tires squealing.
           "I didn't do it!"
           "Shut up Kabe!!" was Blake's reply as he grabbed his gun off the floor and slid down the sloped roof in front of their window. Kabe followed soon enough, but Blake and Russel were already way ahead of him, running over to the burning houses. Despite the rain last night, it had been a hot day, and the fire was spreading quickly. As the three ran out onto the street, they were met with a scene of utter chaos. Squatters and gangers stealing anything they could. People running from buildings. People trying to get water to put out the fires.
           Kabe just stared at it all. "Hey, I don't hear fire trucks or anything."
           "We're in the barrens, idiot! You'll see Elvis here more often than city workers!" Blake looked around. He didn't see very many familiar faces. "Kabe, go look for Zell. Russel, we're going to go find out what the hell's going on."
           "Right."
           "Sure, whatever."
           And with that, Kabe ran up the block towards the Stuffer Shack and Occawlown's alley, while Blake and Russel headed the other way, towards the Halloweener's hangout, here on the edge of their turf. If anyone was going to torch an entire neighborhood, it was the Halloweeners. They stopped in front of a Weapons World halfway there.
           Blake checked his clip and turned to Russel. "Bring a gun?"
           "I don't usually carry one with me at all times, so no."
           "Why not?!"
           "Cause I didn't expect the entire block to explode this evening. Which gave me no reason to think we'd be about to attack the largest Halloweener hangout in the area in an attempt to get some answers."
           "Go somewhere without my guns?! That's... That's... That'd be like Kabe being sober! It's just not right!"
           "Uh-huh..." By now, they had started walking up the street, taking the debate with them.
           "Well, you gonna get one or not?"
           "Tell you what. You lead on in your usual way. I'll pick something up from whoever you manage to hit."
           "Hey, I have good aim."
           "If you were a blind one-armed midget firing a Vindicator, then yeah, that'd be good aim."
           "Just shut up and hurt some gangers."


           Kabe ran up the street, weaving his way through the crowd. Being fairly drunk made it seem a bit easier to do, but that's just because he was stumbling around enough to avoid everyone by a wide margin. He was supposed to be looking for Zell, but Kabe didn't see him anywhere, and he was thinking about other things. He knew there was something important he had to remember, but remembering things is hard. It had something to do with bugs, he knew that. And going to the Stuffer Shack felt like it was really important. Maybe he was supposed to get some bug spray... But then he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. A smiling face, welcoming in everyone, under the glow of a giant neon chef's hat. He stopped and stared at it.
           "Dude... Doughnuts..."


           Elsewhere, but still kinda nearby... She was lying alone in the dark. It was very hot, and not as humid as before. There were noises from above her, but they were too fait, and she couldn't move to get closer. What was going on up there? It didn't matter. There were more important things to deal with; most importantly, Bryce. She wondered how long the bastard had been using her. How long he'd been part of it. Swearing revenge against him was all she could do until she got out. It wouldn't matter. He had already died in the fire above her while astrally projecting, though she had no way of knowing that. All she could do was wait. But waiting used up what time she had left. Bryce already started the ritual before he was killed, and she needed someone else's help to get out. She had to hope that Kabe remembered what she had told him, and that he hadn't had too much to drink that night. Then she thought about it and realized that her life was entirely in Kabe's hands, and promptly abandoned all hope.


           Back to our original plotline, Kabe walked into the Doughnut shop and walked up to the counter like it was any other day, apparently not noticing the flames, smoke, or heat. There was an ork woman and a human man running back and forth behind the counter, trying to save whatever they could. Kabe thought about it for a second, and wondered why it seemed odd.
           "Hey, dude type person."
           The man behind the counter continued running around in a panic.
           "...Dude."
           The man stopped and stared at him, with a look of utter disbelief.
           "WHAT?! What do you want?! Can't you see the whole fragging building is burn-"
           "You got any glazed doughnuts?"
           "NO! We don't have any glazed doughnuts! The building is-"
           "You got any jelly doughnuts?"
           "No, we're out of jelly doughnuts! What the frag is wrong with you, man! Can't you see the building is on-"
           "You got any Bavarian cream-filled doughnuts?"
           "BAVARIAN CREAM-FILLED DOUGHNUTS?! Are you out of your fragging mind?! THE BUILDING IS-"
           "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
           "Cinnamon rolls? You're an idiot, aren't you?"
           "...You got any apple fritters?"
           "GOD DAMNIT THE BUILDING IS FRAGGING ON FIRE!! NO, WE DON'T HAVE ANY APPLE FRITTERS!"
           "...You got any bear claws?"
           And right then, the chef gives up. He yells "Marie! Deal with this psychopath!" into the back room before running off. Some debris falls from the burning roof, but Kabe takes no notice. Soon, the ork woman walks out front, loading a shotgun. She glares at him.
           "Yeah, whadda you want?"
           "You got any bear claws?"
           "He went to go check," she replied as she raised the shotgun towards him. He still pays no attention to any of it. "And we don't got any."
           "Well... In that case, what do you have?"
           "All I got right now is this barrel of buckshot about to blow your face..." which is as far as she got before a chunk of the ceiling collapsed onto her. A second later, she jumps up without the shotgun, her clothes on fire.
           "Doh, get it off me! Get it off me! Oh no, get it off, get it off!! Oh, oh God, oh God!! Oh, get it off me! Oh, oh God!"
           And thus did Marie the ork doughnut chef run screaming from the building. This confused Kabe, as he hadn't really paid much attention to that fire thing that was going on. He guessed it must be getting worse. But that didn't matter. For there was one last double-chocolate-glazed doughnut left on the shelf. Kabe took the doughnut and left. As he stepped off the curb in front of the shop, the entire building collapsed behind him. But he liked the doughnut.


           Blake stepped into a room, empty except for a desk and a couple of bodies. Russel must have gotten this room, too. "Damnit, he already cleared this half of the building..." Blake didn't get further than that before Russel walked in through another door, carrying an assault rifle with the entire barrel bent and a crack running down the rest of the frame.
           "Nah, it was more like a third that I got."
           "Russel! What happened?!"
           "Oh, this?" He pointed at the gun. Blake was probably going to throw a fit over him breaking another rifle this way. "I ran out of ammo in the last room and just had to beat a few of them instead."
           "Not that. You always do that. I mean, now who are we gonna interrogate?"
           "...Good question... Maybe this is one of the reasons Diamond was always bothering us to use less dangerous tactics."
           "Too bad. I pack live ammo."
           "Me too. But still. Now who do we ask?"
           "...Damn, forgot about that."
           "Well, why didn't you interrogate them?"
           "Cause I was just softening them up! You were supposed to ask!"
           "Twenty bullets per body isn't 'softening them up.' It'd be even more ridiculous if you hit them more than two or three times."
           "I told you, I have good aim."
           "...Okay, next time, I hurt them, you ask them."


           Kabe sat on the sidewalk in front of the Stuffer Shack. He thought it was way too hot out here for the time of the year. Then the burning "S" from the Stuffer Shack logo crashed into the ground beside him and he remembered that fire thing that was going on. Why did he come to the Stuffer Shack again? Maybe he could just ask Zell. Where was Zell, anyway?
           "Kabe!"
           Kabe turned around to see Zell run out of the Stuffer Shack. "Oh. Hey Zell, do you remember why I was supposed to go to the store?"
           "There's no time for that now! Get in here and help me!" And then Zell, being a person of great stupidity, ran back into the burning building. Kabe considered thinking about it for a moment, but he was also a person of great stupidity, and thinking usually confused him. So Kabe just followed Zell in. He wondered why, because most of the store had been looted already and nobody else was around. Smoke had built up, and Kabe lost track of Zell...
           "Kabe! What are you waiting for?! Get the hell over here!"
           He followed the sound and found Zell next to one of those hot dog maker machines.
           "Uhh..."
           "What? Grab the other end."
           "Um, okay... But since we're here, we need some of these." He grabbed the entire condiment tray beside the machine and sat in on top. "And we need bug spray, I think. I just remembered it."
           "Kabe... THERE! IS! NO! TIME! No time, not even for bug spray. Especially not for bug spray. Hot dogs are far more important than that."
           "Oh, okay then."


           "I tell you what. Next time, we do a rock-paper-scissors to see who fights them."
           "You can't ro-sham-bo if your hands get shot off."
           "Ro what?"
           "Damnit, Blake... you're supposed to learn that sorta crap in kindergarten."
           Blake and Russel were walking back up the road after getting out of the gang hangout, still maintaining the same argument as before.The fires seemed to be dying down, but every now and then they heard an explosion or something collapsed.
           "Anyway. Forget it. Where the hell are Kabe and Zell, anyway? If they got back first and Kabe's messed with any of my guns-"
           "They're over there." Russel pointed up the road and across the street, where Kabe and Zell happened to be walking down the sidewalk. Kabe was walking just behind, staring at something off in the distance, Zell was pushing the Hot Dog machine (which apparently had wheels), and... Tenrai was lying on top of the machine, for some reason. They eventually came up to Blake and Russel, who had stood there staring at them outside the alley leading from the street to their house in the junkyard. When the trio arrived, Kabe ran into a wall and looked confused before finding another spot off in space to stare at, Zell sat down on the curb and glared at anyone he thought would try to take his hot dogs. And Tenrai just sat up and smiled at Blake and Russel.
           "Hi guys. Like my new wheels?"
           Russel muttered something about beating his head against a wall and walked off to do so, while Blake just stared at the Japanese kid.
           "What the hell are you two doing, why the hell is Tenrai here, and what the hell is he doing riding on top of a hot dog machine?"
           Tenrai jumped down from the machine.
           "Well, I was walking down the street, seeing if I could find any good junk to grab before people noticed, when I walk past the Stuffer Shack and see these two idiots dragging this big metal thing around. I'm about to go up and insult them properly, when the whole building collapses! So, I dig the two out of the rubble and heal them. Then I decided to have some fun and convinced them that healing was a sustained spell, not a permanent effect. So I told them if they didn't do what I said, I'd drop the spell and let 'em bleed to death. So after a few minutes of seaching around for stuff worth taking, I get bored, so we decide to head back, and here we are."
           "...What happened to the stuff?"
           "I'm not telling. That'd ruin the fun."
           Kabe quit staring off into space and turned around to walk home. On the way past Blake and Tenrai, he stopped.
           "He stuck it in the little cabinet type things on the front of the metal box."
           And then Kabe walked off, and Zell soon followed with the cart. And therefore, Tenrai's stuff.
           "Hey! I took it first!"
           "Go home Tenrai."
           "But..."
           "Go home."
           And then Blake walked back to the house, too.


           One week later... Half the neighborhood is still in ruins. Diamond is still missing. Tenrai is still annoying. And Zell and Kabe have just been woken up at 5 AM due to various loud noises through the rest of the house. They headed towards the stairs to go down and check it out, but just as Zell took the first step down, a green blur flashed in front of Kabe. Said blur hit Zell, knocking him down the stairs and getting him to the first floor that much faster. Kabe didn't really take much notice of this, cause he had a hangover and everything was a bit blurry. He stumbled forward a few steps and fell down the stairs as well.
           Once down in the kitchen, Kabe got up off the floor to see Zell's head stuck in the wall, Blake with his head down on the table, and Russel standing beside Blake drinking a beer and smiling at the whole situation. Currently, Zell was unconcious with his head in the wall, and he had a kid about Tenrai's size, with green hair, green pants, funny-looking pink shoes, and a shirt about four sizes too big for him, jumping up and down on his back and yelling at him.
           "Sled! Fun! Ride again! Ride again!"
           This confused Kabe.
           "...Uh, no?
           Blake liften his head off the table just enough to glare at the rest of them, while Russel smiled a special "I'm a dumbass just to annoy you" smile.
           "He followed us home. Can we keep him?"
           At this point, the green-haired kid leaped across the room, landing on Blake's back and slapping two handfulls of ketchup packets from Zell's hot dog machine into Blake's hair, spraying soy-based tomato substitute everywhere.
           "KETCHUP PIE!!!"
           This causes the kid to fall to the floor giggling maniacally and yelling gibberish along the lines of:
           "Zem demand three point one four one five nine two six five three five eight nine seven nine three two three eight four six two six four three three eight three two seven nine five ketchup pies!!"
           ...and then goes to sleep.
           Kabe stares blankly at the mess for a few seconds while Russel tries to pull Zell's head out of the wall... But eventually gets around to asking a dumb question.
           "...What is that thing?"
           Blake just mumbles his answer and wipes some ketchup off his face.
           "It calls itself Zem and it won't go away."
           "...Oh ...Where'd it come from?"
           There was a crash as Russell collapsed the wall and floor around himself and Zell, dropping both of them into the basement. This wakes up the Zem, who yells something about banana lizards with bags on their heads just before diving through after them.
           "...Anyway, we were down at Silence meeting a Mr. J who knows Diamond, to see if he could help get us connected with someone else while she's out of touch. Wound up being a really creepy guy with pale skin and black hair. Always wore a white coat and dark glasses. Anyway, I think we made progress, even though he interrupted me in the middle of a sentence, told us he had to keep an appointment, and left. Later while we're leaving, we find out he paid for all of our meals. So we walk out of the dark onto a catwalk. We hear someone, turn around, and suddenly we have a Zem behind us."
           The chaos continued downstairs.
           "Oooh, Easter eggs..."
           "...Eggs?"
           "Bad midget! Put the grenade down!"
           "Grenade?!"
           "Oooh, pretty earring."
           "Zell, hide."
           "Why?"
           Back upstairs...
           "Oh drek..."
           "Huh?"
           Unfortuneately for all involved, in Zem's mind, Grenade = Easter Egg and Pin = Earring. It may or may not be odd that Zem thinks earrings are neat. But that's not the point.