What's My Name Again?

 

Few arguments are resolved at the Oasis.  We forget for a little while, but something will happen sooner or later.  A sarcastic remark, maybe, or one shove too many.  Then, we'll stomp our feet and pull our hair, rehashing our anger. We can't just "let it go".  We seem to live off of conflicts.  Not to mention, Zell71 is always in the middle of them.  He is stubborn and persistent to a fault…

 

Zell71:  I'm going to do it!!!  I don't care what you say!!!

 

He enters the Final Fantasy VIII lounge out of breath, slamming the door behind him.

 

Squall:  *looking up from the newspaper* Stop making so much noise.  I'm reading.

 

Zell71:  *collapses into a chair* She won't listen.  And who does she think she is?  I can do anything I want.

 

Squall:  …Coffee?

 

A mug materializes on the end table next to Zell71.  Steam is gushing out of it.  It's coffee.  Hot coffee.

 

Zell71:  Damn it, don't do your magic around me.  It's creepy… *picks up the mug and glances at the substance inside*  …and unsanitary.

 

Squall:  It's fine.  Stop talking and use your mouth to drink it instead.

 

Zell71:  That's what the murderer always says to his victim.

 

Squall:  …whatever…

 

Zell71 froze.  She was standing in the doorway.  Just a shadow against the burning light outside.  Zell71 would have believed that it was one of the twelve horsemen announcing the beginning of the apocalypse.

 

WutaiCat:  Zell…  we need to talk.   Now.

 

Zell71:  *exhaling noisily* WE have nothing to discuss

 

WutaiCat:  That's right, we aren't discussing anything.  You can't do it.

 

Zell71:  I don't have to listen to you, and, anyways everyone else thinks it's a great idea.  "Go for it," they all tell me. 

 

WutaiCat:  Who's "they"?

 

Zell71:  Well, Squall here to start.

 

Squall:  Hey *holding up his hands and getting to his feet* I was just leaving.

 

WutaiCat:  Not so fast.  Do you think what my brother wants to do is all right?

 

Squall: …I don't care what he does.

 

Zell71:  *triumphantly* See, see!!  I'm changing it.

 

WutaiCat:  FINE!  If you want to do it … *shouts over her shoulder down the corridor* Everyone! Seifer, Zell, Selphie, Rinoa, Quistis!!

 

Irvine and Selphie, followed by Seifer poking at Zell, stumble into the living space of the FFVIII lounge.

 

Irvine:  what's all this hollarin' 'bout?

 

WutaiCat:  Where's Rinoa and Quistis?

 

Selphie:  Oh, it's Quisty's turn to regulate the polls and Rinoa went along to help.  Want me to get them for you?

 

Zell71:  It doesn't matter.  Squall's already on my side and I'm sure you all will agree with me anyway.

 

WutaiCat:  Shove it.  This isn't a democracy.

 

Seifer:  Democracy is crap.  Stupid people need someone to make the decisions for them…

 

WutaiCat:  Seifer, keep your ethics to yourself.  We're talking about changing Zell's name.

 

Zell:  But I like my name!!  

 

Zell71:  *rolling his eyes* she's talking about me.

 

Zell:  Why would you want to change your name?  Zell is a good one.

 

Seifer:  Yeah, in some languages it translates to "Bird of Farm" or more precisely "Chicken-wuss".

 

WutaiCat:  ANYWAY, I don't want Zell – I mean, Zell71 – to change his name, but if he agrees to change it to something similar…

 

Zell71, grumbling incoherently, shrugs and indicates his acceptance of the compromise with a curt nod.

 

WutaiCat:  Alrighty then, any suggestions?

 

Zell:  I'm in!!  How about "Zell of Balamb8"?

 

Zell71:  *arms crossed* Okay, that's not really what I was going for….

 

Seifer:  "Chicken-wuss" kinda suits you.

 

Selphie:  Noooo, he looks like a Cutie Zelly…. Cause he's cute.

 

Irvine:  Zell, you need a name like "One Shot" or "Final Master"  or "Double L" or "Squinty Eyes"…

 

Zell71:  Whoa…  what do you mean by squinty eyes??

 

Irvine:  Just a suggestion.

 

Selphie:  What do you want to be called, Zell?

 

Zell:  What?

 

Zell71:  Ahem, that's me again….  

 

Zell:  Oh, sorry…

 

Zell71:  I don't know what I want to be called… something without a stupid number.

 

WutaiCat:  Just leave it alone.  You can't think of anything anyway.

 

Zell71:  I want to be Zell "The Master"…

 

Selphie:  That's kinda long…

 

Seifer:  Why not just Master.  Zell's a crappy name.

 

Zell:  Not as crappy as Seifer…  nobody picks the name of a guy who smells.

 

Irvine:  I hate to say it, but you are a bit stinky Sulfur Seifer.

 

Seifer:  LIS –

 

Lavantis:  HEY!!  What's going ON in here!?!?!?

 

Lavie paces into the lounge, arms crossed and one eyebrow raised.  She holds out her hands to ward off the unison of different answers as she stops in the mists of the little group.

 

Lavantis:  One at a time, please.  Squall, stop reading the paper and tell me what's going on.

 

Squall:  ……your brother hates numbers…… *turns page*

 

Lavantis:  Okay…And the problem is?

 

Squall:  They can't come up with one.

 

Lavantis:  With WHAT?

 

Squall: …He wants to change his name… WutaiCat wants him to change it so people will still know who he is……

 

Lavantis:  Oh…. Well, how about ZellTM.  Ya know, for "The Master".

 

They all stare at Lavie, open mouthed.  (Except Squall who continued reading the newspaper)

 

Lavantis:  What?  No good?

 

WutaiCat:  … ZellTM…… sounds cool.

 

ZellTM:  Yup, a perfect fit.

 

Squall:  Good, now shut up and leave.

 

 

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