Chapter 7: Swallow It Down
Two little red pills sat on the table, staring back at him, waiting for him. He looked away. There wasn't much time, and Cloud had gone over it again and again in his head, always coming around full circle. He had to do it, whatever the outcome might be, but he hesitated. He searched, one last time, for another solution, raking his hand threw his hair. Nothing. He was in a dark tunnel with no place to go but forward, and not a clue as to what waited for him at its end.
Cloud's head pounded with his decision, and his body moved in slow motion. He reached across the table, fingering a small square of paper he had folded in half just a few minutes before. Cloud clutched the paper to his chest, eyes closed and head bowed. Opening it, he read it to himself, and then out loud. He hated every word. Each syllable burned in his throat. He was a monster. Sure, he had written of how it was his responsibility, how he would do anything for her… but wouldn't NOT going through with this actually be considered "doing something for her"? His fingers tensed, condensing the note into a ball. Tremors shot up and down his body, and his face convulsed in pain.
Cloud pushed the memories, the feelings, away. He didn't want to think about Tifa's smile, the way she laughed, the way she buried her body in his arms. She had danced around him for days after they had agreed to marry, fluttering about with her hands intertwining with his own. Tifa had been happy, for a little while. But Cloud wasn't a normal person; never a carefree newly wed. He had problems that started out small and instead of disappearing, they grew. This had taken a toll on Tifa. Of course, she loved him, and he loved her, but that didn't solve problems.
Tifa had stayed up with him when he first couldn't sleep, telling him stories and whispering in his ear. After a few weeks, he noticed how hard it was for her to keep smiling. He was hurting her by letting her see his own hurt. It was then that he started pretending to sleep, keeping his doubts inside. It was as if a tumor was growing inside him, getting bigger and bigger, and he didn't want that same feeling inflicting the ones he loved. When he did sleep, his dreams were black, but he remembered them as being black. It felt as if something were closing in, wrapping tighter and tighter around his body. Something he couldn't see, or hear… until now.
Jenova is dead. That's a fact, and his friends didn't have to worry about it taking control of him again. He knew what was disturbing him. When he had fallen asleep on the couch, she, or it, had spoken to him. Cloud grasped his neck, still remembering the coldness choking him. She, whispering in a raspy voice, had chanted into his ear. Now, Cloud was never an academic, especially not when it came to understanding the hidden meanings of literature. You said what you meant, symbolism be damned. The chant from this "being" had been so vague, but he had a feeling it was about Alyssa and himself. Cloud covered his face in his hands. He wasn't sure what to make of it…
The planet
cries
By the girl’s
hand
Ok, that part doesn't sound too good. And looking back, it doesn't say that Alyssa
is the "girl". Cloud
sighed. He felt like inviting Marlene
over to help him decipher the message. Although
she was still a kid, she had actually taken to writing. Nothing big.
Short little stories with quick remarks and goofy characters. In addition, Marlene has been helping her
dad, Barret, with his grammar. To
think, an English genius growing up in Barret's house of slang… Cloud had never
met Marlene's mom, but she must have been really smart. Anyway, Cloud was on his own. The planet would "cry" because of
a girl… Alyssa…. Does that mean that Alyssa is a source of evil? Or
is it a happy cry? Cloud shook his head
in frustration.
She is the
Chosen
It is destiny
Again, Cloud assumed that this part must be about
Alyssa. He had witnessed her connection
with this "being" in the very kitchen in which he sat at the
moment. Chosen could mean she is an
Ancient… or whatever. And destiny,
well, Cloud didn't believe in destiny anymore.
But maybe Alyssa was created to do something… created to make the planet
cry…
You shall
deliver her
Now, this is the part that Cloud was the most uncomfortable with. The power in his veins was Jenova. He would never give Alyssa in to something, someone, who was, essentially, blackness. Not unless he wasn't in control of himself…
"Uggghhhh," Cloud moaned. He was wasting time. Picking the crumpled note from the floor, he smoothed it out on his leg. It may not be perfect, but there was no way that Cloud had the energy or willpower to write another one.
Standing from the kitchen table, Cloud stretched his arms out with a deep breath. His jaw was set. He scooped up the two awaiting pills in one hand, and the wrinkled note in the other. He walked into the living room. Cloud flinched. The room was a mess, blood splattered everywhere, furniture smashed into pieces, and Cid lying unconscious on the couch.
Cloud's hand touched his bandaged forehead before he realized it had moved from his side. He shrugged his new conflicts away. Yes, the "voice" had almost killed him in his sleep. Yes, Rude had attacked Cid and himself, taking Alyssa. Yes, Cid was still unconscious. Yes, what he wanted to do was certainly very dangerous. Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Still, he had to ignore these facts, didn't he?
"Why am I doing this again?" Cloud sighed, gripping the pills in his hand.
"Hmmmm, shut up Cloud…. don't wuss out…" Cid suddenly shifted to his side, breathing heavily.
Cloud almost jumped, but his stomach settled again when he realized that Cid talked in his sleep. Even asleep, Cid said the obvious.
"Your right, Cid," Cloud replied under his breath, "I gotta get moving."
Cid didn't stir again while Cloud set the note to Tifa on the coffee table. He sat himself down in the large chair next to the couch. Then, just to be sure, Cloud counted off the reasons that this was the right thing to do on his fingers:
1st – He had to stop the "being".
2nd - Alyssa, he felt, would be taken to Reeve (he owned the Turks now… after a long and twisted ordeal) who wasn't evil, but probably knew something of Cloud's trouble. Reeve was smart, and maybe he had information about her. Anyway, even if Reeve thought Alyssa was the evil one, he would keep her safe, and that's more than Cloud could do.
3rd - Cid was still knocked out.. (There was a hole in the wall that suggested he would be out for a bit longer). Cloud had aroused up in a pool of blood, cleaned himself up, and then tended to Cid, without waking him up. After all, it would be easier to do what he intended if no one was around to stop him.
There was some more stuff about how he was trying to save everyone, get back a normal life, find out what was going on, but that was crap and Cloud just didn't have it in him to delude himself anymore. He didn't want to think of the consequences, to plan his whole mission out, because he knew it had a slim chance of succeeding.
"What am I waiting for?" Cloud shrugged. He leaned his head back and chucked the two red pills down his throat, swallowing them with his eyes squinted shut. Collapsing back into the chair, Cloud relaxed his muscles, letting the medication take effect.
It wasn't long before his eyelids began to droop, his breathing slowed, and he couldn't concentrate on anything. He had actually gotten the pills from Reeve, when his sleeping habits started to be a problem. They were packed with medication, looking more like horse pills. You were only supposed to take one… and that one kept you asleep for at least twelve hours, without hope of disturbance. This had scared Tifa. There were too many "what if's"… what if there's a fire, what if something happens with your heart… and so on. Ultimately, Cloud had just thrown the pill bottle in a drawer, unopened. Now, taking two would give him enough time to do what he had to do, hopefully, and wake up in a day.
Cloud yawned, "See ya in a day, Cid." He raised his hand in a two-fingered solute, before falling asleep.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________