The Lunacy of Zelda
AKA:Revenge of the Return of the Son of the Random Sketch 'Fic! Part 18,295,106! The Cliche Strikes Back!
::reaches through computer screen and collars Link::
<You can hand that over, too! No... it's no good hiding it, buddy.
I can see what you're holding.>
Link sighs, and passes over the FD mask.
"Sheesh. Don't I get a break? I just happen to be the hero here,
okay?"
<Maybe, but I'm the author. And if you start playing up... you're snogging
fishface.>
(meekly) "I'll be good!"
<Thank you.>
::grins, watches Link walk away.:: <You're a lucky fish, Ruto...>
-
*Things Characters Will Never Say Part Twenty-Four*
Darunia: E = MC squared. Pi is 3.1417.....
Navi: ...
Zelda: Pink's not really my colour, is it? How about black?
Majora: Oh, go on. You can be the good guy, then.
Mad Cow Aliens From Romani Ranch: We come in peace.
Link: Gwahahahah!!!!!
(peeved) "Might do."
<Doubt it.>
Kafei: But I like being a kid! Don't wanna grow up! Bwaaah!
Mikau / Nayru (Oracle): I'm blue, da ba dee, da ba di...
Ganondorf: Give peace a chance!
Ralph: No, you go first, Link. I'm too scared.
Talon: Wakey wakey! Rise and shine!
Maku Tree / Ruto: It'd never work out, Link. We're two different species.
Malon: Damn Cuccos! Feathers everywhere, they mess on your table...
Mido: You're my best mate! Gimme a hug!
Romani: 'Grasshopper'? What was I thinking when I came up with...
Maple: Sorry. It's all my fault. Should have looked where I was going. Serves me right.
Din (Oracle): ::starts doing the Macarena::
Guy From Music Box House: Argh! A g-g-ghost! Quick! Someone call...
::Luigi appears:: "Someone want-a ghost-a buster? "
<Wrong game, buddy.>
"Yeah, pasta-face. You haven't been totally humiliated by that... purple...
thing... eesh."
<You mean the Ga...>
"Don't say it. Anyway - clear out. You heard me, pal. Shoo. There's only
room for one hero in green round here - and it's not you."
"Mamma mia..." ::Luigi picks up his hoover and leaves::
<Link! I never thought I'd hear you say something like
that...>
"Good for nothing cube-hogging plumber..." ::grumbles::
-
*Star Wreckin'*
"I ...am ...Linkcutus ...of ...Borg."
The Mad Cow Aliens - Resistance is Moo-tile.
Use the Tri-force, Link!
-
Swords flash. The fight of the century -
Oh, come on. I don't have to tell you who it is.
"You never knew your father, did you, Link?" Ganondorf grins, as his young
adversary dangles over a cliff.
"No, I didn't... What are you saying?..."
"Link, I am your father... Join me, and we can rule the world together..."
"...No! It can't be true!"
"Oh, yes, it is. You cannot resist the power of the Dark Side..."
"...Okay. Good point."
Link fishes in a pocket with his free hand. He pulls out ...
::looks at what she's holding. Papier-mache. D'oh.::
<That is IT! Next sketch, you're snogging fishface!>
...the real FD Mask, and flicks it on. He vaults - no, flies - up to the
clifftop.
"Dad!"
"Son!"
<Apologies to all the real SW and ST fans out there. I know I mangled the quotes. Meanwhile...>
-
*Revenge on Link - a 5-second fic*
"YEEARGH!"
A silver blur snaps past, followed by a blue blur.
Zoras can't half shift when they need to...
"Come here, Linky!"
*Mwah!*
-
Link rips off mask, bends double, and starts retching.
<Okay, sorry, that was cruel. But you learnt your lesson,
right?>
"Way to go, Miss Author. My mouth tastes of fish."
<Still... think yourself lucky...>
"Why?"
<If you mess up again - I know where you're hiding...>
::turns pink:: "Wait. I'm here in Hyrule. You're there on Earth. So
how..."
<Trust me. I'll find a way. Bwahahahaha! Whoops. Slipped.>
-
Majora's Maths (or what happens when my brain wanders in the middle of doing algebra)
Link, with twenty-four masks, becomes the Fierce Deity. L + 24M =
FD.
But the Fierce Deity only needs to lose one mask to become Link. FD -
M = L.
Therefore, 24M = M, but that can only happen if M = 0.
Therefore, the mask is nothing.
Therefore, L = FD. Link is the Fierce Deity.
Ha! Proved it! ::smirks::
"Thank you! Now, if you could just..."
<Don't count on it.>
Link glares. He pulls out the ocarina. "That is it! First you make me hug
Ganondork and snog Ruto... now you're just taking the...! I'm coming for
you!" He begins to play some tune...
<Okay... point made. ...Link? Where'd you...>
-
::slowly turns around, frozen to spot::
<What the...> "How did you get here..."
"No comment." He pulls out a sword.
Gotta go!
-
hshfyuw ru hs ow SotHis is a
coMputr is it?
Ahah. I get it. So if I press this... What's this about? Who's this Alena
character? I never met...
::begins reading the 'Guardian of Time' series, confused, with no regard
for shameless plugging::
So... if I'm supposed to be... so I don't need this thing, do I?
::thinks hard:: If I was to... just... YESSS! Aha!
Watch out, Dragonheart!
Oh... so you're reading this? Well... I'm off now. And any flamers... you will suffer the same fate as the author...
(hiding under table) "That's not good."
What was that?
"Eep!"