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C | First names & forms of address | Arranged marriages & wedding customs | Importance of family background & social status | Preferences of physical appearance | Sexuality & attitudes toward homosexuality | Relations with family / visiting / misc. | ||
NORTH AMERICA | ||||||||
U | Once you're introduced to someone (well, besides the President and other lofty figures), you can call them by their first name. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a judge is an option, but not a requirement; most marriages happen in church. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. Some foreigners pay excessive attention to status, and that's exasperating. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. | Once you're past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to invite each other over-- especially if a meal is involved. | ||
A | Once you're introduced to someone (well, besides the President and other lofty figures), you can call them by their first name. Alaskans are generally quite informal; even the press has taken to calling the husband of a female governor the "First Dude". You probably think Alaskans also have a greater sense of camaraderie and helpfulness than most people from Outside. If you see someone who looks like they might be in trouble, you make sure to help them - after all, you never know when you could be the one stuck in the snowbank; most people have been in an accident of some sort at one point or another. You might know of someone who has died in a plane crash or avalanche; it's a small world here, and you all have to face the sometimes harsh environment together. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a judge is an option, but not a requirement; most marriages happen in church. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding - a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. Some foreigners pay excessive attention to status, and that's exasperating. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual (and other more vulgar terms). | Most (white) people are only two or three generations removed from the Lower 48. Their parents or grandparents moved here from the contiguous states, and are likely to maintain family ties to people there. Once you're past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to invite each other over - especially if a meal is involved. | ||
L | You call people by their first name. Many people automatically use the shortened form of the name (i.e. Bill for William) even if someone introduces himself using the long version. If you pass a stranger in a public place, you pretend not to notice each other. You certainly don't make eye contact or say hello. The farther away you get from New York City, the more polite and laid back the people become. |
| You don't care what family someone comes from, but things like social class, educational background, and income level may influence your choice of which people you associate with (but you wouldn't admit to this). |
| You don't automatically associate Fire Island with gay men. | Your relatives probably don't live too far away. If you are invited to dinner, you will probably bring a dessert or something. | ||
L | Once introduced to someone, you can call him by his first name -- often even if he is your boss or superior. If a complete stranger smiles at you and waves to you, you will smile and wave back. Holding the door open for strangers (especially women, children, and the elderly) is not uncommon. | Marriages take place in churches. Unless they are held outdoors somewhere. |
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T | If someone totally unknown says hello to you in some public place, you wave back to them and think nothing of it. Friendliness and hospitality are virtues not to be taken lightly -- after all, that's what the state's name means. (Texas is a corruption of the Spanish word Tejas, which is itself a corruption of a Hasinai Indian word meaning "friends" or "allies"; indeed, originally the words Hasinai and Texas were used interchangeably as names for the region.) |
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C | If you don't know someone very well, you shouldn't use their first name, it feels uncomfortable if you do. Public figures are not usually called by their first names, and people who are older than you aren't either. There is sort of a leftover British "elitist" mentality, that is sort of in between Britain and America (like everything else). You probably think you are friendlier than the average American. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a judge is an option, but not a requirement; most marriages happen in church. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. A man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from, unless it involves marriage. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. |
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B | Once you're introduced to someone, you can call them by their first name. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Half of all marriages happen in church, the rest in front of a J.P. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding -- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a woman gets only one husband (or a man, one wife) at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a person has sex with someone of the same sex, they're homosexual. Several same-sex couples are fighting the Canadian Charter of Rights for the right to marry. | If someone accidentally steps on your foot, you apologize. Once you're past college, you might sometimes show up at a friend's place unannounced. People have to invite each other over for a meal. | ||
O | You probably think you are friendlier than the average American, although people from the rest of Canada would disagree; people outside of Toronto feel this way about Torontonians as well. |
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Q | Tutoiement (informal second person singular, accompanied by calling people by their first name) is usually the rule when meeting people of any age, at school and in the business world. However, the elderly, authority figures and other people deserving of more respect get the formal treatment (vouvoiement, second person plural and use of title and last name). You tend to be more familiar and friendly in business than Anglos. | You expect marriages to be made for love; arranged marriages are unheard of. You can get married by a justice of the peace, but you will probably choose to get married at a Catholic church. Of course, a man can only take one wife at a time. Divorce is unfortunately common. | Some foreigners pay excessive attention to status, and that's exasperating. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | A person who has sex with another person of the same gender is considered a homosexual. Gay couples are entitled to the same benefits as unmarried heterosexual couples (common law unions). You may be prejudiced towards homosexuals, but you do not wish to deny them basic rights. | Kissing on both cheeks when you meet or leave someone you know well, family or not, is custom, especially for women. Once you're past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to invite each other over-- especially if a meal is involved. | ||
LATIN AMERICA | ||||||||
B | Once you're introduced to someone, you can call them by their first name. All public personalities, including the President and other lofty figures, are called by their first names except in an official context. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. You can get married by a judge, by the Church or both. Church weddings have legal value if you take the certificate to a public notary. The reverse of course is not true. If you live like a married person with another person of the opposite sex the law says it is the same thing as if you were legally married. You have a best man and maid of honour or, sometimes, up to seven couples of men/maids. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time (and vice-versa). | Mixed marriages are common but more so among the poor and lower-middle class than among the rich. Pretty black or mulata girls, however, often marry above their social class. | If you're a man, your ideal woman figure is plumper in the buttocks and smaller in the breasts than the American ideal. | If a man has sex with another man and is at the bottom, he's a homosexual. If he is at top, then you have to check the context. Maybe he was young or drunk or both. But it is certainly nothing to brag about. | You like to do favours for members of your extended family, their friends and relatives of their friends. You expect them to do favours for you. | ||
C | Once you're introduced to someone (well, besides the President and other lofty figures), you can call them by their first name. You will probably use the first name preceded by a title like "doctor". | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a judge is an option, but not a requirement; most marriages happen in church. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. | Showing up at someone's place is not uncommon or considered rude. | ||
M | Once you're introduced to someone, you first call them by their university title (licenciado, doctor, ingeniero, arquitecto...), and when your relationship is deeper, you call them by their first name. If you're at high school you often call people by their last names or by their nicknames. | You expect marriages to be made for love, and not arranged by third parties. Though you must get married by a judge, you always have a wedding in church. You always have a best man and matron of honor, but you know them as compadre and comadre. Of course, you just get one wife at a time. | You don't care much about what family someone comes from. Some foreigners, however, put excessive attention to their status. | If a woman is plumper than average it doesn't improve her looks. | A man who has sex with another man is homosexual. | You spend your Christmas vacations with your family. | ||
EUROPE | ||||||||
A | Unless you're all under about 20-25 years old, or related, or members of the same club, you address people with Sie and their last names when you meet them the first time. Adding their academic titles ("Magister Mayer", "Doktor Novak") is also quite common in formal settings, older people do it all the time. Switching to Du and first names usually takes some time, unless you live in Tyrol, where everyone will think you're from Vienna if you say "Sie". A rather silly intermediate variant of addressing people with Sie and their first name (which is comparable to saying "Mr. John" or "Ms. Susan") also exists, but is almost exclusively heard in Kindergarten, dubbed American films and stupid afternoon talkshows. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married at the Standesamt is a requirement; most marriages also happen in church. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks, and she's constantly reminded of that in womens' magazines, films, and advertising. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. Not really a big deal today, although it's still far from being considered normal. Football players are the only men who can be strictly heterosexual and at the same time hug and kiss other men on a regular basis. | You absolutely do not expect strangers to hug you. Hugging is strictly reserved for spouse, family, close friends, and football players whose team just scored a goal. Once you're past university, you rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to (informally) invite each other over - especially if a meal is involved. | ||
F | You can use a more polite (plural, like French vous) or a more intimate (singular, like French tu) form when addressing people, although the polite form is used only in very formal situations (most people would use it with the president but not with a shop assistant). Politeness is often expressed by avoiding direct reference to person, and first names are seldom used in conversation (often only when you need to catch somebody's attention: "hey YOU there -- listen to me [and shut up]!"). | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Mostly (and especially if you are a female), you want a romantic church wedding (if you are a member of the church, no other ceremony by "worldly" authorities is required). You have a best man and a maid of honour at the wedding -- mostly your best friends. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time (and vice-versa). |
| If a young woman (or a child) is plumper than the average, it makes her despair. "Fat" means "ugly". (And yet, many people are fat. But then, women are supposed to earn their own living so that good looks and getting a husband won't mean the whole world.) | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. (Or, in more urban circles, maybe a bisexual or an ultra-modern gender-blender.) And if you are middle-aged or older, you believe that most Swedish men are gay. Premarital sex is not chastised (except in some religious subcultures), and young people (of both sexes) often want to finish their studies and enjoy "a life of their own" before marriage. Most couples just "live together" in avoliitto ('open union') for some time, before getting officially married. Some marry only after the birth of the first child(ren), some never. | You have (or you plan to have) a family, which means a spouse and 1 to 3 children (but not having one doesn't mean a catastrophe). It's possible that you are a single or divorced parent, even a mother who has never wanted to marry or live with the father of her child(ren). You may state that "old people should be respected", but you know you don't have to obey your parents, at least not if you are over 18. | ||
F | Calling somebody by his/her name implies that you know him/her pretty well. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by the mayor is the only legal marriage. As for a church wedding, it's up to you, and it always comes after the marriage in the town hall. You have a best man and a maid of honour at the wedding -- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time (and vice-versa). | You care more or less what family someone comes from (especially when this "someone" wants to marry one of your children). |
| If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. |
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B | You use the informal tu only with persons you know well or with fellow students. If speaking Breton, you will most often use the formal c'hwi, especially with women, but if you are young, in which case to conform to french habits | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. You marry at city hall, with a nice ceremony and speech from the civil servant who marries you. After that, you may also have a church wedding, but this has no legal status. A man gets only one wife at a time, and vice versa. Often, you have already lived together for a longer time before marriage, but you usually wed before you have kids. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from, unless if this "someone" wants to marry you daughter. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he is an homosexual, but that's all right for him. Homosexual weddings are still forbidden, but homosexual couples can enter a contract that gives them all the legal duties and rights of a wedded couple, except for the right of adoption. You think it normal that any woman who wants to can get an abortion, and that sex education and contraceptives are freely available. If male, you are uncircumcised, unless you are Muslim or Jewish. | A woman is a superior being you had better obey. The best known traditional breton heroine had the dubious habit to have a lover a night before throwing him down the cliff at morning. Her name could be translated as "the good sorceress" | ||
G | Unless someone is a child, you have to be very close to him to address him with Du, which usually means that you can call him by his first name. (Else, you address him with Sie). However, students use Du with each other. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a Standesbeamter (family status official) is a requirement; getting married by a priest is an option. Therefore, if you marry at a church, you usually marry at the Standesamt (family status office) earlier the same day. You have two Trauzeugen (wedding witnesses) at the wedding-- friends or siblings. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from, except where you or the someone are an aristocrat. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. |
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G | Once you're introduced to someone, you can call them by their first name, but according to social status and the context at hand... you can still call them by their first name. | You expect to marry for love; but the marriage of your parents was probably arranged by their families. You get married at city hall. A religious marriage has official validity too. | You care very much about what family someone comes from. VERY much. Period. | If you are a traditional male, a woman should be slim, fit and-- what the heck-- a professional model. Eventually, of course, you'll get married to a woman a bit plumper than the average. If you are a traditional man, you are hairy-chested, and presumably have some extra kilos-- but that's an asset when it comes to women, isn't it? | Greek men are the sexiest in the world and they are real macho womanizers-- or so you like to claim. If you're male, you profoundly espouse the classic maxim "all women are hookers, except for my Mom and my sister." If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. That's OK, as long as he doesn't share this information with others. | If you have guests, you will serve them anything available. And they'd better accept it. Your mum does your laundry in a washing machine, up till your 30s. You 'll always be "her naughty little boy/girl", even if you are a pensioner. | ||
I | Once you're introduced to someone, as a general rule you don't call them by their first name and don't use the direct tu pronoun to address them, unless it is a leisure meeting. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. You get married by the Mayor, but most people like a church ceremony. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding--a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. Unless he dates your daughter, that is. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. Whether homosexual couples should have civil rights is a thorny issue. | Even after you're past college, you might still show up at a close friend's place, especially in the south. In general, however, people have to invite each other over if a meal is involved. | ||
N | With most people you know, you use the informal je form; the honorific u is used in more formal situations, like speaking to older people or to businesspeople from another company. You think people shouldn't make themselves more important than they are, we are all normal people after all. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. You marry at city hall, with a nice ceremony and speech from the civil servant who marries you. After that, you may also have a church wedding, but this has no legal status. You have two to four witnesses at your wedding-- friends or siblings. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time, and vice versa. Often, you have already lived together for a longer time before marriage, but you usually wed before you have kids. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, that's his own business. He is still a homosexual, though. Homosexual weddings have been legal since 2001. You think it normal that any woman who wants to can get an abortion, and that sex education and contraceptives are freely available. If male, you are uncircumcised, unless you are Muslim or Jewish. |
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P | You use first names only with friends and family. At work it depends on age difference: you will never use first name when talking to someone much older than you. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a registrar used to be necessary before going to church, which effectively meant you got married twice on the same day. Now you can go either to church or to the local registrar's office. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. There will be some ostracism and derision, but its legal and most people don't mind. | Once you're past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to invite each other over-- especially if a meal is involved. | ||
S | Once you are introduced to someone (well, besides the royals and other lofty figures), you can get away with calling them by their first name. You can call almost anyone "thou" in Sweden, if you keep a polite tone of voice, even if you do not know their first name. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married in the town hall is an option, but not a requirement; many are wed in church - their third appearance there after christening and confirmation. You have a best man (marskalk) and a maid or matron of honor (tärna) at the wedding, who are either your friends or siblings. If it is grand you could rustle up some children (brudnäbbar) to carry the train of the bride's frock. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You would always say that you do not care very much what family someone comes from, but you would secretly prefer them to be as similar to yourself as possible. Some foreigners pay excessive attention to status and that is exasperating. | If a woman is plumper than average, it is not thought to improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he is probably a homosexual, otherwise he would not enjoy it at all. It is not a crime anymore - it is indeed possible to get a legal registration of homosexual partnership, but churches do not marry couples of the same sex. You are not circumcised, except for therapeutic reasons (constriction) or religious reasons (Moslem and Jewish men; East African women) | Once you are past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to invite each other over, especially if a meal is involved. | ||
E | Once you're introduced to someone (up to and including the Prime Minister), you can nowadays call them by their first name, unless you're in an officers' mess or the Garrick Club. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a registrar is an option, but not a requirement; many marriages happen in church, but mainly for the photos. You have a best man and several bridesmaids. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from, unless they're in Burke's or Debrett's (directories of the aristocracy). | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. |
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Y | Once you're introduced to someone (up to and including the Prime Minister), you can nowadays call them by their first name, unless you're in an officers' mess or the Garrick Club. When referring to members of your own family, their name is prefixed by 'Our' (e.g. 'Our Katie'). | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a judge is an option, but not a requirement; many marriages happen in church. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. Your mother or mother-in-law is likely to get involved in planning the ceremony and you may find it turns out nothing at all like you wanted. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from, unless they're in Burke's or Debrett's (directories of the aristocracy). | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks, though the traditional Yorkshire Matriarch is somewhat broad in the beam, and fat women are referred to by the pleasant euphemism of 'bonny' (which means pretty in Scots dialect). | If a man has sex with another man, he's a Southerner. | It isn't unusual to drop in on people uninvited, and you can expect to be offered food and drink - in fact it's best just to accept even if you aren't hungry, just to stop your hostess naming random foodstuffs at you for the duration of your visit! Only visitors generally use the front door - the household will use the back door. There is a saying that it's only proper to use the front door 3 times in your life, and you're carried all 3 times (When you are brought home as a baby, carried over the threshhold as a bride, and carried out in a box). | ||
S | Once you're introduced to someone, you can usually call them by their first name. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Many marriages happen in church, some in registry offices. You have a best man and a maid or matron of honor at the wedding -- a friend or a sibling. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. If you're male, you may have worn the kilt at your wedding. | The family someone comes from, and in Edinburgh the school they went to, matters a lot in some circumstances, although you feel it shouldn't. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't make much difference either way to her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. |
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AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND | ||||||||
A | Once you're introduced to anyone (perhaps besides the Governor-General, but who is likely to meet him anyway?) you can call them by their first name. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Getting married by a registrar is an option, but not a requirement; most marriages happen in church. You have a best man and a maid of honour at the wedding-- a friend or a sibling. And naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. For some reason, the Japanese like getting married here. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from. You resent people who succeed over others- everyone should do the same thing, so we all get a "fair go". This is what's known as the "tall poppy syndrome", a kind of American Dream in reverse. Some foreigners pay excessive attention to status, and that's exasperating. | If a woman is plumper than average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual, and, until recently, a criminal in Tasmania. | Once you're past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to invite each other over-- especially if a meal is involved. | ||
N | You call everyone by their first name, from the Prime Minister down. | You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. Most marriages happen in church, and there's no additional secular ceremony required. You have a best man and several bridesmaids. A man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care what family someone comes from. You do care what they do for a living. | If a woman is plumper than average, it doesn't improve her looks. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. | The only times when it's acceptable to show up at someone's place without prior arrangement are when you've had a car accident or your spouse has thrown you out of the house. | ||
ASIA | ||||||||
I | Once you're introduced to someone, you will call him/her by name only if the person is a peer, subordinate or junior. Anyone who is senior or higher in the socio-economic ladder must be addressed with great respect. | You always expect marriages to be arranged by third parties. Getting married by a judge is not something you want to do; you might resort to it if you are eloping. Most marriages are religious ceremonies. All except Muslims are required to be monogamous; Muslims are allowed up to four wives if they desire it. | There are thousands of castes forming an elaborate system which governs the social order. You care very deeply what family someone comes from and what their caste is. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it improves her looks. (i.e. what a person considers 'ideal' is likely to be plumper than the American ideal). | For men to have sex with other men is almost totally unheard of. There is a very small number of genuine homosexuals in the big cities. On the other hand, there is a complete absence of American style homophobia in Indian society; it is very common for men to express affection by embracing each other. If you're a woman, you are very modest with your dress. In some Hindu and Muslim families you may feel pressured to avoid visual contact with unrelated men altogether. | Even once you're past college, you might often simply show up at someone's place. People may invite each other but don't have to. | ||
C | Once you're introduced to people, you can call them by their full name, but depending on their social status, you can call them by their family name plus their title. You can also call them Xiao (young) or Lao (old) plus their family name. | You expect most marriages to be made for love, although your parents might arrange your marriage. And a man cannot have more than one wife at a time -- legally -- even if he wants to. For everybody besides the bride and groom, the wedding is a burden -- they have to prepare the "red envelope." | You would find a foreign son-in-law unacceptable. It would be good if the family's financial situation of your son-in-law is almost the same as yours. | If a woman is plumper than average, it doesn't improve her looks. And "average" in China is much thinner than in most Western countries. | If a man has sex with another man, he's "a gay," and he cannot get a marriage certificate. | Once you're past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. But you and your classmates/roommates will plan a meeting every few years to talk about your life and have a meal together. If you are male and your girlfriend is late for a meeting, you must wait there and be patient, and when she arrives, you should still smile. If you are female and your boyfriend arrives late, you will be very angry, and you will accuse him of not loving you. But after you are married, the above will be reversed. | ||
J | You almost always call people by their family name, except for your superiors at work and other Important People, whom you have to call by their title-- calling your boss Tanaka-san is a big no-no. The only people you can call by their first names are little children, your siblings, cousins, friends from early childhood, and people you met in bars. You bow to greet people. Once you're past school age, you're expected to know the various methods and degrees of bowing-- from cursory nods to full ninety degrees to groveling on the floor-- and use them properly according to the situation. You don't know the Emperor's name. Custom dictates that you refer to the reigning emperor simply as tennô hêka (His Majesty the Emperor), and his name (yes, his; only men can inherit the throne) is never mentioned in the media. Deceased emperors are referred to by their okurina, special names given after death. | You expect marriages to be made for love, but arrangement by third parties can be convenient if you can't find a partner on your own. People usually get married in Shintô ceremonies or in a Christian church (even if they're not Christians), immediately followed by a big banquet where you invite all your relatives, friends, co-workers, etc., etc. Civil ceremonies are unheard of. Naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You say you don't care very much what family someone comes from, but you will when your daughter brings her boyfriend over. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks. Being tall doesn't help either, since men don't like women to be taller than themselves. A woman with a curvaceous body will attract men's eyes, of course, but it isn't essential-- after all, it can be rather difficult to fit that kind of body inside a kimono. Straight black hair is an easier way to score points with men. And there's a saying that "fair skin will suffice to hide seven shortcomings", so quit sunbathing, already! As for men, the three cardinal sins are (1) being short, (2) being fat, and (3) being bald. Wearing glasses is no big deal, since so many people are nearsighted anyway. Women don't like men with hair on their chests. And having muscles like a bodybuilder is a turn-off more often than not. (The usual reaction is "Yuck!") | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. Homosexuality is not a crime, but you will very likely be ostracized for it. | You think it's rude to touch people you're not intimate with. (If you're older, you might even be uncomfortable with handshakes.) When you're a nameless face in a crowd or jam-packed on a commuter train, however, you have no qualms about pushing and bumping into people. Once you're past college, you very rarely simply show up at someone's place. People have to invite each other over-- especially if a meal is involved. | ||
AFRICA AND THE MIDDLE EAST | ||||||||
N | You never call a person older than you by their first name. NEVER. It is considered an abomination. | If you're a woman, you marry for money; if you're a man, you marry a good woman (or so you thought at the time). You marry three times: church, court (just to be cool!), and traditional (compulsory!). You have 10 best men and 40 bridesmaids. Failure to include your friend or sister in your bridal train could result in a fatal extinction of whatever friendship remains after the wedding (she's already jealous you're getting married anyway!). | You care very much what family someone comes from. | If a woman is thin, she'll die a sad lonely old virgin. | If a man has sex with a man, he is burned alive. | You can show up at someone's place anytime, anyhow you want, and help yourself to their food. If they complain, then they are just plain rude. | ||
S |
| You still believe in marriage, although if you do get married, the chances are one in three of it not lasting. You expect marriages to be made for love, not arranged by third parties. If you're a Christian, you will get married in church. Fancy outdoor garden weddings are for people with more money than sense. Your minister, priest or pastor will be a marriage officer, and you don't need to go to court. If you're a Hindu or Moslem, you might still have to go to court after your religious ceremony. If you're a black male, you still have to pay lobola (bride price), and you might have a traditional ceremony, but for it to be considered legal you have to go to court or get married in church. In South African black culture, a man can have more than one wife, but he can only marry one legally. You're fascinated by the idea of changing the law so that cultures which traditionally practise polygamy can do it legally. |
| If a woman is plumper than average, Western people think it doesn't improve her looks. African thought on the subject seems to be that Real Women will be a little plump. There are endless debates about this in 'women's' magazines. Black models who are too thin are considered to have been corrupted by Western influence. | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual, but you have no right to discriminate against him because of this. You think women should be able to breastfeed their babies in public without being maligned, and you do think that some traditional African dress, which involves women going topless, is beautiful. If you're a white male you're probably circumcised, whether you're Jewish, Christian or anything else. If you're a black male it will depend on where you were born and what your traditional beliefs are. You think it's civilized and sane that women can have abortions if they want, even if you do believe that abortion is murder. You're glad that contraceptives (especially condoms) are freely available, but you wish more people would use them, if only to stay alive. | You will probably have children: before, during or after marriage. You might show up at people's houses unannounced, but most of the time you call first. If people show up at your house unannounced, you consider them to have very bad manners. However, if you invite people over for a meal, you do not expect them to contribute anything, not even flowers, dessert or wine. After all, YOU invited THEM. | ||
I | Once you're introduced to someone (possibly even the Prime Minister, President and other lofty figures), you can call them by their first name. You may even take the liberty of calling them by their nickname - even the Prime Minister, President, and other lofty figures! | You expect marriages to be made for love, but dating may be arranged by third parties if you are religious. Getting married by a judge is not an option; there is no such thing as civil marriage. You must be married either by a rabbi, a priest, a minister, or an imam. If like most of the country you are Jewish, you do not have a best man or a maid of honor. You may ask certain relatives or friends to be one of the people carrying the chuppah (wedding canopy) poles as a special honor. Even if you are a non-religious Jew, as are most Jews in Israel, you must be married by an Orthodox rabbi. Reform and Conservative rabbis are not authorized to perform marriages in Israel. If you really do not want to have an Orthodox wedding, you may go to Cyprus and have a civil marriage there, which will be legallly recognized in Israel. And, naturally, a man gets only one wife at a time. | You don't care very much what family someone comes from, although sometimes there are cultural and religious differences. You feel foreigners pay excessive attention to status, and that's exasperating. You also find their excessive "politeness" to be condescending and patronizing. If you are of Middle Eastern Jewish descent, you are quite likely to marry someone of European Jewish descent, and vice versa. | If a woman is plumper than the average, it doesn't improve her looks, but she may still be sexy and attractive, especially if she has a pretty face, a confident air, and a good neshama (soul). | If a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual. Homosexuals should have equal rights, and get domestic partner benefits, but should not have the right to marry per se. | You spend much of your free time socializing with friends and family, over shared meals, at parties, or in cafes or restaurants. You may show up unannounced at someone's place, and it's not considered rude, but rather friendly. However, it's considered even more polite to call from your cellphone to alert the person that you are in the neighborhood and would like to stop by. | ||
T | Once you're introduced to someone you can call them by their first name, but according to social status and the context at hand, you will need to use their title and the proper address form. Last names are never used in conversational contexts. | You expect to marry for love; but the marriage of your parents was probably arranged by their families. You officially get wed by a civil servant, which is the norm. A religious marriage has no official validity and you would not even worry about it unless you are particularly religious. This is also your only option if you are a man who wants to get an illegal second wife-- third, fourth? | You care very much about what family someone comes from. | If you are a traditional male, a woman can be a bit plumper than the average... all the better. | Turkish men are the sexiest in the world and they are real macho womanizers-- or so you like to claim. If a man has sex with another man, he's manly. However, in reality this depends on who's on top. | Nowadays, vacation mostly means running out of town so that you can avoid visits by boring relatives. | ||
SUBCULTURES | ||||||||
1 | You wouldn't call anyone, other than friends or workmates by their first name. A 'sir / monsieur / mein herr ' will usually get you through. N. Africans often use an informal, familiar pronoun, but if adressed as 'tu' in France feel slighted. Stick to the formal and you can't go wrong until asked to informalize the relations. | You expect couples to come together for love (read: sex) since you are probably young and virile and could use some. If you are from a developing country, marriages are probably arranged through third parties, so that is your cultural inheritance. Depending on the magnet country and your religion, it can be a civil, religious or both marriage. However, increasingly, common law (just living with a partner (usually one at a time)) relationships are now standard until children come along. Unless you are a Muslim, animist or Mormon from a polygamous culture, the general rule of thumb is 'one wife / woman / partner at a time'. | You say you don't care very much what family someone comes from, and, if you are single, and manage to get a local girl to fall in love with you, then you hope that her family will practice the same logic of tolerance. However, back in your country of origin, you would set the dogs and the male members of the family onto any man who tried to get a sniff at your women. | If a woman is plumper than the average, then maybe you are in with a chance since the local men probably won't look at her ... yet she still needs to be desired. Being tall is a big help (except in Scandinavia and Holland where, on principle, all the natives - male and female - are taller than anyone else in the world). You should try to be tall, slim, with a full head of hair (if you are losing it, then cut it all off down to a 1mm stubble), no smallpox scars on your face, and free of all signs of the pandemics that plague your country of origin. Bodybuilding muscles are not necessarily a surefire winner, but a gymnasts physique will win you influence every time. Wearing glasses can project a certain intellectual image to the others. | If the migrant has sex with another man, he generally claims it's because his wife / girlfriend / mistress is 12,000 kms away ... or because he is in prison for some subsistence crime of variable gravity. In most magnet countries homosexuality is not a crime but the f-g migrant wouldn't usually brag about it (because he probably comes from a country where the punishment for sodomy is, paradoxically, 10 years in a single sex prison). Women should try to look 'exotic' but not cheap. Try not to antagonize the locals by making your womenfolk wear full, top-to-toe Afghan burkah with the grill in front. | If you are married you certainly left your wife in your country of origin to be supervised by the family and kept out of temptation's way. Anyway, the rumour back home was that the women in the magnet countries were all 'easy meat'. |
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