My night of failed attempts at the art of fiancé slaying, public humiliation and an empty threat of being banned for life ended in a hushed, tangled mess ontop hotel sheets, and one very large room service bill. Zac and I arrived at the hotel with a slew of alcohol and bad ideas. We trekked into the lobby, and after I’d fought with the 5 year old who had his heart set on pushing the elevator button, I accepted defeat and slouched myself against the wall next to the elevator. I babbled on to Zac and the unsuspecting mother of two, who was covering her children’s ears mind you, about my strange attraction to Tim Gunn. I assured all of them that if the elevator doors open and he was standing there that “I would so do him. I mean hardcore.” I went on to my theory on Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s fake love story, and the Televisions shows I used to watch when I was little, then adventures of my first porn store visit with no sort of smooth transition, and the man who was interested in the he/she specialty videos. I was just about to get into the details of the DVD covers when the elevator bell rang, so I pushed myself off the wall. I then wished the mother of two a good night after she informed Zac and I that they were going to wait for the next one. I stood in front of the door and waited for them to open. Zac was laughing while I was in the middle of telling the mother of two that it was so nice meeting her, and maybe we’ll see her tomorrow to do lunch when the doors finally opened. The gasp that escaped my mouth once the doors parted stopped Zac from laughing, and sent the mother of two ushering her children toward the stairs, probably assuming that it was Tim Gunn standing naked in the elevator, holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bottle of lube in the other. But she was mistaken. There was no bouquet of flowers, no bottle of lube, no Tim Gunn at all. Only one asshole sporting a mean a black eye, with two duffle bags stuffed under his arms, an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips, and the expression that is commonly associated with a deer in headlights. The three of us stood staring at each other without saying anything, or even moving until the elevator doors slowly started sliding shut again. At that point he dropped one of the bags to the ground to throw his hand between the doors to keep them from closing all the way. He took the cigarette out of his mouth rolling it between his thumb and index finger, picked up his bag and stepped out of the elevator but I still didn’t move. His bag nudged my arm interfering with my center of gravity, and I'm sure he wouldn’t have stopped walking into me if I didn’t say something. “Aren’t you gunna say something?” I asked blinking my eyes in disbelief, huffing at his audacious behavior. “Excuse me,” he grumbled as he pushed past me. I exhaled in disgust and turned around to glare at him. “Excuse me.” “What? Annie told me to get my shit, so I did. What else do you want?” he asked turning around so that I could see his rolling eyes. I blinked and toyed with the thought of grabbing his throat and ripping out every single piece of hair in his beard, but my words didn’t take the time to talk anything over with my brain. Instead they just spewed out of my mouth in an angry slur. “That’s all you have to say to me?” I blurted at him, then turned to Zac to tell him quite loudly, “That’s all he has to fuckin’ say to me!” Then I turned back to Lex, “That’s all you have to say? Are you fucking kidding me?” I yelled as I threw my arms around rashly as I continued, and mocked him. “What else do you want? I want you to make this all go away! I want you to be sorry, and regret this. I want you to disappear, and I want you get herpes. Or you could just die, how’s that? Can you do that for me, or do you plan on ruining the rest of my life? Huh? Is that what you were planning to do? That’s the only God damned thing you’re good at, isn’t it? Fucking up my life, you fucki-” “Jovie!” he yelled over me, stopping me mid sentence. “Fucking shut up, will you.” “Me fucking shut up?” I yelled even louder, “YOU fucking shut up!” I was in the process of lunging at him to tear him apart, when I was stopped by Zac tightly wrapping his arms around my waist and me lifting me off the ground, pulling me back into his chest as my arms and legs started flailing. “Let go, Zac!” I yelled, still fighting to get at Lex. I’m sure Zac would have let me get at him if it wasn’t for the red faced hotel personnel rushing over to the scene. I didn’t catch the first part of what was said, but it ended in him asking if we had a room at the hotel, and then telling Zac that if we didn’t get up to our room right this instant that he would call the cops, and we would “never be welcome at this fine hotel ever again.” Zac turned me around and started to push me into the elevator, but I managed to knock one of Lex's bags out of his arms first. “Get the fuck out,” I yelled at Lex over my shoulder while Zac continued guiding me into the elevator. Before the doors shut Lex bent down to pick up his bag that I’d knocked down, and when he stood up I made sure to spit on him. A second later the doors shut, leaving the image of Lex's surprised face planted in my brain. As soon as the door closed Zac started cracking up, which after a minute got to me and caused me to laugh too. I’m pretty sure that being intoxicated had no effect on my action toward Lex. I’d have done the same thing sober. We pounded obnoxiously on the door until Annie opened it. “My God, calm down!” she warned us, stepping back to allow us room to enter, taking a second to look us up and down as we walked past her. “Oh Annie,” I said looking around the room. Her half of the room was covered with clothes, while the side that Lex and I had shared was completely empty of his mess, with only my bag lying on top of the otherwise empty bed. “I love what you’ve done with the place.” Annie walked passed me over to the TV stand, ignoring my comment. “Here, Lex left this for you,” she said handing me a key envelope. I looked down at it to see two keys in it with a different room number written on the outside. “What is it?” I asked sliding one of the cards out to inspect it. “He got you two your own room for your birthday so you could have some ‘alone time’ without Topher and I sleeping in the next bed,” she told me sitting down on her bed crossing her legs. I rolled my eyes and tossed the envelope at Zac. “Here, don’t loose those.” He looked them over before he stuffed them into his back pocket after he’d placed the 24 pack of beer and case of Mike’s hard lemonade on the table, and sat down on the other bed. “So can you please tell us what is going on?” Annie asked as Topher walked out of the bathroom and sat down next to her. Zac relaxed and laid down on his side holding his head up on his hand as I sat on the bed between him and the edge. He reached over and grabbed a can of beer and snapped it open, taking a swig. I leaned back just enough to rest my back against his stomach and looked at Annie who was expecting an explanation. She impatiently uncrossed her legs, and crossed the other one over the top, taping her fingers on her knee. “Annie, you don’t want all the details,” I told her, avoiding her stare by looking down at my hands. “Jovie, please tell me,” she plead, still adamantly staring at me while Topher had followed Zac’s lead and laid back on the bed reaching for the remote. “It’s really not that imperative,” I lied, feeling Zac’s stomach jerked in reaction to my comment as he momentarily choked on his beer. “Topher!” Annie yelled once the TV was on, turning to him and pulling the remote out of his hand. She pointed it at the TV and turned it off then tossed it down on the bed before turning back to me, “Jovie, please.” “Annie,” I whined, but it was to no avail. Her stare didn’t even falter. After a moment Zac's words shattered the silence. “Lex and Kate were having an affair,” he spoke, taking the pressure off of me. Annie gasped, and Topher’s eyes grew wide. Neither of them said anything, but sat with their mouth’s hanging open for a minute. Finally Annie collected her thoughts and started asking questions. “How did you find out? Are you guys okay? Oh my God, what the hell? How did they manage that? No one else knew? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” “God, Annie, I hope no one else knew and weren’t just hiding it from us. But remember how I told you I grabbed the key from your pants but then you called and said that I didn’t take it?” I asked and she nodded, “Well, the key I grabbed was from Kate’s pants and for some reason unbeknownst to me she had a key to Lydia ’s-” “Lex’s Lydia ?” she cut in. “Yeah,” I nodded, “Lex’s Lydia’s room. So since we had it we went up there and sure enough they were both in there. Zac beat the crap out of him, and that’s about where we are now.” “And Jovie just about beat the crap out of him down in the lobby,” Zac added in, sitting up throwing his legs over the bed to sit next to me. She was eyeing me suspiciously for a minute before she asked, “Jovie, are you drunk?” “No,” I said shaking my head. “Maybe a little intoxicated but not fuckerd,” I assured her. “What’s “fuckerd mean, Joves?” Topher asked walking over to the case of beer. “You know, getting fuckerd…drunk.” He laughed and took a drink, “Where’d you hear that?” “They guy who did Lex's tattoos was British or something and that’s what he called it,” I explained. I’m not sure why I found it so amusing, but ever since then I’d only say “getting fuckerd.” “Oh my god,” Annie said leaning forward rubbing her temples. “What’s this gunna do for the tour?” Topher finally asked. “We’re gunna cancel the show tomorrow and finish up the tour if you guys can replace Lex,” Zac explained. “I suppose I could play drums and we’ll just play with one less guitar, unless your bass player wants to play for Adam and that way he could play Lex’s parts. He’s got more experience than I do.” “And what are you gunna do about Kate?” Annie asked, sitting up straight. “Wrap her in a sheet and toss her over a bridge,” I accidentally said out loud, then bit my lip after receiving questioning stares. “Yeah, or just buy her a plane ticket back to Georgia until we’re done with the tour so that we can buy some time to figure things out,” Zac answered, quickly finishing off his beer and placed the can on the table next to the bed. “This is horrible,” Annie spoke, standing up to pace back and forth. She had her hands on her hips and she walked to one side of the bed, spun around and walked back a couple times. I looked up at her following her back and forth. “Tell me about it.” She stopped and spun around to look at me, “What are you gunna do about the wedding?” I exhaled and shrugged my shoulders, “It’s off.” When I said that she sat down on the bed next to me and wrapper he arm around my shoulder, and placed her other hand on the side of my face, pulling me closer to her chest. “Jovie, I’m so sorry.” “It’s not like it’s your fault. If anyone should be sorry it’s them, and judging by Lex's malevolent behavior downstairs he undeniably isn’t.” “Does your vocabulary always expand when you’re ‘intoxicated’?” Topher joked, trying to lighten the mood. “Intermittently,” I replied, releasing myself from Annie’s grasp and sat us straight. “Are you using all those big words correctly?” he questioned. “I dunno?” I shrugged. “I’m inebriarted,” I said tripping over the word. “So you are ‘fuckerd”,” Annie laughed. “You walked into that one, Joves,” Zac chuckled, patting me on the back. I stood up and turned around to face them all. “I don’t feel like being sad right now, can we just have some fun? Zac's where’s those keys I gave you?” He stood up and reached around to his back pocket to pull them out. “Right here,” he said holding out the cards to me. “Thank you, sir” I smiled taking the cards then announced, “We need some dinner, and a mini-bar so off to room,” I looked down to see what room Lex had reserved for us, “room 221.” We walked out to the hall to the elevator and rode it down to the 2nd floor. Once the doors were open we made our way down the hall, following the numbers leading to 221. I slid the key into the lock and the light turned green. I stood frozen in the doorway when the door opened. I looked around the room at the rose petals spilled on the bed and floor, and the unlit candles scattered across the room. Slowly I walked into the room and turned on the light to see a small black box sitting on a tray on the bed next to a light pink envelope. I was hesitant to touch it, but I finally picked up the card to inspect it. My name was written on the front of the light pink envelope. I covered my mouth with my other hand as I let it set in. “Are you gunna open it?” Annie asked brushing some rose petals off the bed before she sat down and stared up at me. Zac and Lex carried in the cases of beer and Mike’s and put them on the table before they sat down with Annie. “I dunno,” I exhaled “I’m scared of what it might say.” She shrugged her shoulders, and I flipped the envelope over to run my fingers over the seal. I took a deep breath before slid my fingers under the top seal to open it. I slid the card out and grazed my eyes over the outside. It was a black and white picture of two hands, one of a man and one of a woman, entwined. Lex had never done anything like this before, and I was convinced he had no sort of romantic bone in his body. Usual cards from him were one that had a picture of a dinosaur on rollerblades that said “Happy 5th birthday, Nephew!” that he’d cross out and change to “Happy 2 Year Anniversary!” I took a deep breath before I opened it to find a note handwritten on the inside. Jovie, I’m so sorry that this is all happening; honestly I had no intentions of ever doing anything like this to you. One thing led to the next, and without even thinking we had gone too far. But that’s not the point. The point is that I never ever wanted to hurt you and I hate myself for doing that to you. She is nothing compared to you, and I hope that someday you will be able to look past my faults and see that I do love you. I promise nothing like that will ever happen again. I feel like such a fucking asshole for doing this right on your birthday. Please let me make it up to you. I promise you I won’t ever do it again. I can’t imagine my life going on without you in it, and that’s why as soon as we get to Vegas I want for us to get married. I promise you, you won’t be let down. Please call me when you get this so we can start fixing this.
Happy birthday, I love you. When I reached the end I looked up to see 3 sets of eyes studying my reaction. “My birthday isn’t until the day after tomorrow. What an asshole,” I said tossing the card onto the bed and walked toward the mini-bar. “Aren’t you gunna open the box?” Annie asked picking it up and holding it up in the palm of her hand for me to take. I turned around and looked at it before I shrugged my shoulders and continued onto the mini-bar. “Nah, you can have it.” “Jovie,” she warned, giving me the evil eye. “Annie.” I said in the same tone, rolling my eyes. “Leave it on the table; I’ll look at it later.” She stood up and walked over on the table to drop it. “Fine, but at least look at it. It would be a waste to just throw it away.” “I know, I know,” I groaned, kneeling down to open the small refrigerator stocked with incredibly over priced beverages. “Is there like a menu or something for room service?” I asked pulling out a $4.00 bottle of Aquafina. “Room service is way too overpriced, Joves” Zac commented diving onto the bed after he’d grabbed another beer, sending rose petals flying into the air. “Maybe we should just go out and get something.” I shrugged my shoulders and opened up a can of $9.00 cashews, “It’s Lex's treat. We’ll just order in.” “Alright,” he agreed picking up a binder off the table and flipped through the pages to the dinner menu. We all picked out tons of food that none of us would be able to finish, and kicked back waiting for the food. We ate our food, and flipped through channels for awhile until we found One Hit Wonders on Vh1. “Turn it up!” I yelled when they started playing “Turning Japanese” by The Vapors. I jumped on the bed and grabbed Annie’s arms pulling her up with me. I held her hands as I jumped around on the bed dancing, singing into the bottle of Mike’s like it was a microphone. “I've got your picture of me and you. You wrote "I love you," I wrote "me too." I sit there staring when there's nothing else to do. Oh it's in color, your hair is brown, your eyes are hazel, and soft as clouds. I like to kiss you when there's no one else around,” Zac laughed at us, probably due to the fact that I’d already almost fallen off the bed ant it was only the first verse. “I've got your picture, I've got your picture. I'd like a million of you all to myself. I want a doctor to take your picture, so I can look at you from inside as well. You've got me turning up I'm turning down I'm turning in I'm turning right I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so. Come on Zac!” I yelled pulling him up by his arms onto the bed with Annie and I. “I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think.” I held the bottle in front of his mouth and encouraged him to sing. “I know you don’t get stage fright,” I joked. We jumped around and yelled along with the song and I sang even louder even though I didn’t know all the words but I tried, “No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark. Everyone around me is a total stranger. Everyone avoids me like a hmm hmm hmm hmmmm. Everyone, That's why I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so. Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so. I'm turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so, think so. Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so. Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so!” We danced around the room drinking and singing along with other one hit wonders for awhile until Annie and Topher decided to take advantage of the empty room that they wre no longer sharing with Lex and I and left. Zac and I laid on the bed watching TV for a little while before my cell phone started ringing. I jumped up as soon as I heard it, startled by it loud ring. “Jovie?” Lex asked, causing me to smack myself in the forehead. “Yes?” I asked lazily throwing myself back onto the bed, bumping my head on Zac's knee. I silently screamed and rubbed my head while Zac covered his mouth and laughed. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?” I asked once I remembered that I was on the phone. “I said did you get the key’s from Annie?” “Oh yeah? Yep, she gave them to me.” I answered then immediately changed my answer in fear of him coming over, “I mean, she gave them to me, but I’m really tired and I'm just gunna go to bed.” Zac looked at me with raised eye brows as I searched for excuses. “Yeah, you actually just woke me up. Can I call you in the morning?” I asked, then faked a big fake yawn. “Okay, great see ya.” I said hanging up before he had the chance to say anything else. A minute later he called me back. “Damn it!” I whined seeing his name on my caller ID. “Hi,” I said answering the phone again after I gained composure. “Jovie? Is it okay if I come back to the hotel tonight? Kate’s staying at Taylor and Natalie’s and I don’t have anywhere to go,” he explained. “Where did you sleep last night?” I questioned clenching the pillow I balled up in my lap. “In Lydia’s room,” he said slowly. “Just stay there again then.” I was trying to stay calm, but I could literally feel my temperature rising with anger. Zac reached over and lightly held onto my other hand as I did my best to not go off on a tangent. “I didn’t want to make you mad, and I’d really just like to come back to the hotel with you,” he said calmly. “Well, you’re not welcome right now.” “What am I supposed to do then?” “Not my problem. Do whatever you want; it didn’t seem to hold you back before.” “Jovie, you’re not being fair.” “Lex, do whatever you want.” I hung up the phone before he had the chance for a rebuttal. I made sure the door was locked before I came back over to the bed and laid down next to Zac. “I’m sure the guy at the front desk won’t let him back into the lobby,” he assured me, wrapping his arm around me, letting me rest my head on his chest. I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him, “I hope not. Zac, what am I gunna do with my life?” “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with mine, Joves. But I gotta pee!” he said, jumping up off the bed running to the bathroom. I stood up off the bed and looked into the mirror. I turned to the side and inspected my boobs. When Zac walked out I had cupped both of my breast and was thinking out loud, “I don’t know if it’s this bra or what but my boobs look huge today.” “Do you always talk about this stuff when you’re drunk?” he said checking out my chest and nodding. “I don’t know. But don’t they look bigger?” “Yeah, they looked really good…” he said with a puzzled look on his face, unsure if that was okay to say. “Here, feel ‘em,” I instructed reaching for his hands. “Um,” he started, cocking his head to the side. He pulled his hands away from mine and shoved them deep into his pockets. I started laughing and after a minute he started chuckling too, although he was still a little uncomfortable. We stood awkwardly for a minute, neither one of us talking. I started feeling unsure of myself, and longed for some sort of reassurance that everything was okay. I did the only thing that felt right at the moment. I looked up with an overflow of emotions I grasped his face in my hands, and carefully pulled his face closer to mine. I could feel the heat from his lips radiating onto mine as I pressed firmly against his mouth. After a moment his tense body relaxed just enough to feel a sense of enjoyment from the otherwise awkward kiss. I could feel my lips quivering, and I pulled away, shocked with what I had done. |