“Dude? Do you see what I see?” Grace asked Luke cautiously as she eyed the abomination of nature. Luke glanced to where she was staring in horror.

“Oh, yeah. Apparently Friedman had a long lost twin. He prefers going by his first name though. Austin. He’s British too,” He told her dismissively as if it were something that happened every day. She raised her eyebrows at him and he simply shrugged. With an eye roll, she shouldered her bag.

“Just what we needed,” Grace commented. “Another Friedman.”

“You saw, huh?” Joan asked as her and Adam joined them.

“Unfortunately."

They all watched as Friedman tried to cop a feel with some big-breasted girl in the hall.

“Knock it off you freak!” The girl shouted at Friedman, smacking him upside the head.

“It wasn’t me, baby,” he told her, leering at her. “It was the one armed man.”

With a disgusted snort, she turned on her heel and walked away.

“Honestly,” Austin said to him as she disappeared around the corner. “Do you have to act like such a wanker?”

“The ladies love the Friedman!” he responded with a smug grin.

“Brilliant,” the twin commented sarcastically with an eye roll. Under his breath he added, “Twit.”

“Brilliant,” Friedman answered back happily, completely missing the sarcasm.

“Did you just see what I saw?” Joan asked the others as the twin’s left the hallway.

“Hmm, looks like Friedman number 2 isn’t as much of a pig as the original,” Grace said, surprise evident in her voice. The four contemplated this for a second before they decided that they really didn’t care and headed off to class.

----

Grace had gone over to the Girardi’s that afternoon to work on the Physics homework with Luke. They had finished the homework long ago and were spending some quality time together. That is, they were talking and cuddling between make-out sessions. In the middle of one such session, Grace ended up knocking into Luke’s desk. When she tried to steady herself, her hand came down on something soft and plushy. Any chance of her ignoring the object disappeared when it let out a squeak under her weight. Gently pushing Luke away from her, she picked up the object from behind her and held it up between them.

“Is this yours?” She asked, a hint of a smile appearing on her face. Flustered, Luke tried to stammer out a plausible explanation.

“My little cousin was here last night, so I got that out for her to play with.”

Grace nodded, having already known that his cousin had been there because Joan had spent all of English complaining about her crazy aunt.

“Yes, but is it yours?” She asked him again as he took it from her.

“Yes,” he admitted, clearly embarrassed that his girlfriend had found his pink, floppy-eared, stuffed bunny. A smirk appeared on Grace’s face as he played with one of the bunny’s ears.

“Well, gotta say, its not everyday you find out your boyfriend is getting all cuddly with something pink and fluffy and not you,” she commented, fully aware that she was only tormenting him further.

“Jealous?” he shot back, not about to let her mercilessly tease him. Grace only snorted and raised an eyebrow at him.

“We found it in the basement while cleaning last year,” he explained, completely unaware that he had started to cuddle the rabbit against his chest. Grace couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her usually so mature boyfriend cuddling a stuffed toy. A wistful smile appeared on Luke’s face as he absently petted the bunny. “My mom told me that Joan insisted on getting it for me when I was born. She didn’t care that it was pink and pretty much girly in every way. Apparently I didn’t care either, because Mom says I used to carry it around everywhere.”

“Cute,” Grace commented as she pointedly raised an eyebrow at where he cuddled the rabbit to himself. Luke snapped out of his reminiscing and sheepishly sat down on the bed. “Irresistibly cuddly, is it?”

Luke gave her an exasperated look, letting her know her teasing did not amuse him. She only offered him a mock innocent look with a hint of an evil smile lurking underneath. Grace sat next to Luke on the bed as he tried not to be completely embarrassed by this turn of events.

“Here, feel it,” he insisted, pushing the rabbit towards her. Grace just looked at him like he was insane. “Just trust me, feel him.”

With an eye roll, Grace went ahead and humored her decidedly crazy boyfriend by giving the pink monstrosity a tiny stroke. Suddenly she knew why he couldn’t help but cuddle it.

“Oh! Its soo soft!” She exclaimed in wonder as she continued to stroke it. She eyed him as she took the bunny from him and wrapped it in her own arms. “Okay, now I might be jealous.”

“Don’t worry,” Luke assured her as he leaned in to nuzzle her neck with his nose. “I enjoy snuggling with you more.”

“Hey!” Grace protested even as she leaned into his embrace. “I do NOT snuggle.”

“What do you call this then?” he asked her as he wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck yet again.

“Mmm,” Grace purred in contentment. “Its… something else.”

“Okay,” Luke agreed with a laugh. That settled, he started to slowly suck on her neck. She moaned softly and tilted her head to give him better access. The pink bunny dropped to the floor, forgotten as both focused solely on Luke’s ministrations. After a few minutes, Grace was shaken out of her daze of pleasure when Luke nipped at her neck gently.

“Dude, you better not be leaving marks,” she warned without moving, being to comfortable to do so. Luke glanced at the purplish circles forming on her neck and smirked.

“Dude?” Grace asked warningly, starting to turn to face him now.

“You can give me some too,” Luke suggested huskily. “Then we’ll be even.”

“You didn’t!” she exclaimed, turning to face him completely as she prodded her now tender neck with her fingers.

“I did,” he informed her with a smile, clearly proud of it. Grace was fully intending on giving him a hard time, but he looked so darn cute with that little half smile of his that she ended up kissing him instead.

Unwanted hickeys and stuffed bunnies long forgotten, Grace pushed Luke back as they became lost in the kiss.

---

“Hey,” Joan greeted Adam at the door.

“Hey,” he responded. “Ready to go?”

Joan nodded eagerly. She had agreed to go to some art show with him for the night. She had finally finished her community service hours and was happy to go ANYWHERE.

“Um, let me make sure I have everything.” A quick check through her bag concluded that they indeed were not ready to go. “My cell phone’s missing. Oh! I must have left it up in Luke’s room last night while we were watching our little cousin. Be right back.”

Joan was halfway up the stairs to Luke’s room when the sound of his voice reminded her that he wasn’t alone. She stopped on the stairs and eavesdropped despite her better judgment.

“Here, feel it,” She heard her brother say. “Just trust me, feel him.”

Joan’s eyebrows shot up. What exactly did he want Grace to feel that was a HE?

“Oh!” she heard Grace exclaim. “Its soo soft!”

Thoroughly freaked out by the implications of what she’d just heard, she clamped her hands over her ears so she couldn’t hear anything else. With a disgusted shudder, she went back down the way she came from as fast as she could.

“Let’s go,” she said as she grabbed Adam’s arm and headed towards the door.

“Where’s your phone?” Adam asked, resisting her pulling him out of the house when he realized that she had came down empty handed.

“I decided that I didn’t need it after all,” she told him, what she had overheard repeating painfully in her mind. “Really.”

Suddenly there was a loud thud from upstairs followed by loud bouts of laughter.

“What was that?” Adam asked, looking up at the ceiling, trying to figure out what the heck was going on in the Girardi’s that evening.

“Nothing!” Joan responded quickly, not even wanting to think about what could be going on in her little brother’s room. “Let’s just go.”

---

Grace and Luke lay on the floor laughing hysterically. Grace had pushed Luke back a little too forcibly, causing them to tumble off the bed and onto the floor. After their laughter had died down, Grace untangled her limbs from Luke’s so that she could stand up. A squeak sounded out from under her when she rolled off of him. Knowing full well what she had rolled onto, she dissolved into another fit of laughter. Luke stood up and began to pull her up as well.

“Hey,” she protested through her giggles as he pulled her back up on his bed.

“You were squishing him,” Luke informed her as he picked the bunny up from the floor, straight faced and completely serious. Grace snorted mid-laugh at this, extremely amused again about the fact that Luke was so seriously attached to a cutesy stuffed animal. Luke just smiled at the image of Grace splayed out across his bed, still laughing hysterically. She took several deep breaths after she finally stopped laughing and lifted her head to look at him.

“That was too funny, man,” she told him, out of breath. “I think I’m done now though.”

“Are you now?” Luke asked giving her a mischievous look. She watched him warily as he moved closer to her. She was caught off guard when he suddenly moved in and grabbed her sides and tickled her mercilessly. She instinctively laughed at the sensation and squirmed under his wiggling fingers.

“Girardi!” She managed to gasp out as he continued his ticklish attack. “I am so gonna hurt you for this!”

“Yeah, I know,” he said with a huge grin. Just to prove that it wasn’t going to stop him, he lifted her shirt up, lowered his head, and blew a huge raspberry on her tummy. With a shriek of laughter, she grabbed a pillow and whapped over the head with it. He looked up at her in surprise, and then grinned evilly at her. She took her opportunity to jump up while he grabbed a pillow as well. And so the war began…

---

The next morning Joan and Luke met up with Adam and Grace at her locker twenty minutes before the first class.

“Morning,” Joan greeted followed by a yawn. “Yet another boring day at Arcadia High. Bring on the fun.”

“Where’s the usual optimism, Girardi?” Grace questioned, shoving her skateboard in her locker.

“I think I lost it staring at that disfigured, depressing painting last night,” Joan replied with a slight frown.

“Good job, Rove,” Grace mock congratulated Adam. “Making your girlfriend stare at demented art all night.”

Joan was about to comment, but was distracted when Grace removed her scarf to put it in her locker. There were several small bruises on her neck. Joan might have been oblivious in the past, but she wasn’t stupid. Her jaw dropping slightly, she completely missed Adam trying to get her to back him up on his defense of the art show.

“Jane?” Adam asked, coming up to her.

“”What?” she asked, startled out of her thoughts. She put on a fake smile. “Oh, right, yeah, it was a great art show. See, that optimism is coming right back!”

Adam seemed to buy her act, but Luke and Grace simultaneously glanced at her then at each other. Joan cleared her throat, wanting desperately to move the attention away from her. Luckily, Grace did it for her.

“C’mon geek, lets get going,” she told Luke, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him towards the science hallway. There was still fifteen or so minutes until the first class, so there was no questioning where they were headed. She should probably be used to it by now, but Joan was still a little freaked out by the fact that they went to a room filled with dead animals to make out. And after last night, she had to wonder if that’s all they were doing.

As Joan tried desperately not to think too much about Luke and Grace’s whereabouts, the Friedmans joined them.

“Hello all, “ Friedman greeted them. After a moment he looked at Adam hopefully. “So, have you talked to Stevie recently?”

“Yeah, come with me to the art room and I’ll fill you in,” Adam told him. He said goodbye to Joan and gave her a quick kiss before walking off with Friedman.

“You seem perturbed,” Austin commented to Joan as Adam and the original Friedman wandered off. “Is something bothering you?”

“What would be bothering me?” Joan covered, eying him warily. She was still stuck on the whole he looked like Friedman thing, so it was a bit hard for her to take him seriously.

“Its alright,” he told her, raising his arms in defense. “I just thought you might want to talk about it.”

“I’m sorry,” Joan apologized, not meaning to be standoffish. Pausing for a second, she figured it wouldn’t hurt to tell him. “Its just… I think something might have happened between my brother and Grace.”

”Something?” Austin asked, confused. Realization suddenly dawned on him. “Oi, you mean you think they shagged?”

“Yeah,” Joan answered, nose scrunching up in disgust. “I am pretty sure actually.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, last night I heard Luke tell Grace to feel something, which she apparently thinks is ‘so soft’. Which, by the way, eeeww. Then, right before I left the house there was a loud thud from up in his room and they were all giggling and stuff. Then, this morning, Luke mentioned something about being worn out last night and getting a good nights sleep. And now Grace has hickeys all over her neck,” Joan explained hurriedly, barely taking a breath between sentences.

“Hmmm,” Austin contemplated, piecing together the information. “I’d say, indubitably, they're rutting like pigs.”

“Gross,” Joan whined, nose scrunching yet again. “Thank you so much for that mental imagery.”

“Your welcome,” Austin responded jokingly with a smile.

“Grace is my best friend,” Joan told him, clearly distressed. “Why wouldn’t she talk to me about this?”

“Maybe she thought you wouldn’t want to hear it,” he suggested, giving her a searching look. “He is your brother after all.”

“What should I do?” Joan asked, leaning against the wall with a sigh.

“Try to talk to her. She doesn’t seem like the type to open up easily, so try to make her comfortable and don’t attack her,” he advised. “Otherwise she’ll probably just go on the defensive.”

Joan looked at Austin in surprise, contemplating him. A small smile appeared on her face.

“Thanks,” she said sincerely. “You know, you really aren’t anything like your brother.”

Austin only shrugged modestly and offered her a warm smile.

---

That night, Joan called Grace and told her to come over. Grace, being completely oblivious to what Joan wanted to talk to her about, agreed and was soon after knocking on her window. Joan rolled her eyes and went to open the window.

“Grace,” she started in exasperation. “There’s this remarkable thing called a door. It saves you the climb up the drain pipe.”

“Yeah, well,” Grace said, offering no real explanation, as she pulled herself through the window. “You wanted to talk to me about something?”

“Yeah,” Joan nervously shifted her weight from on foot to another.

After a minute of awkward silence and Grace looking at Joan expectingly, Joan walked over to her dresser and picked up the lampshade that sat there. It was the same shade that Grace had worn on her head when she had come over to talk to Joan about love only months before. Joan held out the lamp shade to Grace, who only looked at it, then Joan in confusion.

“This is the one you wore on your head before,” Joan told her, turning it so that the writing on it faced Grace. “I decorated it and everything. You can keep it.”

“The lampshade of silence?” Grace asked her after reading what had been written on it with puffy paint. She looked up at Joan in confusion yet again.

“Yeah. You know, anytime there’s something that you have trouble talking about you just,” Joan mimed putting it over her head. “Voila, Lampshade of Silence. It almost makes you invisible. Kind of like Endora can do.”

“Who?” Grace asked, looking at Joan like maybe she had gone just a bit insane.

“You know, Endora, the kooky mom,” Off of Grace’s blank look she continued. “From Bewitched? No? Ok never mind about that then.”

Joan cleared her throat and took the lampshade and put it on Grace’s head. Grace made no move to take it off, instead humoring the other crazy one of the Girardis.

“Why don’t we give it a try,” Joan suggested, leading Grace over to sit down. “Maybe we can talk about you doing my brother.”

“What?!?” Grace exclaimed, quickly pulling the shade off of her head to look at Joan in shock. “Me doing WHAT?”

“My brother,” Joan repeated, arms crossed, a no nonsense look on her face. “I know you guys were going at it last night.”

“WHAT?” Grace all but yelled again. “We did not! Why the hell would you think that?”

“There were… noises,” Joan stuttered out, caught off her guard by Grace’s reaction. Was it possible that she had jumped to the wrong conclusion? She pointed at Grace’s neck. “And you … hickeys!”

Grace’s hand shot up to her neck. A slight blush spread across her face and she paused for a moment before answering.

“Hazards of making out, Girardi, not of nookie!”

“Oh,” Joan said, suddenly very embarrassed about the whole situation. “My bad. We can just forget this ever happened.”

“Ok, yeah,” Grace readily agreed, already heading towards the window. “Sounds good to me.”

With that, Grace grabbed her new lampshade and went back out the window.

---

The next morning, Grace and Luke entered the biology closet together, having already split from the group so that they could be alone.

“Joan has been acting strange all morning,” Luke commented as they sat down facing each other. “Wonder what’s going on.”

“She was having crazy ideas about us,” Grace informed him with a roll of her eyes. “I set her straight about it last night. I think she’s embarrassed about it now or something.”

“Crazy ideas?” Luke asked, puzzled. “Like what?” “Like…you know,” Grace said, giving him a pointed look. Luke just stared at her with a blank look, still not getting it. She rolled her eyes agian and clarified. “She thought we were humping like the lead actors in a bunny porno.”

“WHAT?” Luke exclaimed, equally as startled as she had been the night before.

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

“Why would she think that?” Luke asked her in confusion.

“Well, for one, your sisters a bit crazy,” Grace told him with a laugh. She tried to give him an annoyed look as she pointed at the hickeys on her neck. “And I TOLD you not to give me marks.”

“You know you like it,” Luke told her, leaning in close.

Her eyes momentarily flicking down to his lips, Grace insisted, “No, I don’t.”

Luke pressed a light kiss to her lips before trailing several equally light kissed down her neck.

“Sure about that?” he whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers.

“Maybe just a little,” Grace admitted with a tiny smile before pulling him in for a kiss.

Then, as Luke began sucking on her neck again several minutes later, Grace vowed to never complain about a hickey again.

The End

Challenge Requirements

1. rutting like pigs
2. bunnies
3. "It wasn't me it was the one armed man"
4. "Brilliant" and reply "Brilliant"
5. "It's soooo soft"
6. A reference to 'I Dream of Jeannie' or 'Bewitched' or both
7. Indubitably
8. a random character who is either british or irish
9. Joan giving Grace the 'lampshade of silence'