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My Story
Since you've seen the precious pictures of my son, I'm sure you're wondering what happened.  This is the story of my second son Chrstofer.  I had to write my story to help me cope with my feelings and emotions.
If you have lost a loved one in some way, my heart goes out to you.   
Please make sure to sign my guestbook, so that I knew you were here
Song is "Fly" by Celine Dion
In May of 2000 I found out I was pregnant with my second child.  At first I was shocked because I didn't think I was ready for another baby.  But my husband had been wanting another baby.  I took a home test and came out of the bathroom looking like a ghost because it was positive.   After the initial shock I was extremely happy.  I saw the way my son Dylan would carry his stuffed animals around and try and feed them, I just knew he would be the perfect brother. 

My first prenatal appointment was the second week of June.  I had just seen my doctor for my annual check up in April. (he asked me if we were using anything for protection, I said no) As soon as he walked in he said, "I'd knew I'd see you soon" And we both laughed. We couldn't get my actual due date because I couldn't remember when my LMP was.  So we set up an appointment for a sonogram a couple weeks later. 

When I went back I found out I was 7 weeks along.  The baby looked like alittle peanut.  My due date was Feb. 07, 2001.  I was scheduled to see him every 4 weeks.  Every appointment I went to seemed to be going great! (With my first son I had pre-eclampsia and a horrible pregnancy)  So needless to say I was really excited that I felt the baby move all the time.  The only thing that was going wrong is I wasn't gaining weight like I should have been.  I lost 15 pounds and I gained 5 of it back, but thats it.  But my doctor wasn't really worried about that.
 
When I hit my 5th month I started getting pains in my stomach.  Pains that I have never had before in my life.  It felt as if someone was inside twisting my stomach.  I called my doctor and a nurse told me that they were probably braxton hick contractions not to be worried.  Well I went the full day with these pains, and I ended up calling a nurse hotline to ask them, they didn't have a clue of what it was.  So I called my doctors office again.  I talked to the doctor that was on call and he told me it was indigestion, to take some Pepcid AC and it should go away.  Well he was right! It went away.   

On Sunday, November 5th I was having pains again.  I was up all night because of these pains. I felt that something wasn't right.  I woke my husband up and told him what was going on.  He asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, but I told him no, let me take some Pepcid AC and see if it goes away.  Within a half hour they were gone.  My husband had to leave town for a week but he wanted to stay because of how I felt.  I told him to go ahead that there's nothing to worry about.  

All day Monday I just felt that something wasn't right.  I didn't feel the baby move all day.  But I thought to myself "I've had an exhausting night, so the baby might be tired."  I talked to my husband that night and told him how I felt and that I hadn't felt the baby move.  I had appointment on November 8th.  I told him that if I felt the baby move sometime Monday night I'll wait for my appointment on Wednesday.  

Well I never felt the baby move.  I got up early Tuesday morning and called my doctor to tell him what was going on.  They told me to come in right away so they can monitor the baby.  I got into the shower, I hurried as fast as I could.  I knew that something was wrong.  But in the back of my mine I was just saying "Your a worry wart."  I got to the doctors office and they put me on the monitors.  They nurse couldn't find a heartbeat.  I immediately started to cry.  The nurse went to get my doctor.  

They took me into a room so I can have a sonogram done.  My doctor first checked the heartbeat with a doppler.  He found one! I again started to cry, I was so happy to hear that galloping sound.  He said that he is still going to do a sonogram, just to make sure everythings ok.  When he did the sonogram he was extremely worried because I was very low on amniotic fluid (almost none).  It worried him terribly.  He told me to wait in the room while he made a phone call.  As I waited patiently I couldn't help but think that something is really wrong with my baby.  

He came back into the room and told me he wanted me to go see the doctor down the hall.  She had a better sonogram machine and wanted to get her opinion.  Through this whole ordeal my 2yr old was being the perfect kid anyone can ask for.  He was being so good through everything, and I was so happy to have such a precious gift from God. 
I finally got to see the doctor.  She is a very nice lady and I'm sorry I had to meet her under these circumstances.  She did some looking around on the sonogram machine, and I could tell by the look on her face that something was wrong.  But again I kept telling myself "you're being a worry wart."  After 30-45 minutes of laying on the table she was finally finished. She took me into a room and hooked me up to the monitors.  I was in there for about 5 minutes talking to the nurse while she was asking my history for my file.  

The Doctor came back in and shut the monitors off and began to talk with me. She had found out that my little baby was extremely sick, and very small for his gestational age of 27 weeks. He looked like a 24 weeker.  She said he was about 1LB 9Oz.  Then she went on to explain that the medical technology has proved that babies this age and weight can live outside of the womb.  I broke down and started to cry because I just knew what was coming up next.  She told me that I needed to get over to NE Baptist Hospital to deliver my baby.  I cried even more but I had to suck it up and be strong because my 2 yr old was in the room.  

The nurse that was in the room took my son out into the hallway and took care of him while I had my emotional moment.  I told the doctor that I needed to get ahold of my husband, but I didn't know how, he was 3 hours away and his pager didn't work where he was.  But I needed to call someone to take me to the hospital.  I called my mom.  I tried my hardest to talk to her but I couldn't bare to hear her cry so I handed the phone over to the doctor.  She began to explain what was going on.  My mom rushed right over to the doctors office.  

I still couldn't think of how to get ahold of my husband.  I called his work and I was hysterical. I told them what was going on and they took down all the information about the hospital and what happened, they told me they would get ahold of him not to worry. About 10 minutes later they called me back at the doctors office and told me that the gentleman that was on his way to San Angelo to drop off some parts is about 10 miles from my husband and he would let him know.  They were very nice and asked if I needed anyone to be there with me since my husband couldn't be there.  But my dear mother was already on her way.  

I cried and cried as I waited for my mom to come get me.  I couldn't believe that this was happening to me.  I had to brighten my mood, so I began to tell little jokes.  My regular appointment was originally scheduled for the next day, and if I went I had to drink that NASTY drink for the diabetes test.  I said "Hey at least I don't have to drink that awful drink anymore"  The doctor and nurse chuckled.  I was so happy to find out what I was having but so devastated that he was going to be 13 weeks early.  My mom finally showed up and we were on our way.   

When we got to the hospital of course everyone knew I was coming, so they had everything ready for me.  I got into my hospital gown and was put on the monitors.  My L&D nurse was very nice and helpful.  She didn't keep anything from me.  About an hour past and I got a call from my doctor.  He said that he realized my husband was out of town so he was going to wait for the c-section until later that evening so my husband would be able to be there with me.  I thanked him as I cried tears of joy.  About that time his assistant had come into the room and wanted to speak with him.  She told him the baby's heartbeat had drooped to 70 then to 60 and then back up.  So my doctor was on his way, and they prepped me for my surgery. 

He came into the room and said I'm so sorry I can't wait, but this baby is telling us he wants out NOW!  A friend of my moms came to pick up my son to babysit him.  (Thank you for that Kathy) And then it was time.  As I walked to the operating room I was so scared.  I had a c-section with my first son, but I was still so scared.   
I was crying the whole time until my mom was allowed in the operating room. At 2:10pm I was told I had a baby boy.  I was so happy to have another boy in my life. They wheeled him by me in the incubator and let me see him for a couple of seconds. He was so tiny. I was on the operating table until 3:00pm because they couldn't get my uterus to stop bleeding.  I was finally wheeled into the recovery room.  I had to go to the regular recovery room because L&D was full.  So my mom wasn't allowed in there with me.  While I was there, I was told that Christofer weighed 1LB 4Oz and 12 inches long. 

The nurses were so nice and supportive.  I asked them if they could please go get my mother and she said yes.  As soon as my mom walked it, my husband followed.  He hugged me and began to cry, he said I'm so sorry I wasn't here.  I told him not to be, I was the one who told him to go out of town, he had to reason to be sorry.  He such a wonderful guy.  I am truly blessed to have him in my life.  Then they were told to return to my room so they can continue to monitor me.  I was in there for about another 30 minutes and I finally got to be with my family.   

It was great to have them there.  We started talking about what had happened.  Christofer had to be transported to another hospital, but before he was they brought him to my room so I can see him.  He looked like a baby doll, so tiny and fragile.  I didn't take up to much time because I knew they had to get to the other hospital with a Level 3 NICU. 

I didn't sleep well Tuesday night because every couple hours I was getting my vitals taken because I had a fever, and I was worried about Christofer.  In the morning my husband and mom went to go see Christofer.  He was in fairly stable condition and doing good!  They came to visit me and I was so happy to see my son Dylan!  I missed him so much.  My husband took my mom and son home, and continue to visit between the two hospitals.   

Thursday morning my husband called me and asked if the NICU had called me. I knew immediately that something was wrong.  He told me that Christofer had a rough night, and they think he's having brain bleeds and he probably won't make it through the day.  I called my nurse and asked her if I can get released.  She called my doctor and got permission to release me early. My husband came over and we just held each other and cried.  I asked him, WHY??? Why Me??? 

We hurried over to the NICU.  The doctor explained to us what was going on.  His blood pressure was down and that was making his kidneys shut down.  We needed his blood pressure up so his kidneys will start working again.  They did sonograms of his head and those came back negative for brain bleeds.  We were so grateful!  I stayed at the hospital as long as I could, but I was getting extremely sore and I had to go home a rest.  

We got up early Friday morning and called the NICU.  They told us his blood pressure was almost down to nothing and he looks like he's seizing, to come over but in no hurry.  I had to go get my staples removed at my doctors office because I got released from the hospital early.  After that we went to see Christofer.  He seemed to be doing good.  But he was on so many drugs and IV fluids.  His kidneys still didn't work which means he couldn't pee.  So all this fluid that was being put into him was just being stored in his tissue and he was swelling.  They were going to give him the weekend to pee. 

Friday turned into Saturday, and Saturday turned into Sunday, still no pee.  His kidneys seemed to have shut down period. On Monday when we went to see him we were asked to go see the doctor in the conference room.  He told us that we needed to make a decision.   He gave us three options.  First one was a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order.  Second was to stop all the drips.  Third was to turn the machines off.  (we could either turn them off completely or start turning them down) We decided to do all three.  DNR, stop all the drips and start turning the machines down.  

That was the longest day and night I have ever experienced.  Every couple hours they would come in and turn the machines down.  I got to hold him that day.  I was so scared to hold him, I was scared that I would cry and wouldn't be able to hold him because my dieing son was in my arms.  But as soon as they put him in my arms, all my pain went away.  I was so happy that I got the chance to love such a beautiful baby. We waited and waited for the heartache good-bye.  But he was still fighting. 
About 10:00pm we noticed he wasn't fighting anymore.  He was letting the machines do all the work.  He was tired and was ready to go home.  We decided to do a CPAP which is turn the machines off and let nature take its course.  I held him in my arms as the Lord began to take him.  He became an Angel at 10:45pm on November 13, 2000.  
I watched as they gave him a bath and dressed him.  I felt no more pain.  I actually felt a sigh of relief because I knew he was in good hands and no longer suffering.
We barried him on November 17, 2000 @ 1:00 in a cemetary that has a special place called Angels for babies.  He now has friends to play with.  We miss him every day.
Click on Links to visit Support Groups
and Webrings
These candles will burn forever in Christofer's Memory
Click on the candles to light a candle for Christofer and your Angel
Click the paw print to visit my Big Brother's site
I'M A BIG BROTHER!!!! CLICK ON THE BABY LOGO TO SEE THE WEBPAGE THERESA MADE FOR MY BABY SISTER!!