MOOSE LOVE, IS IT WRONG?

[above] a moose + surgical gloves = paging doctor kinky!

gibby haynes, a 78 year old virginia farmer is madly in love with doris, his girlfriend for the past six months.  widowed these past ten years, haynes was out walking in the woods near his farm when he happened upon doris, quietly drinking from a fresh water stream.  "i'd been really depressed by my wife's passing and slap my gonads with a hammer if doris wasn't the cutest even-toed herbivore i'd ever seen!"  haynes overcame his natural shyness and approached doris right there and then.  "well, i knew that my dearly departed wife enid would want me to be happy", reasoned haynes "and doris seemed to understand the situation from the get-go.  a few quick urine spurts and man she was primed like jeff gordon on indy day!"

[above] gibby haynes, backdoor man

 this unorthodox relationship has been tough on both gibby and doris.  "doris is pretty excitable, hates loud noises and such...so having her over to my daughter's home for sunday dinner isn't really a good idea, my daughter having 4 hyperactive little boys who sure love their sugar".  haynes has kept everything in perspective though "me and doris have an unusual relationship, we both understand that there will be times when our differences can cause some tension". 

 such tensions came to a head last saturday evening, when tex [doris' estranged boyfriend], strung out on ripe elderberries, came around looking for trouble. "tex just didn't know how to let go.  he still felt that doris was his and he wasn't going to let anyone else take his place".  all indications of a terse "moose/human" love triangle developing where taken care of in the early hours of sunday morning last.  haynes picks up the story:

[above] tex, doris' estranged boyfriend

"as per usual, tex came moosin' around the farm...causing the usual trouble, upsetting the chickens, taking a massive stanky dump on the doorstep.  i told doris i'd had enough, so cutting a long story short..."mr. twelve gauge shotgun" is going to be keeping me n' my family in moose burgers for a long time to come!"

"doris was initially upset by tex's untimely passing" stated haynes as he pulled out his whittlin' stick, "but once doris got a taste my extra spicy loose moose meat sandwiches, all was forgiven.  she said that this is the first time that eating tex was enjoyable for her".

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