Issue quote "Ow my leg! Damn evil Monkeys!"

I know in the previous issue i said somebody gave me a liscence but back then i thought i would have one by now but guess what?!?! I still only have a blue slip. I could have gotten my liscence three weeks ago but noooooooo! I have to get in all my hours behind the wheel! Does it matter that i can drive like Jeff Gordon? Noooooooooo! Why you ask am i put through this torment? Well I can give you a nice, simple, and short answer....Parents. Now for the long answer. Simple-minded, over-protective, needy, paranoid, idiotic parents. I'll tell you what people i've got nothing against my parents(can u tell) they're great. They give me a lot of leeway when it comes to matters of unimportance such as movies and videogames but when it comes to the important things it's a tradition in my family to put shackles on your legs and make shure you don't achieve anthing great. Which is very stifelling to me because i am very creative(as you can tell)and need to express myself in a public forum.(also as you can tell) So i give you all a small window into my life although it is a window that i have twisted to my own perspective albeit very predjudiced. (but you don't care do you?) Look for more articles on my family life and please ignore them.

I have this theory about the origin of "Aliens". The thin, short, large eyed, big brained creatures that zoom through the X-files in large UFO's. Well my theory is that "Aliens" aren't really from outerspace. In fact they are from right here on the planet earth! Impossible you say? Ah but it most certainly is possible. In fact aliens are on this planet as i speak. They are all around you! They're in your house right now! Are you scared? You should be. You want to find these aliens lurking in your bathroom? Well tis simple my friend. Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. Shocking isn't it? These "Aliens" that we have accussed of stealling cattle and annoying Mulder and Scully are not vile creatures from a distant planet but none other than ourselves...evolved. Given it will take a few Million years but we will alll eventually look like our short green counterparts. The signs are already there. While you are looking in that mirror take notice your immense skull. The brain area is huge! Now look at your ears and your nose and your mouth. All will become useless and fade away into nothingness. All the jobs these organs do by themselves will be enhanced by future technology. I warn you people this theory has a solid basis. Just think how much time we are spending in front of our computers! Soon we will not even have to get out of bed to do work. Our robots will do all the manual labor for us so we can concentraite on satisfying our own selfish persuits. Shure global starvation will be gone but boredom is Evil. All the while we sit back our bodies will wither and wane into uselessness. But! Indeed but! Here is the true mysterie! Why would our descendants come all the way from the furture back to the past? What reason could they have to travel through time? Is something gone terribly wrong? And if it has what can we do to help? But if time travel is possible what does that in itself truely mean? All good questions to ask the Maker.

Stay glued to your seats folks you don't wanna miss the...

Next Issue: The Pants Returns!