Issue quote "You are the weakest link! Goodbye."

What is it that all men around this earth eventually do? Y' know what it is. It's the most talked about, most avoided, and most hated subject in the world. Yeah y'know Summoning the Dragon. Now you may hear a man deny that he has Summoned the Dragon but he is lying through his teeth. In a poll 99% of the men questioned said that they had indeed summoned the Dragon.(the other 1% are fucking liars) For most men Summoning the Dragon is the first step into manhood. It occurs around puberty when a young man's fancy turns toward women....thus the lizard is called forth. For a lot of men, Summoning the dragon is a momentous occasion with lots of tugging and jerking and straining that ends in a brilliant climax. For some the event is sadly uneventful. The Dragon never rises but just sits there drooling, but there are ways to fix that. Now you may be wondering why Summoning the Dragon isn't talked about more often. Truth is that most people think that it is rude and uncivilized to talk about such things in public, But here at my newsletter I am staunchly(look it up) open and honest with such subjects. In fact, I admit I have Summoned the Dragon. Oh I've done it lots of times. Let's see last time was on a Saturday. I had just got home from a long night of partying at the mall. There was nobody home and i was all by myself.(hunh?) So I went downstairs to find something to do. I was on the couch when I started thinking about my(imaginary)girlfriend when i did it.....I popped in a Dragon Ball Z tape and watched Goku kick the shit out of Frieza! Oh it was a fantastic battle............wait a minute. You thought I was talking about Masturbation didn't you! You SICK BASTARD!

Hey have you been watching the Network wars? I mean the ongoing battle for ratings between the powerhouses NBC, ABC, and CBS. Ratings are what determines the price a network can charge for advertising a.k.a commercials. Therefore higher ratings = higher profits for the network. In this ongoing battle many champions have arisen. "Survivor" for CBS, gameshow powerhouse "Millionare" for ABC, and a Thursday night dominating team "Friends" and "E.R." You know it is sweeps week when the shows you watch become suddenly flashy and more extravigant. The "War of ratings" is a violent one with many victims such as: "Sea Quest" "Viper" "Suddenly Suzan" "Space Rangers" "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and many others. These could be what you call weak links. Speaking of which The newest secret weapon NBC whipped out is titled "The Weakest Link" This is NBC's answer to "Millionare" A gameshow that combines elements of Survivor, Millionare, and a British boarding school. NBC obviously thought that combining elements of successful shows would create a successful show. Hey they could be right! I find it very entertaining watching eight dumbasses vote each other off with impunity(look it up) in an effort to win the paltry sum they have emassed in the previous rounds. But it could get dull like all the "other" gameshows. What may end up saving this show is not the popular format but the unrelenting crassness of the show's grade school teacheresqe host. If you ever got in trouble at grade school you know the feeling of this show. Anne Robinson mercilesly thrusts questions into the faces of the contestants while berating them for their stupidity. I just get a cheap thrill watching those goody two shoes, backstabbing, ingrates get their just desserts at the hands of a unemotional axeman. If you could think of the exact opposite of Regis Philbin you would see Anne staring you in the face. While Regis jumps around like a Chiuahua on speed offering help and assistance to his contestants, Anne offers only a cold and steely countenance, with only one escape route the "Walk of Shame". It may turn out that this "Weakest Link" may be the strongest one in the NBC monday night lineup for years to come. Goodbye!

Jackass is stupid. There i said it! It's about time somebody did!

(please don't send me death threats)

End of Issue.

Next issue: Somebody gave me a license! God help us all!