It's Not Easy Being UICsy

here. Instead, I will be taking this, wait a tick, why is this still linked? There. As I was saying, I will be taking this time to address what I felt were the good and bad aspects of the meeting.
One definite bad was the number of board members that did not make the effort to attend. That said, I would like to take the time to personally attack every member that didn't show up. You all suck at life. Okay, it wasnt so much personal as it was prejudicial and completely unfounded, but I think it got the job done. Speaking of getting the job done, will Howie Mandell ever stop making me laugh? Jury says... not likely.
A positive aspect of the meeting was the clutch performance of honorary board members Bobby Schmidt and Shane Setnor (by the way, when I first typed Bobby's name I accidently wrote "Booby." Wouldnt that have made for some humorous reading? No? Well screw you!) Throughout the meeting, they sprung forth wisdom like only they can. Good job fellas! I wanted to give you a thumbs up, but I'm afraid it's impossible over a computer. Instead, I will try to graphically imitate it, using the keyboard's full potential: 8
Well, I tried.
Another negative was the presense of an inebriated friend of board member Robert Charbonneau. The XSA is famous for its anti-alcohol stance, and thus, the drunkard was not counted as present. He was however, humorously punished for his underage drinking when he was ferociously sodmomized by a man in the bathroom. When the drunkard came to the table to tell us his horror story we all had a good chuckle, except for Phil who was mysteriously absent for 10-15 minutes.
Another positive was the reappearance of Cheryl who I had once accused of both never getting back to us and of being a whore. I can now safely take one of these points back and proffer (no, thats not a typo) up more evidence to support the other.I won't say which point is which, you can figure it out.
So despite that fact that the meeting suffered because of a lack of some people and the presence of others, or just one, the event was still a success and I'd like to say a quick thanks to everyone that made it, including: Bobby Schmidt, Joe and Shane Setnor, Phil Mulroe, Myself, Chas Pall, Sean Hassett, and Rob Charbonneau, but not to the drunk guy. GO SODOMY!
That'll be all for now, but make sure and hit my column up next time, when I will be discussing the Portugeuse Man of War and their fascinating mating habits.

Hey, Hey! Now that I have greeted you the Krusty way, lets get straight down to the business, ney, the biznass.Last Saturday morning the XSA held its first annual Business Breakfast meeting at the West Side Steak 'n Shake. The meeting was originally sheduled to be held at Denny's, but the man upstairs (Carl) had other plans. I do not feel like going into the details of the meeting, after all mine is a column, not a news article. If you do want the specifics of the meeting I suggest you click