Issue 11
DOWNSIZING NEWS
                          November 2002

AOL Introduces Business Instant Messenger, Management Captures First Conversation

      In what chat rooms are calling the most important innovation since the Episode II DVD earlier this month, Internet giant America Online has introduced Business IM, targeting large corporations desiring faster contact at the workplace. Phones, fax machines and e-mail—these are all passee, ancient forms of communication. Some people have even compared e-mail to the ancient carrier pigeon, who often spent days delivering its printable GAP coupons and numbered surveys. But with Business IM, upper management can finally share various levels of enthusiasm via an assortment or charicature yellow smily faces.



SexyDMBfan: Oh wow, I love that one. Have you heard the new Missy Elliott? It's out of this world.
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Definitely, it is kickin…I know this is so like two months ago, but I'm still jammin to "It's gettin Hot in Here"
SexyDMBfan: lol
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: But hey, you should seriously check out 8 Mile, I think it’s going to be pretty good.
SexyDMBfan: Ya I have totally seen the previews like 40 times...I can't sleep at night because of all of this coffee, so I just end up watching infomercials and that weird Carmen show on TBN.
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Oh that's cool...but hey dude, 8 mile has Kim Bassinger in it and she is really hot.
SexyDMBfan: Umm ya like 6 years ago. But what is with that? I thought this was an autobiography? how is Kim Bassinger in Eminem’s life? I wish that Avril Levrigne had gotten that role. Her song sk8er boi is so cool because I have a friend who is actually named sk8er boi on AOL.
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Oh ya, who is that?
SexyDMBfan: You wouldn't know him, he's on the board of United Way and the president of The Sierra Club.
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: brb. my secretary is griping at me.
SexyDMBfan: Oh I hate it when mine does that.
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Alright, I’m back. Hey, are you watching Firefly?
SexyDMBfan: Oh crap, I forgot about it. What's happening?
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Well, on Serenity, the crew prepares to land on Persephone. Zoe says that the planet is starting to feel like a second home, but Mal says that Persephone is definitely no home. Then, Badger gives Mal an offer to smuggle some booty through a guy named Warick…That's all that has happened so far.
SexyDMBfan: Ok, I just turned it on.
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Kewl.
SexyDMBfan: Oh man, commercial break.
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Yeah. I wish every show was like that season premiere of 24, without commercial interruption. THAT was awesome.
SexyDMBfan: Dude, I have never seen 24. Everyone is always raving about it. I don’t even really get it. Is it an hour show, or a 24 hour show, or how does it work?
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: LMAO—There are 24 one hour episodes per season, thus creating the title and an entire day, duh!
SexyDMBfan: Oh, so do they not sleep or anything like that?
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: I don’t know, I’m sure that probably sometime mid-season that Jack takes a cat nap or something.
SexyDMBfan: oh that’s cool. Hey do you want to play some Counter Strike?
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Ya man, definitely.
SexyDMBfan: sweet. meet me on the Starbucks address: 128.83.231.110
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Ok, see you there, and all I call terrorist.
SexyDMBfan: aight. l8r
Above: A captured Screen Shot of the Conversation

We here at The Management were fortunate enough to be given a copy of one of the first conversations ever carried out through this chat client. This dialogue is between the head of Warner Brothers Studios (screen name: We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked) and the executive of Starbucks Coffe (screen name: SexyDMBfan) and is as follows:

 

We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Hey DMB Fan what's up. This is Ted over at the Warner Brothers Studio lot.
SexyDMBfan: Hey man how's it hanging?
We_Know_That_Ghost_Ship_Sucked: Pretty Good dude, just chilllin to that Kylie Minogue song "come into my world"