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Not apart of series, just another fan fic...

WARNING: DARK THEMES
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Starlight, Starbright
The last star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Have this wish I wish tonight.

A crushing weight, an indestructible spider web I got tangled in. That's the only way to describe it. I can't control myself, my thoughts, my dreams, or were they even
mine? Touch no one and then you too can realize that sense and how  important it is.  People are use to seeing and understanding those  that are blind or deaf, no one thinks about losing touch.  Only till  it is taken away, all other senses are meaningless.  Without touch,  you lose the interactive connection with others that makes you
human.  I'd gladly give up another sense to touch again.   I'm 21, and the only touch experience I can remember is a kiss that  started my downfall.  From my mind, to his mind, to another, and  another and another.  All cramming and screaming in my head.  I try  so hard to organize what's up there, but its so hard.  They're always
trying to take over.  I don't know who I am anymore.  Do I like  certain things or is that someone else? Haunting nightmares so real, I forget they didn't happen to me but
they're too real.  I am them now, their experiences, emotions,  lives.  I feel so old, tired.  I thought they'd go away but they  don't.

I cover myself.  If I had one more person in my head, I'd think I'd  go crazy, so I hid.  I blocked myself from the world. Covered my  body, to stop the accidents, too many accidents.  I'm so afraid.

I keep my distance. I look at the others and envy them.  They play tackle football, swim  together in the pool on hot days while I sweat in layers of  clothing.  They can hold hands, brush up against each other without  the fear, dread or the pain that I feel within and cause others.   They can hug without protection, help bandage cuts and scraps.  They  can provide each other a shoulder to cry on, an arm to comfort them.   Touch it lets you know others are there with you, to help you.  Protect you.  I don't feel that.  I feel alone, lost.   The brush of a hand against another's face. Kisses.  The touch of  lovers.  Dancing, close, personal.  I can't.  I can't. They wear different clothing not the same old gloves, leggings, cloak  and scarves.  They can go into crowds, have almost any job, blend in  with others, lead somewhat normal lives.  I can't.  I can't.  They  have control over their powers, I don't.  I guess I'm too weak.  A  reject, with no inner strength like the rest. I read a book about how the only thing in life worth living for was  love.  I had to agree.  So what is my purpose?  I couldn't love  totally.  Love is a mix, not only emotional but physically.  I  couldn't ever give a man what he would want.  No man would want me! I  can't be touched.

Besides, the only man ever not to fear me and who touched me was  gone.  But it was probably for the best.  I hurt him like no one else  could.  I could kill him.  That fear flows in my veins knowing that I  could have killed him.  I loved him.  I could only hurt him.  I don't  ever want that again.  Fear of waiting for him to wake up after I  touch him, wondering how long a touch is too much before someone   dies.  I have felt that point and held on longer taking everything  one soul had.  His life. I still wear the dog tags, they mean so much.  It was a dream, a what  if, a vision that could never come true.  He's not coming back for  me.  His past is too overpowering for him.  I hope everyday and am  disappointed.  I stopped waiting.  My eyes burn and my heart hurts  thinking about it.  I remember his hands and his lips on me.  Touch.   I felt so much in so little.  I have nothing that helps anyone, only  bringing pain and death.  I am a monster, a freak.  A dangerous  mutant to mankind.   I don't want these memories anymore.  I want all the voices to  stop.

I want the dreams that make me scream at night, that cause me to fear  going to bed every night to stop.  I want to love but I can't.  Too  close, too close, people, friends get hurt.  There's only one thing  to stop it all now.

I walk out into the garden.  My favorite night time activity.  It's  so quiet, the start shine bright and the flowers smell wonderful, like rich perfume of roses, lilies, violets, carnations, orchids. I  can smell them all so clearly.  I'm tired but I don't want to sleep.

I'm too weak to face anymore nightmares.  I lay down amongst the  flowers and look up at the stars.  My only friends.  So far away, I  can't hurt them but always there, comforting, hoping that somewhere  out there in the world, he's looking up at them too.  My pain, it  hurts, an unbearable weight on my chest. I can't stop the tears anymore.  They keep coming and coming.  You'd  think they'd stop even after hours and hours.  But no.  My eyes burn  from crying so much.  Why can't I stop?
Dear Lord, take it away, please!  I have failed you.  You once said  you'd give us no challenge we couldn't overcome without you.  I  guess I'm just too weak, don't have the faith anymore.  Forgive me  please, I'm sorry, forgive me! I took out an old knife.  This would hurt, but not as much as the  past years have, tearing me apart.  Fighting a battle I can't  win.

Hope… I lost it.  I didn't to were to look to find it again.  I've  searched but it's gone.  I need the physical pain to match what I  feel on the inside.  I looked up at the stars.
I did it, quickly and hard, to make a deep cut. I didn't want to have  to do it again.  AAAAHHH! It burned.  I dropped the knife, not wanting to hold on to that.  I  held on to my Wolverine tags.  Oh, how I loved them.  He gave me so  much more then he probably realized. The blood flowed, I could feel it leave me body.   Forgive me lord, I let you down.  I let everyone down, including  myself.   The stars, they were shining brighter then ever.  The night, it was  so peaceful.  My hand went numb after a bit, then the rest of my  body.  Numb, I felt that, it was bliss.  I waited for this feeling  for so long.  I felt so tired.  I knew this time, when I slept, no  dreams would come, no nightmares, ever again.  I couldn't wait.  The  pain within started to go away.  The stars, I looked up barley able  to keep my eyes open.  My heart slowed.  I could feel it.  I could no
longer hurt anyone, my friends, myself.  No more accidents.  It was  better this way.  The only way I could fix it all.   I looked up at those stars one last time, so bright. Over come with  tiredness, I then closed my eyes, never to open them again.

FIN