Title: Losing Control
Author: Tanya Miller
Email: roguemarie@usa.netRating: R to NC-17 to be safe
Summary: Bobby and Sarah talk about their relationship
Disclaimer: Not mine. Except for Sarah. Marvel and Fox own all recognisable characters
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Sarah smiled as she watched her sister and Logan walking in the garden. She was glad that everything had worked out so well. Marie was happy and Logan was actually smiling for a change! Sarah nearly jumped out of her skin at the feel of a pair of arms wrapping around her from behind. She relaxed when she heard the owner of the arms speak softly in her ear.
"Do you have any idea how beautiful you look today?"
Turning in the arms that held her, Sarah lifted her own arms to wrap them around Bobby's neck. "I am sure that you are going to tell me." she said softly.
Bobby lowered his head to kiss Sarah gently on her lips. Pulling back reluctantly, he rest his forehead against her's. "I love you, Sarah. More then I have words to discribe. It's getting harder to stop...."
"Who says you have to Bobby?" Sarah interrupted softly. "I know that I never did. I love you too, Bobby and I want to be with you."
Bobby closed his eyes at the look of unguarded love in Sarah's eyes. "I know you never said that we had to...I am the one that said we do. I don't want to hurt you Sarah."
"You would never hurt me Bobby. I know that." Sarah protested.
Pulling back, Bobby couldn't meet her gaze. "I almost did once." The memory of almost freezing Sarah still haunted him. He never told her but he still had nightmares that he would hurt her, that he would freeze her. He found it hard to maintain control when he was around her. Once when they were kissing, he had pulled back and noticed that she was shaking and that their breaths were visible. He had pulled away quickly and made an excuse so that he could leave. He knew that he would never be able to forgive himself if he ever lost control and hurt her.
"Bobby, that was an accident...." Sarah said quietly as she reached out a hand to him. The moment her hand made contact with his arm she flinched at the cold that was radiating from him. She felt her hand chill at the contact.
Seeing Sarah flinch, and noticing that the air was chilling, Bobby pulled away quickly. He was too upset right now to maintain control. "I should go." he said as he turned and started to run away.
"Bobby! Wait!" Sarah called after him. "Please Bobby, wait!"
"I can't Sarah. I don't trust myself right now. I don't want to hurt you." he called back as he disappeared into the house.
Sarah felt the tears burning her eyes. She knew that Bobby loved her just as much as she loved him, but he was so afraid of hurting her that he was holding back. She just wished that she could show him that it was ok. That she trusted him. Sitting down on one of the garden benches, she let the tears fall. "Oh Bobby. How can I show you that I don't care about the dangers? That I want to take that chance, if only to be loved by you?"
~*~
"Jean, are you in here?"
"Back here, Sarah."
Sarah walked through the infirmary to the door that Jean's voice was coming from. When Sarah looked around the door frame she found Jean sitting in the middle of a huge mess. "What happened?"
"Oh nothing much really. I was putting supplies away and was startled. I ended up dropping everything."
"You shouldn't have tried to carry everything at once....how did you manage all that in the first place?" Sarah asked
"I was testing how strong my telekineses is now. Wanting to see how much I could move at once. I guess I will have to remember to lock the door when I plan on doing this. That way Scott can't come in and scare the living daylights out of me again." Jean smiled
Sarah joined Jean on the floor to help her pick up the supplies. "I was wondering if I could talk to you about something?"
"Sure, Sarah, you can talk to me about anything? Is there something wrong?" Jean stopped picking up and looked at Sarah intently. "Did something happen?"
"No, nothing happened. That's the problem..." Sarah said quietly
"I don't understand" Jean wouldn't let herself search Sarah's mind for the answer. She wanted Sarah to tell her herself.
"It's Bobby.....Everytime we get....close....he pulls away. He says he is scared to hurt me and I have told him that I know he wouldn't but he won't listen. He says that he is afraid that he would lose control and hurt me. I tried to tell him that I wasn't scared and that I trusted him but part of me thinks he is right. That he will lose control..." Sarah told Jean
Jean looked at Sarah intently before speaking "What makes you think that he would lose control? Bobby has been controlling his mutation for sometime now."
Sarah sighed and lowered her gaze. "When we are kissing...and it gets...intense....suddenly everything starts getting cold. When we pull back we can see our breathe and I can barely keep from shaking with the cold. He always panics and leaves as soon as we notice what is going on. I tried to tell him that it is ok, that I know that he won't hurt me but he always says that he already almost did and walks away. I know he is talking about the day that he froze Rogue. I have tried to tell him that it was an accident but he won't listen. He doesn't think I know, but St.John has told me that he has heard Bobby having nightmares at night. Talking in his sleep, saying that he is sorry, that he didn't mean to hurt me. St.John told me that there has been more then one occasion where he had to melt Bobby's bed after one of these nightmares."
Jean sat, thinking about everything that Sarah had just told her. "It sounds like Bobby is having trouble with his control. It isn't surprising. High emotions of puberty usually trigger a person's mutation and also cause a person's mutation to 'go off' unexpectly, so to speak. Bobby has made much ground in control but he is still learning. The anxiety of almost freezing you and instead freezing Rogue has hurt his confidence in his ability to control. And now with you... Well, his emotions are running high and that is also affecting his control. Perhaps the Professor could speak to him, help him regain some of his control." Jean suggested.
"Would you? That would be great! Just don't mention that I talked to you though. I don't think he would like it. You know how men are." Sarah replied
Jean had to laugh, thinking of Scott when she would talk about him with Storm. "Yes, I know how they can be. Don't worry. It will be our little secret."
"Thanks, Jean!" Standing and giving Jean a quick hug, Sarah turned to walk away. Remembering something, she turned back. "How did you know it was me when I first came in?"
Jean blushed slightly. "I have to admit that I cheated."
Realising what Jean meant, Sarah smiled. "That's ok. Just as long is that is all you do is check to see which one I am." Quickly, she left the room before Jean could rope her into helping to pick up the mess.
Jean looked around at the mess. "I'll pick it up later" and walked out of the infirmary on her way to speak to the professor.
~*~
Sarah sat on the garden bench, just staring at nothing. She couldn't stop thinking about Bobby. She knew that he was worried about losing control when they were together. She just had to get him to realise that she trusted him to be safe.
"Sarah, what are you doin' over here all by your lonesome? Where's Bobby?"
Sarah looked up at her sister. "Hey, Marie. I don't know where Bobby is."
At the sound of tears in her sister's voice Rogue sat beside her and took Sarah's hand. "You want to talk about it?"
"No that's ok. I already talked to Jean and she is going to talk to the Professor."
"The Professor?! What happened?!"
"It's Bobby. He is scared that he is going to lose control when he is with me."
Rogue smiled and gave Sarah's hand a squeeze. "Is that all? Tell him losing control isn't that bad of a thing. Ah mean when Logan does he gets all growly and...."
"Not that 'lose control', Marie!" Sarah giggled. "He is scared he is going to lose control of his power and freeze me or something."
Rogue blushed at her blunder. "Oh. Well, Ah am sure that the Professor can help." Spying Logan walking toward the woods, Rogue stood quickly. "Ah....Ah got to go....do...emm...." Trying to find a reason to leave so she could follow Logan, Rogue studdered.
Smiling, Sarah couldn't resist teasing. "Logan. You have to go do Logan in the woods, right?"
Blushing once more, Rogue ducked her head. "We don't always have sex you know...sometimes we talk."
"Yeah right. Don't bother lying to me Marie. Now go on. Have fun." Sarah shooed her sister.
Watching as Rogue ran toward the spot that Logan had entered the woods, Sarah found herself wishing that she and Bobby could be that free. Hearing someone coming up behind her, Sarah turned in her seat. Bobby stood just a few feet away. "Hi."
"Hi. Was just talking to the Professor. He said that he thought that he should touch base with me and see how things were going. He said that he could tell that there was something bugging me." Shuffling his feet, unable to look at her because all he wanted to do was touch her. "I told him about us, about how when we kiss I lose control of it...my power. He told me that it was due to high emotions and that I just had to learn to control that just like I did when I first got my powers."
"Makes sense. Do you want to sit down?" Sarah asked, pushing over on the bench to make more room for him.
"Sure." Sitting down beside her, he clasped his hands together. "I also told him about some other stuff too. He said that he thought that I should tell you about it since it wasn't fair to you to hide what was going on since it involved you."
Wanting to put him at ease, Sarah laid a hand on his. She noticed how cold his hands were and knew that he was struggling right now. "You can tell me anything, Bobby. I love you and nothing is going to change that."
"I love you too, Sarah. More then you know. I am so scared that I will do something that will hurt you." Seeing Sarah about to protest, Bobby rested a finger on her lips. "No, let me finish. I have been having dreams lately where we are together and everything is so perfect. We are alone and we're... " Blushing he stopped.
"It's ok Bobby. I think I know what we're doing. I have those dreams too." Sarah said softly with a smile.
"Yeah well, I doubt they end like mine do. Everything is going so great and then all of a sudden you are shaking and the air is cold and then you are screaming. Then everything just stops and you're frozen." Bobby pushes a hand through his hair, his aggitation obvious. "I am so scared that that will come true."
Sarah reaches out and once again takes his hand. "Bobby, I'm not scared. I trust you. I know that you won't hurt me." Rushing on so that he can't protest, she continues "I know that when we are together your control slips and things get a bit chilly, but that is just part of loving you. I trust you. I know that you would never hurt me no matter what dreams you have had. Please, Bobby, trust that I love you and that I know that we will be ok. Please?"
"Sarah..."
Moving quickly, Sarah leaned in and claimed his lips, silencing his protest. When he gasped, she took advantage of the opportunity and traced her tongue along his, deeping the kiss. She felt his hands come up to her shoulders as if to push her away but she reached up and grasped his head. Pulling back, she looked him right in the eye, her breath a white mist in the chill that surrounded them. "Don't push me away Bobby. Or I am going to have to do what I did to Logan and kick your ass till you realize that I am not losing you because you are scared of a little chill!"
Smiling at her determination, Bobby whispered softly. "Well, since I can't heal like Logan, I guess I better not piss you off." Smiling he claimed her lips once more. Neither of them noticed the snow that fell softly around them. They were too busy to care.
TBC