Title: All Things Worthwhile
Author: Anonymiss83/Renee
E-mail: Anonymiss83@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13 (swearing)
Category: L/R, generally pretty foofy.
Summary: Rogue goes home for a spell, Logan follows. It's been done,
I'm fully aware. Humor me.
Feedback: (Insert image of author foaming rabidly at the mouth). I
think that said it all, my dears.
Author's Notes: Holy God, I just had my friend address me as 'Mopey'.
Something must be done. Hence, the following.

"...And so he totally said those four magic words, right? 'Your Place Or Mine'. I'm SO marrying this guy. I love that whole direct-" Jubilee paused mid-spiel. "Chica? Me little Roguey? Anybody home?"

Rogue shook herself out of her self-induced trance. "Yeah--sorry. Just sorta...I didn't get much sleep last night," she finished lamely.

Jubilee looked skeptical. "You've been all zombie-fied since you got that letter-"

"I get mail," interrupted Rogue defensively. She did. Sure.

"Uh...no, chica. You GOT mail. The Almighty Asshole, aka Logan, came home like five months ago. Right after you became legal, might I add," the mallrat leered.

"Not that he's done anything about it," shrugged Rogue. But more on topic... "I do so get mail. Not just when Logan's in Canada." Postcards with hastily scribbled messages counted, too. They'd damn well better.

"'To Current Resident', doesn't count. Don't get your panties in a knot, girlie, none of us get mail. We're here for a reason."

"Sorry. Sometimes I kinda forget-"

"That you ain't the only one with, like, massive problems? No problemo, chica. I seek out sex like a two-dollar hooker. The Professor thinks it has something to do with my, uh, what did he say? Oh, yeah. I, like, crave affection. I get it that way. Anyways, we all got mad troubles, girl. We all get a little wrapped up. So what's got you lately?" Jubilee blew a disconcertingly huge bubble.

Rogue leaned back a little so the inevitable explosion of bubblegum wouldn't affect her. That crap just did not come out. When she was six, she found out hair had particular issues with it. "Nothin'. Oh, it's--uh, it's time for me to go. I have this really important...thing." Screw it, lying never was an easy thing for her.

"Yeeaaah, if you say so. Catch ya later. Seen Kitty?"

Amazing, how she could talk and maintain the bubble. Ugh, enough with the damn bubble. "She's in Scott's office."

"Laters, chica."

* * *

An hour later and she hadn't moved from her bed. She wondered idly if that was some kind of subconscious sign that she wanted to get caught. The stupid letter was still clutched in one hand, as a matter of fact. As a further matter of fact, her sweaty palms had smeared the ink and distorted the paper's shape. Which was grody. She laid the letter down.

And went right on obsessing. She'd--she'd done the right thing, over two years ago. Absolutely, she had no other choice. You couldn't let your family take the fall for the general bastard-ness of others. It was the right thing to do. Mmmhhmm.

Of course, this letter effectively destroyed two years of self- imposed brainwashing. That--all that--was history. You know, ancient, do-not-disturb history. Ignore-till-it's-totally-gone history. Dead- and-buried-

No, no. Nothing about death. Let's have none of that. Because the letter--the one her mother had sent--described her absence as a slow, painful death. The thought of harming one's mother--even when you'd done the right thing, when you KNEW you had, and knew you had to CONTINUE to do the right thing--was still horrible.

* * *

Regina Parker--Reggie to her friends, had made mistakes. She knew that. She'd dealt with it like a woman, and set as many as she could right. Her darling baby, Marie, had never, God, never, been a mistake.

The path that took her to Marie, though...fraught with them. One magnificent failure and mistake following another. Starting, she supposed, with Ben.

Ben was free and wild and made her heart thump in her chest and was everything that Meridian wasn't. He was her dreams in small, she thought, looking back. She wanted to rail against the confines of the small Mississippi town of her birth, wanted to escape. At seventeen, Ben was the closest she could get.

When her pregnancy was discovered, they married. It was hard, Lord, it was hard. She'd had so many dreams and this just...thwarted them all. She worked and cleaned and cooked, as did Ben, and wasn't a girl anymore. He still made her heart thump in her chest, though, and that was enough for the moment. Even when he came home and shut the bedroom door with a tired, old expression she didn't recognize, while she cradled Marie.

Her heart thumped more frantically when they yelled at one another, though. She was finally railing against something. Only it wasn't the establishment, or Meridian, or anything she'd once held in contempt. It was just...everything. Their tiny apartment, her two jobs, Ben...

Marie spent four days curled into the protective shelter of Reggie's body after he left. It was then that Reggie had pulled herself up, pulled herself together. Looking down at her helpless, tiny daughter, smaller than most girls, she'd had to.

They'd grown together, the small family unit consisting of an aching child and aching young woman. Grown so close that Ben had ceased to matter, and Marie had grown up into a beautiful girl. Marie had her father's stoicism, and stubborn nature, and his eyes. From her mother, she'd gleaned compassion, loyalty, intelligence, and brunette locks. Oh, they'd differed wildly in a number of ways, in that way mothers and children always do. Reggie never missed her horiscope, or her chance to write a stirring essay, or create a meaningful swirl of colors on canvas. Marie had asked for a computer at ten, and, while shocked, Reggie stretched her savings and complied. She'd not known that at thirteen her little girl would have the police come 'a knocking on her door, asserting that Marie had violated the Headquarter's internal database. Hacking, she'd mused at the time, half terrified and half proud.

And she'd not known that at sixteen, Marie's first kiss would result in a hospital stay, ostracism, and eventually, total and complete absence. Reggie had supported her through it all, but when David woke up, Marie had been gone.

Been gone. It didn't come anywhere close to describing the empty ache where her soul once lay. A meager amount of clothing, a bit of money, and she'd disappeared. No one gave a damn, of course. The horrid freak was gone. No one gave thought to the sobbing woman who'd been emotionally murdered twice.

Not entirely true. The private detective had, when she'd waved around enough money. Took two whole years, but Marie had been located in Westchester, New York, at a private school. Her letter was meant to be brief, but late into the night she'd found herself writing and re-writing, whiting out, and beginning all over again.

She wanted her daughter home.

* * *

"Logan?"

"Yeah, darlin'," the large man grunted, eyes focused on the hockey game.

Rogue peeled the label a little from the bottle of beer. Logan didn't give a damn if she drank. "I need to--I have this--"

"Go ahead, kid."

"I've got a problem. Um, large sorta problem."

That got his attention. He turned to face her, eyes worried. "I'll help ya with it, darlin'. Just lemme know. You can tell me anything."

"Yeah. See, I got this--Oh, my God, that was totally high-sticking! What's up with the ref!?" It wasn't his problem, she thought. She'd dragged him through enough. On another level, it--this was...before. It was Marie Parker, not Rogue. Even if this man knew her as Marie.

He eyed her suspiciously. "What were ya gonna say?"

"Oh? Nothin', really." He wouldn't believe it for a minute, she knew. Fuck. Brain, woman. It's conductive to intelligent things. Like avoiding this sort of thing.

"Bullshit. Ya said ya had a big problem."

"It's not really anythin', when you think about it. I've got it, don't worry."

"Hey, Marie-" he leaned in, curled his upper half around her ever- so-slightly. "Come on."

Damn, she shouldn't be thinking of the way his hand was just resting on her thigh like that. Or how good he smelled, or how warm he felt. "I just--nah, nevermind. It's okay." She said that with a little conviction, so she'd smell at least a bit like the truth.

"I'm here, Marie. For whatever ya need. Doesn't--doesn't have ta be a problem." He said it like he needed her to believe it.

"Okay...I mean, I know. Just a girl thing, you know. Nothin' you'd wanna hear about."

"If it's a big deal to ya, darlin', it's one ta me. Remy again?"

He hated Remy with a passion unrivaled by even Scott. Logan had stated time and again that he wasn't worth it. "No. I--you know, no more than the usual with him. This is somethin' better discussed with, uh, Jean or 'Ro." Hopefully, he'd interpret that as something anatomical.

"If it's somethin', you just let me know, Marie. Remy--if there's somethin' with him, you just say it. He ain't--there's better men out there for ya, darlin'." He leaned forward further, hand curling around to her back and the tips of her white bolt brushing his forehead. "Ya don't hafta look very far, darlin'."

She couldn't read his eyes when she snapped hers up, which scared and thrilled her at the same time. For a moment, a flash, she felt like Marie Parker. Everything tilted again.

* * *

He was following her, she knew. She hadn't wanted to fly to Meridian. She'd needed to take a little more time, collect herself beforehand. Driving gave her that time. She'd suspected--well, she'd known--that'd he'd follow. They were incredibly close.

A few hundred miles back, in some tiny, podunk little town, she'd circled back around. Yes, come to think of it, a big, rough guy had been through, asking about you. Had a picture and everything. You okay, honey? She'd driven faster, stopped less. It wasn't his thing. This was before Rogue, before Logan. It was just scared, tired, little Marie. Selfish, God yes, but this was something so incredibly...painful.

'Collecting herself' had involved crying, sobbing, reflection, and all sorts of interesting, unpleasant emotional states. She hadn't gotten over the events of two years ago. It was just so much easier to breeze right into Rogue, bury Marie, and become what she needed to be than to cry and snivel and whine. It just wasn't...worthwhile. Nowhere near.

She'd bet money that Logan knew where she was headed by now. Not Meridian, but Mississippi, no question. He knew her like the back of his hand. Embarrassingly enough, he probably knew she loved him.

* * *

"I would've been here sooner, but I didn't know you weren't at the same apartment," Marie managed to cough out against her mother's tight grip.

"Oh...oh, I didn't think--I moved just after I sent the letter. I'm so sorry, honey-"

"Hey, Mom, no need to be. Don't--don't even think about that. Are you-"

"I'm--I'm fine now, Marie. Just fine. Just--hearing all that...all of this Danvers woman? Inside you? And a--a nervous breakdown after?" Reggie wiped her eyes and settled back a little, not totally convinced Marie wouldn't just go up like puff of smoke.

"A, um, mental breakdown. But I--I had really good people to help me back. I'm mostly me again. Like I said, though, I get those weird...thoughts sometimes, that aren't mine. But it's me."

"That Logan? He helped too?"

"More than anyone."

"You did it yourself, you know. It was all you."

"I know. I couldn't have done it without him especially, though." Without him touching her a third time, enough to help her battle Carol back, Marie would've ceased to exist.

"So...Rogue?" Reggie laughed/sniffled. "I've seen you on the news, honey. I would've thought I could ID you."

"Yeah..." Rogue shrugged, embarrassed. "The name...fit somehow. A rogue mutation."

"Clever," Reggie said, reaching out to ruffle her daughter's hair.

Rogue jerked back a little and smiled awkwardly. "Sorry--sorry. It's, um, reflex now. I have to be-"

"Careful, I know. I'm bein' careful-"

A heavy knocking on the door interrupted her.

"Lemme--better let me get that one, Mom. I could recognize that anywhere. You wanted to meet some of my friends, right?"

* * *

Reggie watched the ferocious looking man attempt to sit comfortably in the dining room chair. It was funny, how he sat next to Marie and yet tried to watch her without being too obvious. She didn't have much tact at this juncture, and was liable to just point it out. "More tea?"

"I'm good, thanks."

She watched him fidget a little more, then lay a tentative hand on Marie's arm. "So you don't...remember anythin'?"

"No ma'am," he growled out.

Touchy subject. "Sorry, sugar. I don't think much on what I say. I am sorry 'bout that...ordeal you went through."

He grunted something unintelligible and cast a glance at Marie. It was--he was hurt, and maybe badly. She'd seen it before, once upon a time on her own face. They had a few things to straighten out. She thought back on Ben with nostalgia. "You two look like you could use a little sleep. I'll just bet the road took alot outta you."

"Oh, Mom, I mean, I'm fine, and he's got, uh, that healin' thing-"

"Marie, you listen to your mother. You need sleep, honey. Remember, you're not too big to listen to me, fancy powers or no. I got an extra bedroom you two could lay down for awhile in. I'll be cookin' dinner."

* * *

"Tell me ya at least gave it a few minutes 'a fuckin' thought."

"I did. Many, many agonizin' minutes. But you don't--this was before, Logan. It's not what you--this isn't anythin' on you. It's..."

"Ya didn't want her ta meet me or somethin'?"

He was getting hurt more by the second. "No, it wasn't like that. I mean--and let me get this all out, okay?--When I left, I left 'cause Mom'd be destroyed by everybody for havin' a mutie kid. I did that, and maybe it wasn't the best thing. But I did. I became Rogue after that. I had too, Logan, I had to survive that way. I didn't want to think there was much Marie left, if any. You know the combination of the two, 'cause you met me when I was still fresh and raw from it. I-- I let you know Marie, too. Everybody else knows Rogue. But this was-- I can't be Rogue here. I...this is me. A terrified, lonely kid who doesn't know anythin'. I didn't want you to have to deal with that, too." She didn't know if that explained it, the core of it, but it was the best she could do.

"I know you, darlin'. All of ya. When we were trainin', and you'd get frustrated and didn't think you were good enough, I saw that. When ya had your first mission and that fuckin' bitch got her hands on ya, put herself inside ya, I saw that. I saw ya become you again after fightin' your way through her. Ya never--ya didn't see why I did all that, I guess. Even after ya touched me again."

"I didn't want to, you know, violate you like that. My power's worse than rape, Logan, I wanted to spare you at least your own thoughts-"

"None of that, Marie. I did it 'cause...go on, baby, look. Deep in there, where ya can find me. Look a little."

She closed her eyes and felt him out in her mind. Emotions she felt, like her own, so close, but so primal and Logan they couldn't be mistaken for her own-- "You feel like that? About--about me?"

"Wouldn'ta done any of it if I didn't, baby." He stroked her stomach gently, slowly, letting the warmth of his hand seep through her clothing. "We gotta go back to the Mansion soon."

"I know."

"I don't wanna pry ya outta here, but--we gotta go soon. I was kinda thinkin' that maybe we could go somewhere, before."

"Like where?"

"Alaska sound good?"

-End-