1.A Safe Environment with Unconditional Support--Unfortunately, many survivors are faced with opposition when they finally divulge their secrets, which can be devastating to them. Tragically, sometimes they are not believed, sometimes they are accused of making up stories, sometimes the abuser is defended instead of the survivor, and sometimes they are told the abuse was "in the past, so let it go and get on with your life." The support group will consist solely of survivors of childhood sexual abuse, who will only be allowed to offer non-judgmental support. You will be believed. You will not have to defend yourself and your stories may be helpful to others as well, which can be very empowering. Breaking the silence is an essential step in addressing the shame involved with sexual abuse.
Survivors are also often embarrassed that others will find out about the abuse and judge them. The support group is anonymous, private, and confidential, and will be announced as a "WSCSA meeting." If your home is not a safe environment because of unsupportive family members or too many distractions or demands on you, please consider the support of a WSCSA meeting.
2.Guidance Through the Recovery Process--Individual therapy is often highly encouraged to work through personal issues, but it is not mandatory for a successful recovery. The support group is not meant to be therapy; however, I feel it would be helpful to offer a manual as a guide through recovery if the survivor chooses to use it. Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA) has graciously offered a very good, concise From Survivor to Thriver Manual on the web to download for free. This manual separates the recovery process into 3 stages: Remembering, Mourning, and Healing. Each stage has 7 steps to work through for a total of 21 steps. It may sound overwhelming to think about having to master 21 steps, but the first stage is the most difficult. The second two stages (or the last 14 steps) deal primarily with growth and changes, which improve the quality of your life. Each step mastered empowers you greatly, increases your confidence, and brings you closer to the peace of mind of your true self. It will be helpful to keep a journal to write about your experiences and to review in order to see your progress. We will also offer some very helpful writing exercises from the outstanding book, The Courage to Heal--A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis (which is the book I used through my recovery.) I encourage you to purchase this book also because it has many stories of other women who have felt similarly to the way you do through all the stages of recovery. These optional exercises encourage you to delve into different feelings you may have about your abuse in order to acknowledge and work through them. A journal is an excellent place to do these writing exercises. Everyone will work through the steps at her own pace on her own time, taking as much time as personally needed to resolve each step. The steps may be done in order, or more realistically, in any order that your needs dictate. The purpose of the group meetings is to then share your feelings and experiences as you progress in a safe, supportive environment.
3. Education About the Recovery Process--Working through the feelings of sexual abuse is essential to recovery. This takes us from being the victim to the survivor. Equally as critical is actively changing the dysfunctional thought processes and internal dialogue that are a result of the feelings of abuse, and which are often the cause of self-destructive behaviors. I will provide information on how to replace these self-sabotaging thoughts into productive, empowering thoughts that we can all work on together. This is what carries us from survivor to thriver. This can be a very difficult process to master as we are often compelled to reenter into our old habits in times of stress because they are what we know. I used to feel very comfortable with being depressed because it was familiar to me, and so I was not motivated to change my state of mind. We have to gather the strength to break free of our destructive internal dialogues. This starts with our awareness of our thoughts; it is important to be very aware of what we are thinking each minute. Then we can stop the destructive thoughts and replace them with thoughts that help us out of our ruts. We may also feel very comfortable continuously reliving our perceived "injustices" in our lives, and in replaying these negative thoughts in our minds, we only serve to perpetuate the victim role; we repeat the abuse to ourselves. The victim role is a passive role with no control. We have to assume the survivor role which is active and in complete control. Then, as we continue to grow and find out what makes us unique as individuals, we progress onto becoming a thriver. Please join us.
The meetings will be held every two weeks to allow time for you to do individual work at home if you choose.The format of the meetings will repeat every third meeting for 1 1/2 hours. The first rotation will be open forum for all to share. The second rotation will first briefly focus on one of the steps of recovery, followed by open sharing, which can be on that topic or on any topic relating to your abuse that would be helpful to you. The third rotation will have a brief presentation on a chosen subject related to the recovery process with emphasis on changing our thought processes. This will again be followed by an open forum. Survivors are welcome to come and participate or to just listen, depending on their individual needs. No pressure of any kind is put on any of the members. I believe hearing others' stories can validate your feelings and can be very healing even without direct participation. It helped me tremendously to break through the isolation I felt when others voiced the same feelings I had hidden for so many years. In addition, everyone will be in a different stage of her recovery and may not be emotionally ready to participate. A feeling of safety is imperative and the ability to share will come with time. Be patient with yourself.