How Family Members Can Help
		The survivor is not the only person affected by her abuse; it affects her whole family and friends. The survivor may be so completely consumed by her feelings that she does not have the physical energy or the emotional strength to be concerned about the needs of others during her recovery, not from selfishness, but from self-preservation. She also may not be able to recognize her own needs enough to be able to ask her family or friends for what she needs. Family members or friends may feel frightened and confused by the dramatic display of feelings from the survivor during recovery. They may feel very helpless and may retreat because of their uncertainties of how to support the survivor, which may be interpreted by the survivor as lack of support or apathy. A supportive and compassionate support system is essential during recovery from sexual abuse. It is difficult to know what to say to someone who has been sexually abused. Most of the time, the survivor is not looking for advise; she simply needs someone to listen to her and to believe her. Please be gentle with the survivor. Believe her and don't question her feelings, no matter how strange they may seem. NEVER tell her that she needs to "get on with her life." Please read Things NOT to Say to a Survivor. There are separate, specific issues concerning partners, parents, children, and friends of survivors. Many resources are available to help families and friends deal with assisting a survivor through recovery. Partners and Allies Resource List has a list of several books for different relationships with survivors. NAPAC-Resources has a list for survivors to help them deal with many different aspects of their abuse. Be patient with the survivor and listen non-judgmentally as she tells and retells her story. This is essential to her recovery. It helps her to break down her shame and to start working through her feelings of abuse. The crisis phase of recovery can be very frightening and she may have difficulty with everyday life. Support her, lighten her load in other areas of her life if possible, so she may be able concentrate on her recovery. The intensity in this stage WILL end, so be patient and comforting through the process.Take care of yourself as a family member or friend. Many of your own needs will be put on hold. The recovery process is exhausting for all, and often the family is left to carry much of the load. Seek professional help if you feel you have your own issues of anger or depression.