Anger
It is very common for the survivor of childhood sexual abuse to suppress her understandable anger. She may become quite adept at compartmentalizing this socially "unacceptable" feeling. The anger usually will eventually ooze out and present itself in another area of her life, which may make it difficult to identify its source as sexual abuse. Sometimes, as an adult, the survivor will unintentionally allow her anger to surface in a situation where she feels safe, as with a spouse or child.

The anger stems from multiple sources. As the survivor matures, she begins to realize the horrible injustices that have been done to her. Having her innocence so abruptly stolen from her and forcing her to deal with something that greatly exceeded her ability to cope with it at the time, causing a cascade of self-destructive feelings following her into her adulthood, may now enrage her. In addition, she may have been betrayed by a person who she trusted to protect her, which left her helpless to sort through the confusion and horror. And later, when she gathered her courage to deal with her unrelenting feelings, she may not be believed by her supposed support system, she may actually be
blamed for the abuse, she may watch in disbelief as her abuser is defended, or she may simply be told to "get over it and move on with her life." She is justified in her anger!

If the abuser was a parent, the survivor will have to deal with overwhelming anger at the obvious injustices, perversion, and lack of protection. If the abuser was not a parent, the surivivor may also find herself feeling angry with her parents for not protecting her, even if they were not aware of the abuse. This, in turn, may cause feelings of guilt for having ill feelings towards her parents because the survivor, as an adult, may recognize that it is impossible for her parents to protect her if they did not kow it was happening. The survivor must distinguish between dealing with the feelings of her inner child during recovery as opposed to the feelings she has now as an adult about those feelings as a child. The child's perspective is that her parents are omnipresent, and that they should magically protect her at all times. It doesn't matter how--it is just their job to protect her. When the protection does not happen--for whatever reason--the child feels abandoned, alone, and afraid. Even though she may not blame her parents, even as a child, her psyche interprets it as neglect, which is translated into anger because she "should have" been protected. The rationale of the inability of the parents to protect the child without knowledge of the act is not the issue. It is the child's feeling that "someone, somehow" should have protected her, and the persons most responsible for that are the parents. It does not mean that she blames her parents for the abuse; she simply has feelings of a child, however irrational,.These feelings may be difficult to admit if the survivor has a loving relationship with her parents and does not want to hurt them, but these feelings are essential to address, so that they can then be let go.

Sadly, the survivor often has intense anger at herself also. Again, her distorted thinking may cause her to feel angry with herslef for not telling anyone, for not stopping it, for participating in it, and for dong any destructive acts in her life to sabotage herself. She often internalizes her anger, which is more socially acceptable, but it can then manifest itself as depression. This can make the underlying anger difficult to identify because the survivor concentrates on the depression instead of the anger as the disabling feeling. Depression is anger turned inward.

Many times, the anger is sublimated until the survivor chooses to deal with her abuse. When she relives her abuse in recovery or confronts her abuser, her anger usually overflows and floods all of her other feelings. Her rage may become all-consuming as years of pent-up anger erupts. It is important for the survivor to find a constructive method to release her anger. She should be aware that the anger phase may create a temporary crisis in her life, and it may make her feel like she is out of control and that it will never end, which can be very frightening, but then it will begin to diissipate as she works through it.

It is also very common for the survivor to feel intense anger at God or at whatever she considers to be her higher power. She may not be able to understand how a loving God could allow such abuse to happen to an innocent child, or why He didn't stop it. She may feel that God, too, has betrayed her, and she may begin to question her whole belief system. It is O.K. to be mad at God; He can handle it. These are valid questions most survivors experience, and it is healthy to explore them. Writing to God to express and work through these feelings may help the survivor to find a belief system that is helpful and supportive to her in her recovery. A belief system should not be a burden.

It is necessary for the survivor to allow herself to feel the anger and express it in a controlled, safe environment. The classic beating on a pilow is effective. An excellent method to release anger is to write the abuser a letter. The survivor is encouraged to say whatever she would like to her abuser in whatever language is helpful to her without fear of repercussions. She can tear her abuser apart with words. She can tell him how he hurt her, what she feels about him, or even her fantasies, however irrational, of what she would like to do to him. This can be extremely therapeutic!  She can then choose whether she wants to send the letter to her abuser or not. This is an individual decision of each survivor; only she can decide if it is right for her. It is important for her, however, to have a strong support system in place before she confronts her abuser.

Another effective technique is for the survivor to do a visualization where she imagines facing her abuser (or if this does not feel safe to her, she can imagine her abuser confined or behind a partition where she is completely safe or talking on the phone), and she can then say to him whatever she chooses as harshly as she would like. It is helpful during these techniques for the survivor to tell her abuser she is taking back her power and that
she is in control of her life now! She needs to get mad and express her anger dramatically, and she may need to do it repeatedly until she begins to feel the relief. The survivor often feels very vulnerable and raw after these techniques, so it is important that she ensures a safe environment and treats herself gently. If she feels her anger is too overwhelming, or if it is getting out of control, it may be necessary for her to seek professional help to guide her through this crisis. She may also choose to take anger management classes during the process if she feels the anger is out of control and affecting other areas of her life.