Ascension Citizen – Catholic Community

 Hard Headed Children

By Angie Ledbetter

    Summer is here and many parents are wondering why their children are so hard headed and hoping that their kids didn’t act like this in their classrooms. Sometimes it almost seems like they’d rather climb a tree to disobey us rather than stand flat-footed on the ground and do what they are told. Is it just in their nature to ignore parental commands and rules? Is it an unidentified genetic code? If this question were answered, many parents would find relief. Maybe they wouldn’t be counting the days until the next school year begins either.

  When my third child was 2, I thought I’d found the answer to the hard head question. With all sincerity and a serious look on his face, Zachary said he didn’t mind his father and I too well, “Because, Mom, that’s my job!”  And I guess he was partially correct in an odd way. It is a child’s job to test his limitations and boundaries, just as it is our job to keep those demarcations firmly in place for them. That old saying about smarter kids pushing harder on limits just might be correct too.

   “Put your shoes up!” “Pick your toys up off the floor!” “Yes, you have to brush your teeth tonight.” “Do not kick, pinch, bite, hit, or breathe on your brother/sister again!” Daily utterances of this sort don’t stick in their little brains. At least they don’t around my house. Conversely, why is it that our children never forget about the things that benefit them personally? Mine have never once forgotten a promised dessert after supper or that I’d agreed to take them to the library or swimming pool a week ago.

   Pondering this behavior again today, I realized that we adults do the very same things. We constantly disobey our Lord’s Commandments and the rules He set out for us in Scripture. The Bible couldn’t give us a more specific moral blueprint, but like our little ones, we have trouble doing what is right unless we see some imminent reward.   

   Most of our parents and childhood spiritual teachers taught us right from wrong, so how come we older folks don’t behave like we should? Is it laziness, lack of caring, a decayed moral and ethical behavior code, the rationalization that “everyone else is doing it,” disbelief in Heaven and Hell, the “Me generation” philosophy, or the prevalence of the “there is no more sin” mentality? More than likely, it’s a bad combination of a lot of things that help us stray from the good path so often.

     Whatever our reason, we need to admit our mistakes, ask for forgiveness and at least try to do better in our obedience to the Lord. This rebellion must be our inheritance from those first children – Adam and Eve. It’s a life-long struggle we engage in when we strive to develop our spiritual selves while overcoming physical urges. Like spoiled children, we need to realize that our every desire doesn’t have to be gratified immediately. Only the immature continue to make choices without considering consequences and ramifications. If we need proof that misbehavior and breaking of Commandments leads to bad things, the Bible and history are full of examples of cities and societies destroyed by decadence.

    Children and immature adults naturally see themselves as the center of the universe. Selfishness and egotism are their most prevalent characteristics. Young children, however, need these beliefs in order to feel safe and secure as they grow. If they have been reared correctly, they reach post-tantrum school age and begin to think less of themselves and more of others. These developing children begin to follow rules and regulations, and generally shape up into mature, productive members of society.

   As adults, we need to keep a constant check on our behavior to see if we have matured and left behind these destructive and selfish behaviors. To avoid becoming childish oldsters, it is wise to make sure that we aren’t hard headed to God’s Word and that we are listening to His guidance and to our own consciences. 

    A true story about the son I mentioned above illustrates this point. After church one Sunday, he jumped down from a brick platform after ringing the big iron bell.  He landed in mud and lost his footing, falling backwards.  His head crashed against the bricks and we had to rush to the E.R. for four stitches in the back of his skull. He called his father who was away on business to relate the traumatic details.  Zach concluded by saying, “See Daddy, my head is NOT harder than a brick wall! Are ours?