The inside of the bus must cost and must be nicer then most of the homes in America. There is leather sofas, a big screen TV, hardwood floors, the whole deal. Colt Cabana and Joey Ryan, the newest additions to Kurt Angle’s team playing video games on the giant television. Kurt’s valet and campaign manager Sable is relaxing on the leather couch reading a magazine with profiles of all the SGW superstars.

Kurt Angle cannot be seen right as this moment but…BAM! Suddenly the door to the bathroom flies open and Kurt Angle emerges holding a baseball bat – oddly enough decorated with his face on it. Kurt is breathing heavily and sweat is dripping down his forehead.

Sable: What in God’s name are you doing Kurt?

Kurt looks over both of his shoulders.

Kurt Angle: ALL CLEAR!!

Cabana without even looking at Kurt, his eyes fixed on the television screen speaks to him.

Colt Cabana: Yeah Kurt what’s up with you today?

Kurt Angle: What’s up with me?? Oh nothing really…just saving each and every one of your lives is all!!!

Sable: How are you saving us? This bus is perfectly safe. Everybody knows you’re more likely to die in a plane crash then a car accident.

Kurt Angle: Tell that to Owen Hart.

Joey Ryan: What?

Kurt Angle: If you guys have been paying attention for the past few days it’s quite obvious that I’ve been exposed to some sneak attacks. And after hearing about New Jack’s fourteen murders…

Colt Cabana: Eighteen.

Kurt looks a little more scared.

Kurt Angle: Anyway, that psycho could be anywhere!! I remember back when I went to the god awful ECW show I accidentally cut in front of him in line at the canteen and he said he’d “kill my cracker ass.”

Sable puts her sunglasses down on her nose.

Sable: Kurt, people say that all the time, he was probably just joking. I’m sure you want to kill Goldust Saturday night.

He steps back.

Kurt Angle: HECK NO!! I want to give Goldust a solid, well-spirited competitive match! And I’d prefer to walk out the victor, but I would NEVER kill my opponent Sable.

She rolls her eyes and continues reading.

Kurt Angle: But could you imagine if he KILLED me? Actually KILLED me for ACCIDENTLY cutting in front of him?

Colt Cabana: He killed an old man because his hair was gray.

Kurt slaps a hand against his forehead.

Kurt Angle: SEE?? This guy is a loose cannon. John Cena has hit an all time low…what’s next? He brings in Osama FREAKIN’ Bin Laden to have a match with me?? I’m not letting it get that far! For the sake of Solid Gold Wrestling and Kurt Angle fans everywhere!! There would be a major backlash if I was murdered by New Jack…children around the globe would fall into a deep state of depression, and parents would no longer know who to turn their children too in search of a new role model. Because God knows…all the alcoholic fathers and fourteen year old mothers in Alabama do NOT make good role models for their children!

Sable: Why would New Jack be in the bathroom? He doesn’t even know where this bus is.

Kurt Angle: Oh, please…we all know that these crazy serial killers always have a hook up at them DMW who’ll give all your information for like a Happy Meal at McDonald’s and a Charms Blow Pop.

Joey Ryan: Fuck that, I’d at least want a candy necklace.

Kurt, who would usually jump all over the swearing doesn’t even seem to hear Ryan because of the fear New Jack has put in him.

Kurt Angle: He has more scars then skin Sable…MORE SCARS THEN SKIN!!! I don’t know exactly how much skin you have but that’s A LOT of scars!!

Sable: Look it says right here not only did he appear on Total Destruction Sunday, he was also on America’s Most Wanted Saturday.

Kurt looks like he’s gonna pass out.

Kurt Angle: If Jeff Jarrett thinks for one second of putting me in a ring with him…that’s it, career over.

Colt Cabana: Don’t worry Kurt, we got your back on Stroke. They’ll be no sneak attacks, we’ll be with you twenty four seven…

Joey whispers to Colt.

Joey Ryan: Yeah but we got a tag team match…

Kurt’s eyes go wide, he knows he may be vulnerable to an attack.

Kurt Angle: You know I’m thinking of becoming a manager of champions too!! Maybe I should come out to the ring with you guys!! Stand in the center of the ring maybe…

He flops down on the couch next to Sable who massages his back.

Sable: You have nothing to worry about…you’re Kurt Angle. And New Jack’ll be off on another cross-country killing spree before we even get to Stroke.

Kurt Angle: We can only hope…

Sable: Besides…I’ve been reading up on Goldust in this SGW magazine…it looks like not only do you not have to worry about sneak attacks this week…you don’t have to worry about competition either.

Kurt Angle: Beating Goldust??? I could beat that freak with one arm, blindfolded, asleep…

Joey looks over his shoulder at Kurt for a second.

Joey Ryan: Asleep? Then why the hell would you be blindfolded?

Kurt gives him a cold stare.

Kurt Angle: That’s it…Cabana…you’re my favorite student!!

Joey Ryan: What?

Colt Cabana: YES!! This has good times and great memories written all over it!

Joey grunts and turns around, not wanting to egg Kurt on even more.

Sable: Not only has he been Goldust…look at all these pathetic gimmicks…Lone Star, Seven, The Artist Formerly KNOWN as Goldust…

Kurt Angle: Gimmicks…who needs gimmicks? Being an Olympic Gold Medallist isn’t a gimmick. I don’t need to change myself to get noticed. That shows a lack of integrity…one of my three I’s.

We see Sable’s eyes scrolling down the page.

Sable: He even once called himself…Dusty Rhodes Junior.

Kurt scratches his head.

Kurt Angle: Why the HECK would you want to change your name to resemble your father when his greatest achievement was wearing pink polka dots and coming down to the ring with his freakishly ugly valet??

Colt Cabana: Hey Kurt…give Dusty some credit. If it weren’t for wrestlers as bad as him…who would me make fun of?

Kurt Angle: You’re right about that number one.

Ryan sighs at Kurt’s little dig at him.

Kurt Angle: Dusty may have been able to win a match or two back when we had dinosaurs as referees…but this is the year 2006. The Rhodes family has been gone for a long, long time. And the world of professional wrestling never even blinked when they left. Now Dustin is gonna come back and try and make a name for himself at the price of me?? At Kurt Angle’s expense?? Well sorry bucko, but I’m officially putting an end to all circus acts in Solid Gold Wrestling and you’re first on the list!

Joey Ryan: Damn right Kurt. Two weeks ago you put Chris Jericho on the shelf in your first match in SGW…and Jericho is a thousand times better then Goldust could ever be. He better be scared…DAMN scared of the Olympic Gold Medallist!! Kurt Angle is gonna rip through Goldust like the three WRESTLING ICONS are gonna rip through Solid Gold. You know what I’m saying Kurt?

Kurt sniffs and then looks at Joey.

Kurt Angle: I’m sorry, did you say something number two?

Joey’s face turns red with anger and he turns back around. Kurt snickers to himself.

Kurt Angle: I’m already one for one as far as putting guys on the shelf goes, this week it’s Goldust…and then John Cena and his bunch of hooligans are next. And maybe…if we have some spare time that is…we’ll take care of New Jack and show him that eighteen murders still don’t put him on the same level as Kurt Angle.

Colt Cabana: Twenty murders.

Kurt’s flabbergasted.

Kurt Angle: WHAT?!? You just said eighteen!!

Colt Cabana: Yeah…he just killed two guys in New York. I guess they came to his house and Jack thought they were gonna arrest him so he took them out with that staple gun.

Kurt Angle: THEY WERE COPS???

Colt Cabana: No, Mormons.

Kurt runs into the bathroom for a few seconds. Maybe he puked; maybe he passed out, who knows. Seconds later we hear running water come on and shut off, and then Kurt reemerges from the bathroom. He takes a seat next to Sable once again.

Sable: Kurt look what I got sent to us from the SGW head offices…

She pulls out an envelope. Kurt holds his hands in front of him, rejecting it.

Kurt Angle: WOW!!! There is NO WAY I’m looking at more of those Goldust pictures…

Sable sighs.

Sable: No silly…just take a look at these…

Kurt takes the envelope in his hands but hesitates before opening them.

Kurt Angle: Okay…but if these are Goldust nude I’m gonna have to let you go.

Colt Cabana: I’m I’m gonna have to hurl.

Kurt open it up and looks confused. He throws the envelope away and now holds five or six documents of paper in his hands. They all have company logos on them, mostly WWF logos.

Kurt Angle: What the heck are these?

Sable: Contracts. Terminated contracts.

Kurt doesn’t get it.

Sable: Goldust has been fired from every company he’s ever worked for. Look at some of these…

Kurt begins to read them over.

Kurt Angle: Ha…World Championship Wrestling…reason for termination…lack of talent. And it took them nearly FOUR YEARS to figure that out? No wonder WCW went under…obviously nobody in the front offices watched the matches. I heard kids with ADD fall asleep during Dustin Rhodes matches.

Colt Cabana: And every other human on the planet.

Kurt throws the paper out the window and takes a look at the next one.

Kurt Angle: Boy oh boy…a contract with the World Wrestling Federation. I bet this was a proud day for Dusty’s baby boy. Proud until he found out he was gonna have to dress like some kinky sex freak!

Sable: And not only that…in the WWF he gave away the best thing that ever happened to him.

Kurt Angle: His testicles?

Sable: No, those haven’t even dropped yet. He became so obsessed with the Goldust character he let Terri Runnels divorce him. Who the hell knows what she saw in him…but he gave her up like, like…

Kurt Angle: LIKE I GAVE UP LOSING BACK IN 1993!!

Sable: Sure…

Kurt throws that one away and takes the next one from the stack.

Kurt Angle: TNA?? That’s not a wrestling company…that’s what all the guys yell at you Sable when we walk to the arena from the hotel. What’s that mean anyway?

Sable: It, uh…

Joey Ryan: Tits and…

Kurt shoots Ryan a dirty look.

Kurt Angle: QUIET!! Or I’ll bump you down to number three!!

Joey Ryan: But there’s not even three other guys in…

Kurt Angle: AM I GONNA HAVE TO GET MIDEVIL ANGLE ON YOUR MOUSTACHE JOEY???

Angle directs his attention back to Sable.

Sable: It’s Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling. You know how Dustin got hired there…

Kurt Angle: He threw his Goldust suit on and enticed Jeff Jarrett?

Sable: I hope not. It was because Dusty Rhodes was Director of Authority at the time.

Kurt scoffs. Yeah, scoffs.

Kurt Angle: Unbelievable. I was never given any free handouts in life. To get my first job I had to win the owners of the miniature golf course over by my stunning good looks and superior intelligence…another one of my three I’s.

Sable: You ran a mini golf course?

Kurt rolls his eyes.

Kurt Angle: I wish it were that easy…I had to work security.

Sable: Those places actually need security guards?

Kurt Angle: Oh believe me…the whole summer it was…”Excuse me? Sir…get your putter outta the whale’s ass! This is a place of miniature business!”

Kurt throws the TNA contract out the window and the bus slowly comes to a stop. Kurt stands up off the couch.

Kurt Angle: It’s about time…that bus ride was almost as long as my winning streak when I broke into professional wrestling.

They all look at Kurt like he’s crazy.

Kurt Angle: Lets go guys…we have some…redecorating to do…heheh…I feel like Dr. Evil except…more cool and without the midget.

We open up with the new Team Angle walking through the hallways of the arena which will host Saturday Night Stroke in just a matter of a few days. Kurt leads the way with the sexy Sable close by him, and Colt and Joy trailing behind. Kurt abruptly stops in his tracks in front of a locker room door.

Sable: Kurt…what are you planning on doing? Fighting Goldust now isn’t gonna put you in the good graces of Solid Gold Wrestling management, no matter how much of a freak he is.

Kurt Angle: Oh don’t worry Sable…I plan on giving Goldust every advantage he can possibly get on Saturday…he’s gonna need it. But I thought since Goldust is such a freak of nature…the new and improved Team Angle would try and “cure” Goldust.

Sable: What?

He ignores for momentarily and calls out to his students of the game.

Kurt Angle: JOEY!

Ryan runs up to Kurt.

Joey Ryan: Yeah, boss?

Kurt Angle: I want you to go into Goldust’s locker room here and see if the coast is all clear.

Ryan scratches his head. Not scared, just confused as to what Kurt’s motives are with this.

Joey Ryan: But…Why me?

Kurt Angle: Forget it…NUMBER ONE!!

Colt Cabana bumps past Joey Ryan and stands in front of Kurt.

Colt Cabana: Yeah Kurt? I mean…Mr. 1996 Olympic Gold Medallist and greatest wrestler to walk the face of this planet…

Kurt smiles to himself.

Kurt Angle: That’s a much better attitude. Now you heard what I told Joey…get on it.

Colt Cabana: Aye aye captain Kurt…

Colt nearly breaks the door in as he rushes into the locker room. Kurt leans against the wall while waiting for him.

Kurt Angle: You know Joey…you could learn a lot from Colt.

Joey Ryan: Learn how to kiss ass maybe…

Kurt Angle: Pffft…please. He’s merely just showing the proper respect an athlete of my caliber deserves. You’re gonna have to shape up Joey…or else Colt is gonna have to carry you guys to victory against Richards and Benoit…

Joey Ryan: Please…my moustache alone can kick both of those guys asses.

Cabana sticks his head out the door.

Colt Cabana: All clear Kurt.

He opens the door for Kurt, and lets it slip out of his hands right after Sable enters, almost hitting Ryan in the face. We get a look insider the locker room. It’s not exactly what you’d call…normal. The lights have been turned down low and golden glitter, wrestling gear and other various strange personal belongings of the bizarre one are everywhere.

Kurt Angle: Alright fellas…lets send him a message…

With that, Cabana and Ryan begin to destroy Goldust’s personal belongings. They begin to tear his golden wrestling outfits apart and Kurt opens the closet and pulls out one of his Ric Flair type robes.

Kurt Angle: Well…look what we have here…

Kurt pulls out a pair of scissors.

Kurt Angle: Maybe this freak’ll have to dress like a normal American now…

He laughs and attempts to cut the robe. It won’t work. Kurt begins to get angry now, furiously trying to cut the robe, but still no dice.

Kurt Angle: What the hell is this made of? Solid steel?

Sable rolls her eyes and walks over. She grabs the scissors from Kurt and tries to cut the robe. She looks puzzled as well when it doesn’t work.

Sable: What the hell are these??? Kurt…these are safety scissors!!

Kurt looks embarrassed.

Kurt Angle: Well my Mom says I’d cut myself with real ones!!

Sable rips the robe in half with her own strength. Angle looks impressed.

Kurt Angle: Wow…Sable you got some pretty good strength in those arms.

She gives him a sexy look.

Sable: Maybe if you beat Goldust…you’ll see just how strong.

Kurt nods.

Kurt Angle: Oh baby…you’re on!

Sable looks pleased, but a little surprised as well.

Sable: Really? Okay…I’ll come up to your hotel room after the show and maybe you’ll come when I…

Kurt Angle: ME AND YOUR IN AN ARM WRESTLING MATCH AFTER I BEAT THIS FREAK! YOU BETTER WATCH OUT!! ALL THE GIRLS IN SCHOOL TOLD ME I HAD FOREARMS LIKE POPEYE!!

Sable looks disappointed now. Cabana whispers to her.

Colt Cabana: Is that offer on the table if I win?

Sable: In your dreams pal…

Kurt Angle: What did you say Colt???

Colt Cabana: I…uh…I asked Sable if we could “wrestle” after we win on Stroke.

Kurt looks mad.

Kurt Angle: You’d wrestle a beautiful woman like Sable? I’m disappointed in you big guy!! JOEY!! YOU’RE THE NEW NUMBER ONE!!

Joey Ryan raises his arms up in victory.

Joey Ryan: YES!!

Colt Cabana: Damn…

They continue tearing apart Goldust’s dressing room, silently now that Kurt has been forced to act like a hard ass once again. This continues or for a while until everything in the room is scattered all over the floor, and ripped into bits and pieces.

Kurt Angle: YEAH! THAT’S HOW KURT ANGLE DOES IT!

Kurt sees something in the closet and grabs it. It’s the head on a mannequin, decorated in Goldust’s golden makeup. He holds it up next to his head.

Kurt Angle: Goldust…it’s no surprise to me that you’ve been fired literally EVERYWHERE you’ve wrestled. But lets be realistic here…you’re father was a giant, fat waste of space, and you’re just a tall, pathetic waste of space!

Score one for Kurt…

Kurt Angle: You may have thrown your life, your career and your family away to become this Goldust character…and I Kurt Angle…Olympic Gold Medallist…am going to save you Goldust. I’m gonna knock some sense into you with an Angle Slam, and maybe, JUST MAYBE you’ll realize what a mid-card comedy act you are, and you’ll always be. You think I should be worried about defeating you? Gimmie a break…you practically lost the Intercontinental Title to Savio Vega. SAVIO VEGA!! That guy served me lunch yesterday in a restaurant. If you don’t have the skills to beat some punk like that one-man job squad…you don’t have a CHANCE IN HELL against a former Olympic Gold Medallist!

Colt Cabana: Yeah Goldust…Kurt’s gonna out wrestle you so bad…you’re gonna make your old man look like a mat wrestling legend.

Kurt Angle: Enough number two, we’re all tired of hearing from you today. Beat Stevie Richards and Chris Benoit…then maybe you’ll get some privileges back.

Cabana’s eyes go wide.

Colt Cabana: With Sable????

Sable looks like she’s gonna puke.

Kurt Angle: You’ll have to ask her on that one. Anyway…where was I before I was so rudely interrupted? Yeah, Goldust…you just suck. Plain and simple. Everybody knows it, everybody wishes they never had to sit through one of your movie reviews, your stupid quotes from the 1940’s…and to anybody who’s ever watched any of your matches…please, wake up from the coma Goldust put you in because KURT ANGLE is in town, and things have picked up bucko! KURT ANGLE IS GONNA BE HOLDIN’ MORE GOLD THEN JUST THESE MEDALS SOON ENOUGH…AND UNTIL THEN…IT’S GO TIME!!

Kurt’s face goes red as his intensity increases.

Kurt Angle: I’m doing not just the world of wrestling…but all of SOCIETY a favor by breaking your ankle and sending you out of the spotlight for the rest of your life. Look at it this way…nobody’ll judge you anymore for wearing women’s clothing, nobody will make fun of you for being such a freak…and nobody will vomit in rage when they see you with your makeup on. But don’t thank me Goldust…that the sport of amateur wrestling for turning me into the absolute MACHINE I am today!

Sable stands behind Kurt and puts her hands on his shoulders.

Kurt Angle: Saturday night Kurt Angle takes another step up the ladder of success…and you Goldust…I’d say you’re gonna fall off where you are in terms of success…but it’s awfully hard to fall when you’re already buried six feet under ground.

He smiles at his own little pun.

Kurt Angle: TAP OR SNAP GOLDUST! Whether it’s the Ankle Lock or Angle Slam…you’re leaving in tears and Kurt Angle marks another letter of his name on the plaque of “Greatest Wrestler Alive Today.”

He wipes his feet on Goldust belongings and then throws the head against the wall shattering it into hundreds on tiny pieces.

Kurt Angle: You better PRAY you get off that lucky!

Sable puts her arm around Kurt as the scene begins fading.

Sable: Come on sweetie…maybe we can get a little warm up in tonight…

Kurt Angle: GOLLY GEE! Arm wrestling Saturday night and now Chinese Checkers? Fine but I get to bet TAKA MICHINOKU!!

She sighs…he still doesn’t get it.

Kurt Angle: What? I’ll let you be Funaki…

[[ Static. ]]