The Meaning of Life:
There was a big ol pig called Fred, Fred the pig. He lived on a big ol farm, with a big ol bunch of other pigs. Now Fred stood out because he
was a very piggy pig, more piggy than most. He ate too much, drank too much, laughed too much, rolled in the mud and lay in the sun too
much, and never seemed quite concerned enough with what concerned the other pigs.
Some of the younger pigs would sometimes ask him why he was the way he was, "i know the meaning of life little piggies" he would reply.
He would never tell them what it was though, which led to much scepticism and behind the back type snickering.
Inevitably the day came when the larger of the pigs were rounded up to be taken away in the big stock truck. As Fred ambled up the ramp
in the midst of much panic and attempts at escape by the other fatties the young pigs yelled out "Fred now you must tell us, before ... well
before ...".
And with a quick backwards look from the door of the truck and pre-major-announcement type cough Fred replied:
"Have lots of fun today my little pink friends for tomorrow we are bacon"
Darryl The Owl:
Back a few years there lived a family of owls: Darryl Daddy Owl, Carol Mummy Owl, and Farrel, Carol and Bob,
the little owls. They lived in a lovely barn or a huge tree or a hollow in the ground or where ever it is that owls live. They
lived and they watched (lets make it a tree) as owls do.
At first light Darryl was out watching. Well last light i guess, being night owls. And all night long he watched, saw everything,
knew everything, understood everything.
All the little scurrying animals of the forest would ask Darryl their questions and very quietly and slowly
he would answer and explain the ways of the world to the scurrying little critters below. And the little scurriers were very grateful
that Darryl the owl was there to watch.
One day a massive rumbling could be heard through the forest. The little animals came scurrying to the
owl's tree. "Oh Darryl the owl what is that noise? What should we do?"
Darryl looked all the way round (doing that head twirly thing that owls do) but could see nothing unusual.
"I see all and there is nothing to concern you little scurrying animals. The forest is snoring. You scurry on, everything is fine, I am watching."
Next day a line of Diggers came through the forest, knocked the great owl's tree over, killed Darryl, Carol, Farrel, Carol and Bob.
All the scurrying little animals were squished. And that was pretty much that.
Moral: you can know everything, but only as far as you can see.
The Wolf Who Went Places:
A 16 year old wolf who, statistically speaking, should have been dead twice over, decided it was time for a change. He had
raised just over 100 children, each one a disappointment. He had become a bit surplus to requirements in the pack and he had
been booted out as a worthless old codger.
Jojo knew he wasn't worthless yet, and decided to head off to the legendary "city" which everyone talked of but where no one had been.
patapat, patapat, skipping along like a puppy, patapat he wandered along. He wondered to himself why he had never come
this way before. Everything was new and exciting, "who said i am a worthless old codger" he grinned to himself.
He skipped along, patapat patapat, for days towards the legendary city where everything happens, the centre of
excitement and change, lights and music, culture and chaos.
One bright morning he papapated over the crest of a lush green hill and saw the city stretched out before him all the magic and excitement at his feet.
Putaput the poor old wolf's heart gave out from the excitement.
He was a worthless old codger after all.
Chicken Counting 101:
In the McChicken Chicken clan, all the McChickens, the aunts, the uncles, the grandparents, various offspring and hangers on, travel
to the mythic berry fields of McChickenville every year. Amoung the departees are George and Gina McChicken and their 3 sons: Alphy, Booboo
and City Saty Davey. Alphy, the level headed firstborn, was his parents pride and joy, smart, kind and destined to be a great chicken in
the ... flock? herd? peck? City Saty Davey the youngster, the hothead, very strong and fast and much loved
around the farm, especially by the younger female chickens. "Such a strong handsome chicken, he will make us proud" peeped George on
occasion. Booboo ... well he was a slacker, "good for nothing" as his dad liked to say. But he wasn't good for nothing, he was good
for drinking, causing trouble and sleeping in the midday sun.
On the Journey Alphy assisted the elderly and
helped manage the youngsters ensuring the trip went as smoothly as possible for all.
City Saty Davy raced ahead showing off
his strength and speed, intent on arriving first and nabbing the choicest berries. Unfortunately high speed mixed with a slight lack of
attention led to City Saty Davey overshooting the berry fields which became clear to him when he arrived in neighbouring McCluskeyville and was
run out of town at the end of a pink plastic skipping rope.
Arriving back at the berry fields much delayed and much enraged he found virtually all the berries gone. City Saty Davey flew
into a rage and pecked every last one of the bloated and drowsy McChicken Clan to death.
Every one that is except Booboo who had stopped off for a beer and a pie at a pub along the way and had stayed to watch a band and
drink more beer, and wound up quite incapable of either reaching the berry field or caring very much either way.
Moral: Don't count your chickens till they've hatched, grown, reproduced, aged and died.
Jim the Philosopher Worm:
Jim the philosopher worm is crawling through his preferred clod, happy in his work when WHOMP god inserts a flat sharp object
directly through his middle, leaving him precisely half the size he was previously.
Now just to give you a little background on worm society. Social standing is based solely on size, not wisdom or leadership or age
or sense. Now Jim had been a lovely fat long worm before he became a lovely fat short worm. So from being one of the respected few, a
venerated noble of the worms, he in just a second had a become a bum, like a millionaire tossed penniless to the street.
Jim the philosopher worm seemed unnaturally cheerful in the face of such a great misfortune, and went about his business as always, albeit
in much less desirable clods. One day eddie the dirty worm (he just never could get all the dirt off) spied Jim whistling his way past, "hey Jim, why
so goddam cheerful ya stupid bum?, God chopping you in half, you are nothing and you never will be, old and short, can there be anything worse?"
"Well Eddie" replied Jim, ceasing his whistling briefly "at least he didn't chop off the other half".