Special Informational Aside: One day junior year I was on a walk and started thinking of things my friends had said that amused me. By the end of my walk I had quite a collection, so I hurried to my room and started writing them down. The rest is written history.
Mr. Neil: "Pride exists in every culture."
Amy: "Not ours. Our culture's perfect."
Sandra: “How many words can we make out of ‘fire’? Irf. Okay, it’s time for bed.”
Amy: “I think our esteemed narrator should explain this scene.”
Billie: “No, it would look a lot better acted out.”
Amy: “No, I think the narrator should do it.”
Billie: “Sooner or later, one of us will have to admit that no one has any clue what’s supposed to happen next.”
Kelly: “So I was like, ooh, that’s a Billie-person! And that looks like Odysseus’s head!”
Stephanie: “I explain to my mom that my hair’s really green and I’ve been dying it blonde all these years. She’s like, ‘okay, Stephanie, you can, ah, stop dying it when you move away from home.’ But the dye’s getting so expensive!”
Adela: "He's a forbidden child; a fire demon born to an ice demon family."
Amy: "How does that work? Does he resemble the mailman, by any chance?"
Amy: “You don’t have matching bras and underwear? Oh, I’m so sorry. It’s great. You go along all day like, ‘I match!’”
Mr. Neil (Discussing Hester Prynn in The Scarlet Letter): “No, she’s not evil; she just made a mistake. In fact, I wouldn’t even say that, since—Oh, wait. This is Ursuline, isn’t it? Evil! Evil! Evil!”
Amy: “I love my car, and my car loves me back. You, on the other hand, hate your car, and look how it treats you. See the connection?”
Stephanie: "The plague of darkness! That's my favorite one!"
Amy: "You have a favorite plague."
Billie: “So, we’re at one of the most poignant parts of the movie when Stephanie leans over and whispers, ‘Moses is really hot.’”
Billie: “It’s amazing. You don’t think you’re all that high up, then you look down on the roof and it’s like ‘wow.’”
Sarah: “Okay. Can we talk about something else?”
Mary: "So, what did Amy write? Something spontaneous, probably."
Amy: "Actually, I wrote that I've been planning this for years."
Sandra: “I hate to interrupt, but there’s a trampoline over there. Can we move?”
Billie and Stephanie: “Trampoline!”
Kelly: “Camping? Can we bring a cappuccino machine?”
Everyone: “NO!!!”
Kirstin: "No, this is the way we normally dress."
Billie: "The ironic thing is she's being serious."
Mary: "Maximums of Emerson?"
Billie: "I pronunciate my... creativity."
Billie: "The lady at the cash register said we weren't old enough to buy nonalcoholic wine."
Kurama (on TV): "When I was there, some phantoms with the pattern of the cross on their foreheads were frantically searching for something."
Amy: "Those crazy Christians."
(at 5:30 am)
Stephanie: "It's the Black Dragon wave! That's how me and Adela shave our legs!"
Juliana: "Huh?"
Stephanie: "Everyone clear the area! Stephanie's about to shave!"
Billie: "Don't worry. I was around two hours ago when they came up with it, and it didn't even make sense then."
Ari: “You freaks! It’s 6 am. Stop watching anime and go to sleep!”
Adela: “No, wait! The cool demon that looks like a girl is about to come on. He’s so feminine, it’s scary.”
Juliana (gasps): “He’s sooo pretty!”
Billie: “And anime gains one more convert.”
Juliana: (evil giggles)
Stephanie: "My senior blurb isn't going to make sense to anyone outside of the sci-fi club. 'Kurama, ahhh... Hiei, ahhh... Kuwbara, eww!’"
Billie: “Stephanie, we don’t want to encourage the masochistic activities of others.”
Nicole: "I'm sorry. How is it that we think we're Wiccan?”
Billie: "Adela and Stephanie are making fun of me in Japanese with words I don't know!"
Amy: (Little giggle) "Billie no baka."
Billie: "Yeah, I think I know that one."
Amy: "Damn."
Sarah: "Stephanie, if you ever speak German with a Japanese accent again, so help me I will kill you."
Stephanie: "But that was my German accent. My accents are just really bad!"
Stephanie: “So, my sister’s complaining about Naga’s outfit and I’m like, ‘she’s got plenty of clothes on, what are you talking about?’ You should add that to your quote page, Billie, just with no context or anything, just, ‘she’s got plenty of clothes on, what are you talking about?’”
Stephanie: “We’re running like Hiei, only in slow motion!”
Adela: "I must not be a very interesting person. I'm on your quote page like twice."
Kelly: "I miss one dps, and all of a sudden everyone's obsessed with an anime that I've never heard of."
Billie: "That's why I live in fear of the first meeting I ever have to miss."
Kelly: "But if Kelly was a slug, taking her with a grain of salt would be bad."
Kelly: “I can’t wait for the next play so I can see Billie persons and Odysseus’s head and Zahnarabai’s feet. I don’t see people; I see parts of people.”
Nicole: "Let's haul some witchling ass."
Stephanie: “Look, Jon let me see his Sailor Moon playing cards!”
Billie: “Cool.”
Stephanie: “We really need to get him into better anime.”
Billie: “Oh, yeah.”
Amy: "Hey, guys, why aren't we renting Erotic Sex 6?"
Sandra: "Because we haven't seen Erotic Sex 1 through 5."
Ed-at-the-Anime-Store: “Good Answer.”
Kat: "Did you hear what she said? She asked me, 'Can I put my lemons in your bag?'!"
Kelly: "I'm sorry, I momentarily forgot the context of lemons... and, for that matter, the very reason I brought them in the first place."
Kelly: "We're going to go make Amy's bed!"
Sandra: “Amy, there’s this thing called tact, it’s spelled T—A—C—T, and it means we don’t want to be expelled during junior retreat.”
Amy: “You do realize that the more people who join this cuddle, the worse it looks when somebody else walks in.”
Karin: "The guys are all asking whether the girls in capes are lesbians."
Billie: "I don't see any girls in capes."
Karin: "Capes, cloaks, what's the difference?"
Sandra: "Ooh—don't even get me started."
Billie: “The sign says, ‘Slow Children at Play.’”
Amy: “Hiei can’t play there.”
Amy's bed: "Creak, creak, pop, damn it! Swish, swish, pop, oh s***!"
Amy: “I didn’t come up with the aspiration; someone gave it to me.”
Sandra: “So you just accept an aspiration from this person, no questions or protection?”
Amy: “It seemed like a good idea at the time!”
Billie: “You have no idea how many aspirations this person has shared in the past year.”
Amy: “God, the double entendrés in my life are going to kill me.”
Amy: "I don't want to party with those people, I want to party with these people. I want to do something social!"
Amy: "I love that; just as I'm running up, the car starts!"
Kat: "I've always wanted to drive the getaway car.”
Stephanie: “Next time you come by my house and all the lights are out, kidnap me!”
Amy: "I didn't steal the spoon! I just put it in my shirt and... accidentally forgot about it. It was so comfortable!"
Kat (at a drive-through window): "We want seven spoons and four of the biggest fries you have!"
(Drive-through screen: “Great Big Fries”)
Adela: “Hmm... how do you define a magick circle? Personally, I define it as a circle that’s magickal.”
Kelly: “Who else needs a purple ribbon?”
Billie: “Ahniimus.”
Kelly: “Who?”
Amy: “Kirstin.”
Kelly: “Odysseus!”
Amy: “Okay, this name thing is getting bad.”
Amy: “Okay, a girl who plays viola for a reason and a Unitarian Universalist trying to stay in the same key. Anyone want to guess why this isn’t working?”
Stephanie: “I am the mud goddess in the mud bodice!”
Nicole: “I need to use the wineskin for research. This feels just like my story!”
Keary: “Billie, you’re never seeing your wineskin again.”
Dead Poets: “Here’s to the sun god, he’s sure a fun god, RA, RA, RA!”
Amy: “Okay, you guys are pathetic.”
Kelly: “Hey, ‘You Are My Sunshine’ wasn’t working, okay?”
Billie: “My stuff is mostly packed. Everything that isn’t is either on the pole or on... Nicole.”
Kelly: “And then I got home and I had mud in my ear.”
Amy: "So, I get him for Easter and it's like, 'cool, a bear in a pink bunny suit!' Then I realize that that isn't the face of a girl bear. My mom's like, 'Amy, you don't have to make your bear gay.' But just look at him!"
Stephanie: "Now there are two people in my worship guild!"
Billie: "I never volunteered."
Stephanie: "Don't worry, I signed you up."
Billie: "But I don't worship you."
Stephanie: "Yes you do."
Billie: "With gods like that, who needs worshipers?"
Mrs. Mead: “The worst crime a teenager can commit is to be different. You guys can be horrible to each other sometimes, just because someone looks different, acts different, dresses different....”
Billie (under her breath): “Differently, differently, differently.”
Billie: "Well, I'd love to sit here sniffing vegimite with you for the next three hours, but I have a class to get to."
Ari: "I'm going to quote you on that."
Billie: “Well, of course she’s cheerful. That’s the epiphany of Kelly.”
Amy: “Did you just say ‘epiphany’?”
Ari: "So, by your way of thinking, could my wallet be a god?"
Amy: "I realized that even in my most devout Catholic stage, I was still going around invoking Aslan. And, I was the only third grader who knew the correct pronunciations of the names of all the Aztec gods."
Some Girl: “Mr. Neil, have you ever been to Deuchland?” (pronounced like it’s spelled)
Mr. Neil: “Deuchland?! Es ist Doychland! That’s exactly why the Germans have to go to war as often as they do!”
Poinsettia: "I was like, 'Y'all talk funny.' They go 'Y'all?' 'Yes, y'all!’"
Billie: “I had a dream last night—“
Stephanie: “Was I in it?”
Billie: “No. Anyway—“
Stephanie: “Did we have sex?”
Nicole: “So? Evil always conquers. What’s your point?”
Kirstin: “We all need to join the D&D group just to freak my sister out.”
Billie: “’So, Billie, what did you do backstage during the play?’ ‘Oh, Adela and I wrote lemons.’”
Adela: “Amy’s going to be jealous.”
Juliana: “Look, Ari, I made a self-portrait of you!”
Billie: “I think one of the most interesting things about Ursuline plays is that everyone knows which drink goes into which glass, except for the actor serving beverages on stage.”
Sandra: “So, ‘tact’ now has a new meaning—it still means we don't want to get expelled on junior retreat, but now it also means we don't want to get randomly accused of blowing up schools and/or federal buildings.”
Kerry: “We theologians like that word.” (ineffable)
Kara: "You must think I’m a total space cadet. Do kids still use that phrase?"
Kelly: “But it’s their last day of school and they have a slip-and-slide.”
Kirstin: "Hey, Mr. Lucas! Jesus loves you!"
Amy: “Patchouli’s nice. It smells great, but don’t burn it in the house because your parents will wonder what you’re doing.”
Kirstin: “The daily greeting for Mr. Lucas is, ‘Hey, Mr. Lucas! We’re going to see the Star Wars prequil opening day and you’re not!’”
(Later that day) Mr. Lucas: “Oh, let me guess. You’re going to see Star Wars and I’m not.”
Kyle: “I’m serious. If any of you do anything to get us kicked out of this movie, I will kill you.” (Kyle walks away)
Billie: “Does anyone else note the irony that she’s half the reason we almost got kicked out of Empire?”
Amy: “Kelly, it’s just an oil! It’s not really dragon’s blood, so you don’t have to stay away from me!”
Kelly: (frightened squeak)
Billie: “Do you think that stuff would work for Zahnnie? Never mind, she is Zahnnie, after all.”
Amy: “But it’s dragon’s blood, so you’d have to kill a dragon to get it.”
Billie: “Zahnnie, would you stay away from me if I were wearing dragon’s blood?”
Stephanie: “No. You’re Billie.”
Amy: “But it’s dragon’s blood. You kill a dragon to get it.”
Stephanie: “Amy, it’s just an oil.”
Amy: “So tell Kelly that!”
Kelly: (happy squeak)
Adela (Holding picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn): “You know you’re reading too much yaoi when you see a picture like this and automatically think, ‘Okay, those two are obviously in a relationship together.’”
Stephanie: “Julie, can you say ‘Give me the disk, damnit, please?’”
Amy: “I know I didn’t say that. I would remember if I used something as big as ‘double entendrés.’”
Sandra: “There. You used it right now.”
Adela: “The sci-fi club is broken up, and suddenly a new club forms. We’ll call it the fi-sci club.”
Stephanie: “I can’t be bought, but my services can.”
Amy: “Stephanie.... Finesse!”
Amy: “Wow, she’s really pretty. Who is she?”
Stephanie: “Oh, that’s Noyn. She’s obsessed with Zechs—the guy in the mask.”
Billie: “Yep, Zechs, Zechs, Zechs, that’s all she ever thinks about.”
Amy: “Yeah, Kelly told me about you two. We were in the car, driving home, and she’s just going on. ‘Oh, these people were doing this and those people were doing that, and Billie and Kyle were talking for a while on the porch,’ and so on. I’m like, ‘Kelly, you spent the whole night at the batting cages. How the heck do you know all this?’”
Amy: “So, what’s the requirement of who goes into the Dead Poet’s Society and who doesn’t?”
Billie: “I think it should be based on whether or not you have poetry running through your veins.”
(Billie and Nicole stare at their wrists)
Nicole: “I see Dr. Pepper and words.”
Billie: “Hm. I just see the characters from my stories.”
Nicole: “Oh, close enough.”
Stephanie: “Yes, well, Kat will be Kat.”
Kat: “I don’t know why Zahnnie’s mom hates me. She hated me before I backed into Amy’s car in her driveway, and she hated me before I bit Zahnnie.”
Billie: “....And the last claim was that we were doing a Wiccan ritual during planned famine. That, of course, being the Sufi meditation. They really have very few legitimate things against us. Then again, they don’t know about the sophomores burying locks of their hair near the faerie mound at sophomore retreat.”
Kat: “The sophomores get all the luck.”
Billie: “Kirstin, be a dear and hand me a Coke.”
Sandra: “Keary, be a moose and give me a DrPepper.”
Billie: “Okay, so what kind of tea do you guys want? I have green, English breakfast, flavored black, herbal and a tin of stuff.”
Sandra: “Ooh! I’ve read a fic about this. I know I have.”
Amy: “Woah. Ari was just showing me some German. Any language where the word for six is ‘sechs’ and five is ‘fünf,’ I like.”
Kat: “Germany is the land of no Dr. Pepper.”
Kat: “If I hear the words ‘Colorado’ and ‘school’ in the same sentence ever again, I’ll—“
Billie: “Amy used to go the school in Colorado.”
Kat: (hiss)
Billie: “Well, she did.”
Billie: “Kelly, how far away from Amy do you live?”
Kelly: “About twenty minutes.”
Amy: “Fifteen if Amy’s driving. Ten if Amy’s really driving.”
Amy: “Hello, everyone.”
Billie: “Hello, Amy.”
Amy: “Strangely enough, everyone seems to sound remarkably like Billie.”
Amy: “Were you running around my neighbors’ sprinklers?”
Ari: “No. I was running through your neighbors’ sprinklers.”
Adela (fast-forwarding the anime and narrating): "Um, battle to the death, gratuitous shower scene, brother/sister sex scene...."
Adela: "Whenever I meet someone from Minnesota, I say 'Uff Da.' They're always very impressed. 'Oh, you know about that!'"
Billie: "Stop showing off."
Stephanie: "I'm not! I just want to show you all my cool new Akira sounds!"
Stephanie's Computer: "Okay, men, let's go to the Olympics."
Stephanie: "Because, you know, it's funny if you didn't know the context."
Stephanie: "But then it's sensual and... stuff like that."
Billie: "How romantic."
Nicole: "It's evil. Evil get off the bed!"
Billie: "Just picturing Haggar if someone actually did start yelling Satanic things in there...."
Amy: "It's one of those times when the world stops and every eye is on you."
(Amy smiles and waves)
Adela: "Um, hi! We're here to pilfer your daughter's television."