Amy: "It's a spell to keep me from doing stupid things. I mean, it's a good luck charm."
Amy: "Kelly, next time someone asks me, make sure I say 'good luck charm.'"
Amy: "I love the cheerleaders! They come and do cheers for me!"
Kirstin: "For you."
Snowflake: "What's 'municipalité'?"
Adela: "French."
Amy: "So, our group had to prove that Jesus came to reform Judaism. Who was in our group... let's see. Me: pagan. Abbey: agnostic atheist. Adela: Unitarian Universalist. Sandra: I don't know what she is. And Christina the Yoda-worshipper. We totally blew away the opposition."
Stacy: "I already have a rumor spread about me."
Billie: "That's nothing. Stephanie and Nicole got one in their first week."
Doug: "One of the problems with Disciples is that our denomination doesn't have cool hats. You see all these other religions with their cool hats, so why can't we have them?"
Adela: "We created a robot in computer science class. He follows the order, 'If you're happy and you know it, jump up and down. Else: self destruct.'"
Stephanie: "We named him Heero."
Adela: "I think I want to draw some sort of kanji on the front of it."
Billie: "Well, if you want to rely on my expertise, I know how to draw 'book' and 'car.'"
Note found on the chess board at school:
"borrowed the pawns, will return them. —Kelly"
Cristina: "The only thing that got me through this assignment was knowing that she's going to have to grade like twenty of them."
Billie: "The –ie is purely a girl thing. All guys spell it with a –y."
Amy: "Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to have a son some day and name him Billie, and spell it with an –ie, just to prove you wrong."
Mr. Frank: "You should name him Knut. There aren't enough Knuts in the world."
Ari: "Pink is not a feminine color."
Amy: "Isn't pink kind of the quintessential feminine color?"
Billie: "Why? Who says?"
Ari: "Exactly."
Billie: "That is the epitome of the college guy."
Cristina: "Yeah. I'll bet he's going to take that girl and drink coffee and talk about politics."
Billie: "No, anarchism. Definitely anarchism."
Billie: "What was the name of that movie? You know, the one where they were under water with a golden sphere?"
Elena: "Sphere?"
Ms. Middendorf: "Well, Mr. Host is a Mennonite. You could ask him a few questions for your report."
Kelly: "He is? Cool!"
Billie: "I told you that!"
Kelly: "I didn't believe you."
Amy: "Jesus f***ing Christ!"
Kelly: "That goes against all church doctrine."
Ari: "My mum came with me to Hot Topic. She was like, 'Oh, how nice. They're all done up for Halloween!'"
Billie: "It's so strange how, of the two languages I'm learning, the Japanese has so many more practical uses than the French."
Stephanie: "Well, that's because there's a subculture."
Amy: "I was at the supermarket and the guy asked me what I was. I just looked at him and said, 'I'm a witch!' I love Halloween!"
Kelly: "And to think, when I opened my lunch bag and discovered four pieces of gum, I thought to myself, 'now, what am I going to do with these?'"
Amy: "Look, Billie! It's the subculture!"
Amy: "'Satan'?"
Sarah: "That's what I named the tree that I fell out of three times."
Amy: "Trees name themselves, you know."
Sarah: "Yeah, I know. I'm the one who named him Satan, though."
Ari: "I'll just have to become a highwayman and steal the pocky."
Nicole: "Ari's a pockymon!"
Ari: "Ooh, that's low."
Amy: "You know, Sartre, your handwriting looks a lot like Mr. Frank's."
(Mr. Frank as) Sartre: "Yes, but he is stuck in the mud."
Cristina's Mom (pointing at the rainbow bumper sticker of the car in front of her): "Is that man G—A—Y?"
Adela: "Okay, everyone, a moment of silence. Mrs. Gardener just used Billie's favorite word."
Billie: "I love the stories about people with kanji tattoos who don't know what they mean."
Derek: "Yeah, I've always figured mine must say 'stupid geijin' or something like that."
Christina: "Hey, Billie! Do you know who looks really sexy today?"
Billie: "If you say Mr. Schneider, I'm going to be mad at you."
Christina: "Umm.... Hey, Mary Anne! Do you know who looks really sexy today?"
Mrs. Gardener: "...And the other major couple in Much Ado About Nothing is Hero and—"
Adela (perks up): "Duo?"
Sarah: "That's yucca. Yuck—ahh."
Ari: "Well, the Australian pronunciation is you-ka. That's just how we say our y's."
Nicole: "If Ari mispronounces a word, she just has to say it's Australian and she gets away with it."
Adela: "If I were a member of a lesbian orgy, I like to think that I would remember it."
Billie: "Amy, don't you think that, as a witch, it's a bad idea for you to put your head in the oven for the sake of making gingerbread houses?"
Amy: "Oh, shut up."
Amy: "What's the cat's name? Narkanon?"
Billie: "Narknon. Nark for short, and his full name is Narknon no Baka."
Sandra: "His middle name is 'no'?"
Amy: "Poor Kelly. It just seems like every time she tries to incorporate math into the real world, something goes really wrong."
Sandra: "Stephanie, before you go, do me a favor. Define tact."
Billie: "Kelly, you're taking the gosh darn gingerbread house with you."
Kirstin: "Kelly, look. You're almost making Billie curse; take the damn house."
Billie: "....But the whole socialist way of doing things is better employed in parts of the Eastern World than here, I think. Their interpersonal relationships and familial groups lean more in that direction, whereas we rely more on our independence as individuals."
Cristina: "Billie, we are so ready for college!"
Cristina: "Who would want to rule Minneapolis? Where is Minneapolis, anyway?"
Elena: "I don't know. Somewhere in Ohio, I think."
Sandra: "He has a 'friend'? Oh my God, it's a theme lunch!"
Mr. Frank: "Right now, though, I want you all to do something."
Adela: "No."
Mr. Frank: "Yes."
Amy (sincerely): "Nice try, Adela."
Billie: "So, who's Tuxedo Mask in Zahnnie's fic?"
Amy: "I'll give you a hint. His name begins with T and ends with –tim."
Billie: "T-tim?"
Doug: "In every church, there are some people who are truly converted and some who are there for the refreshments."
Cristina: "I was like, duh! The emperor of China!"
Billie: "Do you mean Japan?"
Cristina: "Yeah. Japan."
Elena: "Does China have an emperor?"
Billie: "No. They're kinda communist."
Mrs. Gardener: "I wish you all a beautiful winter holiday and a wonderful life, full of Beatrices and Benedicks, Dogberrys and Portias, very few Claudios or Edmunds (though you can handle them), and no Iagos!"
Random guy on the train: "... and if you even ask for it on the internet, the F.B.I. gets a file on you."
Amy: "That'd be fun, though, to be able to tell someone, 'Yeah, it's in the fridge. But be careful not to touch the C4 on the top shelf!'"
Billie (to Kelly): "The things we get into conversations about with random strangers."
Kelly: (laughs)
Sandra: "The key is not to break the chair which my parents love more than me."
Kelly: "The marines were stupid. They were all flirting with the teenaged girls instead of being cute with the underprivileged kids."
Sandra: "Repeat after me. No stitches are needed. Hey, stop poking it!"
Kelly's card: "Hope you feel better Sanra ! d"
Kelly: "Oops. Let's remember how to spell, shall we?"
Billie: "I remember the first time I ever saw this. It was sophomore year at Amy's house, and the guy said, 'He was my friend... and more than a friend.' Amy shook her head and said, 'Please don't say he was your lover!'"
Stephanie and Ari: (snicker)
Billie: "And even at the time, I remember thinking, 'Amy, that's really weird.'"
Kelly: "Hey! I'm Lincoln-log challenged!"
Stacy: "Shut up! We're trying to watch the movie!"
Billie: "Um, it's subtitled, and you don't speak Japanese."
Stephanie: "That's not the point."
Ari: "Every time I'm on your quote page, I'm either saying something stupid or something Australian."
Kelly: "You don't have an Australian accent."
Ari: "Hey, I have two passports!"
Kelly: "That still doesn't give you an accent."
Kat (looking through dictionary): "Hey, Billie, there's a picture of your favorite fop in here."
Mrs. Mead: "These are the rules while I'm gone: You may not set the room on fire and you may not leave the room. Unless it's on fire. But don't start it."
Adela: "We went looking at Christmas lights, and I kept having to cover my brother's eyes. We were driving past all these threesomes of flashing Hos, and he's too young to see that."
Kelly: "I'm getting the feeling that my parents are getting ready to send me to college. For Christmas, I got a telephone for my dorm room and a silverware set with trees on it."
Stephanie: "I want to be deck head."
Chelsea: "You can be duck head."
Billie: "I'm not working under Zahnnie."
Stephanie: "Well, that's not what you said last—okay, maybe I shouldn't say that too loudly."
Mr. Frank: "...Just think about the recent history of the British monarchy."
Cecilia: "Ahh! Henry VIII!"
Mr. Frank: "Actually, I was thinking a bit more recent than that."
Nicole: "Am I the only one who didn't like the branches brushing against my head?"
Everyone (including Sandra): "Yes."
Sandra: "No, wait. I didn't like that."
Kelly: "I think it's funny how so many of my friends are learning another language through cartoons."
Adela: "I could imagine Kat wearing white robes and dancing around a flaming cross, but my image has nothing to do with racism."
Mrs. Roper: "It's no coincidence that the Clintons got a dog right in the middle of the impeachment hearing. But you never hear about Socks the Cat any more. I think the dog ate it."
Mrs. Pighetti: "Now, this could probably be either a sine or a cosine, but—for all the cosine lovers in the audience, let's go with that one."
Amy: "Ooh! Does the main character in this book wear lots of leather and studs and stuff?"
Billie: "No. But she does re-live past lives where she worships the Goddess, and she's a lesbian for most of them."
Amy: "That was my next question."
Amy: "I should be doing my homework now. I really should. Yes, I am reading Hamlet as we speak."
Mr. Frank: "Oh, it's my homework you're procrastinating from."
Amy's note:
*One Jesus*
For sale or rent
« highly amable [sic]
« gets along well with both saints and sinners
« questionable divinity; but miracles guaranteed
*Highest bidder or lowest scruples*
Mr. Frank: "We're taking it down at the end of this class period... just in case the theology department sends in a posse."
Dr. Koch: "Do you know what tonight is?"
Katie: "The lunar eclipse?"
Dr. Koch: "No! It's my wife's birthday. We're going to darken the moon in celebration...."
Kirstin: "People are always surprised when they find out my nickname is 'Mus. They just don't think that belongs to someone who weighs less than 300 pounds."
Adela: "There once was a girl named Billie, / Who decided to watch Free Willy. / She put it in the tape machine, / And turned on the viewscreen, / But then she decided it was too ostensible."
Adela: "Did you like my love sonnet?"
Billie: "Well yeah, but it was a limerick."
Adela: "There once was a girl named Amata, / Whose elemental symbol was watah."
Ari: "My mum is completely oblivious. If there were people dancing around a burning log in our front yard chanting 'Satan, Satan,' she would say 'Oh, are you going fabric shopping?'"
Billie: "If I'm a Hot Topic virgin, does that make you a Hot Topic whore?"
Kat: "Yes."
Mr. Frank: “If you’ll wait one bloody minute—“
Mary: “Mr. Frank, I’m shocked. That’s the second time you’ve used ‘bloody’ in two days.”
Mr. Frank: “So? It’s not a bad word. In America.”
Poublan-Sensei: "When you find a complex kanji like this, you have to learn how to pick it apart like a cockroach."
Billie's sister: "If you love your tea so much, then why don't you marry it?"
Billie: "Because in the state of Texas, it's illegal to marry a human of the same gender. How do you think they'd respond if I tried to marry a teabag?"
Adela: "Can I murder Miss Novi?"
Billie: "Do you want my opinion or the opinion of the state courts?"
Adela: "Crap."
Kirstin: "....A secret government organization, like NASA or something."
Sandra: "Okay, NASA isn't that secret."
Adela: "I'm going to Mardi Gras this year."
Stephanie: "Where?"
Sandra: "Did you know that one seventh of your life is spent in Mondays?"
Paige: "Mr. Neil picked me up in the hallway."
Amy: "He is getting scarier and scarier."
Kat: "Adela and I decided we both want one of those."
Billie: "What... the bracer?"
Kat: "No. The guy."
Kelly: "I try explaining it to my dad. 'You see, my friends and I spend our free time planning mythical parties on a fake world and we run around with pictures of ourselves on a two-dimensional board.' I don't think he gets it."
Poublan-Sensei: "One wonders why so many Japanese girls come to Texas to study."
Japanese Girl: "Cowboys."
Kat: "You would be such an awesome dragon if you weren't a Pokémon. Why did you have to join them?"
Pokémon Card: "They offered me a share in the marketing."
Kat: "Miss Novi wanted us to each read a poem that described us. I said that I'd like to do 'J. Alfred Pufrock.' She said, 'Is it long?'"
Ari: "Those pagans with their seeex! and their phallic symbols and their... seeex!"
(Kelly approaches)
Christina: "Billie, why did you eat tentacles and think of me?"
Kelly: "Billie!"
(Kelly leaves indignantly)
Christina: "I just said that to see what she'd do."
Cristina: "I'm just going to have to stay away from guys in college. Otherwise, the people and situations in my head are going to drive me insane."
Mrs. Duff: "Has anybody here ever had a Japanese bath?"
Amy and Billie (in unison): "I wish."
Adela: "Either my shoes are squeaking or there's a Kelly behind me."
Adela and Kelly (singing and doing "air quotes"):
We made the quote page, we made the quote page!
We said something smart,
We said something spiffy!
We made the quote page, we made the quote page!
Yay, Adela and Kelly!
Amy: "Austria... or Australia. Mountains, or funny accents?"
Ari: "Hey, we have mountains!"
Elena: "You can't learn to become a hacker by watching an early eighties movie. That's like learning to be a doctor by seeing something about leeches."
Cristina: "As if! It hasn't changed that much."
Stephanie: "Let's sing it while we skip down the hall!"
Sok: "I do have normal friends, you know."
Someone: "Who's Sok?"
Kelly: "She's the reason we don't let Stephanie come up with nicknames any more."
Cristina: "I wouldn't want to date an Asian guy because he'd be so much cooler than me."
Mr. Frank: "I'm saving what clout I have with the administration for something truly important. I'm not going to waste it all on a St. Patrick's Day parade down the hallway."
Billie: "Mr. Frank, I don't think it's fair that you just assume that I've read Wuthering Heights."
Mr. Frank: "But I assume you've read everything."
Adela: "That's a lot."
Amy: "Today Plano, next year the Holy Land!" (was: Next year in Jerusalem!)
Nicole: "Okay, I know this is long-winded, but it's Thoreau."
Amy: "I know! Why don't we all put on our boxer shorts and our black bras and go swimming in the lake?"
Billie: "Because Mr. Frank would look really silly.”
Sarah: "It would be hard to be half Christian and half Satanist. 'You're going to hell!' 'I know!'"
Billie: "No, what I'm saying is that you're like a dancing red flame in the gray ether of life."
Kat: "Wait a minute. Isn't ether flammable?"
Sandra: "Do we really want to trust your brother with people's lives? Especially little ones, with squishy heads?"
Ari: "My mum wanted to know if all my friends make fun of me for dressing... 'butch.' And that's just how she asked it too, with that pause right before 'butch.'"
Laura: "Is Amy still dating Chuck?"
Sandra: "No, she's kinda switched persuasions."
Laura: "Well, that's goo—Oh."
Kat: "I'm melting... melting!"
Sandra: "Are you evil, or sugar?"
Elena: "It was so corny. It was even cornier than—wait, what's the state with the corn? Kansas?"
Billie: "Iowa."
Elena: "It was cornier than Iowa."
Cristina: "I don't know. Iowa's pretty corny."
(Watching Fushigu Yuugi)
Sandra: "So, do you think things are happening and he's just reading about it, or are the things happening because he's saying it out loud? 'Cause that would be pretty cool. 'And suddenly, they all began acting like chickens.'"
Billie: "If I'm ever transported into a magical book, you and Adela are not allowed anywhere near it."
Adela: “’Pagan black’? I didn’t realize that was a color.”
Billie: “Do they have a Christian yellow?”
Kelly: “Yes. I wore it on Easter.”
Amy (quoting her family's priest): "'Well, disappointed is a strong word—let's just say I'm... concerned. You could do better, Amy.'"
Billie: "Better? Suddenly there's a hierarchy of religions and paganism's on the bottom?"
Amy: "I feel like a kid who came home with a B+ on his report card, and everyone's like 'B+? That's all?'"
Kirstin: (Bursts out laughing) "Sorry, I just had a vision of a little kid coming home with a report card that said Catholic, Catholic, Methodist, Pagan, and his parents are like, 'Now, Methodist we could understand, but honey, seriously—Pagan?'"
Kelly: "The last time they made me get a shot, I ran around the doctor's office like crazy and they finally had to hold me down. They haven't tried to give me one since."
Billie: (laughs) "How old were you?"
Kelly: "Twelve."
Kelly: "They ask, 'So what are you girls planning to do?' and we said, 'Oh, we thought we'd read a couple of Christmas books, then watch some cartoons.' 'Great. So what are you really planning to do?' They thought that was just our cover story for something really bad. Then we found the SnowflakeVision glasses and were having so much fun that they decided to believe us."
Kelly: "Ari, remember not to ask customers deep philosophical questions while you're on the job."
Ari: "Or, I could just incorporate the merchandise into the answers. 'Have you ever considered the possibility that Norwegian wood might be the meaning of life?'"
Kelly: "We could always just give them to the hedgehog."
Billie: "I told you; Ari's not home."
Kelly: "No, I meant the real hedgehog, the one in the cage."
Adela: "And Mystique! She looked exactly like she wasn't supposed to."
Amy (after explaining that her mother's maiden name is Singel): "In fact, my uncle's campaign slogan last time he ran for governor was 'every Singel vote counts.' Lemme tell you, at the family reunions, we tell every Singel joke you can think of."
Sandra: “I found that if you reverse the last two letters of my name, I could be a saturday morning cartoon villan. Look out! It’s Sandar!”
Billie's Dad: "Well, so it was a shooting star. Damn, all the mysticism is gone. I hate practical people."
Sandra (in a deep, powerful voice): "Billie, this is God—"
Billie: "Woah, you sounded like your mother there for a second!"
Sandra: "No I didn't. God doesn't have a mother. Well, technically."
Sign in front of the Baptist Church: "No, it is not hotter than hell."
Billie: "That does not amuse me."
Sandra: "It amuses me. But then, Baptists in general amuse me. They're so much fun to watch."
Adela: "Why are we going to get anime, then? We could just get a Baptist and watch him."
Stephanie: "Then there's this chicken slayers—"
Billie: "There's a chicken slayer?"
Sandra: "Is that like a vampire slayer? Are chickens really that much of a threat?"
Stephanie: "No! Not a chicken slayer, a chick in Slayers!"
(About an hour later, Stephanie, Sandra, Adela and Billie watch in astonishment as the slayers fight a giant demonic chicken. Just more proof that Anything can happen in Slayers.)
Sandra: "There are probably security guards and such, though...."
Ari: "And we don't know where she is, exactly."
Sandra: "Take a picture. 'Have you seen this girl?'"
Ari: "We could just yell at all the dorms. 'Amy Dominguez! Are you there? You forgot your tampons, honey!'"
Kirstin: "So Mom, going out? You have a hot date?"
Kirstin's Mom: "Yeah, with a dentist."
Ellie: "Is he pretty?"
Kirstin's Mom: "The dentist is a woman."
(Ellie looks horrified and confused)
Kirstin: "Okay, obviously my mom's and my humor doesn't work with the rest of the world."
Kelly (thinks for a minute): "Oh, I get it."
Kelly: "What is stopping you from taking a shower?"
Amy (collapsing on the bathroom floor): "Coherent thought!"
Kelly: "Wait a minute. Coherent thought is stopping you from getting into the shower? Didn't you loose that about two hours ago?"
Billie: "I can't believe you brought your lesbian lover's teddy bear to college with you. What will your roommate think?"
Amy: "She won't know it's my lesbian lover's bear."
Kelly: "Ooh, can we leave her a note?"
Amy: "Ari, you're on the wrong side of the road, dear."
Ari: "What?"
Amy, Billie and Kelly: "You're on the wrong side of the road!"
Billie: "The median is supposed to be on the other side of us!"
Ari: "What I'm saying is that strong spirituality really shows. Jesus probably didn't get catcalls as he walked down the streets of Jerusalem."
Kelly (glancing at Amy): "True, but I don't think Jesus was wearing tight red crushed velvet shirts that showed off his cleavage, either."
Amy: "Ari, you're doing it again!"
Ari: "It feels like home!"
Amy: "Get on the other side of the road!"