Journal  10/6/2001

On Dec 15th of this year, will mark a year being seperated and living alone. My life has been nothing but a whirlwind since that very day. I cannot number the days that I've fallen asleep with tears in my eyes. I have not written in my journal surrounding this period of my life, because I choose not to reminisce of  this horrible time of my life. I'd rather skip this year as a whole, than to relive the sorrow and misery that I have lived with during most of this past year.

My mind is blurry as to how I came to this point. For the past five years, I have seen the happiest of days one can enjoy..and I've seen the days that I would not wish upon my worst enemies.

The few things that have remained a constant part in my life have been feeling of and knowing of the love that my earthly parents have as well as the love that my Heavenly Parents have upon me. The church is a constance in my life. It has not changed, my leaders have changed but my faith in it has not wavered. I know and do feel of God's love for me. I may not feel worthy of His love, but he loves me regardless.

Five years ago this past May 25th, I unwisely married a young woman, who was not psychologically mature enough to handle a marriage much less a serious relationship like a marriage. I was very foolish. I'm paying for that bit of foolishness.

I am thankful for my many friends that I have been blessed with...both that are in the church and those that are not in the church. They have been such a blessing to me, though I've lived here in Washington state for over three years I still feel liks a "stranger in a strange land" I haven't many friends outside of the workplace. I have spent many many many hours at work while Becky and her family have taken trips to Ocean Shores..on ferries...up to Seattle..any who knows where else that they have gone. I've lived here for soo long but haven't seen many of the sights.

Sunday 10/7/2001

This weekend is General Conference weekend. I work nights...this was my weekend on to work. I was able to listen to part of the sessions of conference yesterday, and plan on listening to more sessions today.

I will not...and cannot tell untruth about my life. I have been active for my whole life until this past fall (fall of 2000). I began taking college courses at South Puget Sound Community College. I was at campus in classes from 11pm til after 6pm 4 days a week. Plus I worked nights every weeknight. I would work (on the weekends) even more..I almost always worked 10-15 hours extra every two weeks. I was burned out..always either in class or working..with little time to sleep or to relax in any way. I would usualy work Saturday evenings..and not get home til 3am or 4am early Sunday morning. I wouldn't go to church with that little sleep.

This schedule continued til early December (of 2000)..I needed a day off....I just wanted to stay at my home for just one day. I stayed home from church during this time. Before the end of the school quarter, Becky kicked me out. I had always gone to church nearly every Sunday up until this time. When I lost my home....my life was turned upside down. I became suddenly lost. My life support was taken from me (my spiritual life support) which was my family. For the months of December thru April I was basically a hermit. I took one class in school...that was the only time I left my apartment was to go to that class. I was lucky to get to work on time. I didn't bath as often as usual. My life sucked! After a while I gained my self worth once again