July 24th-I Don't Give 2 Shits About Celebrity Babies
Oh hey there, miscellaneous celebrity. What? You're pregnant? Really!?!! Holy shit! That's fucking amazing. You, pregnant? How could that be? Is it a miracle? Am I dreaming? I mean, who could have thought that such a brave and talented actor could do such an amazing thing as getting a dick put in her without a condom?!?!?! Just...just fucking...wow.
June 18th- Coming Out Of The Closet
I do a lot of stuff. I don't carry a lot of shame around. I'll do pretty much whatever I want, in reason. But of course, I have my...closeted pleasures. Like watching Gossip Girl. Yup. I do. I like it. For some reason, hot, rich chicks and dudes having mundane problems in New York makes me wet. Who knew?!?!? I also love to dance to Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" at top volume when I'm home alone. Sometimes, I'll switch it up with Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" or Nelly Furtado's "Maneater." I look at Perez Hilton's gossip website EVERY FUCKING DAY. It's like crack, only I don't lose weight and it's free.
June 5th, 2008-Before I Die, I'm Gunna Fuck Me A Fish
Dying sucks. I haven't done it personally but I've seen a few pets and grandparents kick the bucket in my day, and I'll have to say, I am not a fan. Old people die. Sure. It's natural. My pets die because, well, I don't know. I figure the steady diet of creamed corn and orange juice would be rad for a cat, but I guess I'm wrong.
I'm not going to get all deep and shit about death. What a fucking bummer that would be. Death is already a bummer in itself. Instead, here's a list of ways I would like to die:
1)Fucking 10 dudes in an aircraft carrier
2)Fucking 10 dudes on top of Mt. Saint Helens as it erupts.
3)Sword fight.
4)Suicide in the name of Allah...just joshin' ya!
April 22nd, 2008-I'm Gonna Git Me A B.A. in BS
Total Student Loans Owed So Far: $6,000.00
What I Gained From Said Loans: An Associates Degree in Science and the ability to speak like a 5 year old Mexican child.
Here's hoping I get into the university in my city. If so, I think you can expect big things from me. Such as:
--->$20,000.00 of Student Loans
--->The ability to speak like a 10 year old Mexican child
--->Unhealthy feeling of self-worth that will only last until I realize I have to keep working in accounts payable for the rest of my life (time it will take for realization: about 2 weeks after I graduate.)
Oh man! I can't wait!
April 17th, 2008-Oh Snap, Gurl.
You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of having a blog site that I can't put pictures of Robocop on. I'm sick of having just a blog. I'm sick of not wasting as much time at work on that site, when I could be working on this one, taking up fifty percent more time. So you know what. Fuck Blogspot. Yup. I'm coming back to this. Fuck it hard. I hate Blogspot!
So, if you are bored and want to know what rabble-rousing and mischief-making I've been doing for the past 7 or 8 months, go here:
www.beerbowlingboobs.blogspot.com
So, what now? Well, I have another movie project in the works. It will be like the They Live one (from which I have won 4 Oscars, 2 Emmy's, a free sandwich from Subway and tons of blow jobs) only, this one will be even more spectacular. That's all I'm going to say.
Keep it fugly, bitches!
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