Let’s face it after 28 years of a happy marriage, there’s no way I’m going to cheat on my wife. But if you ever sense you may be getting tempted to stray, don’t do it! There is a safe alternative.

I suggest a visit to your favorite Chat Room where you can engage in some of that Cyber Sex stuff, I just found out about this last night! I was online and I went to this Chat room. It was named something suggestive, but I can’t remember which one it was. It was "Horney and Bald" or something like that.

OK so I get in there and man these people are talking some real shit back and forth. I can’t believe it! Somebody asks, "what’s everyone wearing?" And everyone starts responding about what they are wearing. Girls were saying they were wearing silk nighties, leather and lace, or nothing at all, spikes, all kinds of kinky stuff.

Well hell, I was just wearing a T-shirt and blue jeans and I sort of felt out of place. So I hurried up and put on a jock strap, my wife’s bra, roller blades, ear muffs, and a ring of bratwurst around my neck.

I finally realize that certain people are asking other certain people if they want to go to a private room and have Cyber Sex. I wasn’t quite sure how this whole thing worked, so I asked. Some members of the group explained that you could send another person in the room a private message, and then go to a private room and two members could talk back and forth without anyone else knowing, and that’s how you have Cyber Sex.

WAY COOL!!!

OK, so I’m waiting, and one by one I keep seeing people ask other people if they want to have Cyber Sex, and they say yeah "IM" me. I found out that "IM" means Immediate Message or something like that.

OK, so I wait some more, ‘cause I know some really hot cyber chic babe is going to be asking me to have some private cyber sex any minute now. Well, I’m waiting and waiting, and nothing. I’m thinking, these hot chics must somehow know that I’m a former police officer whose starting to lose my hair. My stomach has gotten so big I haven’t been able to find my navel in two years. They must know that I’ve been married 28 years, have three kids, and sometimes when I have a choice of making love to my wife or taking a nap, I choose the nap. Hey, I figure I can get some sleep and dream about having sex and kill two birds with one stone. I’m 48 and I’m at that point where my wife makes me have sex at least once a month whether I need to or not.

I’m thinking this Cyber Sex thing will be great because I won’t have to get out of breath or, get up in the middle to go pee, or anything. But no one sends me an invitation to join them. Then I got a brain storm. I wondered if I could send myself a private message. So I tried it, and sure enough I could! So I sent a message to myself asking me if I wanted to have Cyber Sex. Well, trying to act coy, I reluctantly agreed.

Once I was in the private room I started telling myself what I was wearing, you know ear muffs, roller blades and all. Then the next thing I knew I was saying some really lewd stuff to myself. Man at first I was really embarrassed and on some level offended by the things I was saying to me. But the next thing I knew I was really starting to get turned on. I was saying things to myself like, "Oh yeah, oh yeah baby, that’s it, that’s the way I like it, you’re the king, you’re the king, oh jesus you’re a greek god, you’re the chief of police, you're the sheriff, go trooper, ride me like a K9 dog humping the Sergeant’s leg, oh god, oh god, cuff me, beat me, call me dirty names, turn on your red light, scream like a siren....."

Man it was really getting hot, and then just when it was really getting good I said something about "my momma", well shit, that did it, I just lost it. I really got pissed off at me and I started screaming at myself TYPING IN ALL CAPS and shit, and I told myself that I was a no good insensitive asshole. I came back with a reply that I was nothing but a Cyber Prick Teaser, and then I said I couldn’t believe that I would have done something like this with someone as digusting a pig as me...

Well to make a long story short I told myself "F off" you Cyber Slut", and I disconnected myself from me. I immediately contacted the Prodigy Chat moderator and reported that I had been sexually harrassed by a disgusting pervert; myself!

God I am so sick and ashamed of what I did. I never want to talk to myself again. Do you think I cheated on my wife?