 |
|
Why
We Love Port
We love Port,
not just because of the lovely fruity flavour that Port sometimes
has,
but the fact that it is readily availiable from most grog
purchasing outlets,
it is cheap, and very, very nasty.
We always seem to have a good, piss funny night when we are on
Port.
We get quite wrecked, ( wasted maggoty ), and seem to save a bit
of money at the same time.
Port goes well with all foods, especially Toastie Toasties, and
its even rumored that Port is one of the best aphrodisiacs
around, ( even better than oysters or a good Ron Jeremy porno! )
Port
Drinkers We Love
|
Kenny J - "The King of Port" Born:
22/08/77 Email: Panelvan_up@Hotmail.com |
Rhys Born:
09/12/84 Email: Bulya1@Hotmail.com |
 |
|
Dan Mc Born:
15/12/83 Email:Danxxxmcoy@Hotmail.com |
Ecky Born:
19/06/82 Email: Eckyhaznoemail@Hotmail.com |
 |
|
Alby Born:
04/06/83 Email: Redsash8@Hotmail.com |
Jacko Born: Email: Jackohaznoemail@Hotmail.com |
|
|
Jimmy Ho Born:
11/08/83 Email: Jimmybig_17@Hotmail.com |
Sam Born:
01/04/85 |
 |
|
Ned Age: 24, Resides: Adelaide Email: Kingswood_Ned@Hotmail.com |
James Born:23/01/69 Email: Jameshaznoemail@Hotmail.com |
|
Our
Experiences on Port Our first Port night that we can remember,( dont ask what day it was, but a while ago) Kenny and Rhys,...Port from Junction...pissin up at the park....Wash House and Kindy (mmmm... the trampoline), .....joined by Dan and Jacko, went to oval, ........Kenny going cunt up while chasing Dan to Jackos, ....cos Jacko was rooting....argh argh argh...... Rhys losing his shoes while running to Kirstens and Becs ( we miss you girls, and the handball )..... Dan and Kenny doin doughnuts in Jackos ute..."Is this the way out??"......sorry Jack
First Port night for 2002, Friday 4th January........Kenny, Rhys and a 2L cask of Nullabor ( i think? ), pissin up at the park, went up Quarry Hill in the Brown girl's car, "Dont spill anything.."..argh argh, heaps of cunts up there, dodgey fire lighting, get sum kindling from Kenny's with Keefy, ( Keefy, get that handbrake fixed mate! )......the fire was shit.......went to Mandys...." Your tits are bigger than mine!!" ...to light another..( not that i remember)...wasting Port..( sorry bout the stains on the falcon Swanny, and hows the nappy changin' goin??)....some lolly financed drinks in the Austral..( thanx Nat )...the dodgey hooker lady..urgh...over to the park...Rhys an Robbie..argh argh argh...Milo's attemted high flying bear hugging undies saving kick to Kenny's head...argh argh...the chicken dance ( Hally and Alby..you idiots..argh argh), .....Stumpy looms out of the darkness to retrieve Rhys.. "Ken, sorry, no!"...argh argh argh. What happened after that, only Kenny and the tree he hid behind will ever know, but im sure it was good...argh argh argh.
Port night after winning pool comp..names on map?
Port night at Prickles B'day party
Port night with alby.....an mellissa
Port at johnnies 21st
Port night after jam at trans...
Port on the easter weekend in Port wif rhys an mick
Port at ben shearers...oww my knee
Port at eckys then porn at mandys, kenny quite ill....
The many Port
nights on the 10L cask..including kerries b'day at bernies.....
jackos effort...sally browns party
Prune Juice port at stumpies with wedgy boy
Port with Sam, rob (ron) kerrin, boof rivers, downers daughter and the bloke from gametraders
Port in hadelaide wif rhys and samuel jackson.
Port at andu lodge wif alison..
Port at mandys with ned
Way too much
port on the Queens birthday longweekend with Rhys, Jimmy Ho,
Wedgey boy and russell morris who looks like greg
Jackos $4.50 Port experience
Port after darts with Walshie, Boo Book's part in his hair, Nuggets first Port night
Port at Eckys then Mandys. many larfs, funny pics
Kenny and James'
night on the Remano Premium Tawny Port cask,
cost $13 ( yeah we splashed out! ) Pauline Pantsdown
Kenny and his cute friend Rhys at Commo happy hour, with the girls, Moo, serious head injuries
The binge on
Port with Rhys, Kenny J sells his Panelvan, (Not that i wanted to
but was gettin broke!) celebratory drinks at Commo happy hour,
Schooners of Port, The Pope, Tezza, Peta, Paula Laidlaw gonna
flog Rhys, "Blow it up Moo!!" Jimmy Ho has post footy
Training Port, Murray from Myalla (not Whyalla) and his mate
Lukey (Lemonade in Port - DAH wuus's.) Flagon from Northern,
Murraylands Solid Plastering, Rhys gets his Prostate milked,
Kenny n Jimmy Ho go to Flinders (not that i remember), Party at
Kenny J's, Aunty Cathy bangin the broom from below, (not even to
beat of our music!), Back to Commo to empty another cask of Port
friday lunchtime, (Yes Stacey, Schooners.) Trolley pushin at
Woolies in the Murraylands Solid Plastering Holden Statesman that
looks like Rhys' bus. Ice cream from Snoopys (sorry if i got u in
trouble with your boss Nozza), Peta at post office.....EEEAAARRR
HEEEEY NUUUUUNGAAAA, Went to Quorn to get back to our roots, Rhys
n Tezza need driving lessons, Stumpy not impressed, Kenny J
lookin heaps buff in the xtra small QAS T-Shirt, Pub Crawl......
Rhys on Rampage!!!! Stumpy still not impressed, BMX Bandit
Christopher, "He headbut me that hard, i nearly had a
fit!", Rhys V's The Window, "Do you want me to smash
it?.....Do you want me to smash it with my head?... Do you dare
me to smash it??!!!!", Port at the Cri with "Karaoke
Crispy" and Matt, after party at Crispy's (yes thats right
Jen and Pete, after party!!) after after party at Lions Park
(Just like the good ole days)
Passed out at Bernies, thanks for lettin me stay Conner Mac!
Rhys let Stumpy down, He let his brother down, and most
importantly, He let himself down.
Several nights on Port when Kenny J turns into Mr Chunks
Port night with James and Shiney
Michelle drinks Port and turns into Mrs Chunks
Photo
Gallery
Do you know the
guy on the right? He is Jonno Akers, our lost Pommy Port brother.
If you have any information on the whereabouts of him, please
contact one of us.
"Noonga Jonno, We miss you!!"
Rhys, after
several Ports, waiting for Kev's to open. We miss you Kev, the
chips n' gravy
aren't the same. Hope they got good port in heaven Kev.
"everday brother, everyday"
This is Nugget.
He loves to drink Port and he really loves to chow down on some
tasty Port induced vomit. He also loves a good scratch on the
arse.
This is Fluffy,
Nuggets feline friend. She also loves to drink Port,
and get really masted waggoty.
James, Rhys and
Kenny at their 50th Grunge Night aniversary.
( We hope, I dont think our guts could handle another 50 years on
the Port! )
This bloke has
had a bit too much of the ol'e Tawny Port...............
.......and so
has this bloke, ( Dylan? ), but he is looking very happy!
This guy, (
could it be one of the Walshies? ), is looking quite under the
weather.
He has had enough Port. Im sure Nugget will love to clean up the
mess.
" Cheers
"
A toast to cheap Port and good times with fellow Port Lovers
Bucketman's Mum,
The effects of many years of Port abuse
Jimmy Ho with
some good times to come!
James and Shiney
enjoying a quiet Port
Kenny J enjoying
a quiet Port
Your
Experiences on Port Please sign our guestbook and tell us all about your experiences on Port. Your first Port drinking experience, or most recent and probably your last. The good, masted waggoty and funny times, or the bad, killer hangover and gut wrenching times. We would be glad to post your story on this page.
If you know of some handy Port tips, or bargain Port buys, please tell us so we can let others know. That way everyone can enjoy the pleasures of getting masted waggoty on some cheap Port.
Port Tips
Never agree to
drink Port the night before an important day. Going to court,
a wedding, or a job interveiw with a Port induced hangover can
lead to serious problems.
The last thing a prospective employer wants at your interview, is
a pile of your
Port flavoured vomit deposited on their desk.
Always drink
Port with a good mate present, for safety reasons never drink
Port alone!
From our experiences, you just dont know what will happen on a
Port night,
and having a mate there to look after you is a good thing.
Always share
your Port. Not just to be friendly, but to insure that you
dont end up drinking all of the Port. 1 Litre of dodgey Port
should be enough
for one person to get masted waggoty. Never attempt to drink a
whole flagon to yourself,
YOU WILL DIE! This can only be done by the "King of
Port".
Always choose
quantity before quality. Buy the bigger dodgey Port rather than
the
more expensive smaller top name brand. All Port taste like shit,
so dont think the expensive ones will taste better.
DO NOT buy Dry Traditional Red because, it might look like a Port
cask,
but it is not Port, and it is shitter than Port.
Empty Port
flagons can be washed, filled with water, inverted and used in
bird averies or chook pens to supply fresh water to your birds.
Not washing the flagon properly can lead to Port residue mixing
with the water and getting
your Budgies pissed, You can imagine how little Port a budgie
needs to get pissed.
Buy a cask of
Port if you think you might need a sleep later on in the night.
Have you ever tried sleeping on an emtpy flagon?
Blowing up an empty cask makes for a good pillow.
They are also very trendy and comfortable as cushions on the
couch.
Recycling cans
is a good way to raise enough cash to buy some cheap Port.
Only 200 cans are needed for a dodgey flagon. So why wait, grab a
mate and
start collecting today, your'e not just gonna get wasted, your'e
also helping out the environment.
( Move mouse over image for can collecting demonstration by Mr Buckets. )
You know you have had too much Port when..
You never have a
hangover ( because your always masted waggoty )
Empty Port flagons or casks serve as home decorations
You always piss clear
You're on the grog shop's mailing list
The only time you read newspapers is to find the cheapest Port in
town
You find its easier to work and study drunk on Port
You have a top 10 Port list
Your farts smell like Port
Your breath constantly smells like Port
The first goal you have in life is to drink a flagon of Port
everyday
Your second goal in life is to make it on this Port Lovers
webpage
You start to prefer spewing up one brand of Port over another
You have a notch on your belt for every Port night you've been to
You're on your fifth liver transplant operation
When you get to the bottom of your cask of Port,
you blow it up so its easier to get the last few drops
Your faeces are darker than this font colour
All girls look hot at the party
No girls get with you at the party
You're on a first name basis at the sobering up centre
You think something's wrong because the room stopped spinning
You write a top 20 drunken bastard list from your own Port
drinking experiences
You take communion at church and go back for seconds because the
wine is really Port
You frequently urinate outdoors
You frequently urinate without knowing
You go to brush something from your shoulder, and it turns out to
be the floor
You set your alarm clock to make sure you're at the pub for
opening time
The space on your drivers licence that tells your eye color reads
"bloodshot"
You fall down a flight of steps and dont spill a drop of your
Port
You dont even realise you have fallen down
Your "Missing" photo appears on flagons and casks of
Port
Everything you drink seems to taste like Port
Your mum asks who you went out with last night, and you say,
"Stanley."
You wake up next to someone, open your eyes and you both say,
"Shit!! Did I shag that?!"
You smoke Port Royale Rollies, and you can roll em' one handed
while you hold your Port
You marinate all the meat you eat in Port
You find yourself making a Port and Coke at Mc'Donalds
You mix Port with your Chip's 'N' Gravy from Kev's
The bloke at the bottle shop has your flagon of Port ready before
you even drive in
Every pub and liquor store in town sends you a Christmas card
You're on a first-name basis with every bartender in town
You have a private parking spot at the liquor store
You drag your balls over ten kilometres of broken glass just to
sniff the tire tracks of the truck delivering the last Port to
your town on payday before it goes dry
Other people say "You are too drunk !!". And you say
"No, I just need another Port!!"
You find that spewing allows you to continue drinking Port for a
couple more hours
You send your liver out to get dry-cleaned regularly
Your organ donor recipient wakes up with a Port induced hangover
You take winery tours more often than you visit your relatives
You reason with people by saying "sure drinking kills brain
cells, but only the weak ones"
Wineries come to you for advice
If Port wineries gave frequent flyer points you would own an
airline
You have a shot of Port for everytime you read the word Port on
this page
You create a webpage about why you love Port
You have actually read this entire list, and enjoyed it
Top
Port Buys
This Week's Top Port Buy
Renmano Premium Tawny Port, 2L Cask - $11 @ Western Hotel, Port Augusta
Other Top Buys
McWilliams Premium Tawny Port, 2L Cask - $11 @ Sporty's Liquor, Port Pirie
Stanley Tawny Port, 2L Cask - $9 @ Pastoral Hotel, Port Augusta
Clovalley Rich Port, 2L Flagon - $10 @ Northern Exchange, Port Augusta
Cromwell Tawny Port, 750mL Bottle - $5.50 @ Pastoral Hotel, Port Augusta
Langwarra Estates Port, 2L Flagon - $10 @ Grand Junction Hotel, Quorn
Pub Port, Butcher Glass - $2.20 @ Criterion Hotel, Quorn
Stanley Tawny Port, Schooner Glass - $3 @ Hotel Commonwealth, Port Augusta
Our Best Buy Ever
Stanley Tawny Port, 10L Cask ( 130 standard drinks ) - $26.95 @ Austral Hotel, Quorn
Other
Port Related Sites
Countdown to the next Port drinking session. Hope you can join us.
How many Port drinking idiots have logged onto this page?
