| A Young boy named Shawn woke up one day... This young boy, no one else but our very own Shawn Lynd. Shawn looks to his right hand as he wakes up, clasping the cellular aparatus to his heart, so his may tick with its mechanical heart. He slowly walks to the bathroom, closes the door, and walks out 5 seconds later. This clearly states that his relationship must have been ringing, and must immediately answer it. He writes his soul and feelings into the phone, at a whopping 80 text words per minute (on a cell phone, hes had alot of practice!!) and gently presses the send button. These messages could be being sent to a higher being, perhaps god. Praying by cell phone has been growing steadily more popular. But no, alas, he is messaging none other than his only true love, whos name is not disclosed. Day in day out these messages bombard each others cell phones in a melodious ringing frenzy. Shawns heart is poured into every letter as his fingers dance across the keys of the cell phone, almost systematicly. The words HaHa are thrown back and forth like an air-hocky match, symbolizing "laughter" and "good times". As the day ends, after being ridiculed by his friends, family, and all others who make eye contact with him, Shawn lays his cell phone to its contructed shrine, nestled warmly beneath his bed. Why, you may ask is our hero so addicted to his mechanicall messenger? Love. Love my friends. Afraid of what may happen if this magical force called love is displayed in the publics eyes, or even to his loves eyes, he quietly and stealthfully hones his words into simple text messages, displaying how he feels, without having to do anything to justify his means. Yes, my friends, I know, its mighty scrupulous how one man can be afraid of one he adores, but alas, here is a fine example. When prompted by a message in the company of his "homies," many reply with insulting responses that further the point of this animosity. After briskly responding with, "I dont care what you think.", he is prompted with a new query, "If you dont care, why dont you do something non-cellular?". This response leaves Shawn baffled, speachless. With a feeling that can not be described by any other word than, mellancholly, he shakes his head and laughs unceartainly. After the night is over, he retires to his abode, laying down in his bed and dimming his lights. He then sits, basking in the smooth indigo glow of the cell phone's warmth, waiting for his next gentile reasurrance he is cared for, and slowly withering to an older, less chivalrous male specimen. My thesis : Did god intend this to be? No, anybody with a 6th grade education and a lot of caffeine can see that God, is merely Dog, spelled backwards. And we all know dogs cant use cell phones. Until then, I stand by my hypothesis, cellphones are slowly replacing people, and god is dog backwards. Thanks for your time. - Matt Keyes. READ TESTIMONIALS |
