Helter-skelter asked Oopsie-Daisy if she would marry him. These were pet names for each other, based on their quirks. He was always in a hurry, and she was a total klutz. She accepted his proposal, and he, of course, wanted a date set immediately. She was more inclined to wait, allowing her time to make certain that everything went smoothly.

He arrived at the altar in a black tuxedo, but wearing brown wingtip shoes. He was so rushed at the last minute that he remembered that he didn’t have any black shoes. She, despite the incredibly slow-paced Wedding March music, managed to step on the hem of her gown, trip and fall in the center of the aisle. Being somewhat overweight as well as overwrought, she dragged her father, a slight fellow, right down on top of her. The bouquet was crushed, and her veil was askew with the pins undone.

The groom rushed from the altar to her aid. Sitting in a pew next to the sprawled bride, a friend of the family was heard to say, “Well, I never knew what she saw in him, but it looks like she really fell hard.”

© RickMack (jotoma@bellsouth.net)






















The temperature’s so hot
An egg you can fry
On the town’s sidewalks
In the month of July.
© Paul (AHikingDude@aol.com)







  







Fluffy let out a loud "MEOW",
And raced out of the room,
Thinking "I've had it with the rocking chair,
I'd rather get the broom."
© Marilyn J (Ibem28@aol.com)







    








A dandelion studebaker
A rose-pink color dress
Parked up on lovers' lane
He began to caress

She balked at this
And pulled away
I don't like this
Game that you play

He kept on trying
She kept saying no
He felt to his ego
This was a blow

He drove her home
And never did call
This was the story
After the prom ball
© Sharon (quailgrdn@yahoo.com)
















I’d say your idea is quite comical,
Also, worthless and uneconomical.
For a square hole I fear,
Won’t align with one’s rear,
Your new toilet seat isn’t worth one nickle.
© RickMack (jotoma@bellsouth.net)








        







Yes! I do love it!
I didn't want to do yard work anyway.
Don't want to paint the bathroom ceiling white.
It looks good rusty red!
I really hate that backless dress that looked so good in the store,
but in reality needs a bra that is engineered like the Golden Gate Bridge.
The Garden Party will now become a mud wrestling marathon,
for which I will wear that backless dress.
And my husband will make a fortune as he handles the bets
on the winner of the Mud Wrestling Marathon!
Yeah, Life Is Good...
© Swampetta (SWAMPETTA@aol.com)


















Lucky Lenny and Fanny Fayte
Once stood kissing on the sewer grate.
Fanny got excited and dropped her glasses.
Such things happen to careless lasses.
Her Papa was mad and pitched a fit,
Lenny tried to lie his way out of it.
He said Fanny was really quite dumb,
To listen to him and to the sewer come.
Fanny screamed out to the gathered crowd,
And said some words that weren't allowed,
"Behold what happens to the careless miss,
Who stands with a fool on the sewer to kiss!"
© Angelia (Artisan4zero@aol.com)














In the month of July.
A woman will deny and a man will lie.
She will overloook his lie.
And he will lie again with the old floozy
In the sweet bye and bye.
© Marilyn J (Ibem28@aol.com)







        







The fox was quickly trotting along
Stalking the bunny who hopped.
The bug had a bad case of the jitters.
(He must have drunk too much of the bee-bop.)

The only one who wasn’t moving,
Was the staid and stodgy old rock.
Actually, he was sleeping it off,
He had just rocked around the clock.
© Paul (AHikingDude@aol.com)















Waiting.
Waiting in line.
Waiting in line for a phone call.

Ringing.
Ringing, brashly, loud.
Ring of the phone with a call.

Hello?
Hello, softly whispered.
Hello, says a voice sounding tall.

"HAVE WE GOT A DEAL ON ALUMINUM SIDING FOR YOU!!!"

Hanging up.
Hanging up with a bang.
"Hanging up right now", I sang.

Waiting.
Waiting for the truth.
Waiting here in this phone booth.
© Swampetta (SWAMPETTA@aol.com)


















The pharaoh’s clerk wiped his feet on the sisal rug before he entered the presence of the King. “Oh, Great King, O Great Sun God, what do you wish with this, the lowliest of your servants?” Pharaoh Akenatchoo replied, “You may stop groveling now, Ham. I need your assistance. I was reading these papyri from the Library at Al-Iskandariya, and I am having some difficulties reading the hieroglyphics. Isn’t this character the word ‘sedge’?” “No, Great King, Great Sun God. That glyph represents the word ‘chicken’. This series of glyphs is pronounced, ‘Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.’”
© Paul (AHikingDude@aol.com)








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Cinderella


Foxtrot, bunnyhop,
Jitterbug and rock,
Her feet wouldn’t stop,
She forgot the clock.

At midnight it struck,
For the door she ran.
It was just her luck
She met the coachman.

On the pumpkin ride,
She had but one shoe.
Then she tried to hide,
But the prince came through.

A slipper he brought,
To slip o’er her toes.
And a bride he caught,
As everyone knows.

So Cinderella
Really had a ball,
And won her fella,
The prince, after all.
© RickMack (jotoma@bellsouth.net)







     







George and Laura had been vacationing at Jeb's place, down in Florida. The noise of all the family after three days began to overwhelm them. Hand in hand they slipped off to the shore of an inlet where they found a little boat. There were no oars, so they just raked their arms through the swamp until their little boat got stuck! Worse than that, they had forgotten about the alligators in Florida.
Now alligators really don't care whether you are Republican or Democrat. As a matter of fact, Republicans taste pretty good - they are quite crisp and salty, while Democrats are sweet and soft. Laura began to shiver uncontrollably and George wrapped his big ranch-strong arms around her tightly.
Alone and trapped!
In the distance there came a motor sound. Closer and closer it came through the brush. "Oh, Lord, it's my little brother Jeb," said George. George's pride was crushed when Jeb pulled up along side the little craft. "George, bro, I hate to tell you but that's poison ivy surrounding your canoe."
George and Laura forgot the alligators, forgot their pride and made one giant leap for mankind into Jeb's boat. Jeb had saved the Presidency! The Florida State Historical Society is at this very moment voting on the wording of a plaque for the little abandoned boat.
© Dreamer (Twi1lite08@msn.com)












He was called July. He pronounce it Julie; his friends called him “HOO-lee”. Julio Cesar Esteban O’Reilly, but they’d misspelt Julio, so he was July. When he told people his name, they usually wrote down “Julio Reilly.” July was picked on quite a bit as a child. By exercising a lot, he was able to take care of himself in a fight. He was a handsome man, and became quite athletic. Baseball was his favorite sport. He is now playing for the AAA Portland Beavers. In a quirk that would have appealed to Joseph Heller, he will be appearing in the centerfold of Playgirl Magazine as: “Mr. July”.
© Paul (AHikingDude@aol.com)








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A broken wine glass lay on the rug.
Mom couldn’t find her favorite mug.

Instead of filling the mug with her favorite
Moose Tracks ice cream,
She used a wine glass which happened to be clean.

Dad came home to see Mom licking the glass,
And he reprimanded her, saying she had no class.

She dropped the glass onto the rug with a sigh,
To which Dad gave this reply -----

I’m sorry dear for being so harsh,
But you promised not to go off Weight Watchers, by “garsh”.
© Phyllis Ann (Starbird55@msn.com)



















Lucky Lenny and Fanny Fayte

Lucky Lenny was a simple-minded fellow and everyone in town knew the only reason he survived in this harsh world was because he was lucky. Lenny would walk out into traffic, never paying mind to the "walk" and "don't walk" signs. But everyone in town kept close watch for Lenny and managed to avert disaster.
Now Fanny Fayte was another town character—smart as a sly fox and built like a goddess, but it was hard to overlook her unsavory character. Fanny was known as a "round-heeled woman" who could never stay upright for very long.
Lenny was crossing Main Street one hot summer day, when he spotted Fanny on the other side. Lenny was too dumb to understand about "round-heeled" women. All he saw was Fanny's spectacularly built body and flaming red hair coming towards him. With tongue hanging out and a smile on his face, Lenny stepped into the path of an out-of-town delivery truck. The last thing he remembered seeing was Fanny's ample bosom hanging over him and he lay on the sidewalk.
Lenny's luck had run out; he had finally met his Fayte.
© Frannie (Frannie516@aol.com)












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