Our experiences of celebrities, however hapless and obscure they may be, are probably the most important events of our lives. Regardless of whether you've given Kevin Keegan a severe beating in a layby and left him for dead or vaguely remember someone in a bar telling you that they once saw Rick out of Status Quo from the other side of a crowded room, we would love to hear all about it.
(1) My favourite experience was chatting to a friend at the urinals in the Townley Arms, with a tasteful one urinal gap between us. Reg Holdsworth walked in wearing a ludicrous bright green baseball jacket and occupied the gap. The converstaion stopped instantly and was replaced by thinly veiled laughter.
(2) Once I was playing cricket in Astley Park and the same Reg Holdsworth was learning his lines while strolling towards us. He stopped and watched us play for about 5 minutes, before continuing onward.
(3) In the late eighties I was at the Chorley Carnival. It was being hosted by TV's Michaela Strachan. I saw her from a distance of about 100 metres. She was wearing a denim mini skirt.
(4) At a Nirvana concert in Bradford I carelessly ran round a corner and collided with Kurt Cobain. I helped him up, he said something unintelligable and we walked off in opposite directions. I went on to start a successful career in computing; he shot himself.
(5) Last year I was in Tesco Metro in Covent Garden. I saw 'King of Clubs' Peter Stringfellow buying sandwiches and pop.
(6) In 1989 I was in the town centre of Blackburn eating a vanilla slice discussing 'A'-level mathematics with a collegue and who should we see? Elder statesman and novelist Roy Hattersley. We childishly followed him round for the next half hour, shouting things like "Hattersley must die".
Dave Chicago, Central Lancs.
1. I too have met that all round multi-media, car selling celebrity called Reg Holdsworth. I was in the Townley Arms participating in a game of pool with a friend whilst he watched from the sidelines/bar. Unfortunately the pressure of having a star spectating our game made us both play very badly. After miss cueing the white for the fourth time in a game he was heard to comment that we were "shit" and turned his back for the rest of the evening.
2. In Bournemouth 1985 I was walking down the promenade when I bumped into that fat, bespeckled, baseball fan Jonathan King. He was busy informing all and sundry how important he was because he was filming "No Limits". He thrust a autographed sticker in my hand then got back into his Rolls Royce and departed to interview some pop star.
3. My third encounter was a more family affair. My second cousin is the famous 80's rubber faced "Comedian" Philip Martin. He was on one of his nationwide tours, under his ironic stage name Phil Cool, which stopped off at King George's Hall Blackburn. To make up the numbers he invited all his family along. My Father, Stan, was offered an access all areas pass as an incentive to attend. Stan declined the offer due to the fact that "he isn't funny".
4. My final celebrity is more of a Serie "C" player. It was the barmy summer of 1988 and I was visiting the "Magical Kingdom of Camelot" Theme Park in Charnock Richard, near Chorley. My brother had got me and a friend free tickets and had informed us that a television star was coming to open a new attraction. My friend and I rushed to see the mystery celebrity and were shocked to discover it was that pint sized, glasses wearing, Hawaiian shirt owning, ludicrous short wearing, Twat Timmy Mallet. I felt cheated and promptly went home.
Adrian Peeper, Chorley.
(1) Sorry to be tiresome, but I have also had a run in with Reg Holdsworth. I was urinating in a primary school playground, when Reg came around the corner and stared at me. Having spotted my penis, he quickly looked away and moved on without comment, with a slight look of surprise on his face. I would like to point out that the school was closed at the time and that neither myself nor Mr. Holdsworth regularly engage in exposure/voyuerism - type shennanigans outside educational establishments.
(2) I once saw Seargent Cryer (steady, dependable big nosed bloke from ITV's "The Bill") on Euston train station. He was wearing an all-in-one bright red bikers outfit and looked foolish.
(3) Failed 80's snooker star Tony Knowles once drove behind me in a car for about two miles. I slowed to turn right down a side street, causing a slight delay to Tony's progress.
(4) Although not a true celebrity, my father Thomas Hall Waring, was once mistaken for heart-throb/heart-disease singer Adam Faith, and was forced to flee through the streets of Manchester, chased by a small group of screaming adolescent girls.
(5) I think I once played football with M.C. Tunes, in the idiotic location of a tram track in Copenhagen near the mermaids or something. Mr. Cleft may be able to confirm the finer details, since I was a bit off my head at the time due to eating hay-fever tablets in the absence of affordable food.
John Chest, Seascale.
Let me tell you, I had none other than "Alvin Stardust" hang up on me after I dared to ask him the simple question "Was Liza Goddard sleeping around? Was she easy?".
Also, in my covert line of work, I was questioning celebrity spoon-bender "Uri Geller" when he told me of his infamous "Spoon Car", and "Spoon House", at which the photogropher and I promptly invited ourselves down to his "Spoon Mansion" in countryside.
Also, in a Glasgow club (The Garage) one night,, a friend of mine who dj'd in local clubs invited me over to meet his mate Justin. "Hi Dell! Great Lamb chops!", I cordially replied.
Why, it was none other that celebrity A.O.R songster Del, from Glasgow heart throbs Del Amitri.
Hell, I could go on for hours.
And I once bumped into Jazz Meastro George Melly wandering around outside of the Town Hall wearing stilletto heels and groping a young blonde.
Also served Geoffrey from Rainbow in Harry's Bar one night after a performance at the mystical Town Hall.
Jaime Runrig, Glasgow.
I also saw a celebrity at a Nirvana show. At their Birmingham date I saw Clint from PWEI and had a piss next to him. I saw his penis and although at the time my story was that it was no bigger than mine I now realise that you can't say that one penis is uncategorically bigger than another.
Phil Cool turned up at my parent's silver wedding anniversary uninvited because he knew the band. My dad also urinated next to him and asked him to tell some jokes to which he replied "I don't know any" in a pissed off sort of way.
I saw Steve Turner from Mudhoney at Reading after his haircut and thought that it would be funny to say "You look like Steve Turner with short hair." I even told all my fiends that I had genuinely made this amusing mistake. The friends I was with are people that I have now not seen in over six years.
Geoff Capes I saw in Butlin's when I was nine or so. He was eating some sandwiches at a table in a bar. My dad suggested I get his autograph so I suggested I use a book I had bought at Butlins that actually had a page for autographs. Dad ran four miles whilst I kept an eye on Capes. When Dad got back I made him get the autograph and Capes made a brutal remark about the way I had my Dad running all over the place for me. Even at that early age I remember thinking who does this fat bearded strong bastard think he is? And why is my Dad acting like I'm into strongmen?
My parents took me to see the Wombles at Morecambe in 1974 but I don't remember a thing about it. From my parent's description I entered a trance / shamanic ecstasy.
I saw Bill drummond of the KLF do a reading from his book at Chapter arts centre in Cardiff and afterwards he hung around the bar with co-author Zodiac Mindwarp. I was so close I could smell the leather of his trenchcoat.
Last year we went to watch Ireland play some other country in the Railway Tavern and Alex Higgins walked in, ordered a lager top and asked us who was playing - we told him and he fucked off to sit with a gang of lads. Interestingly he did not know these lads but he was welcolmed by them and allowed to sit in one of the best seats for TV watching in the (very crowded) establishment. Marvellous. Interestingly when the barmaid asked how much lemonade he wanted in his lager top he said "I don't care."
Lee Coppull, Coppull.
I remember going to see Yorkshire play in a Cricket match when I was a school boy. This was a most memorable event as the women beating cricketer Geoffrey Boycott was still playing despite being very old and crap. Upon circulating the boundary I passed the pavilion where I was greeted by the sight of the great Mr Boycott passing by a window in nothing but a jockstrap.
Later that day I accompanied a friend as he approached the famous Umpire David Shepherd seeking his autograph. Mr Sheppard duly obliged this tiresome task that befalls celebrities and then turned to me and said "I suppose you want my autograph too." I promptly replied "No" to the self-important fool.
In 1958 my parents took my to the Expo'85 exhibition at the NEC. This proved to be a truly star studded event. In the a corridor between exhibition halls I had ran into top TV celebrity Chris Tarrant. He proceeded to force a signed photo upon me despite my protestations that I did want one. However my faith in the famous was later restored when I spied Jim Bowen exiting the Central TV stand with a dolly bird on each arm. Doubtless the great man was going to get thoroughly pissed up and give them both a good seeing to.
But my encounters with the famous didn't end in with double celeb spotting in the 80's. In the 90s I was getting drunk in the Aigbeth Arms, Liverpool when that tart who plays Beth appeared at the Bar wearing a ridiculous pair of leather trousers. I commented on how fucking ugly she is. Only not so loud that she might hear lest some show biz minder type was with her.
My greatest encounter with fame relates to shagging this girl in Manchester. She was a complete dog but her Uncle had played Davros in Dr Who. At least I think it was her Uncle it may just have been the Uncle of someone she knew. To be honest I was too pissed to remember.
Neil "Skull" Deacon, Wales.
"You're Paul Merson" I said
"Yes I am" He replied.
Gratifyingly, he was unable to piss in my presence, while I let loose a stream with ease, splashing it about a bit, just to let him know.
Tommy Ericsson, Norway.
On only my second day I found myself standing behind well known comedian Lenny Henry in the BBC canteen. He purchased a large potion of chips a beefburger and some baked beans before going to sit on his own at a table. I found his lack of companions odd, but he then quickly ate his food and burped loudly and crudely. The mystery was solved.
Frank Trant, Whittle-le-Woods.
One of my fondest memories is of seeing Don Estelle in a shopping mall in Woking one Thursday lunchtime, standing outside Waitrose singing into a karaoke machine, whilst surrounded by purple rinses. Although he was not wearing a safari suit, and Windsor Davis wasn't around to shout a lot, Don was in fine singing voice and looked top notch in a smart 3 piece suit. Suffice to say, plenty of his tapes were sold that afternoon !
John Boatcop, Alcester.
I have have experienced precious few brushes with the rich and famous. Once, while on holiday in Cornwall with well over a dozen mates, we ran into Micheal York of Four Musketeers fame. We all happened to have plastic swords on us and so followed him for a while waving them and shouting "All for one and one for all!".
He, of course, totally ignored us.
And I've had my photo taken with David Wilkie (the swimmer).
Stuart Lambretta, Essex.
Greetings from celeb spotter extrodinaire.
This lunchtime, i saw the tall one from Punt and Dennis (again) with his baby.
Last week I saw Dominic Diamond (bump into Kayt), Simon Day from the Fast Show & one of the chemical brothers.
I have also seen Gryff Rees Jones (in a long mack near the porn shops), Phil Jupitus, Lee Hurst, Chris Kelly from Food & drink, 'The rochdale Cowboy' Mike Harding 'Lovejoy's' mate with the leather jacket buying a sofa , the ugly one from the Friday Night Armistace & Bill Oddie in the centre of London in his ornothology gear. I saw Dennis Norden in Leeds too.
I brushed Past Telly Sallavalis in Vegas. Paul Daniels was at the same show with Debbie Magee on his honeymoon.
Beat that.
David Morrinov, Penwortham.
Unfortunately I have no celeb stories, although as a child people often commented on how I looked liked Jimmy Saville. Whether this was down to the classy cigar, wispy white hair or large 'Jim'll Fix It' badge, I'm not too sure. But I must admit, I feel proud to be associated in any way to such a sterling fellow.
Tony Mullet, Brighton.
