Lucky looked up at Kevin. "Hmm?"
Kevin sighed. "You're avoiding the subject. Why do you feel that everyone's safety and well-being depends on you?"
Lucky made a cross face. "I don't think that."
Kevin decided to rephrase the question. "Why are you always the protector?"
Lucky stared at a round paperweight on Kevin's desk. "Because I have to be." Then he fell silent.
Kevin looked at Lucky. "And why is that?"
Lucky didn't feel like talking- he had been talking for almost an hour. However, he knew it wouldn't do any good to clam up now. Kevin would just bring it up again later. He studied the stitching on his faded blue jeans for a moment, then answered. "If you led the kind of life I did, you wouldn't even think about it. There's danger all around, and you try to protect those that need it."
Kevin nodded. "But how do you know that they need protecting?"
"You can see it in their eyes. Maybe you see innocence there; maybe it's fear. It doesn't matter. You'd know if you were looking at them."
"I know," Kevin said. "I'm looking at you right now."
Lucky exhaled. "Thank you, but I'm holding my own."
"You are, Lucky. But maybe you've gotten too good at this protector role. When you're so concerned about everyone else, you neglect your own needs."
Lucky just gave Kevin a look, but the doctor continued. "You have told me that Faison and his guards threatened your family and Elizabeth. So everything that you went through, in essence, was to protect them, to keep them safe."
Lucky stayed silent.
"But my point is, Lucky, that you don't have to do that anymore. You don't have to protect them from the truth of your captivity. You can let them in."
Lucky gripped the sides of the chair, then let go. "I started to, the day in the elevator."
"Yes, but why not with the people who are even closer to you? What about your mother, Nikolas, or Elizabeth?"
"What's the point? Why just make them more upset?" Lucky said angrily, getting up from his chair.
Kevin rose as well. "Lucky, as you well know, sharing this kind of information is painful, but it promotes healing. They only want to help you."
"I don't want their pity," Lucky said softly.
"Then let me ask you this: When you found Elizabeth after she had been raped, did you pity her?"
"No," Lucky said emphatically.
"Did you think, 'Oh, this poor, weak girl. It's such a shame.'"
"No!" Lucky said even louder.
Kevin looked directly at Lucky. "Then why do you think they would pity you?"
Lucky was silent. Kevin noticed that their session was over. "Something to think about for next time."
Lucky nodded and grabbed his coat. He walked out the door and down the hallway. He paused briefly before the elevators, then decided to take the stairs. That challenge would have to wait for another day.
*-*-*-*-*-*
The powder blue Cadillac pulled up to General Hospital's entrance. The passenger door swung open. "You really should be more careful next time," the driver said to her passenger.
"I'll remind you of that the next time you're being pelted with boxes," Sly said as he slowly exited the car.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?"
Sly smiled weakly at the older woman. "Really, Kate, I'm fine. But thank you for the ride."
"You get checked out. We need you back at the warehouse," she smiled.
Sly closed the door and waved as she drove away, a small puff of salt and pepper curls just visible above the steering wheel.
He limped slowly towards the emergency room, keeping pressure on the cut on his left arm. It would probably need stitches. He was just about there when he saw his cousin walking towards him. It was an odd feeling. Part of him was happy to see Lucky, but he still felt strange around him.
Lucky walked out the ER entrance; he was thinking about what Kevin had said when he laid eyes on his cousin, who was obviously hurt. He quickly ran over to him. "Sly, what happened?"
Sly was startled by his sudden approach, and he backed away. Lucky noticed. "Sorry," he said.
"No, it's ok," Sly said tentatively. "I got in an accident at work, and they made me come here to get checked out."
"What kind of accident?"
Sly wrapped the rag around his arm tighter. "It was a freak thing really. A shelf gave way, and a bunch of boxes fell on me."
Lucky looked at his arm. "You're bleeding."
"They were heavy boxes, computer monitors. I'm sure they're all broken." Sly wobbled slightly.
"Let me walk you in," Lucky said, concerned about his cousin.
"I'm fine, Lucky," Sly said, but he felt kind of lightheaded, and stumbled a bit.
Lucky moved to his side. "Sly, you're in no shape to be alone right now. Let me take you in." He looked at Sly's good arm. "May I?" he asked hesitantly.
Sly nodded. Lucky then gently took him by the arm into the emergency room.
*-*-*-*-*-*
A few hours later
"Well, at least they stitched you up," Lucky commented.
Sly sighed in frustration as he lay on the examining table. "I don't know why I need all these extra tests. I'm fine."
"You didn't look fine out there," Lucky said.
"How would you know?" Sly said defensively. He then saw the wounded look on Lucky's face and apologized. "Sorry. I'm just frustrated about being here. If the damn warehouse wasn't such a death trap, maybe I wouldn't be here at all."
Lucky looked at Sly. "I take it you don't like where you work?"
Sly crossed his arms over his chest. "Huh, that's an understatement. Good old Edward Quartermaine got me a job at the ELQ computer warehouse. I do nothing but lug boxes around, write up paper work, and fill orders. I do this day after day, over and over."
"But you get paid, right?"
Sly shifted and the white paper on the table crinkled beneath him. "Yeah, I get paid, but my boss is a jerk. He's always yelling at me for no reason. 'Eckert, look what you've screwed up now. Eckert, how stupid can you be?' It's annoying," Sly said, his frustration raising the level of his voice.
"You don't have to yell at me, although I can see why you might," Lucky said.
Sly softened at the comment. "Sorry. You're just the only sounding board available right now."
I'm more than happy to be your sounding board. Sly's voice echoed in Lucky's head, but it seemed like he had never heard those words before.
"But I can't really say anything about this job, because I don't want to seem ungrateful, and we do need the money," Sly continued.
Lucky stared blankly ahead as a scene played in his mind. Well, after I got released from the hospital, I went over to Emily's.
In the middle of the night?
Lucky saw himself talking to Sly on the docks. Sly had long hair, and a black eye.
Yeah. I just had to see her.
And she was receptive to being woken up?
"Sly?" Lucky whispered.
Sly turned to look at Lucky. He could not figure out the look on his cousin's face, but he could tell it was not good. "Lucky? Lucky, what's wrong?"
More than receptive. We made love.
Suddenly, Lucky saw himself punch Sly, falling on top of him. You raped her, didn't you? Didn't you!
"No, no," Lucky whispered, still caught up in the memory.
"Lucky, man, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong," Sly said, his voice betraying his outwardly calm exterior.
I swear to God, I didn't rape her!
Don't lie to me!
Lucky could see himself landing a flurry of punches on Sly. Oh God, no, Lucky thought. This is what I did to him.
Please, Lucky, please stop.
That's it, beg for mercy. You know, there was a reason your Grandfather beat you. You deserved it.
Lucky stood up abruptly, knocking his chair over. "No!"
"Lucky, just tell me what you're seeing. Maybe I can help you," Sly said, his mind racing with worry.
Lucky felt his mind return to the present. He stood near the corner of the room, as far away from Sly as physically possible. His blue eyes filled with tears. "I remember. I remember all of it."
"Remember what?"
Lucky made himself look into Sly's brown eyes. "I remember beating you."
Sly swallowed hard. He had been waiting for so long to hear Lucky say those words, but now he just wanted to run and hide. He wasn't sure he was ready to hear what Lucky was going to say next.
"I thought you raped her," Lucky said quietly.
"Yes you did," Sly nodded and kept his eyes on the ground. He didn't want to provoke Lucky again.
"But I know that's not true."
Sly raised his eyes. "It is most definitely not true."
"But at the time, I thought it was. That's why I exploded like that. I wanted to hurt you like how I thought you hurt Emily." Lucky felt his face flush with crimson. "I've got to explain something to you." Lucky moved closer to Sly on the table.
Lucky looked pained as he continued. "Faison and Helena were nothing if not thorough. They knew everything about me- my inner thoughts, my biggest hopes, my darkest fears." Lucky sighed deeply. "And they took that fear, and they twisted it around. They used it to their own sick advantage. They used it to alienate me from everyone that I loved."
Sly was confused. "What are you trying to say, Lucky?"
"Sly, they brainwashed me. They made me believe things that never happened, and they manipulated my very sanity." Lucky bit his lip. "Every time I would hear the words, made love, making love, whatever, my mind would automatically replace the words with 'rape.' They got sex and love, rape and hate all screwed up in my mind. They made me believe that I raped my own girlfriend."
Sly's mind was spinning from all that he was hearing. "This is too- I mean," he sputtered.
Lucky nodded. "It seems unbelievable, right? I didn't believe it either, for a long time. But I learned the truth, and Kevin convinced me. He showed me how they had tricked me. And he's helped me to deprogram myself so it doesn't happen anymore."
"So when you saw me that day, when I said that Emily and I had made love…" Sly said cautiously.
"What I heard was that you raped her," Lucky admitted, ashamed.
"This makes some kind of weird sense," Sly said, the realizations sinking in. "Wait a minute. You just remembered this now? How?" Sly asked.
"When you said something
about a sounding board. I remembered something you said that day, and it all
came back to me. I guess my mind blocked it out until it was safe for me to
remember."
Lucky's eyes filled with tears again. "But it doesn't excuse what I did,
Sly. I hurt you, and that's the last thing I would ever want to do."
"It was-I, I mean," Sly tried to speak, but the words just would not come. Now he knew why. That's all he ever wanted to know. He saw the raw pain and shame in his cousin's eyes, and he cursed those people who put it there. Lucky was just as wounded by this as he was. He felt his lower lip start to tremble, and soon he was crying too. "It's not fair, damn it, it's just not fair," he whispered.
Lucky was crying openly by now. "Those things I said, Sly, I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry. You've got to believe me. You didn't deserve to be beaten. You didn't deserve to be treated that way!"
Sly felt like he was going to collapse from sheer mental exhaustion. He looked at him, and then surprised Lucky and himself by pulling his cousin into a hug. "You didn't deserve it either, Lucky," he cried into his shoulder. "You didn't deserve it."
Lucky held on for dear life. He thought that Sly would hate him forever for what he did. He never expected that he would be reconciling with him. He whispered into Sly's ear. "You know you're my brother, Sly. Always were, always will be." Sly pulled back, and Lucky could see the trust that had been missing from his eyes.
The words touched Sly in the deepest part of his soul. His brother. He held a bittersweet smile through his tears. "And you are my brother, Lucky, in every way that matters. Always and forever."