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11 Tips on Enjoining the
Good and Forbidding the Evil
You may have noticed your best friend Imran spends a lot of time on the internet. When you talk to him about it, he mentions how great the internet is, how much information you can find on it.
He also mentions the "great" pornographic sites easily accessible to almost anyone with a couple of clicks of a mouse and the typing of a password.
You listen to this in dismay. Imran is someone you've been good friends with. You want to say something about his looking at this stuff (which you know is wrong) but you don't want to jeopardize your friendship with him. What can you do? (Please note: the following advice can be used for sisters as well. The fictional character Imran is only an example used for the purpose of illustration).
Enjoining or commanding the good and forbidding the evil is a Muslim's duty. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: Whoever among you sees a Munkar (offensive or evil act), then he must change it with his hand; if he is incapable, then with his tongue; if he is incapable, then with his heart; and that is the weakest Iman (Muslim).
Here are some tips:
Tip #1: Know what you are talking about
Know the Islamic perspective on this issue by reading up on it and talking to knowledgeable and trustworthy Muslims and Imams.
Tip #2: Hate it with your heart
Sometimes, we are not in a position where we can do anything about pornography with our hand or by saying something about. The least we should do is hate this in our hearts. That means hating to hear dirty jokes, to see half-naked individuals selling products on television or in magazines, and hating to encounter this kind of material in general. By hating it, we will develop a sensitivity against it, and be able to see how disgusting it is.
Tip #3: Practice what you preach
Not only is this an Islamic requirement, but keep in mind that if Imran or anyone else sees you lecturing about porn but catches you sneaking a peak at one of the women on Baywatch, he'll notice your hypocrisy and be less likely to take you seriously.
Tip #4: Show genuine concern for him
Friendship is built on concern for others. This is why so many young people turn to friends instead of parents in times of crisis because many parents often don't express this concern openly. By showing genuine concern, your advice is more likely to be heeded, Insha Allah.
Tip #5: Be sincere in your advice
Don't try to change Imran so he can see how much you know, or to impress others. Do it sincerely, for the sake of Allah and because Imran is your brother, and all Muslims are like one body.
Tip #6: Speak to him in private
NEVER bring up this problem in front of other people. Even if Imran doesn't realize this is wrong, belittling him or exposing this fault of his in front of others will make him defensive and angry. He'll probably not want to associate with you very much after you've humiliated him publicly. Your opportunity to help him then, is lost. Talk to him when the two of you are alone.
Tip #7: Talk to him on the right occasion
Indirectly bring up the topic when you're alone together. Either wait for him to tell you about his latest internet surfing adventures or when something inappropriate comes on television, lower your gaze or ask him to change the channel. When he asks why, begin the discussion.
Tip #8: Be gentle
Yelling, screaming, threatening, trying to trash Imran's computer are not going to get him to stop viewing pornography. Remember that harshness often makes people rebel instead of turning them towards what's right. Think about your parents. When they yell at you to do something, are you likely to do what they ask happily and willingly? Or are you more likely to do it if they address you in a gentle and kind manner? Use the same principle on Imran.
Tip #9: Speak about your personal experience
Start off describing your own initial ignorance about this topic, but after researching you found out why watching pornography and similar material was unacceptable and decided to not try to stop looking at it. This will make it clear to Imran that you yourself are dealing with the problem, not just talking. After doing this, discuss with him gently about his own problem with pornography.
Tip #10: Be patient
In a best-case scenario, Imran will realize the error of his ways, and automatically stop looking at the pornographic material.
In a most-case scenario, he will feel uncomfortable, but will not be willing to give up his habit. He may whine, try to justify what he's doing, etc.
Be patient. Change does not happen overnight. Keep at him, but continue to be gentle, and wisely bring up the issue. Offer to help him. Give him some tips.
Tip #11: Make Dua for him
Only Allah can really change anyone's heart and actions. Make Dua for Imran regularly. Don't give up on him.
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