THE CLASSIC STEREOTYPICAL ASIAN GUY GROUP... A. the asian gangster guy B. the asian show off C. the asian squatter D. the asian basketball player E. the asian white guy F. the asian clubber G. the asian captain A. THE ASIAN GANGSTER GUY 1. Usually seen at the local billiards hall, at the local video arcade, at the bowling alley, at the college recreation room (ditching class), and the at Karaoke bar. 2. Usually wears ultimately insanely huge baggy pants, Nike visor (upside down), Nike warm-up jacket. Pager/beeper/cellular phone (it has to be exposed so everyone can see it!). Also, he wears to many designer clothes just for their labels (Hilfiger, Nautica, CK, Ralph Lauren, and JNCO). Wears accessories: earrings and a ho. 3. A great Street Fighter and Tekken player. 4. No matter who's around (parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers) he always has to act hard and tough. Gives that bad impression to everyone! 5. Very good at the art of the home-invasion robbery. 6. Has extremely extra long bangs covering his eyes. 7. Always tries to look hard, but in actuality he looks asleep. 8. An avid smoker, always holds his cigarette between his index and middle finger. 9. Doesn't know how to smoke only does for the tough image. 10. Only fights if he has ten guys backing him up. 11. Usually drives a slammed Honda Civic or Acura Integra or Mitsubishi Eclipse, which he tries to squeeze 10 people inside. 12. Has stickers on every inch of their car. 13. Drives fast too impress his friends or his chick. Of course, he is a racer ... fixing up his car for "racing." 14. Calls other asians "nigga" and is dying of the ebonic plague. 15. Too much talk and not enough action! 16. Girls hang with him because of his "big" reputation plus he's got other guys hanging around him. Guys hang with him because they think that he can protect him by bringing backup whenever anything happens and they want him to hook them up with pagers, phones, and girls. B. THE ASIAN SHOWOFF 1. Usually seen at the local billiards hall, at the bowling alley, at the church youth groups, at the college recreation room (trying to pick up on girls!) and at the casino (trying to act like a high roller). 2. Usually wears tucked-in dress shirt with loose-fit khakis. Holster for his cell phone. 3. Always showing off his cell phone, constantly talks into it...sometimes fakes that he talking into it so he can impress the girls. 4. Every one of these guys have circular glasses! 5. Another avid smoker, like a chimney! 6. Usually drives a Mazda RX-7 or a Toyota Supra. 7. Thinks he can drive fast, but actually drives like an old Chinese woman, on a cellular phone. 8. Always says that he's peaceful and he claims Asian pride, but he has gangster tendencies when there is a threat to his popularity or when a guy moves in on his girl. 9. Tries to be a high roller ... thinks he's an awesome gambler. 10. Always wears designer clothes, never wears shorts ... even if it's 100 degrees outside. 11. Has too much Dragon Ball crap in his website. 12. Girls hang with him so he can spend money on them or they just want to be seen in his car. Guys hang with him because they also want him to spend money on them and they want to steal valuables in his house! C. THE ASIAN SQUATTER 1. Usually seen at the local billiards hall, at the bowling alley, at the college recreation room (playing billiards, of course), in the front of every asian restaurant (squatting, of course) 2. Usually wears clothes that try to look baggy ... but never can quite get the look of the gangster. Then ends up wearing long shorts. Always wears slippers. 3. Usually a new immigrant to the states (aka FOB). 4. Always smokes while squatting. 5. Always speaks native language while making fun of people who do not speak his language (i.e., Americans and Asian-Americans). 6. The master of the home invasion robbery. Yet when he pulls robbery, he always brags about it or shows off his fortune, which ends up getting him busted. 7. A compulsive gambler, will gamble any game and gamble anything he owns. 8. Cannot live without cheating ... he is dishonest. Cheats at every test. When he cheats, everyone knows it and he brags about it. 9. Always lying, saying B.S. stories about the fights he won, the money he won and the houses he robs, which usually gets him busted ... again. 10. Girls only talk to him when they want to cheat on a test otherwise they detest him. Guys hang with him because they want to hire him for a robbery or that he's crazy enough to do whatever they say! D. THE ASIAN BASKETBALL PLAYER 1. Usually seen at the local billiards hall, at the basketball court and at the gym. 2. Usually wears Nike or Addidas shoes. Nike tank top and North Carolina basketball shorts. Also, Nike warm-ups with one pant leg up. 3. Also known as the "baller." 4. Has the most expensive Nike shoes on earth. 5. Does too many headfakes and pumpfakes. 6. His girlfriend is always watching him play, she is usually sitting on the bench or in the stands, staring at other guys. 7. Always wears those Nike muscles shirts, you know the sleeveless ones ... yet they're so skinny, they look so stupid in them. 8. Of course he wears the Nike visor, upside-down though. 9. Tries to hustle other basketball players, but ends up losing all his money. Because he can't play for squat! 10. Tries to ball, but ends up fouling everyone and bitching about feeling fouled. 11. Girls can care less about him. Guys use him for hookups for shoes and clothes. E. THE ASIAN WHITE GUY 1. Usually seen at a bar with his white guy buddies, drinking copious amounts of beer and listening to hard rock. 2. Usually wears plaid shirts, concert T-shirt (NIN or Van Halen, usually), non-baggy jeans, and construction boots. 3. Usually drinks to much, to cope with his "problems." 4. Makes way too big a deal about his ethnicity (calls himself ******* all the time). 5. Lusts after blonde chicks who wouldn't give him the time of day. 6. Always complains about Asian white girls who go out with white guys (SOS - Sell Out Sisters) and stares daggers at 'em. 7. Glares at Fobbie types because they "ruin his image." 8. Purposely does badly in school to dispel the stereotype. 9. Gets drunk on the fumes of Vodka, Everclear or Wild Turkey. 10. Usually vomiting around last call because of the lack of digestive enzymes. 11. Girls are intimidated by his bitterness. Guys only hang out with him because he gets drunk and buys people extra rounds. F. THE CLUBBER 1. Usually seen at the local billiards hall, bars, and dance clubs. 2. Usually wears tight hard-body shirts made of shiny polyester which can be seen at night from a hundred miles away. Won't wear anything bigger than a medium. Pants are a bit baggy. 3. Spends all his money at shops like Gadzooks or Merry Go Round, or any place that sells "club wear." 4. Spend all his time working out at the gym. 5. Goes to clubs Thursday night through Saturday. 6. Has no girlfriend per se, but has many female friends. 7. Not a troublemaker, but always looks for action at the clubs. 8. Drives a tricked-out car, but prefers a domestic just to be different. 9. Five minutes after entering the club, mysteriously always end up in the middle of a circle and all other dancing around comes to a screeching halt. 10. Gets along with everyone, has no attributes for others to dislike him, this way no one will kick his ass and mess up his pretty boy face. 11. Girls hang out with him because he can bench at least 225 and has 16-inch arms. Guys hang out with him hoping that they can get hooked up with the girls that follow him around. G. THE ASIAN CAPTAIN 1. Usually seen at the local billiards hall, at the local video arcade, at the bowling alley, at the college recreation room, the at Karaoke bar or in the middle of a crowd of girls even if he has a girlfriend. 2. Usually wears a plaid overshirt with white T-shirt inside and (not too baggy) blue jeans. All from either Old Navy, Gap, or Miller's Outpost. 3. Doesn't show off his buff body ... but will fight for his girl. 4. Has membership at FTD... Florists all know him by first name. 5. Spends all his time thinking of the sweetest thing to do for his girl for their anniversary. OF COURSE HE NEVER FORGETS!!! He's written it in his planner for the next 10 years. 6. Isn't afraid to be mushy around you or his thuggin friends. 7. Has 2 jobs, perfect grades, is a perfect son to his mom and still finds time for his girl. 8. Maxes his credit cards almost everyday just to get a gift for his girl... just to say "i love you". But miraculously has twice the amount he had the next day. 9. He's never broken up with a girl or made her cry ever in his life. 10. Of course his car's a luxury. Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, Porsche 11. All the girls love him but hate his girl for stealing their guy. All the guys love his girl but hate him for stealing their girl. 12. Girls hang around him because he's so sweet and caring. He'll do anything for you. Guys hang around him so they can get hooked up with the girls that hang around him and learn his skills.