I would like to start off by
stating that I put this together in hopes of helping guild members, officers
and leaders with improving their overall skills. Be it with following or
leading. This in no way pertains to all individuals but I am sure there
are plenty out there that should be able to takeaway at least one thing from
this post.
I have been in hard-core raiding
guilds since EQ days and I have seen guild leaders/officers use threats towards
guild members like: “If you don’t shut your mouth I’ll kick you out of
the guild,” “Do it my way or else.” In addition, I have seen guild
leaders/officers jump all over members, when it truly is uncalled for.
I’ve heard from individuals, in other guilds, who tell how bad they are
treated. All of this instead of showing the individual respect and/or
explaining what needs to be done. Yes! There are many times when a guild
member may be out of line but why humiliate them in front of everyone? If
you must resort to threats against a guild member to get results then you are
not a true leader and I feel sorry for your members.
Why do leaders/officers get away with
this? It’s very simple. Most members are scared that if they speak
their mind and/or defend themselves they will be kicked from their guild and in
doing so they will lose any DKP they have built up, friends they have made,
etc. Why wouldn’t one think this when they are told “Do this or
else!” Another reason is that many of the guild members are teenagers and
are inexperienced with proper management. They have temporary jobs where
their managers treat them the same way so they don’t know what else to do but
to keep quiet and take it.
In my past guild I spent time as an
office and I didn’t have any issues. I finally resigned when our GM
started dating a member and showing favoritism by promoting her to an officer
and listening only to her. He stepped over the line when he actually
kicked another officer from the guild when she spoke her mind. In
addition, he started threatening people that if they spoke to the person he was
dating wrong. It got so bad that he threatened he would subtract DKP and
such. Yes, this is an extreme but I just wanted everyone to know
that there is drama in every guild and in some guilds way too much, but that is
why they don’t last.
The below was put together in hopes
of helping those guild leaders/officers that may not have much experience in
leading but have the knowledge of the game. Please realize that
just because you may know the game doesn’t mean you know how to lead.
Let’s Try To Look At It From Another View…
As a Guild members should look at
themselves as a single living entity. They progress from early to mature
phases, independent of the nature of the Guild or the task they must perform.
One aspect of this development is each individual’s attitude or relationships,
both within the Guild and with the Guild officers.
I have a book, here in my office and in it the author refers to four phases
of Team development: "forming, storming, norming, and
performing." Below I am going to go through the four phases.
Forming is the orientation period. The Guild is not sure what its task is
and members are not well acquainted with each other, nor have they learned what
sort of Guild leaders they have. Guild members want to be told what to do. They
tend to respond to the leader's requests and express negative feelings either
very politely or privately.
During this first phase, the Guild leader needs to empower the members and
assist them in establishing guidelines for accomplishing the task. One way to
help do this is by soliciting Guild members' ideas by asking open-ended
questions and complimenting them when appropriate.
Storming is the phase when Guild members feel more comfortable expressing
their opinions. They may challenge the Guild leader's authority and recommendations.
Some members may become dissatisfied and challenge not only what the Guild is
to do and how it is doing it, but also the leader's role and style of
leadership. As a Guild leader, one must not try to avoid this phase. A Guild
that does not go through the storming phase will not learn how to deal with
conflict. According to Palmer, "Teams that never storm are passive,
fragmented, and significantly less creative." Phase two is a sorting out
period where each member begins to find his or her place as a Guild member.
However, it should be noted that Guild members can and will change roles
according to personal interests and Guild needs as circumstances change.
Norming is the third phase and builds on what was learned in phase two.
Guild members begin drawing upon their cumulative experiences for working out
their problems and pulling together as a cohesive Guild. This process should
result in the Guild establishing procedures for handling conflicts, decisions,
and methods to accomplish the Guild projects.
During this process the Guild leader needs to continue with activities that
empower Guild members, create trust, provide a vision of what the Guild can
become, and teach decision-making and conflict management skills.
Performing is phase four and is where the payoff should come. In this phase
the Guild has achieved some harmony, defined its tasks, worked out its
relationships, and begins to produce results. Leadership is provided by the
Guild members best suited for the task at hand. Members have learned how to
work together, manage conflict, and contribute their resources to accomplishing
the Guild's purposes.
After reaching phase four the Guild leader needs to remain alert to the
Guild's needs in skill development, conflict management, trust building, and
improvement of attitudes. When changes occur that affect the Guild's task,
membership, or other areas of concern, it is not uncommon for the Guild to
repeat the four-phase cycle. However, the process should be much smoother after
the first time around.
Before deciding that a guild is going to make it to “Performing,” ask these
questions of yourself and your fellow Guild members.
Can we keep our egos in check?
Are we capable of admitting to individual mistakes, weaknesses, and
insufficient knowledge?
Can we speak up openly when we disagree without blowing up?
Will we confront behavioral problems directly and not in public settings?
Can we put the success of the Guild over our own and agree that
GUILD>INDIVIDUAL needs/wants?
If the answer to one or more of these questions is
“probably not,” then you should think twice about being a Guild. Why? Because
more than structure, it is the willingness of individuals to change behavior
—starting with the officers of the Guild and working down to each member you
should determine whether you truly want to be a Guild and work together or if
you just want to argue and complain all the time.
Active Listening -
Communication is a two-way street, so it is important that you listen carefully
to your Guild mates when they are speaking. Don't tune speakers out or get
caught in the trap of planning ahead to what you want to say next. You may miss
an important detail, and in the worst case, you repeat the detail you
missed because you were not listening. We Never Listen When We Are
Eager To Speak, So Be A Good Listener For Your Ears Will Never Get You Into
Trouble!
Ask Questions - If you
hear something that confuses you, you should ask about it. Maybe you missed a
detail or maybe you remembered something others forgot. In any case, it's
important that everyone understand exactly what's going on. Chances are that if
you're confused, then others are too. If a Guild member asks you a
question, you should answer it courteously. The Guild member may be bringing up a crucial detail that
could make or break the Guild's plans.
Constructive Feedback
- Although it is important to evaluate prooposed ideas and suggestions, critiques
need to be presented with tact. Some tips that may help:
Chat a Little – No
raid should be 100% business. It is perfectly fine to ask Guild members how
they are doing or what they are planning next weekend, etc. This can really
help ease tension when disagreements occur later. Of course, you should not
socialize during key fights and/or specific times but just use common sense as
to when would be a good time to chat a little. Note that you should not
carry on lengthy conversations for the entire raid.
For serious disagreements - You may want to call or talk to someone in private /tells, in vent
(in a PRIVATE room) or call them on the phone before sending another /gu or /ra
chat. Sometimes it's easier to discuss things on the phone or one-on-one than
airing it out to the entire Guild/Raid.
During verbal communication individuals can hear your mood but in the
game or in chat they can’t so perceptions could be wrong of what you are trying
to get across.
Use Emoticons or "Communication Tags"- Since your Guildmates will not be able to hear your tone
of voice (if not on vent), emoticons can add a touch of personality to your
messages and defuse comments that could be misinterpreted. Some famous
emoticons include:
o
Friendly Smile - :) or =)
or <grin>
o
Apology/Frustration - :( or =(
or <grrr!>
o
Shocked Face- :o or =o
o
A Wink - ;) (or <irony>...</irony>)
Don't write/speak when you're angry - There's no time limit on e-mail so give yourself a chance
to calm down before writing a response. “Say something when you are angry and you will make the best speech you
will ever regret.” READ THIS AGAIN!!!
Re-read your message before sending - Confusion is even more likely over the Internet, so it's
important to be as clear as possible.
UNPRODUCTIVE BEHAVIOR
Some behaviors are clearly detrimental to the functioning of the Guild. These include:
1. Consistently missing Raids
2. Consistently missing deadlines for Farming
3. Never coming prepared to Raids
4. Discourteous or disrespectful language
Other behaviors may be acceptable and even beneficial in
moderation, but in an extreme form, can be disruptive to the Guild. For example
Normal/Productive
|
Extreme/Unproductive
|
|
Raising a Concern |
Nitpicking - Questioning or objecting to every
possible detail on the raid. |
|
Asking Questions |
Missing Details - Constantly asking questions
because you were not paying attention the first time or went AFK in the
middle of a raid. |
|
Ownership/Responsibility |
Possessiveness - Refusal to allow anyone to alter
or critique the work you have done. |
|
Principled |
Uncompromising - Never accepting any proposed
compromises. It has to be your way or that’s that. |
|
Listening & Reflecting |
Lurking - Never contributing in Guild meetings or
other communications. |
|
Staying in Touch |
Nudging - Always sending reminders and not allowing
members a reasonable interval before responding before sending out more notes |
|
Follows Procedure |
Inflexible - Not allowing for changes in a plan or
agenda |
|
On top of things |
Doing Everything - Not allowing other members to
make contributions |
Guild Officers are your leaders, and this is a very
important position because they are responsible for the management of the
entire guild. However, it is important for them not to have to worry about
being disrespected and/or ignored. Yelling and/or demeaning behavior
towards your officers can truly hinder progression and shows a lack of respect
for that individual. This is a two-way street though. Your officers
should not be yelling and/or showing demeaning behavior towards guild members
as well which I will touch on more later.
Your leaders are
responsible for setting our agendas, facilitating raids, and monitoring
progress while communicating with members as needed. However, all actions
should be agreed to by the Guild. Although the officers may suggest a course of
action, they must be sure the Guild agrees to it and understands it. If the
Guild wants to go in another direction, the officers should be willing to
listen and either be willing to compromise or explain why they have decided not
to go in another direction. Listening is KEY!!!
A few final bullet points:
If you truly want to work together, as a Guild you need to follow these
steps, if you do I assure you that Communication, Trust and Productivity will
greatly increase among your Guild members:
Criticizing
a Guild Member's Performance
Guild Leaders and/or Officers are
caught in a seeming paradox:
The reason for this is that they
need to create and maintain good relationships with all guild members so that
they can get the members to work together and complete tasks, as a team.
At the same time, they need to constantly perform course corrections on others'
performance without hindering the overall guild performance.
In other words, sometimes they need
to criticize.
The paradox is only apparent, not
real. Skillfully delivered criticism enhances both the relationship and the
targeted performance. The five simple rules for delivering "criticism at
its best" are my subject here.
A
leader is best when people barely know he exists, not so good when people obey
and acclaim him, worse when they despise him, horrible if he must threaten them
to get results.....But of a good leader who talks little when his work is done,
his aim fulfilled, they will say, "We did it
ourselves.
~Lao Tzu~
1. Think it through before
you say something. Don't just shoot from the lip and yell at a member out
of anger.
Reactionary responses to unwanted
behaviors subvert the working relationships you need to clear instances, take
down mobs or even run efficient raids. A problem worth solving demands
your concentrated attention and focus to gain desired outcomes. This may mean
not saying anything at all until you have mentally rehearsed your delivery and
envisioned the receiver's response.
That
which angers you conquers you!
2. Criticize in private
(and praise in public). MOST IMPORTANT STATEMENT EVER
Public criticism offends not only
the receivers, but the observers. No one wants to see or hear another person
publicly hung by someone when they can address the issue one to one. When
a problem arises during a guild encounter or raid, acknowledge it and say that
this is something that needs to be addressed "later" or "between
the specific member and yourself" or "without taking up everyone's
time" or if you are using Team Speak/Ventrillo ask the guild member to go
to another channel with you, along with their class officer. This way you
can explain the issue with another individual present and it’s not later taken
out of context and turned into she-said/he-said.
Leadership
is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because they
want to do it. Not because you are in charge and can make them.
~ Dwight Eisenhower ~
3. Respond to problems in
a timely fashion (otherwise known as "nip the problem in the bud")
and take only one point at a time.
Realize your own propensity to put
off discussing problem behaviors. Remember the difficulty in reconstructing
problems because everyone remembers them differently. Remember your
laundry list of complaints and the feeling of futility when you're unable to
sort through them to find a fix. Force yourself to recognize lost
opportunities for improvement. Compare that to the benefits of a timely
focus on correcting one problem at a time.
If you truly want to improve a guild member's performance or reach a better understanding with a colleague, act with alacrity. Decide which problem if solved would achieve the greatest gains and take steps to maximize those potential gains by addressing the problem now. Improvements achieved in one key area often spill over into related areas.
4. Criticize without
comparison.
Think about it. What's to gain? You
may attempt to justify making comparisons by calling it "instilling a
sense of competition," but you're kidding yourself if you believe your own
rationalizations. Broad, unfavorable comparisons between “this sorry raid
member” and that “exemplary raid member” or “this raid member is ready, why
aren’t you” is more a comment about your leadership than your guild's
performance. Individuals told they don't measure up end up finding fault
with you rather than dealing with the ambiguous criticism levied at them.
A
good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader inspires
them with confidence in themselves.
5. Criticize with
specificity, not labels.
Here are three kinds of
specificity:
1. Behaviors:
2. Absence of
behaviors:
3. Indicators of
behaviors and/or non-behaviors:
Criticism or feedback that cites
specific examples such as those listed above requires no interpretation of
meaning. A missed commitment is a missed commitment. Poor attitude
feedback concretely identifies problem areas. These concrete descriptions
focus on quantifiable problems and achievable improvements.
Non-specific criticism invites
ugliness. It may take you a moment to appreciate that the following labels are
non-specific; but realistically, the receiver can only guess what you mean by
such criticism:
The use of labels amounts to an
attack on the person. An attack calls for a defense "I am not
careless!" "I am not unmotivated!" The giver and the receiver
engage in a heated argument about whether the receiver is careless or
unmotivated without pinpointing the actual problem behavior and ways to improve
it. Emotional pain without gain.
The subsequent articles in this
series will cover:
Guidelines for Delivering
Instructive Criticism
Remember the following:
· Criticize
in private. Take only one point at a time, in a timely fashion (otherwise
known as stated above “nip the problem in the bud.”
· Criticize
without comparison.
· Instructive
criticism gives guild leaders and officers a platform for criticizing guild
members without arousing the confounding emotions of fear and anger. The
more positively you deliver the criticism, the more likely you are to get
results.
· You
can keep on getting those results, not by tanking a sigh of relief, but by
making sure you reinforce them.
Many guild members avoid giving criticism for fear of harming the relationship,
until one day the proverbial straw becomes one too many. A mélange of emotion
takes over: anger, frustration, disappointment, hurt, fear and; in this
state of low IQ and high volume, we spew our current and saved-up criticisms.
I am going to be talking about how we should handle relationships with team
members by remembering that there is only one reason to criticize and that
being: to motivate that team member to change behavior. How do you do
that? Not by beating on them, yelling at them, making them feel bad or giving
them a reason to hold resentment towards you. You do it by taking deliberate,
considered action. I hope that the guidelines below may help.
Human beings (including you) often do the wrong thing because they lack
awareness or information. Consider that some people may not know that eating
their lunch during a conference call is obnoxious to others. Or that they talk
"too much" during raids. Or that they have a "negative attitude."
Because their behaviors seem so obvious, we conclude that they must know and
don't care. The truth is there's simply information they need to know. And
likewise, there's information they need not to know . . .
"It was pretty embarrassing to me to have one of the raid members
burping into their microphone, during a raid when we had initiates present. I
felt it was very uncouth."
However real, you feel your embarrassment; the receiver has a need not to
know about it. Why you ask? Because, in reality, it diverts from your goal of
improved performance to attention on emotions and away from discussion about
the problem behavior. Remember, you want a commitment to change, that's all.
So, bite your tongue. Refrain from punishing or yelling at the individual.
Instead try sending them a /pm stating your feelings, but in a polite way.
When people have information about their unwanted behaviors they often
sufficiently punish themselves. They start talking to themselves about how
stupid or thoughtless their behavior was and they don't need you to say things
that further fuel their emotions.
"In the future will you please not belch into your microphone? The
sounds were distracting and gross to me."
Here, you've asked for what you want and given a brief rationale. This
leaves the receiver free to focus on what you've said instead of on emotions.
You've left the receiver emotionally intact and yet given enough information
for him/her to comply.
"Stop making noises in vent, you rude ass. Whoever fucking does
it again is getting kicked from the raid. It’s very inconsiderate of you
and you are interrupting the raid. Now stop it or else!"
The receiver needs not to know that you think he/she's an inconsiderate rude
ass. These remarks amount to a retaliatory attack and cause hurt feelings. Is
that what you want? Does it help you achieve your goal of gaining commitment
and loyalty? No! All this does is threatens and shows that you like to
let everyone know that you are powerful and controlling.
"You truly need to arrive on time for raids. When you're late I can
only fill your spot or proceed without you, which means you may miss getting
information on specific encounters or that I must repeat what I've already
said, which essentially punishes other raid members by impeding on their
time. I really don't like either option."
Here you've clearly stated the change you want and factually stated the reason
why.
Although this seems like a simple rule, it's not. Asking for what you want
requires that you first know what you want. What you don't want is clear; it's
in your face and easily describable and even quantifiable.
Few things are more difficult than knowing what you do want; describing it
and asking for it are even harder. You'll need to noodle through it, though,
because mind reading doesn't work.
Beware of the natural tendency to communicate what you already know, i.e.,
what you don't want.
"That's not what I asked for."
"That's not right. You didn't listen."
"No, no, no. That's not what I said."
"That’s not right either. How many times are you going to screw
up?"
These "not" comments do double injury: they hurt and they don't
help. They are analogous to emphatically telling someone which road not to
take. Even highly motivated people cannot glean from these remarks what,
exactly, to do differently in the future.
Now, I've suggested what not to do. Do you know what to do instead? You
could guess. But why not make it easy? On to instructive criticisms.
"It appears that I wasn't clear about our raid expectations. I need you
to arrive to raids on time and ready to raid. You should always have your
armor fully repaired and have any pots, bandages, extra armor sets or other
items ready so that the raid does not need to wait on any one member.
Doing this also allows us to maintain our raid timeframes, so that we do not
have to raid on off-nights and play catch up. Do you now understand why it is
important to be ready? How does this fit in with your priorities?"
Rather than trying to reconstruct the earlier conversation, you simply took
responsibility and reiterated or clarified your instructions. You set the
context for why this action needs to happen on time. You checked to make sure
the receiver could realistically commit to the task.
"It looks like we weren't on the same page. I can see how you might
have interpreted my instructions as you did. What I meant was . . . In the
future please ask any of the officers or myself questions if our instructions
seem at all unclear."
Notice the absence of blaming and finger- pointing. The emphasis is on
problem solving and future gains.
Start with what's right. I consider this good politics.
"I don't agree."
"That won't work."
"That's been tried before."
"No one will accept that."
Ideas don't always spring forth fully conceptualized. Totally rejecting
others' ideas and work shows a lack of conceptual flexibility and creativity.
Instructive Criticism
"I think you're on the right track for getting the armor you
needed."
"You're taking us in the right direction. We do need to know more about
the guild goals though."
"Yes. You're right; we need to blaze new trails. I agree that we can't
do it the same as was tried before."
So you didn't like the whole thing, you liked parts of it. Build on what you
like. Nail down those good behaviors and on-the-right-track thinking.
Telling is not the same thing as communicating. Your role is to clearly
communicate your expectations. This requires that you explain what you want, how
you want it, and when, specifically, you want it. Then you need to ask for the
receiver's understanding of your expectations.
"How many times have we told you and you still screw up?"
This remark is, ahem, very telling. If you're still not getting what you
want, maybe you're not communicating what you want. Maybe the person lacks the
understanding of your expectations and cannot absorb meaningless details. Maybe
the receiver needs more than instructions, e.g., demonstration or examples.
The following remarks show the absence of instructions and I give them here
to alert you to the potential problems of such off-handed assignments.
"I'm busy right now and can't spend any more time on this with you. I
think you've got the general idea, though."
"What I want you to do is similar to what you've been doing. I think
you'll get a feel for it as you go along."
These remarks leave the receiver in a position to do little more than guess.
Often they guess wrong. Wrong guesses lead to failure and finger -pointing.
"Let's go over this together to make sure we understand each other's
expectations and issues."
"Do you know why we use this strategy? Maybe it would help if I set the
context so that you have a way of thinking about how this fits in and how it's
supposed to materialize. This will make it easier for you to understand your
part, in the future."
"I need to hear from you what went wrong and what you think needs to
happen to keep it from going wrong again."
"I think the situation calls for a good dose of mentoring. I'm going to
have “another team member” walk you through it a couple of times. I think
you'll be quite capable of doing it on your own very soon."
"Tell me, where was the breakdown? What obstacles did you encounter?
Was there something you needed to know and didn't feel comfortable to ask? Did
you need help and didn't realize it?"
"Let's talk about how to think about this. I'd like to understand your
point perspective, why don't we start there."
These remarks clearly communicate your values and place value on the
receiver's knowledge.
Notice how instructive criticism respects and engages the other person and gives them a greater sense of knowing how they are important to the guild/raid and, with it, ownership.
Well believe it or not that’s it. As
if it wasn’t enough? J
I hope someone gets something out of this for I assure you if you use the above
techniques you will definitely see improvement in your leadership and/or
following.