This page is written and maintained by Mendes Flagrantes, our senior editor-in-chief. All of the statements and whines are submitted.
WHINE LIST: (This one is about major league baseball players and the money they make): "and so, those jerks want to 'strike' again! it's not enough that they hold major cities hostage with unreasonable demands for new stadiums built by taxpayers, oh, no! more money! more everything! 'but they do so much for the community', is all i hear. well, when was the last time one of them picked up some litter? donated blood on a regular basis? volunteered at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter where there weren't any cameras or publicists? and what about people who REALLY help their communities? why aren't teachers, social workers, nurses, librarians, and lots of other folks in positions that provide services that are truly effective for the 'common good' paid whole huge horkloads of money? most of these more noble occupations don't involve chewing tobacco, small balls, knee injuries, or beer drinking, that's why!!!" Submitted by r. Baker
"My whine is public transit (or pubic transit, since that is how everyone seems to be treating this strike and the need for "decent" - hence the word "pubic" - transportation). Dear old Reverend Jesse Jackson stuck his face in the camera to pontificate, but not even his exaggerated touchy-feely
religious junk could get anywhere. This whole thing has been politically arranged. I am convinced they will settle when they get enough pre-election mileage out of it, and not before. So, they will probably settle this week to give people enough time to forget before the elections in November." Submitted by A.E.A. of North Hollywood, California.
"I thought that libraries were supposed to be QUIET places for studying or reading. I was in E.W.U.'s (Eastern Washington University in Cheney, Washington)library the other day. It was so noisy, I felt like I was at a sorority party. Don't people know it's RUDE to behave like that??" Submitted by Amy Hagins, Graduate Student.
And speaking of libraries, here's another whine: "Why do some people use the library like a babysitting service? I have seen parents drop their kids off and then disappear for hours. In the meantime, the little darlings are running around unsupervised, yelling, fighting, and throwing pencils. I can't take it anymore! I must have quiet in the library. I go there to STUDY, not be driven NUTS." Submitted by Lisa Tyler, High School Student.
"Why don't men put toilet seats DOWN? Are they hoping some woman will fall in and drown?!" "Why do some people leave ONE piece of toilet paper on a roll but won't bring in a replacement? What is the next guy supposed to use, anyhow?" Both of these were submitted by the Crawfords; Cora wrote the first one and her husband Cletus takes credit for the second.
"I don't like buying new shoes, spending a bunch of money, putting them on, and hearing them squeak!" Submitted by l.M.
"Why does everything break the day AFTER the warranty expires?" Submitted by S.H.
"Why is auto insurance mandatory? It's not fair, I tell you; it's downright un-American!!!" Submitted by O.D.
"Why do hospital nurses act so obsessed about whether or not you're getting enough sleep when they come in EVERY HOUR to wake you up for something that could wait until later?" Submitted by Aura Talbott, Mike Talbott, Autumn Talbott.
(And while we're on the subject of dumb hospital procedures, why do they always seem to come in and wake you up just so they can give you a SLEEPING PILL? Where do these ninnies go to school, anyway? Kevorkian University?)
"Why is most underwear more colorful than outerwear? Who looks at someone's underwear besides ER employees anyway???" Submitted by V.F.
"Why are the Makahs hunting whales again, anyway? What's wrong with them? they didn't hunt for 70 years and now they are. And they're using GUNS too! Did they use guns all those other times??!!! No, of course not! and why does the government look the other way?..." Submitted by Dr. S. (This particular whine rant goes on and on and was too long to print in its entirety, but you get the idea)
"Why doesn't the Philippines have laws against hackers? The creep who wrote the ILOVEYOU virus ought to be arrested!!" Submitted by B.T.
"I am NOT filling out the damn Census form. In fact, I BURNED mine. I am sick of Governmental deceit and lies. I bet they're looking over my shoulder now through that secret camera installed in my husband's navel. They don't think I know about it, but I DO. Down with the Capitalist Running Dogs who prey on the minds of the people!!" Submitted by I.C.
PAD PLEASE: An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. - Kate Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
HO, HO, HO: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera! - Name Withheld
LADY GOLFER: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
NUTS ABOUT YOU: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. - Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
PRICELESS: A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
MOM'S ADVICE: A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. The teacher went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." She screamed. "I did," He said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
{This list will be added to on a regular basis, so come back often}
If you would like to submit a whine, gripe, or affirm your state of malcontent, please email us at
The Vintage Whine Association!
AND NOW, IT'S TIME FOR A WORD FROM THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF! WELCOME TO THE MENDES MOMENT!!
It has come to my attention that the so-called gasoline shortages in the world are NOT the fault of OPEC; greedy gas-swilling space aliens are the REAL culprits. I recently received an email from one M.Otis Operandi who has outlined in detail this nefarious extra-terrestrial plot. Here is how it works: the space aliens periodically visit our planet. Some of them stay behind and take the forms of lawyers, politicians, and Supreme Court Judges. Janet Reno is their leader. A perfect disguise; who would think that sweet-looking Janet Reno could be capable of such wicked mayhem?! These creatures do NOT eat anything but crude oil. They are hard to spot since they take cover in law offices, universities, and US Government buildings. These evil, foul minded beings are the group responsible for writing the Census.
I realize that this information might sound a little far-fetched and hard to believe, but even people such as BILL GATES know it is true. HE IS BEING HOUNDED BY ALIENS, NOT GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS. Read about it below!!
Coming soon to the Mendes Moment: A shocking expose' by Cub Reporter Ursa Minor. This article has already been rejected by the tabloids because THEY find it too shocking to print. A TRUE STORY: How Space Aliens led by Fearless Leader Reno stole and ate the homework of a ten-year-old boy!!!
THIS IS HOW "FEARLESS LEADER" RENO REALLY LOOKS. SHE'S SEEN HERE IN A PHOTO THAT WAS TAKEN WHILE SHE WAS PLOTTING THE INVASION OF NORTHERN IDAHO LAST WEEK.
(The photo was edited in order to protect the identities of the innocent bystanders fleeing from her malevolent midget aliens)!!!
WELCOME TO BROOM'S CLOSET!!!
Like any good storage area, the Closet is full of important items that are just waiting to be discovered! So read on:
IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT SATANIC LYRICS! HERE IS PROOF THAT ROCK' N ROLL GROUPS PROMOTE PAGAN RITUALS.
The band YES wrote a song, "Roundabout". The actual lyrics to part of this song are: "Dinner upon a lake. Marmots come out of the sky and they stand there; some of them will be bare and will be there for you." This item will be kept in the Closet forever so that all parents can be aware of the dangers of this Devil music.
Another important item from the Closet! Look at this; is David Letterman really related to the man in the photo below him?????
DAVID LETTERMAN
NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV
You can see the evidence!!!
SHOCKING EVIDENCE!!! Proof that Bill Gates is being tormented by aliens!! This scary photo was sent to us by MoonRose, head of The Commune Of The Sunshine Turtle, known albino and Grateful Dead Devotee. Please, don't let little children see this, it's too intense.
Keep checking here for more items from the Closet!
clickhere
Visit Freud's Corner!!
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2000-04-30 21:51
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"My whine is public transit (or pubic transit, since that is how everyone seems to be treating this strike and the need for "decent" - hence the word "pubic" - transportation). Dear old Reverend Jesse Jackson stuck his face in the camera to pontificate, but not even his exaggerated touchy-feely
religious junk could get anywhere. This whole thing has been politically arranged. I am convinced they will settle when they get enough pre-election mileage out of it, and not before. So, they will probably settle this week to give people enough time to forget before the elections in November." Submitted by A.E.A. of North Hollywood, California. "I thought that libraries were supposed to be QUIET places for studying or reading. I was in E.W.U.'s (Eastern Washington University in Cheney, Washington)library the other day. It was so noisy, I felt like I was at a sorority party. Don't people know it's RUDE to behave like that??" Submitted by Amy Hagins, Graduate Student. And speaking of libraries, here's another whine: "Why do some people use the library like a babysitting service? I have seen parents drop their kids off and then disappear for hours. In the meantime, the little darlings are running around unsupervised, yelling, fighting, and throwing pencils. I can't take it anymore! I must have quiet in the library. I go there to STUDY, not be driven NUTS." Submitted by Lisa Tyler, High School Student. "Why don't men put toilet seats DOWN? Are they hoping some woman will fall in and drown?!" "Why do some people leave ONE piece of toilet paper on a roll but won't bring in a replacement? What is the next guy supposed to use, anyhow?" Both of these were submitted by the Crawfords; Cora wrote the first one and her husband Cletus takes credit for the second. "I don't like buying new shoes, spending a bunch of money, putting them on, and hearing them squeak!" Submitted by l.M. "Why does everything break the day AFTER the warranty expires?" Submitted by S.H. "Why is auto insurance mandatory? It's not fair, I tell you; it's downright un-American!!!" Submitted by O.D. "Why do hospital nurses act so obsessed about whether or not you're getting enough sleep when they come in EVERY HOUR to wake you up for something that could wait until later?" Submitted by Aura Talbott, Mike Talbott, Autumn Talbott. (And while we're on the subject of dumb hospital procedures, why do they always seem to come in and wake you up just so they can give you a SLEEPING PILL? Where do these ninnies go to school, anyway? Kevorkian University?) "Why is most underwear more colorful than outerwear? Who looks at someone's underwear besides ER employees anyway???" Submitted by V.F. "Why are the Makahs hunting whales again, anyway? What's wrong with them? they didn't hunt for 70 years and now they are. And they're using GUNS too! Did they use guns all those other times??!!! No, of course not! and why does the government look the other way?..." Submitted by Dr. S. (This particular whine rant goes on and on and was too long to print in its entirety, but you get the idea) "Why doesn't the Philippines have laws against hackers? The creep who wrote the ILOVEYOU virus ought to be arrested!!" Submitted by B.T. "I am NOT filling out the damn Census form. In fact, I BURNED mine. I am sick of Governmental deceit and lies. I bet they're looking over my shoulder now through that secret camera installed in my husband's navel. They don't think I know about it, but I DO. Down with the Capitalist Running Dogs who prey on the minds of the people!!" Submitted by I.C.
PAD PLEASE: An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. - Kate Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
HO, HO, HO: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera! - Name Withheld
LADY GOLFER: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
NUTS ABOUT YOU: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. - Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
PRICELESS: A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
MOM'S ADVICE: A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. The teacher went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." She screamed. "I did," He said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."
{This list will be added to on a regular basis, so come back often} If you would like to submit a whine, gripe, or affirm your state of malcontent, please email us at The Vintage Whine Association! It has come to my attention that the so-called gasoline shortages in the world are NOT the fault of OPEC; greedy gas-swilling space aliens are the REAL culprits. I recently received an email from one M.Otis Operandi who has outlined in detail this nefarious extra-terrestrial plot. Here is how it works: the space aliens periodically visit our planet. Some of them stay behind and take the forms of lawyers, politicians, and Supreme Court Judges. Janet Reno is their leader. A perfect disguise; who would think that sweet-looking Janet Reno could be capable of such wicked mayhem?! These creatures do NOT eat anything but crude oil. They are hard to spot since they take cover in law offices, universities, and US Government buildings. These evil, foul minded beings are the group responsible for writing the Census. I realize that this information might sound a little far-fetched and hard to believe, but even people such as BILL GATES know it is true. HE IS BEING HOUNDED BY ALIENS, NOT GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS. Read about it below!! Like any good storage area, the Closet is full of important items that are just waiting to be discovered! So read on: The band YES wrote a song, "Roundabout". The actual lyrics to part of this song are: "Dinner upon a lake. Marmots come out of the sky and they stand there; some of them will be bare and will be there for you." This item will be kept in the Closet forever so that all parents can be aware of the dangers of this Devil music. SHOCKING EVIDENCE!!! Proof that Bill Gates is being tormented by aliens!! This scary photo was sent to us by MoonRose, head of The Commune Of The Sunshine Turtle, known albino and Grateful Dead Devotee. Please, don't let little children see this, it's too intense. Keep checking here for more items from the Closet!
Coming soon to the Mendes Moment: A shocking expose' by Cub Reporter Ursa Minor. This article has already been rejected by the tabloids because THEY find it too shocking to print. A TRUE STORY: How Space Aliens led by Fearless Leader Reno stole and ate the homework of a ten-year-old boy!!!THIS IS HOW "FEARLESS LEADER" RENO REALLY LOOKS. SHE'S SEEN HERE IN A PHOTO THAT WAS TAKEN WHILE SHE WAS PLOTTING THE INVASION OF NORTHERN IDAHO LAST WEEK.
(The photo was edited in order to protect the identities of the innocent bystanders fleeing from her malevolent midget aliens)!!!WELCOME TO BROOM'S CLOSET!!!
DAVID LETTERMAN
NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV
Visit Freud's Corner!!
vintagewhine_2000's Home Page 
My URL:
http://www.oocities.org/vintagewhine_2000/
2000-04-30 21:51
Start building your site now! Yahoo! PageWizards
Easy step-by-step page making.PageBuilder
Try our powerful drag & drop editor.File
Manager
Create subdirectories, upload and edit.
Copyright © 1994-2000 Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved.